A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Soooooooo after 5 five years being maddly "in love" with a friend who always blew me away, he finally decided to tell me about his feelings and, he want to be friends with benefits , and idk i like him IN THAT WAY but i also want him in other way (boyfriend, relationship u know) and he told he wants to be the "first one" and basically he's asking for it . dunno what to do
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2015): Male anon #1: you can't seriously be blaming women for manipulating men into falling in love with them?I didn't expect to fall in love with my now girlfriend, but here we are. She didn't manipulate me with her sexual prowess, she was just lovely and my feelings developed after spending time with her. Unlike you though, I'm not shit scared of my feelings and I'm happy with the way things turned out.You are obviously not cut out for casual sex, so why don't you stick to looking for women who are your type, not the ones you feel are good enough just to bang then leave? That eliminates all risk for you and for the poor women you are having sex with. And while I'm at it, don't assume that all men are scummy enough to view women in this way. I'd never have sex with someone who wasn't my type for the sake of having a body there to cum into. These women are people buddy, not just a vessel for your spunk!The weirdest thing about your post is that you are the exact type of guy the OP wishes her guy was - one that gets attached after sex! Honestly man, if you can't handle the grown up feelings that having sex can lead to then don't do it. And quit being so immature and giving the rest of us a bad name. Ffs!
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (7 April 2015):
 I will answer on behalf of male nonny. She is good enough for sex but not for dating, so it feels disgusting to be attached to a slut. A slut's purpose is to get a man off then get lost and drop off the face of the earth. Best to get out as fast as possible before men don't get attached.
But still, men should always able to get his urges released. There is nothing wrong with discarding sluts who allow themselves to be used. Some men really think that sluts have no feelings, just like modern slavery where the owners feel slaves don't deserve to eat good.
It can also be easily said that women who withhold sex are manipulating men to marry them. You should read "the power of the pussy" written by a bitter woman.
You can't ask "what is wrong with wanting sex" then say women and men should not get in FWB messes in the same breath. Men and women who swear they are just FWBs still get attached.
There are people who love to fuss about marriages but what happens behind closed doors it's another story. It's never a manly thing to do to praise his own marriage. Still marriage makes a man live longer. So if you have a marriage to complain about, it's a positive thing.
Everything is a manipulation of, and exchange of energy. If you want good customer service, you have to speak up, ask lots of questions and bargain a bit. I believe if you don't manipulate energy, you would be forgotten and become non existent. Not all manipulation is bad. If the outcome is good that's all it matters.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (7 April 2015):
 Fascinating side thread from the male anon: "I didn't ever want to be a boyfriend with this girl. I was not all that attracted to her. But she offered a FWB and we ended up in a relationship and now I am too attached to give her up! What can I do?"
Um, continue to date her because you are now attached to her. If you can't give her up and she wants to be with you too, then where exactly is the problem?
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A
female
reader, jls022  +, writes (6 April 2015):
Oh wow! I just read your latest reply male anon and I'm curious to know what you think the woman should have done differently? Not had as much sex with your friends? Not been so loveable?!
Anyway here is my advice to your friends:
'I didn't ever want to be a boyfriend with this girl. I was not all that attracted to her. But she offered a FWB and we ended up in a relationship and now I am too attached to give her up! What can I do?'
If this has happened to so many of your friends, then clearly THEY are not cut out for casual sex either. So how about they stop looking to use women they are not attracted to for sex and start looking for someone they want a relationship with? After all, casual sex isn't a feasible option for them if they find themselves getting attached to women they didn't even like much to begin with, so they might as well go the whole hog and find someone they do like right?
Dude your argument makes NO sense, because what you don't seem to have picked up on is that the MEN are the ones who have developed feelings in this instance. The woman can't MAKE that happen. So if the woman really did only want FWB, then the GUY would be the disappointed one here! I'm also curious to know what you think is so bad about developing feelings for someone who feels the same way?! Sounds like a clear cut case of fear to me...
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A
female
reader, jls022 +, writes (6 April 2015):
Male anon, clearly this post has hit some sort of nerve for you, but as it's already been pointed out this is not a battle of the sexes. Women are not all out there trying to manipulate men into loving them, just like all men don't want to only use women for their own sexual gratification.
