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... Send *tarlights a private message | | | *tarlights's profile:What qualifies me to help people? I say its because i've met people from all walks of life, i've heard all the stories, ive even lived some incredible AND heart wrenching stories myself and I am not type to judge others.
In my spare time I enjoy reading, socializing and writing.
Remember no problem is too big that it cant be solved.
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| Latest articles: The Art of Being Happy!
No replies yet... 25 June 2012: The Art of Being Happy The key we have been given in this life which sets us apart from any creature living on this planet, is that as humans, we have free will to do good or bad. To ourselves or to others. Simply We have a choice. W...
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I was just wondering what I could do to spice up our relationship without actually going to the private zone?
Q. Hello everyone. This is not really a dilemma but just some suggestions. I've been with my girlfriend for 20 months and the most we have ever done is making out. There has been no like touching of boobs or anything private due to her morals which i ...
A. 3 December 2011: Thats wonderful you respect your girlfriend i like that :)
As you guys are only "kissing" and she doesnt like to be touched in any private zone is i guess only a limited number of ways "to spice it up".
If i was in your situation i'd us... (read in full...)
He's a nice guy but I feel like I could do better
Q. I have doubts about my boyfriend daily. It started about half a year ago, when he really hurt me by ignoring me and wanting to break up with me for no reason. I guess that really turned me off from him. Now we have a better relationship than ever, ...
A. 3 December 2011: It sounds like you and your boyfriend are not on a similar wavelength with how your both looking at this situation.
Relationships are about compromise too.
Love is the most important thing but there should be some attraction too.
If his pe... (read in full...)
Is it normal to urinate in the bath and shower?
Q. How many people urinate in their bath or shower? My boyfriend says everyone does and expects me to trust him if we bathe together. What shall I do?...
A. 1 December 2011: Some people do , some people dont!
Its just a personal preference.
If your both having a bath and he urinates into that water you use to clean yourselves no its not hygenic.
If your having a shower and he does it, its easily washed away q... (read in full...)
One thing led to another, and I'd like to talk to him about it
Q. Me and my mate "charlie" were at his house one night and i got up in the morning went to have a shower however he did not realize and walk in on me in the shower, we were were both naked and both got erections. After this we went to his room and ...
A. 1 December 2011: You guys need to talk and find out where you both go on from here.
Why dont you msg him and ask to meet up? see what he replies with and take it from there about whether to continue the sexual relationship or not.
Hope this helps!... (read in full...)
The odd one out at work, what to do?
Q. hi, need advice on a workplace question, hoping for genuine answers please, appreciate it. I work in a hospital, I like my job, need it and am not going to leave Most of my colleagues are friends, to some degree, not all are "good" friends ...
A. 1 December 2011: Hi There!
Your in a difficult situation because you spend the majority of your waking life at work. Its natural you want to feel comfortable and happy there. However its not happening right now for you.
As these people have a "clique" already... (read in full...)
Can someone give me some techniques to just accept compliments with good grace and not feel so undeserving and overwhelmed?
Q. I have a really difficult time accepting compliments, and people think I'm stuck up because of it or I seek attention - but really with anything, grades, comments from a professor regarding a great paper I wrote - it all overwhelms me so much and ...
A. 30 November 2011: I used to suffer from the same issue.
It can be a bit awkward when your given attention that arouses jealousy in others.
But remember, You deserve every compliment you get!
If you were not worthy people would not recognise your achie... (read in full...)
I want to get married and have kids and my boyfriend is no where near ready for that.
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for several years. He is not working and he is a mama's boy even though we live together. He thinks im a liar even when i am telling the truth. It hurts and as a result i get mad and say a lot of awful things that i ...
A. 30 November 2011: Trust is the basis of any good relationship, if he cant trust you if he doesnt believe you then you guys will always have problems because he is insecure!
You should not have to explain yourself to the point where you get angry with someone.... (read in full...)
He seemed to have completely moved on just one day after we broke up!
Q. I've broke up with my ex of 5months... before that we are loving couple;he loved me,respects me,he covered and put up with my flaws... problem we had was that we argue too often..mostly about loyalty,trust and cheating I love him but I always do...
