A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am 25 and my partner is 30. We have been together for 8 months and have had an uneasy relationship. We love each other very much, but he takes class A drugs occasionally and I did not like this. When I came to the decision to leave him he told me he would stop taking them altogether and has for the past 5 months. We have recently moved in together five days ago and he is now saying he is depressed because he can't go out with his friends because he feels bad when they offer him drugs and he has to say No. We have constantly been arguing and he wants me to be OK with him taking drugs. Am I over reacting? I love him so much, it hurts me to see him so upset about something he loved to do, but I don't think I could be with him if he continued his use of illicit and illegal drugs. Should I leave him?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2015): You should leave him you two are not compatible. Using drugs even for those who are not addicted is a personal lifestyle choice. Both people in a relationship must be on the same page on this issue. You are clearly not. It will not get better, in the end he has chosen his friends and illegal drugs over your relationship.
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female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (6 April 2015):
 You know the answer. The answer is YES, you should leave him. Like WiseOwlE said if he has been USING a class A drug, it hasn't been purely recreational, it's an addiction. While cocaine and ecstasy can be used as a "recreational" drug, the fact that he is now moping and "depressed" because he can't do them... then HE is addicted.
Time for you to move out and dump this one. YOU are not OK with drug use - HE IS A DRUG USER.
It's logic.
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female
reader, jls022 +, writes (6 April 2015):
As someone who has been in this exact situation before (albeit with weed and alcohol rather than class A drugs), I think you should leave him. All that will happen otherwise is he'll lie to you about doing it, and you'll end up with relationship with no trust and no respect.
My ex of 6 years was the exact same - I had major concerns about his drug and alcohol use and told him I was leaving. He begged me to stay and promised to quit because I meant more to him than any substances, and as far as I knew he had. Then when I moved in, it was only a matter of days before he started complaining about feeling controlled and upset he couldn't join in with his friends. I now know that he had continued to drink and smoke behind my back on days I wasn't there, but when I moved in wasn't able to hide it as easily. Although I may be wrong, I suspect that your boyfriend has been doing the same. Otherwise, why after only 5 days of your new living arrangement has this suddenly become a problem again?
I ended up moving out of my boyfriends house after only a couple of weeks, yet I still gave him another year of my life sure he would finally grow up and stop doing it. He never did and I was continually catching him in lies and worrying about what he was up to. I finally left him just before Christmas and though it was hard, I'm much less stressed now than I have been in years.
You have to realise that with people like this, a buzz is always more important than having an honest and respectful relationship. Get out now and don't let him drag you down with him.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (6 April 2015):
 If you say yes "just this once" it will become "just the weekends" or "just when I am with my friends"
Is this a deal breaker for you? If it's a deal breaker you need to leave.
You need to learn that you have NO CONTROL over what he says or does or feels. AND his feelings are NOT YOUR FAULT.
Since he wants YOU and the drugs he will possibly LIE to you later on about it. "NO I didn't do drugs with my friends" but you will KNOW he did based on his behavior etc... then what? WILL YOU LEAVE?
IF you know he's done drugs and you DO NOT LEAVE he will learn that he can DO DRUGS and LIE about it and you will both pretend that he's doing what YOU want....
He is an addict. And what do they say about addicts? When do addicts lie? When their mouths are moving...
I am married to an addict/alcoholic. Addiction is a painful thing. My husband is sober 90 days today! It's hard work. He WANTS to be sober and it's HARD work. He wants to be sober and it's the HARDEST thing he has ever done.
He gave up his MMO because he associates it with drinking. He found NEW hobbies and NEW friends. He goes to Meetings for AA sometimes two a day... AND I GO TO AL-ANON
now going to Al-anon is NOT for him... it's for ME. I have to take care of myself and NOT get into his insanity.
I think that although your guy is doing drugs and not alcohol that addictive personalities are just that and any addiction is hard.
Stop saying "I don't think I can stay" at this point if he came home high what would you do????
I personally think that you should leave him. you are not married. He's struggling and it's not going to get better.
Go to this link... everywhere is says "drinking" or "alcohol" sub in "drugging" and "class a drugs"
then if you want to try meetings... do it... and do as many as you can... and remember you can't fix him... you can only fix yourself.
Feel free to take this to PM with me if you want.
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female
reader, mrspiggy +, writes (6 April 2015):
 Yes. If he really has gone that long without, then his 'friends' should know not to bother. He loves drugs more than you. I am sorry, but he has to go.
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female
reader, llifton +, writes (6 April 2015):
 Deal-breaker!!!