However, since you asked, I think casual sex is viewed as less noble than a relationship because it's selfish whereas love is selfless. Most guys who want casual sex are thinking about their own orgasm only. They don't want to have to make the effort to give the woman any time or attention (or from what I've seen on here, even sexual satisfaction in many cases), they just want to get off. Generally, women don't think this way at all. Especially younger women. They are not just thinking in terms of sexual pleasure, they want a connection. Mutual respect, companionship, to feel sexy and wanted.
They want to be IN LOVE with someone who loves them back. For both parties to be equally excited and invested in the relationship. This is an inherently unselfish attitude. They may not understand the ins and outs of adult relationships or what they really involve, but the ideals behind what they are looking for are more noble for sure.
Jannipeg also makes an excellent point about the sexual double standards that are out there. I'm not saying it's always this way, but it's quite possible and common for men to sleep with women they don't even like or respect. This is much less common the other way around. It's also much more common for men to have casual sex, then judge and shame the very same type of women who had sex with them to begin with.
We see it on here all the time - she's good enough to have sex with but not to get serious with because she's enjoyed 'too much' sex to be worthy. That, no matter what way you try to paint it, is a disgusting double standard.
Young women like the OP often don't realise this, and think that if a man is willing to sleep with her then he must like her in some way. Or that sleeping with him is better than no 'relationship' at all. Or that he might change his mind if she's gives him great sex. That's what everyone on here has been trying to get her (and you) to see.
Finally male anon, I'm sure I won't convince you as you are clearly set in your beliefs, but one thing you seem to be forgetting is that sex is an adult activity that requires a level of maturity. If a man or woman is grown up enough to be doing it, they should be grown up enough to not be ruled by their 'bodily cravings' as you put it. In this case, BOTH parties should not be trying to have sex. The man because he's thinking with his little head and conveniently ignoring the fact he's going to hurt someone, and the OP because she'll feel like crap after he's used her body then disappeared.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (6 April 2015):
 Oh poor male Nonny, your argument makes NO sense.
"help I've fallen in love with my FWB I don't want to leave her what should I do?"
we get that all the time. we say "tell her you love her and see if she wants more"
BTW your friends who married made a choice.
My husband was FWB for me and HE was the one who wanted to get married not me.
You keep trying to make this fair but society is NOT fair. Boys still want girls that let them look at porn, and give them blow jobs but have never let another man so much as hold her hand or she's a slut.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2015): How many boys end up in official relationships because they are getting sex from a girl until they are involved? It has happened to many of my male friends. Two of my male friends MARRIED (and later divorced) former hookup buddies even though the relationships were bad to start with. In high school and college I turned down FWB offers from girls just because I knew they wanted more and I didn't want to end up in a relationship with them. How would all of you react if a boy came to Dearcupid with this problem: "I didn't ever want to be a boyfriend with this girl. I was not all that attracted to her. But she offered a FWB and we ended up in a relationship and now I am too attached to give her up! What can I do?"Be real. None of you would have much sympathy for this guy. You would say its his own fault for getting himself into this mess thinking with his dick and wanting to use her for sex. Oh how terrible, it turns out this girl is a real person with feelings not just a live sex toy. But you all have so much more sympathy for a girl who says, "He offered a FWB and I wanted a relationship. Now I'm too attached to let him go!" IT'S THE SAME THING! Don't you see that? Both people were trying to use the sexual power they had over the other person to get what they wanted. They each ended up too emotionally involved to back out when it became clear the situation had backfired. Go on, keep blaming boys for all FWB problems. See how well it works. It won't make things any better for the next generation of girls. Girls will keep ending up in these FWB messes until they take responsibility for their side of it.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (6 April 2015):
Because I remember being a 16/17 yr old girl. They do not WANT FWB they want a boyfriend.
and they are going to make the sad assumption that boys think like girls do and girls will only "give it up" if they care and like/love the guy and want a relationship.
NO girl I know either when I was a teen or now would think to USE her body to MANIPULATE a boy into having a relationship. she ASSUMES (wrongly) that if she is having sex with him, even if he treats her badly that it's a relationship and the boy permits her to think this because he's getting laid.
how many times do we see a girl post "my boyfriend ignores me except when he comes by for sex" and she really THINKS he's her BOYFRIEND......
