A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:my wife works everyday with an x lover and he is always calling her on the phone for long conversations and she doesn't understand why this bothers me. We've been married for three yrs and it is becoming a problem so what should I do, leave or let it go.
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female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (9 April 2015):
 Have you tried to ask her to walk in your shoes on this? How would she feel if you talked with an EX as much as she does (outside of work)?
Are these phone calls professional of two "friends chatting?
I don't see why you should "let it go" as it is OBVIOUSLY bothering you. WHAT you need to do is figure out WHAT it is that is bothering you (specifically) and convey that to her.
I would not be at all happy with this either. If these long conversations were about work, ok that happens - but if they are NOT about work, they shouldn't happen as much.
She and him MIGHT have become friends over time, but she also needs to respect you and your marriage too. And if this friend is infringing on the marriage, she needs to consider that. Now I'm not saying she has to quit her job and never talk to him again, but maybe she should introduce the two of you, so you know him and maybe feels less threaten by him?
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (8 April 2015):
 You write: "...she doesn't understand why this bothers me. We've been married for three yrs and it is becoming a problem so what should I do, leave or let it go."
She DOESN'T???? (understand why it bothers you????). It's "becoming" a problem. Sounds like a full-blown, nearly-out-of-control problem, already (as it SHOULD BE!!!!).
IF you "let it go" then you will have acquiesced to it... and it will continue... and you will always wonder why you feel like a "third wheel" in your own marriage.
The answer really IS obvious, isn't it? Tell hubby that HE must make a decision.... YOU or his ex-. How he responds to that will tell you all you need to know.
Good luck...
P.S. I predict that he'll say, "But, geesh, honey, you just don't understand..." WHICH is incorrect. You DO understand.
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A
male
reader, Garbo +, writes (8 April 2015):
 I feel you on this one. If she is married with you and definitively done with the other guy then why is she in contact? Not only that, she is rubbing it in by having convos with him and replying to you, as though you're stupid, that it shouldn't bother you!? This is not a matter of your jealousy but her insensitivity about how you feel and a failure on her part to quell emotions of her husband whom she supposedly loves. People who love another don't perpetuate anguish to each other, irrespective of how unreasonable your position is. IDK how much talking did you do or insisting that she stop but if it was extensive, and she sees no need to calm your worries then it all means that she doesn't give a hoots about your feelings. If so then tell her choose either him or you? She may reply that you are unreasonable but be sure you don't fall for her words. Stick to your decision and let her choose between you or wrecking her marriage over someone who used to have sexual relations with her. Also have a plan what you will do when she chooses him which, I think, she will do.
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A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (8 April 2015):
 "Peace of mind makes the body healthy, but jealousy is like a cancer."The only reason you should be jealous of an ex lover is if you are not doing your job as a husband.If you are giving your wife everything you CANNOT buy in a store, then you should have nothing to worry about.They may have had a great friendship back then...plus...She is with you...not him.So instead of wasting your time worrying about who she is talking too...make sure you and her are having just as good and long conversations as well.Never make it easy for someone to just walk in take over your relationship...There would be no one to blame but yourself.The fact that your wife is having these long talks with her ex tells me you and her do not talk like that. Guess what you cannot buy in a store...Communication.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (8 April 2015):
 Do you understand why it bothers you? Have you explained to her calmly what bothers you about it?
What are the conversations about?
do you think she is emotionally cheating?
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