A. 30 November 2011: Its heartbreaking that your ex boyfriend has been disrespectful of your feelings one day after your breakup.
This guy obviously is not right for you.
A person in love would never act the way he does.
If you guys fought alot and had trus... (read in full...)
Irregular periods are making me nervous about having children in the future, what should I do?
Q. Just want some readers opinions on this. I've been tracking my menstrual cycle and in this year alone (2011), ive so far had 6 periods. Obviously this is different to the 'typical' woman who may have 1 every month or so. It's making me nervo...
A. 30 November 2011: Irregular periods can be quiet common.
Sometimes its due to stress, hormonal imbalance, medication and other reasons.
I really would recommend you to go to the Dr and find out whats causing your periods to become irregular this year.
Its al... (read in full...)
Why did he do a disappearing trick on me. How would you have handled this situation?
Q. Hi everyone, I met a guy a month back in a business meeting and we exchanged numbers then added eaach other on blackberry. we hit it off instantly given the strong chemistry between us! He lives an hour drive away from me, so we were in touch on a...
A. 30 November 2011: This guy has not shown you any respect or any care for your feelings.
Do not contact him anymore.
Delete him off and see it as a lucky escape because to me he sounds very ignorant and arrogant!
I hope this helps you!... (read in full...)
Do I confront, support him, or walk away? My married lover confided he has started meeting men for sex.
Q. I need some support! I have had a relationship with a married man for many many years we are very very good friends and occasionally we have sex too which is like the icing on the cake. His wife is sick with MS so please dont criticise me for see...
A. 30 November 2011: This guy clearly has addiction problems.
He's addicted to the site you mentioned, he is addicted to lying to you and he also lies to others (as his account on that website shows) and goodness knows what else he is keeping from you!
He has ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend keeps hinting for money.
Q. My boyfriend keeps asking for money indirectly. He would say my mom is not giving me money we can't date. Or he would go directly like 'can i ask you something? No leave it'. If I say tell me he would ask me. I mean I am not so rich. I don't have a ...
A. 30 November 2011: Ok now he's really showing his immaturity by playing mind games with you and making up stories.
If he really was going to the police station and needed bail out money, surely has parents or older siblings to bail him out???
Its not your job... (read in full...)
My fiance is very unhappy with our engagement pictures!
Q. hi i recently got engaged with my gf. great. Problem is my girlfriend feels she wasnt looking good on engagement party and thinks she was hideous. Although I believe that she was looking pretty and beautiful. This reaction of her further enforces...
A. 29 November 2011: Your girlfriend has low self esteem and there is really NOTHING you can say to make her feel better.
Let her have her tantrum and ignore it.
It can be infuriating because there is more important things going on this planet other than if on... (read in full...)
My boyfriend keeps hinting for money.
Q. My boyfriend keeps asking for money indirectly. He would say my mom is not giving me money we can't date. Or he would go directly like 'can i ask you something? No leave it'. If I say tell me he would ask me. I mean I am not so rich. I don't have a ...
A. 29 November 2011: I understand you cannot be seen... but doesnt he have any friends with homes... some place somewhere far you could both go and hang out?
I know alot of people who keep their relationships discreet in such countries, it is possible.
You do... (read in full...)
Nervous about going to my boyfriend's works Christmas party...how do I stop worrying?
Q. So my new boyfriend has invited me to his annual works Christmas party at an elegant hotel. Not only am i meeting his friends and co-workers, im also meeting his family. Only thing is, he hasnt told his family yet that we've been dating and wants to ...
A. 29 November 2011: Ok i know it seems daunting to meet the boyfriends family and friends. BUT keep it in perspective, they are only human and they probably just as keen to meet you! maybe even more nervous.
Wear something comfortable, and just relax on the day... b... (read in full...)
I have major trust issues because of my ex. How can I ensure I do not ruin things with my new guy?