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (6 April 2015):
If society is no longer double standard about sex, then girls won't be labelled sluts. There is no deletorious effect for a boy to try out a love relationship. Unless that girl is a gold digger and just after free meals. In many cultures, a girl is supposed to feel degraded after having casual sex. It's true that young people don't understand real love but boys get experience, gain maturity even in uneventful relationships while girls get a worse deal for having casual sex. Yes she could have enjoyed the sex but she gets judgment from close minded people while a boy trying to love would not. Okay you can argue that some boys get friendzoned if they act lovey dovey. I would still say being slutzoned is far worse than being friendzoned.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2015): Why are girls wanting a "relationship" so much more noble and respectable than boys wanting sex? Real love is something that most teenagers don't even understand, let alone go looking for. Real love takes work and difficulty and sacrifice. The typical teenage girl looking for a "relationship" is not looking for the kind of love that adults respect so highly. Most kids are looking for more basic things. Companionship, someone to make them feel desirable, someone they are crushing on, etc. There is nothing wrong with a girl wanting these things. But there is nothing wrong with a boy wanting sex either. Why does one side get all the respect and the other side gets all the criticism? Neither side should be manipulative to get what they want. But boys get (rightly) called out for being selfish or manipulative with FWBs. Girls don't. Girls get excused and defended girls for doing their versions of those behaviors.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (5 April 2015):
Women friendzone men whom they are not attracted to. If a woman makes it obvious that she is not attracted to you, offering them emotional needs would not lead to a relationship. Women want both sexual attraction and their emotional needs met, but it has to be the right person.
Love is a universal need and young girls think why would someone not want love? Not everybody needs sex but surely everyone needs love right? You can't manipulate something that's supposed to be good because love can never be exploitative. For example if a Christian hands out a pamphlet and wants me to start going to his church, it is done with good heart, good intentions. I may say no I am not interested but not because I feel manipulated. He really believes Jesus is the way to heaven. What young girls don't understand that men look at love not as something to be appreciated, but rather it's loss of freedom, and an unending list of demands. I believe his friend does not appreciate love yet because he doesn't know what commitment means. His obsession is hot girls and his sex drive. You can never compare a squirrel wanting to get a nut to someone who wants to give it a try with true love.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2015): To the other male anon, I'm sorry mate but to me your argument is BS! You're making this about men v women when it's not about that at all. It's about treating all people with respect. I'm a 19 year old guy and I've known since I was about 10 years old that it's not right to give any false hope to women who have feelings for me that aren't returned. And sleeping with a girl is definitely giving her false hope - I mean everyone knows that girls usually have sex because there are feelings involved and that they'll get more attached if they keep having sex too. This guy is taking advantage of her feelings and conveniently ignoring the fact that this will lead to heartbreak for her which is wrong. It would be wrong if it were a woman doing it to a man too, it's just that's more rare.If they were both not interested in turning it into anything more then fine, but that's not the case here. And to suggest that she's using her body to try to manipulate HIM is just plain ridiculous! Come on dude have you never really liked someone before?! The worst she is guilty of is being naive and trying to get him to return her feelings which is natural and not in any way malicious. The onus is on him to be clear that he's not interested and nip it in the bud. That's what a decent guy would do anyway.Stop making this an us v them battle and accept that in this instance, the guy isn't behaving very well.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2015): Of course bodily cravings for sex don't justify hurting someone's feelings. But there is also something wrong with trying to manoeuvre someone into a relationship that they don't want to be in. Spending time with someone and meeting their bodily needs under false pretences is baiting them into a relationship. When men offer to meet a woman's emotional needs, hoping for more, they end up in the "Friend zone". Women don't think it was right of them to be so misleading about their intentions. Women usually feel like the "friend" was trying to use what he could do for her in a manipulative way. Women are usually kind of angry that he feels "entitled" to a sexual relationship after that. How is this any worse than a girl trying to manipulate a boy into a relationship using her body? FWBs end badly more often than not. Men are guilty of using women’s' bodies a lot. But women are just as capable of having ulterior motives and using their bodies
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (4 April 2015):
 Oh enough already with the teen male " bodily cravings ".
So the young man has bodily cravings. Of course. It's normal. It's natural- he's a young male, and his bodily cravings are part of his being a young male.
And ?... Does the fact of having sexual bodily cravings authorizes, no, ENTITLES a man to pursue the quenching of said bodily cravings by any means necessary ? At the expenses of ethics, loyalty, sensitivity, class and compassion ?...
As if it was a craving for AIR, or WATER , or the minimum food necessary to survival ? ... If you crave one of those things, of course, it's your DUTY toward yourself, to dispose of any niceties or psichological subtleties and just do whatever it takes.
In the case of a teenager bodily cravings, IMO, no he is not justified or even less entitled to go all " a la guerre comme a la guerre ; a boy's gotta do what a boy's gotta do ".
