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... Send *tarlights a private message | | | *tarlights's profile:What qualifies me to help people? I say its because i've met people from all walks of life, i've heard all the stories, ive even lived some incredible AND heart wrenching stories myself and I am not type to judge others.
In my spare time I enjoy reading, socializing and writing.
Remember no problem is too big that it cant be solved.
Be happy AND remember
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| Latest articles: The Art of Being Happy!
No replies yet... 25 June 2012: The Art of Being Happy The key we have been given in this life which sets us apart from any creature living on this planet, is that as humans, we have free will to do good or bad. To ourselves or to others. Simply We have a choice. W...
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I'm a student tutoring younger students and I have a crush on one of them them!
Q. Hey everyone, a new one from me... I'm in my third semester at University and I'm leading a Tutorium (kind of an extra class) for a lecture. Obviously, I'm a student and it's about students of older semesters helping the ones who just started....
A. 2 January 2012: Your welcome :) The best thing to find out if you both have anything in common is by asking him questions geared towards your interests. If he also asks you things back (shows his interest), see if you both have the same sense of humour, likes ... (read in full...)
I'm a student tutoring younger students and I have a crush on one of them them!
Q. Hey everyone, a new one from me... I'm in my third semester at University and I'm leading a Tutorium (kind of an extra class) for a lecture. Obviously, I'm a student and it's about students of older semesters helping the ones who just started....
A. 31 December 2011: Get to know him.
Your both of similar age and likes... so get to know how he is like. Get to know him better. See if your compatible. See if he feels the same.
These are processes you need to go through before making a decision and it ... (read in full...)
She's filled with doubts and insecurities before we've even met, do I stick it out or not?
Q. I started talking to a woman 3 months ago i met over a dating site, after a real struggle she finally decided to talk to me over the phone after 2 months of communication as it was a confidence issue she had, and thought i would not like her accent. ...
A. 31 December 2011: She sounds indecisive and insecure at the moment.
Remember there is only so much you can do for a person, you've tried to meet her and she backs away with excuses.
If you feel you honestly cant hold out for her (ie she is not worth it for you... (read in full...)
I love my girlfriend but I'm disgusted, jealous and angry about her sexual past with her ex-boyfriends!
Q. My girlfriend is a nice and I really love her a ton and want to spend the rest of my life with her. She's everything I could have ever wanted. She's smart, beautiful, and very kind. But when we first hooked up a friend of mine told me she gave BJs ...
A. 31 December 2011: Its understandable that you would be jealous of your girlfriend sharing intimate moments with someone else.
BUT you need to look at it from this perspective:
1. Its the past
(she didn't know you then to know better)
2. If those other guy... (read in full...)
What can I say to get talking properly again and keep her interested in me?
Q. so i added this girl on facebook about a month ago... started talking and flirting... she is kinda a friend of friend of a friend we are muttualy connected by friends :P and im not the most confident guy in the world especially with ladies (shy and ...
A. 28 December 2011: The most important thing is be yourself.
Girls love a guy with a sense of humour and comfortable in himself.
Try not to let your low self esteem get in the way of your growing new friendship :) Keep that stuff to the back of your mind when i... (read in full...)
Feeling sick and depressed lately...
Q. I don't know but I always want to be alone, like all my friends ask me to hang out with them, but I always make all these excuses why I can't like I will lie, and say I am not allowed, or I am busy, and etc.. And every night I cry my self to slee...
A. 28 December 2011: Yes what your going through is normal... i've been through it myself... the only thing i would advise is stay strong and in the meantime do what keeps you HAPPY...
let the tears flow.. it is normal
-and be around those that keep you happy :)... (read in full...)
Has this happened to you before? (Wrong number texts)
Q. So today, I got a text message from a number I didn't recognize. Now, I dont memorize numbers anymore, so I asked who this was and explained all my contacts had been deleted upon switching cell phones. They responded hurt that I would forget the...
A. 27 December 2011: Yes i've recieved a text from a number i did not know calling me "honey".
The person wouldn't tell me who they was until i was FIRM and said to stop texting me.
It turned out some dude got my number from my friends phone?!
--- needless to s... (read in full...)
Trailer Park Woes
Q. I'm pregnant and me and my boyfriend were planning on moving in together. I decided to stay home because my mom will be helping with baby-sitting and it would be easier to live at home. My boyfriend was going to move into these really nice apar...
