A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello, I recently posted about my boyfriend crossing the line. http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-think-this-is-not-acceptable-and-he.htmlHim and I talked about it and he says he understands how I see that he crossed the line and that he will not do it anymore, and if he were to pick up that same girl, he will call me. I've tried very hard to let it go, but it's been a month and I still can't seem to let it go. 1. him calling an emergency and then to ignore me for over an hour when I tried to call him back. 2. Him taking the girl for drinks and eats and PAYING FOR IT. 3. Him shouting out his denials when she was on the phone telling me 'he said you're awesome' and 'he loves you so much'. I just can't let it go. I've tried, we've planned a few upcoming vacations together thinking it would add back the excitement and sparks. We had dinner dates and we tried being romantic and mushy with texts. I've tried but the anger and resentment of what had happened is still there.What should I do?
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female
reader, MSA +, writes (12 March 2019):
 OP here..
Thanks everyone for your encouragement and advice.
Honeypie, he not only PAUSED the ride. He STOPPED the ride, PAID for her drinks/food, IGNORED my calls and texts while he was wining and dining her and PERSONALLY gave her a ride home off the Uber clock. Then he makes it my fault for over-reacting when all he was doing was 'trying to make a friend'. He asks why can't he make a friend? LOL...
Also, everything the girl said on the phone, them laughing, haunts me even til today.
I really don't understand how someone can be like that... especially since I've just seen him two days prior to that. Is he really an a**hole or is he really oblivious to the fact that his actions are so wrong?
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (12 March 2019):
 Thanks for the update, OP
While I'm sorry it didn't work out for the two of you, I think it was for the best (especially for you).
When you feel like you HAVE to monitor your partner's location, phone, email, social media... the trust is gone and fear takes control. YOU CAN NOT ensure that your partner won't cheat by monitoring him. And you seem to have realized that. It makes you FEEL nuts, because it IS nuts. And it's NOT who you want to be or what you want to be doing in a relationship.
He seems rather entitled to ACT like a single guy. ONE thing is to have dinner with a FRIEND, even one of the opposite sex, another is to GIVE "special service" to another female like your BF did. There was NO real reason to "pause" her ride to go out to eat. HE could have FINISHED the ride and then gone out to eat.
As for her getting "involved" in this over the phone with you... it's just a HUGE no-no. And it also shows that SHE thinks she knows him better than YOU do. "He loves you so much"... that should have come from HIM, with a "I can see how my actions made you uncomfortable" - NOT from her at ALL.
Find someone closer to where you live or plan to live. Someone you can SPEND time with IN person.
And IF he does get in contact, just hang up. Change your number, don't let him try and BLAME this break up on you or make you feel like you overreacted. Because you really didn't. He wouldn't have screamed at you and he certainly would have ACKNOWLEDGED that his behavior was not OK.
Chin up, and know you can do better.
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A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (12 March 2019):
 Yes. Definitely the right choice, forget about him.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (12 March 2019):
 I read your follow-up now. He sounds really childish. Good riddance.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (12 March 2019):
Give it more time. You made your decision to let this go now, and he apologized. Then just give yourself time to get over it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2019): Hi, OP here..
I think I just need to be reminded again and again that I need to let him go. What he had done has broken me and our relationship. I know it's not as horrible as if he slept with someone, which at this point I question whether he did. I tried and I tried to let it go but it haunts me. Every night at that same hour, when she gets off work, I find myself hunting him down to ensure he is nowhere near her vicinity. This is not me nor who I am. He got frustrated with me tonight and screamed at me that I nag at him constantly and he needs me to let him do his work. I reminded him that it is his privilege that I'm still "nagging" at him because I could easily have left him alone and never contact him again, something I should have done a month ago. He totally ignores what I say, and wonder out loud to himself what he should get to eat for dinner. That left me furious, so I just said to break up. I hung up, blocked him, deleted call log, deleted his texts, and deleted his number. I realized how much pain, stress, and heartache this has caused me. I didn't want to easily give up our relationship, but to see him disregard my feelings over and over again proves to me that I'd make the right choice to let him go.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2019): I believe it would be best to break up. It's hard at first but will be worth it when you have someone who truly loves you and will treat you how you deserve. Don't wanna miss prince charming by wasting time on a frog.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2019): I said it the last time you posted and I'll say it again. Dump him. He deserves it. It will be the only way you can get rid of your anger and resentment. Move on and don't look back. Find someone who lives within reasonable travel distance, someone who respects you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2019): When you can't forgive or forget, you have to breakup and move on. There is no further advice to offer.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (9 March 2019):
Break up?
Quite simple really. The only way he could disrespect you anymore than what he has been doing is by sleeping with her. I don’t know any of my friends that take other girls besides their GFs out for meals and pay for them.
Do you really think this is the best guy you can find?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (9 March 2019):
I'm sorry OP,
But I'm not going to change my advice.
I STILL think you should CUT your losses and find a guy that isn't Long Distance and who ACTUALLY respects you and NORMAL boundaries people have in a relationship..
I GET that you don't WANT that advice (to dump him) but that is what makes sense. Though I think you are in such denial that you rather waste your time on this loser then listen to sense.
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