A craving for nose blowing is equally healthy, normal, and natural. It's not morally objectionable per se. The way you try and satisfy it, though, has limitations.
No matter how badly you feel like you need to blow your nose, - and it can feel very bad I am sure, - no , that does not entitle you to grab my shirt sleeve and blow your nose with it ; in fact, it does not even entitle you to ASK me for my shirt sleeve. You are still supposed to wait for the appropriate conditions and situations in which you can satisfy your nose blowing cravings.
The horny teen does not HAVE to fuck by any mean necessary, taking advantage of a FRIEND 's weakness, inexperience, wishful thinking or sheer stupidity.
In this case the boy is supposed to be , or so far perceived as, a good FRIEND of the OP, and no, you do not use a FRIEND as a means to your selfish ends ( Well, in theory you should not use anybody as a mean to your ends, but in the case of a friend, when there should be mutual respect and mutual consideration, it is worse ). Either you and the friend have a COMMON goal which will result in both people 's getting what they want, or it should not be even promoted, let alone carried on.
His cravings do not, IMO, warrant this boy ( or any other ) to just say and do whatever , screw everybody else's feelings and dignity !, as long as the cravings are satisfied. It's not life-or-death. He has alternatives. He can KEEP his cravings, it won't kill him. He can channel and sublimate them into other endeavours, to make Dr. Freud happy. He can jerk off like a drunken monkey. Or, more reasonably, he can seek out like minded , fun loving girls who are not emotionally involved with him and want the same as him, some NSA physical release. It should not be so hard to find them, it's not the 19th century anymore , and just a look at DC will show you that casual sex has become, if maybe not rampant, quite available and quite uneventful ( and if this is a good or bad thing, that would make all another thread ).
The only thing is, the boy is obviously a lazy ass , who does not even want to make the effort to go after a new piece of tail when he needs one,... when there's some pliable, amenable, reliable " friend " close by, whom probably he does not even like that much, but whom he can convince to put out for him using as leverage the emotional soft spot she has for him.
Jeez, I wish one of these guys with " bodily cravings " would have at least half as much initiative , spunk and moral elegance as he has cravings- just enough to go out there and get himself some " casual fun only " girl ,without having to sniff around head-over-heels in love virgins- just because they are convenient.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2015): Lots of times young boys don't understand how much emotional hurt they are inflicting on young girls, either.
But look at this thread. The teenage boy gets held to a totally adult standard. The teenage girl gets cut slack for not being a mature adult yet. Even though people always say teenage girls are more mature than teenage boys their age.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (3 April 2015):
male annon said: "If a girl is using her body as a "means to and end" then she is trying to use her body to MANIPULATE a guy into something he did not originally want. It is TAKING ADVANTAGE of his bodily cravings for sex and hoping to get him into something he already turned down. "
I disagree that she is trying to manipulate... it's not done to manipulate... that's what you are missing... the boys say things knowing they are not true but the girls think that sleeping with the boy or giving him oral will MAKE HIM LOVE HER. she knows he's not there in her brain but her heart is saying "if you let him have what he wants he will appreciate it and his feelings will change"
it's not true but the young girls haven't learned that yet...
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2015): @ So Very Confused:
If a girl is using her body as a "means to and end" then she is trying to use her body to MANIPULATE a guy into something he did not originally want. It is TAKING ADVANTAGE of his bodily cravings for sex and hoping to get him into something he already turned down.
Sex clouds judgment for both sexes. So does spending a lot of time with a person. These things can lead people into relationships they did not want to be in. This is commonly the ulterior motive behind a girl offering a FWB after being turned down for a relationship.
Guys have their share of guilt when it comes to FWB wrongdoing. But girls have their equal share too. The difference is that girls' plans do not work as often as guys' plans. So we do not see the results of girls' plans as often. Its more common to see girls getting emotionally hurt when their plan blows up in their face and they end up worse off than before. That sucks for them but it does not prove their intentions were innocent.
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A
female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (2 April 2015):
Dear OP,
I agree with all the previous female agony aunts and have nothing to add.
To the anonymous males:
I care for men's hearts too and encourage women as well as men to be fair in the dating process.
If two people "trade" something, it should feel like a fair deal to both parties. Especially when those people are trading things of great value to them. Trading her virginity for love is not a fair deal, because the guy is going to get what he asked for and she is not.