A. 27 December 2011: Yes of course tell him your feelings, don't bottle these things up... ultimately its your baby's future and if he loves you both he will do his best to provide that support and comfort, as you say he can surely afford it.
Goodluck!... (read in full...)
He wasn't like this before. What's behind him being less helpful and more domincating and egotistical?
Q. okay...hello everyone! my boyfriend and I have been dating for a year now and though things have not been all that normal, we have had very rough patches i have somehow survived till now. i feel he is a little dominating and egotistical....
A. 23 December 2011: If your boyfriend if refusing to do even the smallest things that matter to you then he does not sound like a nice guy.
Your not over reacting and if i was you explain to him how you are feeling and see if he manages a change of heart... if not l... (read in full...)
I feel people are killing me with their judgment, advice please!
Q. I'm really frustrated, how come people do believe in the power of prayer, or manifesting things from the universe, or many other miracles, any supernatural events, but they refuse 100%, of the possibility of curse? If there are blessings , there ...
A. 23 December 2011: If you feel people are judging you its based on their own limiting beliefs.
I would ignore their harsh words if they make you feel bad.
Your entitled to respect as are they.
There are good people who suffer on this planet, but this is part... (read in full...)
How do I resolve that my ex is on my mind and we talk daily but I also like this guy at work? I think I love both.
Q. I think I am in love with 2 people. S and M. What should I do? S is my ex-partner of nearly 6 years. We split up 2 months ago and it was quite a shock to me. We had a very good relationship and spent alot of time together. S said he was unsure wh...
A. 23 December 2011: I've been in your situation... and to me it seems you still have strong feelings for you ex.
I would not embark on anything with the new guy until you resolve your feelings with your ex.
You need to make a decision.
Six years is a long t... (read in full...)
What are your weight advice tips for the new year?
Q. Basically, for my new years revolution i want to lose some weight. I am overweight not majorly but yeah i would like to lose abit of weight. I am just over 11 stone (72 lbs) i am a size 12 to 14 ( european sizes) i...
A. 23 December 2011: Hi there!
I remember i became overweight a year ago... and i did not want to join any gyms or weight watchers groups.
The first thing I would ask you to consider is what excersises is it that you enjoy doing? and do it!!!
For me it was d... (read in full...)
My gf is upset after we have sex, she told me she was abused. Any Advice?
Q. I have been seing a girl for about 6 months now, I am also a girl. We have just started sleeping together and i noticed that she always seemed a bit off after. She eventually told me that she was abused as a young child, she didnt tell me who it w...
A. 19 December 2011: If sex hurts her (like i explained below) those feelings can make the sex uncomfortable for her.
Use lubrication also as that will ease some of the pain.... (read in full...)
My gf is upset after we have sex, she told me she was abused. Any Advice?
Q. I have been seing a girl for about 6 months now, I am also a girl. We have just started sleeping together and i noticed that she always seemed a bit off after. She eventually told me that she was abused as a young child, she didnt tell me who it w...
A. 19 December 2011: Hi
I understand what your girlfriend is going through, i've been through it and so have some of my girlfriends who have been abused.
What is happening is that after sex it reminds your girlfriend of the past.
The feelings of what happened dur... (read in full...)
My husband accused me of being insecure after he was flirting at his christmas party! Am I insecure?
Q. Recently my husband and I went to his company's annual party. I have met a few people he works with but I do not know anyone well. It is awkward for me because once we get to the party he acts like I do not exist and gets mad if I stay wit...
A. 19 December 2011: Your husband clearly does not respect you because if he did he would not be flirting around with other women when you've asked him to consider your feelings.
Your not insecure at all infact you handled it well considering the way he has treated ... (read in full...)
I talked to him for 3 months. Then we met. How do I deal with him now that I know he has Anger and emotional issues?
Q. This is a bad story... I met a guy and we've been talking for 3 months and I realized he has emotional problems as well as anger problems. Aside from that, I care very much about him. We aren't dating because I needed some time to myself because ...
A. 18 December 2011: I would give him space to calm down. He is still very hurt.
Wait and see if he will talk to you about when he is ready, explain why you did what you did and reassure him you care a lot about him.
See if he forgives you. Only time will tell.... (read in full...)
