A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:This site looks great!! So glad I came across it. My question that I have is about friendship between a man and a woman. I have had an on off 'thing' with someone at distance for a few years and neither of us are quite ready for a proper relationship yet but we can't seem to cut ties off totally. I have never been in this situation before now but how do you stay 'good friends' with someone when you really fancy each other? Would it be better to just cut all ties? Thanks for any answers. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2015): OP here. Thank you for the replies. We are both single but have serious 'baggage' from previous marriages, in my case serious domestic violence and his case wife had several affairs and he doesn't know if one of his children is actually is but never wanted to do a test in case it hurt his son, so it's kept quiet. We have a strong friendship and strong physical attraction. We have had other flings non serious relationships with others in the last few years and we met again earlier this year and agreed to see how things go. It's a bit hard to explain but we both agreed we always want the other to be there but not to rush it. He is a decent man, not a player and I am a straightforward person so we're not playing games or such.A friend of mine in a similar situation ended up getting married once they both decided on it. Sorry I know this is sounding a bit unusual and vague. I guess time will tell. Thanks again x
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (7 April 2015):
 I have to agree, it's your choice.. .waste your time hoping or cut ties and move on.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (7 April 2015):
 If you fancy him and keep hoping for more and are wasting your life waiting... then yes I think it's best to cut ties.
I don't see anywhere you mentioned "another woman" am I missing something?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2015): I was in a similar situation. I think there is always hope for 'more' while the feelings are there and so it's hard to maintain a pure friendship. In such a case, there may be an ulterior motive for the friendship. Not saying it is so in your case, but it happens. It's not platonic, and the wish to be more than friends will be there.
If you can deal with that honestly, and mindful of not leading yourself on, you can stay friends. In my experience, someone is always too weak to keep that up.
It may be better to cool things for a while before continuing with the friendship.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2015): If he is committed; cutting ties may be the wise thing to do. If the woman you refer to, is his wife or girlfriend.
Bad karma follows being a home-wrecker. Why go through all the complications of cheating, creating havoc, and making an enemy of that woman? In her scorn, it will be her mission to either get him back; of keep you looking over your shoulder.
If you find yourself being frustrated by it, then get out of it. The peace of mind is worth it.
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