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A
female
reader, jls022 +, writes (2 April 2015):
Male anon, let's flip things round and consider a young woman who thinks it's ok to take advantage of a man's feelings for her to get him to buy her nice things. Using your logic, you could argue that the man is just as much to blame, as he's using his money to get a woman who isn't interested in committing to him. Yet most people (me included) would say she's being out of line by using his feelings for her own personal gain without a second thought for the hurt it will cause.
This is the EXACT same situation to the original post. In both situations, the people with the feelings misguidedly think that sleeping with/buying things for the object of their affections will lead to something more. Which it almost certainly won't.
No matter what way you try to paint it, taking advantage of someone's feelings for you (regardless of your gender) is poor behaviour and being young is no excuse for it in my opinion.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (2 April 2015):
But the young girls "offer their body" as a means to an end. their belief is that the boy will have sex with her and fall in love with her.
Boys who permit this belief.. "I'll respect you in the morning" "of course I love you" or any of the other lines boys give girls who like them and don't understand that:
"MEN have two heads. But they can only think with ONE at a time...because when there is blood in one there isn't any in the other."
Unfair? maybe. True? to an extent. A young man with raging hormones and a massive erection thinks of ONE thing... and much like a any man on a mission, fallout does not matter... the goal is RELIEF.... who gets hurt in the end does not matter.
Maybe they don't MEAN to be assholes. or users. That does not excuse the fact that they do it. And it does not mean that girls will continue to get hurt because boys want sex and girls want love.
It's when we get older and women want sex and men want love that they start to get it...
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2015): Yeah, yeah, here we go like usual. Put all the blame on guys for situations that both sides are guilty of creating.
When a girl offers her body to get herself a guy who isn't willing to give her a relationship, she is "using her body" for something no less than he is. He is using her body for sex, and she is using it to get guys who aren't interested committing to her. She isn't being robbed of respect for her body, she is voluntarily trading it away for a specific prize.
It takes two.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (1 April 2015):
Other male Nonnys get all wound up about girls 'giving it away' and not saving themselves for 'THE ONE.' They actually start to sound angry about it and harrumph about the inequity of the average male's access to sex, versus the average female.
You like him more than he likes you, bottom line. He's not going to be your boyfriend and he may well be a typical teen male. This is the tough adult bit: he doesn't want to be your boyfriend. That doesn't feel good and it's not much fun to face. But that's the reality.
If you allow fantastical thinking like 'maybe he'll like me and date me after I let him be my "first one" then you are going to be very disappointed in the outcome of this situation.
And a guy who knows a girl has had a massive crush on him for years but says he wants to the be the 'first one'? Omg, where are the male Nonnys who freak out about this? They get upset with the girls but 'boys will be boys' is okie dokie?
The FWB wanna be may not be malicious but he sure is one selfish human being. Or perhaps his hormones and penis are the selfish ones, but whatevs.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (1 April 2015):
 You know, Male Nonny,
Maybe FWB is getting to be the NORM these days, but when you LOOK at the posts (mainly by young females) here on DC feeling USED after agreeing to a FWB (because they HOPE for a relationship, and think FWB is the "gateway" to dating and they think they can handle a BOY not WANTING them for a relationship, but WANT them for sex, when they really CAN'T. (emotionally).
And yes, I DO think a guy (no matter his age) is a dipwad for suggesting FWB to a girl with 0 relationship and sexual experience.
And I DO think GIRLS (and boys) should HOLD their PEER to SOME kind of standard.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2015): To the original poster, I agree with the other comments. Don't go for a FWB if you want a relationship. You will end up hurt and probably feeling used.
To the other Agony Aunts:
Are you sure the boy is such an asshole user? Maybe. But he is a high school kid and I think some of you are holding him to adult standards. Maybe this boy wants a FWB because he has a sex drive (normal) and he feels uncomfortable with the idea of a relationship (normal.) Let's not pretend teenage girls always handle their new-found sexual power over boys without making any mistakes or causing any hurt feelings in the process. The boy's intentions may not be as harmful & malicious as it sounds to us adults even though we know the results will probably be harmful.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (1 April 2015):
yes you do... you know what to do..
tell him to take a flying leap is what you do.
NEVER EVER settle.
young women do not need FWB. neither do young men.
IMO FWB is for old divorced folks who do not want to get involved but have an itch that they KNOW about that needs scratching....
your first time should with with someone who loves you more than life itself and that you love back the same way.