She tried to break us up. At the first chance he slept with her. How do I get over him cheating and betraying me?
Q. I'm in need of desperate help! My husband and I got into a huge fight 3 nights ago because I found out he was still talking to a woman whom had admitted she had feelings for him. She even tried to get us to break up and he promised after that time...
A. 18 December 2011: Unfortunately your trust has been betrayed. He has broken your trust.
This is heartbreaking and your strong to give him another chance.
Your relationship cannot be mended over night and there are no quick fixes.
I would suggest that if yo... (read in full...)
Is he still interested? Or should I back off and see if it makes contact?
Q. Ok so I've been seeing this guy,our first date was about a month ago. Everything is GREAT when we are together. He opens doors,always pays,and we get along very well with each other. Always good conversation and we can joke around with each other ...
A. 18 December 2011: His behavior does sound very odd.
However he may be into you but he may have other things on his mind (like stress etc) which might prevent that close contact.
Have you asked if anything is troubling him?
He has said he is not playing g... (read in full...)
My ex didn't wish me a happy birthday and it really hurts me!
Q. Why do I feel so upset about this? am I overreacting? So is my birthday today and my ex boyfriend didn't even wish me a happy birthday. He dumped me saying he didn't want a relationship. But I found out he lied and cheated on me. On ...
A. 18 December 2011: Happy belated birthday!!!
Let your ex go he clearly does not have you on his mind. It is hard but there is not point holding out for him to wish you he's clearly moved on.
Your still in love with him and although its difficult you have to find... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is being difficult! please help!
Q. I've been dating my boyfriend for well over 2 years, all of which have been long distance. Right now, I'm in college and he's living back at home in NY, about 4 hours away from my parents' house. I was planning to go visit him by train on the 26th, ...
A. 18 December 2011: You've tried to explain to your boyfriend the best you can , you tried to remedy the best you can: for him its not good enough.
There is nothing you can do but let him calm down by giving him his space.
However just because his parents brok... (read in full...)
How do I reject an unavailable guy and stay friends?
Q. So, I just moved to a big city and I don't have a lot of friends, although I am working on it; at the moment I am not interested in other kinds of relationships, because I have some issues to solve, but I don't sleep around either, just focusing on ...
A. 17 December 2011: I don't think you can put a guy off he likes you.
Guys are designed for the chase ;)
The best thing you can do is prepare your answer just in case one day he decides to propose you to get closer.
Just be yourself and tell him the truth. ... (read in full...)
I'm Jealous of his new Girlfriend, please help!
Q. Skipping all the details, there is basically this guy that I've had a huge massive insane crush on for pretty much most of this year. For one reason or another it didnt work out, and I thought I'd got over him, but now he's got a new girlfriend, and ...
A. 17 December 2011: As hard as it is you need to let your ex boyfriend go.
He has clearly moved on and although you may view his girlfriend as better, don't devalue yourself, your special and unique and you too will find someone who is compatible for you.
Don't l... (read in full...)
Boyfriend's kiss no longer turns me on
Q. My boyfriend was out of country and we met recently after 6 months. I was really excited to meet him. When I saw him, his appearance put me off a bit. My boyfriend is not the best looking but still I love him for what he is and how he treats me. But ...
A. 17 December 2011: It sounds like from what you wrote some of your passion for your boyfriend has gone.
Judging him by the way he dresses is very superficial he could be the best guy for you! However it sounds to me like he does not appeal you much.
Therefore yes... (read in full...)
After an act of kindness, do you think my friend finally realizes what he lost?
Q. was at a works xmas do last night and a guy i was brilliant friends with came along our friendship ended because i discovered he had lied to me a lot and i was such a decent friend to him helping him whenever he was in need ranging from work help to ...
A. 17 December 2011: You say this friend has lied to you before.
You was kind to help him out in this situation (of lending him the money) but I would still be cautious of him.
I would act civil with him but be on your guard.
You don't want to get used or lied... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is not ready to get engaged, I feel I've ruined it! Please help!
Q. Dear all, I would ask that you view this with an open mind. After a string of very bad relationships and heartbreaks on both sides of the relationship, my partner T and I truly believe we have found the person we want to be with for the rest of ...
A. 17 December 2011: Your boyfriend has been through alot.
He was pressurised and manipulated in his previous relationship so these are "no go" signs for him.
