A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm seeing a girl at the moment on a casual basis, whenever were together she's very touchy feely, loves kissing and hugging me and falling asleep on me and all that kind of thing, but insists she doesn't want anythjng serious.I'm a little confused as to what I want. I'm happy with what's going on right now cause the sex is good and we get along well but sometimes I feel I'd like to be official with her but it's not going to happen. How can someone be so intimate but only casually? I don't understand.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (29 June 2015):
 so maybe it's time to have "the talk" and re-evaluate where you two are and what you both want... things change after a while and maybe they've changed.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionJannipeg, you're right. She came out of about a 4 or 5 year relationship. We've been doing this for almost 9 months now, it's really flown by.
Recently she saw me chatting to another girl online and was asking if we're really good friends because she sees us speaking a lot. She's never asked anything like that before so thought she might be a little jealous.
Also we've done other things outside of the bedroom like days out and stuff.
Right back when this started she used to say things like you're just using me for sex which I thought was confusing as thought that was the arrangement. She's not said anything like thay for a long time now though.
Thanks guys
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (28 June 2015):
 I agree with chigirl, you should know why someone could be sexually intimate but only casual, as you said about yourself: "I'm seeing a girl at the moment on a casual basis"
I think your real conundrum is "I'm a little confused as to what I want."Figure that out and then decide if you are casually with the right person or not.
If you want something serious and she doesn't, then you are having sex with the wrong person, unless of course, you can continue being sexually intimate but only casual as you've been doing. You might miss the right woman, though, if she happens along while you're unavailable.
Sounds like you need to do more thinking and some honest self-reflection.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (28 June 2015):
 Well apparently, you're being casually intimate yourself, so by all means you should answer your own question. The answer is probably somewhere up along the lines of: the sex is good.
So how can someone be casually intimate? Because they want sex, and as long as the sex is good they keep doing it... Simple, really.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2015): Hi,Op.Your main question is "how can somebody do this?" EASY. Easy-peasy.I tell you that coz I've done it myself. Sex is intimate per se and we are not robots,so of course she is friendly etc. when you are intimate,but that's just called "having manners", really. I'm a bit older than you (hence slight older bfs too) and to me if a man comes to my place, we spend a couple of relaxing,happy hours (talking about this or that whilst doing other things too...), then for example the LEAST I could do is offer some small chit-chat the morning after + coffee/tea/breakfast.I mean what am I supposed to do? Yeah, go ahead, l#@% my * and^%$ but no, you can't have coffee and I don't care what your plans for today are? Well,I don't, but you still need to be polite about it...Not all women are "oh,I want my Prince Charming" (or Mr. Right or whatever) Even right now, there is a Mr. "Oh-you-are -good-looking-so-I'd-sleep-with-you-however-I-dont-like-what-Im-hearing-so-no-way-you-are-ever-going-to-become-anything-more."It's a combination of libido, desire and all the other factors that have already been listed by the aunties (wanting to be carefree, being at uni, being young and not ready to settle etc. etc.)I'd say LISTEN to what you're actually being told. She does NOT want an "official" bf,so there is no point in you trying to fight to become one...
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (28 June 2015):
 If she's in college, maybe a few intimate moments here and there is all she could handle. A full on relationship is too much. If everyone waits till they have time and money for a relationship, they could be waiting until they grow white hairs. Some people decide they are not going to be celibate until they are ready to settle down 10 years later.
She could be just out of a long term relationship, or she has the attention filled by some other guy. The impatience of waiting for someone who has the whole package is also reason why people get into half assed relationships. It's what works right now.
If you are confused as to what you want, it could be because she does not give you any pressure, you feel relaxed and free with her. That makes you want more, want something you can't have. Men often don't want anything more when the girl wants more. It's reverse psychology or the theory of chasing.
It is not so unusual for girls to want it casual. It's just that the prejudice of being a slut had been lifted long ago. Women are just doing what they couldn't before. They are also less likely to crumble apart if a relationship can't happen.
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A
female
reader, Aunty Betty +, writes (28 June 2015):
It's only natural for feelings to develop when you connect with someone on so many levels, but in many cases causal relationships end with someone getting hurt. Many people these days want the best of both worlds without the commitment.For many people this can become an issue. You need to have an serious think about what you want out of this relationship, have a chat with the girl in question and if she does not feel the same, then maybe you need to find someone who is on the same page as you.
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