Q. Hi there..last year i was very very heart broken. i found out that the guy i had been dating for the past year had been engaged to someone else abroad. he lied to me many times...i genuinely thought he was my soul mate. He has recently split up fro...
A. 29 November 2011: Ok firstly its understandable that you need a little time to trust and enter into a new relationship because of whats happened with your previous relationship.
Regarding the new guy you say
a) i dont trust him
I would say, TRUST IS THE... (read in full...)
My wife called me weird for shaving my pubes. I would like to try some new things. I am incompatible with my wife.
Q. Hi, I am a male, 51, married with 2 children (early teens). I am a late developer sexually (I have a tumor of the pituitary gland which slowed me down for years - it was not discovered until I was early 30's although it had been there for many y...
A. 28 November 2011: I dont think you are weird.
I wonder why your wife doesnt kiss you during sex... does she enjoy being kissed aside from during sex?
maybe she doesnt find it passionate enough, you cant know until you ask her why she does not like it? :)
a... (read in full...)
I broke up with the woman of my dreams. Why did I do that? What can I do now?
Q. I'm 33. She is 30. Last year I met her and she was the best woman I have ever met. Gorgeous woman, had her own home in a great part of town, was referring to me moving in with her but for some reason I decided it wouldn't work. I ended up mee...
A. 28 November 2011: Unfortunately you can only wait it out and see if she gives you a chance if not put this down to life experience...
... (read in full...)
He stood me up 3 times why is he coming back to me now?
Q. Why is he coming back to me now? should I just ignore him? There's this guy that I use to like.. He'd stare at me all the time. We were getting to know each other and he said he wanted to take things slow. We use to talk everyday but he ...
A. 28 November 2011: There is no condoning his behavior.
I would cease all contact with him if he shows you little respect.
Hope this helps!... (read in full...)
My boyfriend keeps hinting for money.
Q. My boyfriend keeps asking for money indirectly. He would say my mom is not giving me money we can't date. Or he would go directly like 'can i ask you something? No leave it'. If I say tell me he would ask me. I mean I am not so rich. I don't have a ...
A. 28 November 2011: It doesnt sound like your shy, it sounds like your scared of saying NO to him.
If you want to be stopped taken advantage of, the best thing is to say NO when he asks you for money because you dont have the money.
If he's a good man he would com... (read in full...)
I love him. How do I cope with him? Or even move on from my married boy friend, who cheated on me, AGAIN?
Q. hello aunts, i am still obsessed with my married boy friend who cheated on me 3 months ago. Since then i have been living in tears as i love him so much. I know he is bad, but i cannot make up my mind. He cheated on me even before and i forgave ...
A. 26 November 2011: I agree with the other aunts.
I say get away from this man.
He cannot be trusted its simple.
... (read in full...)
My boyfriend keeps hinting for money.
Q. My boyfriend keeps asking for money indirectly. He would say my mom is not giving me money we can't date. Or he would go directly like 'can i ask you something? No leave it'. If I say tell me he would ask me. I mean I am not so rich. I don't have a ...
A. 26 November 2011: oh and btw, if he really really loves you... he wont ever ever stop meeting you!... (read in full...)
My boyfriend keeps hinting for money.
Q. My boyfriend keeps asking for money indirectly. He would say my mom is not giving me money we can't date. Or he would go directly like 'can i ask you something? No leave it'. If I say tell me he would ask me. I mean I am not so rich. I don't have a ...
A. 26 November 2011: It sounds like your boyfriend is lazy to get a job.
Like tennisstar88 said the guy needs to get a job.
He cant expect you to fund him.
There are alot of things you guys can do without much money like going for walks, sightseeing.
... (read in full...)
I don't believe there is a switch that just turned off his feelings. I want him back
Q. My boyfriend broke up with me eleven days before our 3 year anniversary. He is currently in Korea, teaching English to Elementary school children, while I am still in America. He said he couldn't be with me because he "could not reciprocate his ...
A. 26 November 2011: This is a difficult situation but you cannot force someone to stay or be with you.
Your boyfriend has his own reasons why he cant cope in the relationship anymore.
You can try talking to him and seeing if he will change his mind but other t... (read in full...)