If I was in your position, try not to pressure him or bring up the subject around him because it will ... (read in full...)
It's Driving me crazy, I cant get hold of my boyfriend! Am I Over reacting?
Q. My boyfriend who i'm in a ldr with has ignored my phone calls all day. He phoned me last night and was fine. Today I try calling him 3 times and he hasnt answered. I know he has no credit to call or text me back. But its driving me crazy that I...
A. 15 December 2011: He has no credit to call or text you this is why he has been unable to call you back.
He may have also been busy when you phoned him.
I've been in a LDR too so these things can happen.
Give him a chance to top up his phone.
Try phoning h... (read in full...)
In love with a taken guy
Q. Hello. I could really use some help ... There is this guy, let's call him Sam. Sam's always nice to me, calls me beautifull, smart, amazing, etc. Sam's funny and we share the same interests. He's the same age i am and we spend a lot of time together...
A. 15 December 2011: Your not an awful person you've just fell for a guy who happens to have a girlfriend.
The way he is behaving it looks to me as if he has the best of both worlds.
He has his girlfriend on one side (who doesn't know a thing) AND you.
Wha... (read in full...)
Why did he message me to tell me this? Is there hope for us to get back together now?
Q. Me and my partner split up a week ago. I was heartbroken, yesterday he messaged me as he had heard how some guy had told a friend of his he fancied me. He messaged me to tell me about it! My partner ended the relationship, I begged him for another ...
A. 15 December 2011: Your ex sounds like he's going through some issues right now.
You need to allow him to work these out whilst you move on with your life.
It does not sound like there is much hope and you should not waste your time thinking about hope and s... (read in full...)
We doubt each other a lot and have lots of negative thoughts when we are apart....is this normal in a relationship?
Q. i have a boyfriend and we work different places, we always meet up after work but on our days off when we don't meet there's this problem like we have negative thinking bout each other is it right? and at times we doubt each other a lot that...
A. 15 December 2011: This does not sound like a healthy relationship.
A healthy relationship is based around thinking positively about each other rather than negatively.
A healthy relationship is about trust and not wasting both your energies fighting and arg... (read in full...)
How do I approach this without risking losing her completely?
Q. Hi guys, My small dilemma is that I've been seeing a woman for 6months. About 3 months ago we both sat down and said because we have both only been out of a relationship for 9-12 months that we wouldn't commit to anything and we've essentiall...
A. 15 December 2011: In my opinion 3 months ago was not exactly a long time ago to have a discussion on your relationship.
The possibility that your friend still may NOT be ready to commit to you is still there. She still may not feel the same way as you.
If you'... (read in full...)
Why hasn't this co-worker asked me out?
Q. 6 months ago I accepted a promotion at my current workplace. There was this man who came to my team quite often. I realized all of a sudden I was seeing him a lot even though we do not work together much. I would bump into him in the kitchen, in ...
A. 15 December 2011: From what you wrote the signs are all there that he does like you!
There could be a number of reasons why he hasn't asked you out.
I do think that from what you wrote he sounds shy and that subconciously he may feel he stands no chance with y... (read in full...)
Is a one-time infidelity forgiviable?
Q. Did you forgive and the relationship was saved? Did you cheat, a one-time thing, and was truly remorseful and got a second chance and truly did not repeat the mistake? How did you show you were sorry and how did you make it to your loved the pa...
A. 15 December 2011: I forgave but it was NOT saved.
It depends on the people involved if they choose to work it out but TRUST is a big thing, once that's gone in a relationship there really is not much to salvage.
I hope this helps!... (read in full...)
I thought he liked me and would want something more out of this?
Q. I met this guy in college a year ago, we worked together in group assignments a lot since then. We never spoke heaps but we when we did it was usually quite deep and we look at each other a lot. He is sometimes really abrasive, it is his ...
A. 15 December 2011: Well you could wait for him to call you, but then who knows how long that will take?
I'm a firm believer if you want something, go GET IT!
So what I would suggest is if you contact him and ask him if he wants to hang out (non formal and you a... (read in full...)
Should I accept the Proposal? But I don't trust him!
Q. Hey, I need some advice on whether I should listen to my head or my heart regarding my bf's marriage proposal. We've been together 17 months, and he's asked me to marry him. My initial reaction was to be very very happy... but I'm starting to give ...