Trust me it's better when you are in love
DO NOT SETTLE for an A-hole who is making it clear you are nothing but a handy penis holder to him.
RUN do not walk away from this offer.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2015): I remember this feeling when I thought a guy is as in love with me as I am I with him, but then he just got up after sex and left. And then he would call me 2 weeks later to come for sex again. It's a very miserable feeling, can tell you that. And this is what you re going to experience, believe me.
It's not that much fun to feel being used like a piece of furniture. When there is nothing going on but him enjoying your body, having his orgazm, and leaving. Ther is no movies, conversations, meals together, it's only meaningless sex that you can't even enjoy because he is not even trying to make you feel good also. it's all about him, his pleasures.
Don't do it. Years later you will be thankfull that you spared yourself for someone who wants you as a whole package
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (1 April 2015):
Yep, I'm with Cindy and YouWish here.
HE knows you have had a crush on him a long time and now he sees a way to USE that crush to get something FROM you.
If you WANT a relationship (aka BF) then DO NOT settle for a FWB with this guy.
Load of girls (and grown women) SETTLE for a FWB that they really don't want because they HOPE the guy will change his mind. They think LOVE will change the guy. IT DOESN'T.
Don't do like many other girls and have your first time with someone who JUST wants to use you. Don't have it with a guy you will regret later on. I'd say wait. YOU can get the whole package, just NOT with this guy. HE isn't mature enough or capable of having a relationship, he isn't the one for you.
I would be surprised of he wants to be SEVERAL girl's "first" - why "let him" when he isn't worthy of ALL of you? And when he had been your first, he will no longer want to be around, because he got what he wanted... Yeah, honey he isn't a KEEPER.
Starting right now... DO NOT sell yourself short.
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A
male
reader, dougbcoll +, writes (1 April 2015):
 " he told me he wants to be the "first one" ,and basically he's asking for it. dunno what to do. " only a couple of things you can do, either give in to him, and feel used as his sex toy 'f*ck body" and expect to be dumped after he finds the newer model walking down the street. or you can have respect for yourself and not feel used and no regrets to look back on with him . you should look at yourself as valued much , much higher than that, not someones play thing to be thrown away later. guys will tell you what you want to hear to get one thing, and he is looking at you as a prize to be the first one! if he valued you, he would not be pushing you toward that direction. a FWB is basically to use someone for self-centered interest, and be used be used for self-centered interest. no love to it. love is looking out for the other persons best interest, giving of your self for their good, not taking.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (1 April 2015):
Don't be a fool. Btw, I don't know if you can really call a friend someone who basically wants to steal your virginity then go on on his merry way right after; yes of course he is not responsible for YOUR sexual choices, but, a friend is someone who looks out for you and would hate to hurt your feelings... so if he knows that you have a crush on him, and would want to DATE hrm, and instead all he offers you is an occasional piece of hs d..k, well, it does not take Einstein to figure out this would hurt your pride and feelings, so what kind of lousy " friend " is this exactly ?!!
Anyway, that's not even the point : the point is very simple : he would be NOT giving you what you want ( a relationship ) but only what he wants ( FWB ). So, why should you accept his offer ?...
Suppose you were shopping for black shoes... and at the store they tell you, no we don't have black shoes... bur we can give you instead this nice red lipstick ! - you'd think they are out of their head, right ?
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (1 April 2015):
 Let's talk about this one for a second. Since you were at least 12, he's "blown you away"?
Let his immature worthless selfishness "blow you back" to reality.
Do not let him be your first. He is dog lint. And that is an insult to dogs. He is not worth it.
You have the capacity to love someone who IS worthy. Don't sell yourself short for a loser.
Right now, you're at the age where your hormones have awakened in a devastating way. This is also the time where you should also call upon your intellect to guide you, and to be honest, I actually believe in you and think you're a cut above your age group.
You want love. You want something real. He offers you a mirage when you beg for water. Reject him for something real, because he is the opposite of worthy.
But the fact that you asked here in advance makes me jump for joy. You are smarter and stronger than the average wallflower who is led by emotion only.
I beg you to think about when you're 18, 19, 20, 25, 35...
is the story of your life how you gave yourself to someone who isn't interested in more than your vagina???
My instinct says that you are more than that. That his behavior will crack through your hormones and cause a foul stench to emanate when you consider how he wants to use you.
Hold out! There are guys who will be worthy and who will actually love you, the person.
Blow this one out of the sky and kick him to the curb like the idiot he is.
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