| A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: I am 25. I been with my girl friend for four years. We live in the Same house but she goes to see her mom every weekend and when she leaves I get sad. I feel like i want to cry and I don't want to go out side. I don't know what that is, but I never felt that way before. Can some one help me !!!!! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, femmenoir  +, writes (8 July 2015):
 Hi again,
i would also like to add, that you need to sit your gf down & ask her why she feels the desire & need to go to visit her Mom every single weekend, when you guys have been together for 4 years?
This alone, is somehow quite odd, but as i mentioned within my previous reply, please do not accuse, nor attack her verbally, simply ask.
State that this is of concern to you & as you've been together for 4 years, you've every right to know what's going on here & if there is something more serious that's underlying her need to leave you every week, then you would be better off finding out now, rather than later, but again, we cannot be certain of anything right now, not until you've gone straight to the horses mouth, your gf.
She alone, has all the answers that you truly require & i am not going to judge her unfairly here, but you need to know why she would choose to leave you every single weekend, although having stated these things, she is allowed to visit her family, her parents, whomever she likes, provided these meetings are of no serious harm to your relationship & provided she leaves room, for the growth of your own relationship.
You simply wish to know why every weekend, why not every fortnight or every month, considering you guys are a couple.
Ask her, confront her, don't be afraid of her. She is probably taking advantage of you & the entire situation, because she knows that you are kind, soft, tolerant & non-invasive, which she probably likes, as it makes her going totally easy & smooth sailing.
She would be feeling free, that she has no explaining to do whatsoever, regardless of your status as a couple of 4 yrs.
When you get the very first opportunity, sit her down & let her know that you would like to know why every weekend & why can you never go with her, accompany her, even on the odd occassion?
I would hate to suspect the worst, but if she won't tell you anything, even after you question her & if she gets very defensive, angry, aggressive, behaves in a quarrelsome manner, or is ivasive & if she refuses to allow you the opportunity to accompany her one weekend, then you can safely assume that there is a more serious underlying issue/problem going on here.
If this does turn out to be the unfortunate outcome for you, then you must hit the nail on the head & ask her to be brutally honest with you, warts & all, for you have every right to know & as you've been nothing short of being a true gentleman, then you deserve the very same treatment in return.
Again, good luck & please let me know what the outcome is. :-)
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (8 July 2015):
 why does she go to see her mom EVERY weekend... is it one night or two?
is her mom alone?
is her mom ill?
are you ever invited?
have you talked to her about it? told her how you feel?
it's normal to miss someone when they are gone.
it's also normal for someone to go see their parents
my concern is that she is going EVERY weekend...what's up with that?
is she avoiding something?
I know i have more questions than answers but until i have more info i can't advise you... I mean if she's doing it to avoid the relationship that's one thing.. if mom is ill, that's different...
more info please.
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A
female
reader, femmenoir +, writes (8 July 2015):
Hi, it's ok to miss the one you love whenever they go away for a day or two.
What isn't healthy, is when you feel so down that you don't feel the desire to go outside, to feel any extra happiness, regardless of whether she's there or not.
The fact that you want to cry quite regularly doesn't sound very healthy either. You are feeling very down it appears.
As the first reader wrote, missing a person you love is normal, but you must accept the fact that your girlfriend, as much as she loves you & is committed to your relationship, has a life of her own too.
Sure you can do things as a couple & you can do things individually, this is healthy & is very common within most relationships, especially serious &/or long term unions, however, when you see your gf walk out the door to spend time with her immediate family, then you must detach for that time & do your own thing. You must accept.
Actually, if you do more for yourself, your own inner self, then she will find you much more attractive & approachable, similarly to the way that a man will chase an independant woman much more, than a woman who is highly clingy or dependent. A man doesn't want a servant or maid, he wants a partner, a friend, a lover.
Do yourself a huge favour & try this the next time your gf leaves for the weekend.
Think positively from within, prior to her leaving, by telling yourself privately that you know she loves you, you know she'll be back & God forbid, that even if she didn't, you'd know for sure that you guys were not meant to be together & better to be spared this pain now, than to deal with bigger issues down the line.
What i have just stated are obviously hypothetical situations, so please don't read into it, nor take it seriously.