A. 13 December 2011: If you have doubts and concerns I would advice you not to get married.
Trust is especially important in relationships and you say you don't trust him.
Please don't put yourself in a predicament where you will end up regretting it later.
You... (read in full...)
My single friend resents my boyfriend?
Q. I am best friends with this girl for about 5 years and we're both 19. She and I used to be very alike, we're both shy and not very good with guys (she has never shown any interest in one), we have a lot of things in common (we usually like the same ...
A. 13 December 2011: Your friend is behaving very immature and childish.
Sounds to me like she has self esteem issues and playing mind games.
I think you need to tell her to stop dictating how you should be living your life.
If she respects you she will st... (read in full...)
Would you be willing to be friends with a transgender?
Q. I suppose this is more a question than seeking advise but as a person that is transgender I am curious to know how people really view someone like me. I'm female born in a male body. I've never known anyone els like me and friends from my youth put ...
A. 7 December 2011: Hi there,
Your very brave in pursuing the "life" you want to be as like you say alot of people have misconceptions.
I have met a transgender before at my old workplace. He was 45 and he was going through the process of becoming female. Of cours... (read in full...)
Can't let go of the past! Help!
Q. I have a problem, its a seems a small problem in comparison to a lot of problems in this world, but if anyone can help me I would be very grateful! My issue is I cant seem to let go! of issues that have caused me grief and pain and anger. For exam...
A. 7 December 2011: You need to let the past go... your mind is reliving the events of yesterday as its still existing today: IT IS NOT SHE HAS GONE and you need to keep telling yourself that until the negative thoughts surrounding her leaves you.
IT will go but i... (read in full...)
How do I handle my slutty, model roommate?
Q. My friend looks like a model and is SUPER pretty and I am just somewhat pretty. At the start of college, she started to party and now she has a reputation of a slut. Some guys, because we are friends, thought I was the party type too. I'm not. I ...
A. 3 December 2011: I read somewhere;
"people will judge you by your friends.
So be careful of the company you keep."
I think you follow my gist.
This friend of yours has obviously not shown much regard to you in this situation or toned her behavior down. ... (read in full...)
Should I wait for the right one to lose my virginity or find a complete stranger on Craigslist?
Q. I am a 21 yr old male and I am a virgin. I am thinking about using Craigslist and having sex with a complete stranger to lose it. I know craigslist isn't the best place to go. . . My question is should I have sex with a stranger or wait until I ...
A. 3 December 2011: Hello there!
I am biased here... the first time i lost my virginity was when I was deeply in Love and in a committed relationship not to a stranger.
I think the "first time" should be "special" not just to be rushed into.
Ideally the fir... (read in full...)
Does his silence mean he is over me? Should I try to contact him again next week?
Q. Hi all, After 3 weeks of no contact with my ex boyfriend, I texted him this afternoon: Me: Hey how are you? Ex: Im chill and u? Me: Im good, long time no speak! It's now 2 AM over here and he still hasn't replied to my last txt message. It...
A. 3 December 2011: There could be many reasons why he hasnt contact you.
It does not necessarily involve him being with another girl.
You dont know anything until you speak to him so dont assume anything.
If i was you i'd wait until he replies and then cont... (read in full...)
I'm living with a guy who I'm madly in love with, and he's going out with one of my friends
Q. Hi, I'm going through quite a conflicted phase at the moment, and was wondering if you could help. I'm living with a guy who I'm madly in love with, and he's going out with one of my friends. I've loved him for almost a year now - we were stay...
A. 3 December 2011: Your in a difficult situation because he clearly is in love with someone else and unfortunately there is not much you can do but let them both continue in their relationship until he see's his gf for what she is (an advantage taker) as you phrased ... (read in full...)
I was just wondering what I could do to spice up our relationship without actually going to the private zone?
Q. Hello everyone. This is not really a dilemma but just some suggestions. I've been with my girlfriend for 20 months and the most we have ever done is making out. There has been no like touching of boobs or anything private due to her morals which i ...
A. 3 December 2011: Thats wonderful you respect your girlfriend i like that :)
As you guys are only "kissing" and she doesnt like to be touched in any private zone is i guess only a limited number of ways "to spice it up".
If i was in your situation i'd us... (read in full...)
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