A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear All, I need some advice and help, I have got myself in to a pickle!I am a 34 year old man, I have been looking for ideal soul mate or a woman who I can start a family with, In the process I have dated quite a few. I finally moved in with someone who is quite nice but has had adventures past, is 28 and has no plans of kids for the next 3 years, After moving in I continued to date another girl who I quite like and is 32, she wants kids which I would love to have too. I am very confused. Overtime I have developed feelings for both. I can’t hurt anyone of them, My desire is to settle down and have a family which I can see clearly with the girl I don’t live with. And the girl I live with I can see a life but not sure If I can wait for 3-4 years to be a dad at 37-38? What is the best way to go about this. Hearts will be broken, in the last relationship I had mine was broken too, I was stepped over for someone else by a girl I had strong feelings for, which is probably the reason I continued looking for what I wanted. I am not sure and very confused, scared and ashamed of lying.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (7 April 2015):
 "an ideal soul mate OR a woman I can start a family with"
you make it sound like they are two different things.
So I assume that the girl you live with does not know about the girl you date. and vice versa... hmmm
if you want a traditional life, then you are not ready. Part of knowing that the person is right for you is the desire to "forsake all others" you can't do that.
Since half of one is good and half of the other is good and together both make you happy perhaps you could have a lovely alternative life style with both ladies.
I suggest you take them both out and introduce them and ask how they feel about being sister wives...
(note this is SARCASM)
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (7 April 2015):
 I'm fully with YouWish here.
YOU are SO not ready. The fact that you think juggling two girls is OK if the END GOAL is for you to pick one to be the mother of your future children, you are lacking not only common sense, common decency, but also compassion and logic.
So MAN up, TALK to both ladies.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2015): The one thing that I noticed above anything else is your use of the word 'nice'. 'I finally moved in with someone who is quite nice' . QUITE NICE!! You're thinking about having a family with someone who is QUITE NICE!! What are you thinking? The other lady you 'quite like'!! Honestly, it's unbelievable...you talk about them with the same amount of passion you might refer to an ice-cream you've just tasted!! 'Oh yes that one's quite nice.'
It seems to me that you are not in love with either of these people and that this may be why you are having these difficulties. I would have thought that you don't settle down and have a family with someone until you find yourself describing them with a lot more enthusiasm than 'quite nice' !
Ergo, do these poor ladies a favour and finish your attachment to them, let them find someone who actually loves them, whilst you do the same.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (6 April 2015):
 To be honest with you, you're not ready to settle down if you find years worth of lying and cheating so easy to do.
The answer is - neither of these women you should settle down with. You've already blown up your relationships with both of them by your dishonesty. Think about it...what if one finds out about the other??
You can't ignore the loyalty of dating and expect to be able to settle down with anyone! You can't hedge your bets by sleeping with both, using the one you live with for stability while having sex with the other one.
You need to change who you are in this fashion, or you won't deserve anyone and you're certainly no good for either of them or any other woman as long as you can live like this.
Tell the woman you're living with about the other girl, and vice versa, and you'll see what I'm talking about. How would you feel if the woman you're living with and the other woman were sleeping with another guy behind your back? Something tells me that you couldn't be so easy about it if you were the one being lied to and cheated on.
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