A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My continued dating adventures have recently led me to confront this issue. Would you date someone who was missing one of their hands, and why or why not? I'm interested in all perspectives. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (24 June 2015):
If the person missing the hand in question is you, and you've had some dating mishaps that made you wonder if your [lack of a] hand is part of why, here's some advice.
You're probably the only one who is so preoccupied with it. I have a lot of scars on my body, and they don't look very flattering. Wearing a bikini used to be out of the question for me because I was just so afraid people would judge me for my flaws. This was especially a problem in dating, because while with clothes on, I look nice enough and my facial skin and the skin on my arms is smooth enough to suggest the rest of my body is unmarred as well. I was just so afraid that when a guy would undress me he'd be turned off by the way I looked.
Anyway, of course I was blowing everything out of proportion in my head. In my head I was like a flawed monster, while the people I ended up dating didn't mind my scars at all.
When you meet someone you really click with something like missing a hand doesn't matter. If people turn you down because of it, it's either because they're assholes (which: good riddance!) or because they've noticed unresolved issues connected to it that they don't feel equipped to handle. If you have self esteem issues and other issues that need resolving, please get some help to deal with it. There's no shame in that.
A
female
reader, LiveAnnLearn  +, writes (24 June 2015):
 Of course I would, it would just be something specific about their appearance same as having brown eyes for example. Not having a part of the body isn't something that would affect their attractiveness at all.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2015): My advice. Don't date anyone if you are already worried about their physical appearance because this will only exaggerate your worry and eventually cause you to breakup and cause unbearable pain for the opposite party.Find someone you are completely satisfied with .
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (24 June 2015):
 If I were single and interested in him, then absolutely I would. Tell me anyone in the world would turn down Jaime Lannister. heh.
Seriously though. It's not the hand that makes the person. It's the soul. If this person is kind, caring, good person, and there's chemistry between you two, then I wouldn't see any reason not to.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2015): Generally I wouldn't date a person if I wasn't attracted to them physically.But my partner lost a limb due to an illness several years ago while we were already in relation, that incident not only didn't affect my feelings but in fact it brought us even closer.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (23 June 2015):
 I can't see any reason not to as long as they meet all the other criteria I have. TWO matching limbs is not part of my criteria but
intelligence
sense of humor
kindness
generosity
those are the things that would have me determine if a person was datable
not if they have all their fingers and toes.
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A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (23 June 2015):
If that hand contain all there is to be desired by that person...then NO.
Do you need that hand something??? Maybe you are concern about what other people will think, rather than what's inside that person's heart.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2015): I had to reread your question several times to find the actual question... and I'm stumped. Pardon the pun.
Why wouldn't I date someone missing an arm? If there's a spark then his not having an arm is neither here nor there. It's like the colour of your eyes, the shape of your feet, the colour of your skin. It just is.
It is one of the million things that make them who they are but in itself it's quite insignificant when choosing a life partner.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (23 June 2015):
 If you were dating somebody who had an accident and lost a hand would you dump them for that?
A hand does not make much difference in the greater scheme of things, nor a leg or arm, or ear even, I wouldn't have a problem dating an amputee.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2015): YT?what a prejudiced question. You dont date a preset criteria, you date a person youre interested in. And love is not about a set of physical attributes or bank account , its all about the person you are in love with and how you feel about each other.These questions about unknownunmet people are nothing but an exercise in prejudice. Now ask yourselfcould you date a prejudiced person without expecting confrontation and discord? Seriously, man , some things are better left unsaid. If you are talking about yourself you need to see yourself in a new light. You are a whole person and by the way a bitis missing or not working the same way as before.Would you date an evil person? I hope not..and by that i mean one who kills for power or money..but lets hope you never walk down a path that brings you there.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (23 June 2015):
 I'm with WiseOwlE
I have no problem with a "missing" hand, or arm, eye or leg (or whatever). I have met many really wonderful people who lost limbs while serving in the US military. And I have to FULLY agree that a missing limb has NOTHING to do with a person's personality.
My grandfather who was a BARREL of fun, lost first his foot them half his leg to diabetes. (he was stubborn and WOULDN'T listen to the doctor's advice and follow a sensible diet), was JUST as vibrant and amazing AFTER he lost his foot as before.
I really don't see it as a "defect".
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2015): Not everybody is gift packaged perfectly. And none of us is perfect.This comes from the mother of a son with special needs.Never judge a book by its cover. Take the time to unwrap a person's packaging layer by layer and you might be surprised by what you might find.We all have our merits and beauty and gifts. IF we take the time to see beyond these imperfections to somebody's heart. Which is what truly matters in the end.Having one less hand does not make any one less special. Perhaps even more so.Flaws and imperfections are what make us special.This person may treat you better than anyone you ever meet who has both hands.Focus on the good. I am sure there are things about you that aren't perfect either. And it does not matter whether they are physical imperfections or otherwise.Give her a chance.You might be surprised!I will bet that her missing a hand has made her a better and kinder and more appreciative person. With a very big heart. A woman who will treat you well.Not many like that out there.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2015): Can you? I was once enlisted in the Air Force. I've dated a couple of vets injured in combat. I also dated a guy who lost a leg in a motorcycle accident. Their personalities and sex-appeal was unencumbered by their missing limbs. They all wore prosthetic limbs; but their prosthetic leg(s) were not quite as interesting and precise as they are these days. I could still date someone missing a limb, it didn't really bother me; because I didn't concentrate on their missing parts.
Serving in the medical corpse taught me how to see people as whole; no matter what parts they lost to war, surgery, or in an accident. They were still good-looking, and sexy. Those I dated were really nice guys; and I never once felt sorry for any of them. As you gather, I am gay. So were they!
Missing a hand would be a piece of cake. The prosthetic arms and hands designed with modern-day technology just doesn't detract from the person, like the awkward artificial limbs of the past. Few people have to go without prosthetic limbs anymore. So you could be looking at someone who has one, and not know it. They make a missing hand, arm, or leg so much less noticeable. It doesn't seem to bother people that much anyway. I felt no different when they were removed; because I'm so used to it.
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