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He has told me he really wants to be Friends with Benefits, I don't know what I want1

Tagged as: Big Questions, Crushes, Sex, Troubled relationships, Virginity<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (2 April 2015) 2 Answers - (Newest, 2 April 2015)
A female Mexico age 26-29, anonymous writes:

MOD NOTE: Previous question from same asker can be accessed here:

http://www.dearcupid.org/question/after-me-being-madly-in-love-with-him.html

hi:) ( i'm a fan of himym so i'll use the names, it is not related to the personalities of the characters

when i was 12 i met this guy named "barney" he was in my classroom for 3 years , i really liked him and it was obvious , i thought that he liked me as much as i did ,but he was always around flirting with other girls. it is good to know that i'm 4 ' 11 '' and chubby so i dont have the greatest selfesteem of all time. anyways our relationship was kinda weird because despite the fact that he was around flirting with other girls, he always was there for me like a "friend" but always flirting with me. i'm a strong , independent girl, but when it comes to him i always become this stupid, shy girl. i'm so docile when he's around. we when one year without seeing each other because he was in another classroom and i "hated" him. the next year we changed classrooms and there he was again in my classroom D: i was angry and sad. But i handled the situation. I even had a boyfriend (my first one ) it was a failure because he only used me ( i was the one who paid all our dates, and basically i was there only to give and not to receive ) i broke up with him and the crush with "barney" came back. this year we finally spoke about our feelings. and he always go with " I don't want a relationship because we're different,wouldnt work out " and im like " okay;(" . A few days ago (he's sitting next to me in my classroom) he started flirting and telling me things and i was kinda happy-nervous-sad and he was like " WTF do you want? i went with the "idk and he approach to me and said to my ear :I want you, I desire you,i want you to be mine!!!!! . and to be honest that made me feel sometime i never felt , but my only answer was "okay..." and he finally asked "what do you want" and i went with " look i dont know, i want....you know... that with you but i dont feel ready.Then he told me about how he really wanted to be friends with benefits and then , he said he want it me to be his first, and be my first at the same time.bu he said he will wait. also he was always saying he wanted to kiss me and i always rejected him , not because i didnt want it , but idk i always feel like if i need his approval so that made me feel nervous. The other day he kissed me and it felt great! despite the fact that i didnt reply the kiss but it felt like i was in the sky , i want more of that . One day in class he made me grab his d..k and tbh it felt good. hel please ! idk what to do. , i dont even know if i want a relationship, but i have this burning desire over him:'( please please heeeeeeeeeelp!!!!!!!!!!!

english is not my first language so forgive me for my mistakes :C

View related questions: broke up, crush, flirt, friend with benefits, shy

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (2 April 2015):

So_Very_Confused agony auntoh you poor horny little thing...

we are trying to help of course touching his penis (you can't even say PENIS or dick.. felt good... that's how our species procreates... if sex felt bad we wouldn't want to do it and we would die as a race.

it's just biology at this point.

never make a decision until you know what you want but read up a bit and figure out that IF you have SOME feelings for him and you have sex with him you will have MORE feelings for him and he won't have the same feelings back and it will be crazy making for you.

also I can promise you that I've done FWB and I've had sex early on in my life and NOTHING feels as good as making love with someone you love who loves you back... SEX (which is what you would be doing with this boy) does NOT compare to it.

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy +, writes (2 April 2015):

CindyCares agony aunt You are one stubborn teenager, OP :) ( of which, I am not surprised ).

You posted the same question, in a shorter version, and you've got 8 or 10 people who, with different motivations , all told you : no, OP, this is definitely a bad idea, which you are going to regret.

Now, since clearly this is not the answer that you , or your healthy 16 y.o. hormons, wanted to hear....you are going to re-post until you get someone who will say : Yey, life is short, go ahead and have fun. ( Which , of course, sooner or later you will get ;statistically, very seldom or never we have an 100% consensus ).

So, OP- it IS still a bad idea , also because I don't think it's totally true that you " don't know what you want ". All your post screams that what you'd want would be this guy to be as in love with you as you are with him;

and, not being able to get that, you are ready ( in fact, anxious ) to settle for less , because you think that a little of him ( his penis ) is better than having no him at all. And because you fear that if you don't turn this friendship into a sexual friendship- soon you won't have friendship from him at all ( which is quite possible ).

But,OP,....if since yesterday things haven't changed , it's still a bad idea. And FWB at 16 and a virgin, is really biting much more than you can chew ( the same does not necessary apply to older, more experienced people ).

Then again, if what you want is a push, a validation, and endorsement to let your hormons come out and play- I have no doubt that if you keep posting you'll find it.

Maybe in a way it would not even be a bad thing. At times the only way we can learn is the hard way. Often, one needs to get burnt very badly, for learning to play with fire in relative safety and ease.

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