Feeling increasingly lonely in this marriage
Q. i feel like my husband has gone off me i feel loneley we hardly ever make love we usually have sex which lasts about 5 mins on a saturday its always the same position and he has taken speed i feel like he has changed so much and i cant cope any...
A. 26 November 2011: I understand where you are coming from.
Youve tried talking to him which is good but he hasnt done much to compromise with you or finds it hard to tackle this.
If you want to rescue this marriage prehaps think about going to marriage therapy... (read in full...)
He only likes me 'average'? What does that mean?
Q. So i really like this guy in my school and i dont know if he likes me but he knows i like him. i asked him if he likes me and he said he does but his liking is only average. what do you think that could mean? Also we fought like a week or so bac...
A. 26 November 2011: This guy doesnt sound like he feels the same way about you as you feel for him.
I would keep away!... (read in full...)
I'm tired of everyone saying how much my son looks like his dad, my ex
Q. Not sure if anyone can help but I have a 17 month old little boy, I split from his dad 9 months ago after he cheated on me with my friend. My ex doesn't bother with my little boy. I have had a tough time has you can imagine and it is fair to say ...
A. 26 November 2011: I can understand how you do not need the constant reminder of your ex from other people, maybe if they say it to you again --- tell them they've mentioned it to you already!
Also your babys growing so his facial features will more than likely c... (read in full...)
Is it possible to have sex four or five times in one night?
Q. I was having a lighthearted chat with my boyfriend this morning about first-time sex. I'm a virgin, he's not, and after almost a year together we're planning to go through with it soon. So we were talking about condoms etc. and to cut a long sto...
A. 25 November 2011: Yes it can happen and even more times than that!
He could have a higher sex drive but then again sounds like he and his ex had good compatibility too :)
Hope this helps!
... (read in full...)
I found her again...on campus! What's my next step?
Q. I'm currently at University at the moment. Just walking around the campus on my way home with my friend, I saw this radiant girl i remember talking to at a club about a week ago but i was so star struck by her i forgot to ask for her name/number or ...
A. 25 November 2011: I think if i was you i'd try and forget about it until you finally see her again.
There is a chance you will see her around so dont give up hope!
When you do, exchange numbers and get to know her as a friend first and see how it develops and ... (read in full...)
My wife's flirting with my younger brother enhances our sex life
Q. my wife flirts with my younger brother. as we are in an open relationship, we talk and I know it all. when she talk this things we come to good mood and end up sex. such way I feel the way she behave helps our sex life shine. is it harmless ...
A. 25 November 2011: It depends what you define by "harmless".
Fantasies are generally harmless fun but as this involves your brother there is always a chance it could end up being "real".
If your happy with the open relationship and how it stands then it should n... (read in full...)
How do I convince my ex that his online relationship counts as cheating?
Q. I found out my boyfriend was cheating emotionally with this girl who lives on the opposite side of the country. But they skyped together so to me that distance doesnt mean anything. I sent him a text telling him I knew about his relation...
A. 25 November 2011: I think if you want to return his items and he is not responding to you or to have a discussion about his cheating then you should send him one last message to pick up his things by a (deadline) so you can get closure.
If he does not respond ... (read in full...)
With my low confidence, how can I find out if I stand a chance with her?
Q. Well my situation is very simple. Right now, I fancy a girl who is a year above me and therefore we only see each other during lunch, breakfast and dinner. I think she kind of like me too but can't be sure since I couldn't find a way to know. Non...
A. 25 November 2011: From what you have wrote by her actions she seems to have accepted you as a friend however you cant really know she likes you as anything more unless you speak to her about it.
However you are fearful because you have been hurt before.
I think... (read in full...)
No emotional bond in my marriage and my in laws hate me. Any advice?
Q. i have been married for 3 yrs with 12 month old baby girl, my inlaws hates me and my husband is not standing for me,he's always on the side of his family whenever we traveled to the family house,the last time we traveled i was humiliated, rejected ...
