A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:So my boyfriend has just got a new job which involves working away sometimes, today is his first time working away and he is away for 4 days.I'm so happy for him that he has this new job however at the back of my mind I can't help but think he may be messaging other girls. He has done before but that was 8 months ago.How can I control this and stop myself being so jealous?
View related questions:
jealous, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, SeaGreen  +, writes (7 April 2015):
 If you still can't trust him after eight months (which I don't blame you) then the chances of you trusting him again are slim. Without trust a relationship cannot survive no matter how much you want it to.
However if you are that determined to stay with him despite having no trust the best advice I can think of is to keep busy. Don't give yourself time to think.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (7 April 2015):
 Well, here is the thing about trust.... Once lost it's BEYOND hard to get back. You may NEVER trust him again, he MAY not BE trustworthy.
You MADE the choice to STAY with him when he LAST texted other girls- he MADE the choice to text them. So he may not even think it's THAT bad to text other girls. He MAY have learned his "lesson". But what you are left with is LACK of trust.
If he HASN'T been texting other girls in the last 8 months don't you think he UNDERSTANDS why it upset you and that he has stopped?
You CAN NOT control what he does. Being away from you for work doesn't make it more or less likely that he will text girls.
What you CAN control is you. If you feel jealous and upset over something he MAY not even be doing is that really fair?
Just like HE needs to practice SELF CONTROL and not text other girls YOU need to practice NOT letting your imagination run away with you.
IF you think (using your gut, not your imagination) that he could still be doing this, then WHY are you still with him? IF you CAN NOT get over what he did in the past, maybe he isn't FOR you.
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (7 April 2015):
 Can he only message other girls while he's away?
Of course not. He could sit on the couch next to you and be messaging other girls.
Either you trust him or you don't.
Remember that jealousy is an emotion rooted in INSECURITY. Why are you insecure and why don't you trust him.
IF you have good reasons for not trusting him, then by all means consider leaving. There are reasons we feel what we feel we tend to ignore them when we are younger.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2015): If you [know] that your boyfriend has been messaging other girls, you are going to have to learn when it is time to give the guy his walking papers.
You can't enjoy a relationship with a guy you cannot trust.
If he calls you his girlfriend, he doesn't expect you to be messaging other boys. So, he has already shown you he does not respect you or your feelings. Respect is important.
He makes your life miserable, always wondering what he's up to. If you decide to keep him after he has broken your trust, you will have to be grown-up enough to gain control over your feelings. You want to have relationships like an adult, then be an adult. You can't keep an eye on him 24/7.
If you want peace of mind, learn to ignore the jealousy and keep your mind busy doing other things. Go spend time doing things you like to do, chat and have fun with your friends.
Your mind is too wrapped-up in your boyfriend to start with, if he's all you've got to think about.
If you don't trust him even when he's not doing anything wrong, he might as well do it. You're not a little girl anymore.
When you discovered he was messaging other girls, you should have dumped him. You decided to keep him, so deal with it.
You learn self-control by doing it. Like anything else you do that is difficult, it takes practice and determination.
Did I say you should have dumped him?
...............................
|