I'd never be okay with having a relationship with a person who was a drug user of a significant magnitude. Absolutely unacceptable, in my opinion. I completely sympathize with those who struggle with addiction. However, I would enforce my right to choose not to date them.
To me, that's so fundamentally different than who I am as a person, that I'd be able to find no common ground to stand on. I'm a law-abiding, responsible citizen, who exercises caution in my decision making. The desire to want to go out and use drugs with his friends, at his age, signifies to me that he's completely irresponsible and reckless and I'd want absolutely no part of that. I'd consider it a deal-breaker. No question.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2015): WiseOwlE is right. He's an addict. And my guess is that the "love" situation you have between you is either already, or fast becoming, another form of addiction for him and for you.Partners of addicts end up living on a knife edge. You are feeling that now, but it will get worse because you've moved in with him and living with an addict sets up a far, far more complicated scenario of dependency between both of you.Addicts don't have stable, normal lifestyles. They might SEEM to, but there will be the nights out when things in the run up to that night, the night itself and the next day or days will be loaded with tension, secrecy, distrust and fear, all of which you will both try to deny and pretend, increasingly that your life together is fine.It will begin a rollercoaster ride for you, because addicts and alcoholics have INTENSE needs for gratification. You will feel very bonded to an addict because of their child-like need to remain merged, psychologically and bodily, to another person. You will probably have mind-blowing sex and then, increasingly, days and nights of worry and argument and stress. This is what will hook you in - the ups will feel fantastic and the downs will feel like hell. You'll start craving the ups and he will cling and cling to you like a baby in a man's body.You've already shown weakness by tolerating even staying with him whilst he's discussing the possibility of taking drugs again. This is his way "in" to your heart and back to drugs. If you budge an inch now, even by staying, you are ENABLING his addiction. Addicts create addictive relationships. They haven't grown up properly to cope with the world and sooner or later their world will come crashing down. I know this because I've been there and it nearly destroyed me and it started similarly to the situation in your relationship is now - someone saying they'd give up and, as soon as I moved in, starting to 'work' on my rationale with discussions about it. It will weaken your sense of how to make healthy decisions, not just about this but with everything. Get out now.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (6 April 2015):
 Yes, you should. As a matter of fact,tbh, if you are serious in saying you do not approve or condone the use of class A drugs- I don't see why taking up with a class A drug user to begin with. What,like, you hate bank robberies.... and you 'd start dating a notorious bank robber ?... What for ?.... so that you can reform him by the transformational power of love ?.... Uhm. Perhaps. Maybe. But .... would not it just be smarter to make a PRE-screening ,and opt to only date guys with a clean record ?
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2015): Yes, you should leave him. Yes in-deed you should!
Class A drugs include heroin, cocaine (crack), ecstasy, magic mushrooms, and hallucinogenics like LSD!!! Are you kidding? The guy is an addict! He can't just quit.
What kind of job could he possibly hold down if he's using class A drugs? What kind of relationship do you have, always fighting about his drug-use?
I bet you love him a lot more than he loves you. He's now in the perfect situation to quit his job and use drugs anyway.
Now you're living together. If he gets fired; you'll be responsible for supporting the both of you. Assuming he has a job.
Why would you want to stay with a 30 year-old loser who makes such bad life-choices? He's a druggie. He could infect you with HIV or hepatitis. If he takes drugs intravenously.
He apparently loves his drugs and friends more than he loves you. He's going to make his own choice. He's going back to his drugs, regardless of your feelings about it.
You're wasting your feelings. He's not the only one making bad choices.
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male
reader, Garbo +, writes (6 April 2015):
 Yes, leave him. He has chosen drugs over you so there is no place for you with him.
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female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (6 April 2015):
 Yes
the poor little diddums is trying to make you responsible for his bad decisions
awww he cant go out with his friends anymore because he has to say no to drugs
awww poor little diddums
Yes, leave him, he knew that your moving in together meant he had to give up taking the drugs, so now you are moved in he thinks he can change your mind about that condition.
Work out the best way for you to get out of this financially, if it means you packing up your stuff and moving out, then do that, if you can afford to pay rent etc on your own, tell him to go play with his druggie mates but to take all his stuff with him, as he wont be coming back through the door.
Tell him you have given him his one chance, and he is blowing it, the next whine from him about this issue he is out the door. And stick by your word, if you don't he will know that it wont matter what you say, he can do as he wants with no consequences.
Stick to your guns, you know what you want from life, and for your future, an it isn't this loser.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2015): Yes you should leave.
He needs to stop because he wants to not because you want him to.
He's going to end up lying to you about it while taking them behind your back.
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (6 April 2015):
 Yes......
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