A. 25 November 2011: Marriage should be ultimately be a loving bond, of course challenges are normal in any marriage.
You say your husband doesnt love you.
If neither of you love each other and cant work things out AFTER talking about it, it time to move on for y... (read in full...)
I wanted more, but got a casual relationship, and now I feel like a mug. Help!
Q. I feel like a complete mug! I got with this guy, from day 1 he chased me and I had never had a boyfriend before so I was flattered by the attention, automatically we talke more and more, he seemed more and more interested and it was becoming clear ...
A. 25 November 2011: Hi there!
This feeling is overwhelming you. Your ex seems to be playing games which has exhausted you out.
You may feel you dont find "nice guys" but trust me nice men are out there looking for nice girls. Its just a matter of time in meeting ... (read in full...)
Should I act like I'm interested in my ex girlfriend at the party tomorrow?
Q. Ok I would like to first thank everyone who read my question and I definetely appreciate your time to read about my problems. It means alot. Ok so I recently decided to go in on a partnership on a party that my brother and nephew are throwing ...
A. 25 November 2011: Hi there!
Firstly we dont know her motives so I would be cautious. I say this because you've been hurt by this girl before and you dont want to go through all that pain again.
Saying that though, love always carries with it the risk of gett... (read in full...)
Question for men: Why do guys tell all women they date the same lines?
Q. I have a question for any men that happen to read this. Why do some guys tell every single woman they are involved with the same exact lines, the same exact stories, and act the same way? I recently got in touch with three of my boyfriend's ex ...
A. 25 November 2011: If you honestly feel like you cant handle his past/behavior then you guys cant work this out amicably because in your mind you will always be judging him based on what he has done in his prior relationships.
He has a past and unfortun... (read in full...)
I am ashamed of dating my ex
Q. Basically, I am ashamed of myself for dating someone as horrible as my ex was. He is now a heavy drug user and dropped out of college. He still tries to reach out to me and asks for friendship but I decline as I'm currently in a relationship. ...
A. 24 November 2011: Firstly you need to come to terms with your past.
There is nothing you can do to change your past so just forgive yourself for allowing the situation with him to happen in the first place. You did not know any better then.
Your ex is ma... (read in full...)
He hit me, but I still think about him...
Q. Here it goes... I am a 21-year-old, single mother at this point. My current ex is the father of my child. In the beginning of our relationship, he was kind, caring, sweet, loving and good to me. However, we did have our problems. I cheated on ...
A. 24 November 2011: Hi there!
Ive been in the same situation as you when my ex partner got drunk and beat the crap out of me. Like yours he was so kind and sincere to start off with. Then one night he got drunk and beat me.
Of course he fed me the "im sorry, your ... (read in full...)
What is up with this guy?
Q. Hi, Please help me. I am a 34 year old single female. There's a guy whom I've known for 2 years. I have never seen him in real. He is an elder brother of a friend of mine. I have seen my friend not this guy. he was working overseas and we hav...
A. 24 November 2011: If you feel he is dull and you cant live with him then let him go!
This relationship you guys have does not sound very solid so is there any point pursuing this? the last thing anyone wants is to be unhappily married.
I personally feel ... (read in full...)
Question for men: Why do guys tell all women they date the same lines?
Q. I have a question for any men that happen to read this. Why do some guys tell every single woman they are involved with the same exact lines, the same exact stories, and act the same way? I recently got in touch with three of my boyfriend's ex ...
A. 24 November 2011: I personally think you should find it in your heart to forgive him if you truly like him enough.
Why do i say that ? because this all was in his PAST. Like he says he was younger maybe he was smitten with these women, but times have changed,... (read in full...)
Is the past just the past or does it come along into the future?
Q. Hi! My ex was cheating on me because he believed and still believe that I was doing things behind his back. I forgave him, though he asked me to make an end, for if it were the contrary, he had never taken me back. Week passed, and he began to ...
A. 24 November 2011: The basis of any good healthy relationship is TRUST.
From what you have written it sounds like your ex has severe trust issues... do you really want to be with someone who does not trust you, who does not believe you and who belittles you?
... (read in full...)
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