A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My husband went out a few weeks ago with his friends to a concert. In the morning he was a bit hungover, but got up, went to the washroom and then hid his phone. I felt bad for snooping, but I wondered why he hid his phone so I found it and looked at it. He had sent a chat message to his colleague the night before that he wanted to "f*** her".I know I was wrong for looking at his phone, but wasn't he wrong for sending a let's f*** chat message to his colleague? He says I am just being too jealous and it didn't mean anything, that he was only trying to get her attention because she wasn't chatting.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2013): By the time I found similar types of messages on my husband's phone, he had already been cheating on me for 5 years.
You are not wrong for looking at his phone or for being jealous. You may have stopped this before it got any further, but he is obviously comfortable with the thought of cheating on you.
Good luck.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2013): Wow .... Just chatting...you dont buy it either otherwise you wouldn't have asked....sorry, time for the divorce unless you like being played a fool. I am sorry, dont waste another second of YOUR precious life with someone who disrespects you, lies to you and is most likely gonna cheat if not already doing it. I want to be more positive but the only positive thing would be to leave with your dignity. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (18 January 2013):
 he was wrong first. and he gave you a reason to snoop. You knew when he hid his phone he was hiding something.
if some woman sent my husband a text message saying "let's fuck" He would
a. laugh at it
b. show it to me.
If I got a text message from a work colleague like that my response would have been...
a. to laugh at it
b. tell my husband
c. tell the work colleague they were so far out of line that if they tried it again I would report them for harassment.
NEITHER of us would EVER send that... even as a JOKE to get someone's attention.
the fact that he
a. did it
b. tried to cover it up
c. then gave you some cock and bull story about it
shows that he is not to be trusted.
best of luck with this.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (18 January 2013):
 I don't know how he has managed to convince you that this is okay. Presumably this is not the first time he's done something like this?
Seriously, why have you not handed him a suitcase packed with some clothes of his and told him to move out until you two have been through a thorough marriage counseling program?
I might not even pack the suitcase. The clothes would probably have been in a heap under the bedroom window. He could pick and choose which ones he wanted to keep.
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A
female
reader, oldbag  +, writes (18 January 2013):
 Hi
He's a lowlife, I wonder what he would think if you had sent the same message to some guy you work with?
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (18 January 2013):
 I love the kind of message you B/F sends when he is "just chatting."
Makes me imagine that, if he were planning to rob a bank, he might send a message to a friend, which message said, "Let's go make a withdrawal..."
It's time for you to confront hubby to remind him that HE'S MARRIED (!!!!), and a message like that is not only inappropriate.... but will likely end up with him being cited for infidelity... and, thereby, will end up giving up a generous portion of his assets in order to get rid of YOU, so that he can "f*** her".... whatever "f***" is!!!!
Good luck... Sounds like you've got plenty on your plate....
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (18 January 2013):
 He wanted to get her attention by saying "let's fuck?" I don't think so! Your husband is a lying cheater. If he's not already cheating, he wants to. You're not being too jealous, when people are in a monogamous marriage they are not allowed to be telling other people they see on a daily basis that they want to have sex. He clearly knows he was wrong because he hid his phone.
How you proceed is up to you, but if he's not willing to admit fault here, I don't see how you could possibly move forward.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2013): That reason doesnt sound likely at all i think hes being dishonest and he has giving you a reason to not trust him. Dont let him try and turn it back to you because you havent done anything wrong after all he did hide his phone.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2013): NO WAY!!! Do not trust him. His actions are despicable...
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