Why don't you tell her to enjoy her weekend, let her know that you'll miss her & that you look forward to her return, but don't say more than that & don't sound desperate, clingy, or needy when you say it. Say it with confidence, as though all is great, positive on your end & so it should be. After all, she chose you to be her man. :-)
My fiance leaves me regularly to go interstate for 2 or 3 days & quite often, but because i allow him the room, space to do what he wants, i allow him the room to grow as a man, i support him in his endeavours, ambitions & long term goals, he loves me even more & appreciates me even more, but above all, he wants me even more.
This is love, because love isn't selfish, love is not about ownership.
If you love someone, you set them free to spread their wings.
I know it can be very hard, because i felt very similar to you when i fell in love with my fiance, but i grew to realise that he actually wants me even more & loves me more deeply, because i allow him this room to grow & then he tells me daily that he so dislikes leaving me & he would rather i go with him, but i have stated that i enjoy my time whilst he's gone, even to the point that i invite my gf over to stay with me whilst he is gone. She keeps me company, although i'd be fine alone too.
You could even ask one of your mates, to drop by to watch dvds & chat.
You could go visit your friends, don't ever give up on them, even for a wonderful relationship, because you may just need them some day & it's nice to keep your social circles alive.
You must shift your inner thinking to positive thoughts.
Why don't you go for a walk down @ your local shopping mall, or local park/garden. While shopping, buy a few things that are of practical use to you. Pamper yourself & keep busy! Don't allow your mind to drift off, allowing you to feel depressed.
With all due respect, your gf is not breaking up with you, she is simply going away for a few days & she will be back.
What may be hard for you, is that she leaves each week, so you may be feeling as though you're not a part of her life over the weekends & as a couple you must both set aside time for you & she for sure, but as you didn't state whether or not you guys do spend regukar quality time together, will make it hard for me to elaborate on this.
If you're both not spending enough time together, then you must sit her down & discuss your feelings, but don't ever come across as accusatory, or make her feel guilty. It takes two to tango, remember this always & it's not about blame, because blame will get you both nowhere.
Maybe one weekend you could accompany her also, but don't make this a weekly habit, because that would be truly clingy.
If you go on the very odd occassion & as you're her bf, this shouldn't be a major issue.
Try not to feel down. I would strongly encourage you to read a few self-help books to improving ones self-worth, self-confidence, maybe a book on facing our fears, dealing with absence, loss, even temporary loss & finally, i would encourage you to read inner awakening books & practice deep breathing each night prior to bed, meditation daily for 30 mins is great too. You will see & feel the difference.
I don't know anything about your childhood, nor your past, but i suspect that you have some issues with detachment & this is not a healthy way to be, nor to live within any relationship. If you continue feeling this way, week after week, these feelings will eat you up alive & you will feel even more depressed.
Please contact me with a private msg, if you'd like to chat further, as i am a nurse & a part-time psychologist & i would be happy to chat with you.
In the meantime, prepare yourself as of now, for her next departure & when she is ready to leave, give her a hug, kiss, tell her you love her & smile, please smile & be happy for her.
If you are deeply in love with her, which it sounds as though you are, tell her & makeplans for your future together & if she feels exactly the same way toward you, she will be over the moon happy.
Maybe you both need a bit more solidity within your relationship, but getting married isn't about ownership, it's about having a healthy commitment & maintaining healthy boundaries & if this is for you both down the line, then go for it!
Also, you're both still young, so you don't want to jump into the deep end just yet. Work, studies should prevail @ this point of your respective & together lives.
I guess you've never loved, nor been loved, on this level before, so you're feeling somewhat overwhelmed.
Be positive, be strong for you & she, as you're the man in this relationship & above all, be happy & yes, even whilst she's gone.
It's really not that hard, just plan ahead as to what you're going to do with yourself & maybe you could even tell her what your plans are too, whilst she's gone, so she can see that you're a healthily, independent man too.
Good luck!
Ps. Let me know how you get on the next time she's gone.
Thank you in advance!
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan  +, writes (8 July 2015):
It’s a sign you are unhealthily dependent on her. It’s only a weekend. She’ll be back on Monday. It’s okay to miss her but to get this upset is strange. I think you just need to find something for yourself to do on these weekends that will keep your mind off of it, and that you might enjoy. Can you not go and see your family? Are there friends you could meet up with? Could you do some volunteering? You could even go somewhere by yourself that would interest you. I just think half of your problem is dwelling on her not being there. The rest will sort itself out when you stop doing that.
I wish you all the very best.
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