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He ended things suddenly but I still like him. How do I deal with this?

Tagged as: Breaking up<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (7 March 2019) 6 Answers - (Newest, 8 March 2019)
A female United Kingdom age 30-35, anonymous writes:

A guy I was seeing was giving me all the signals that he wanted more and I went with the flow.

Suddenly he's ended everything and said he just wants to be friends..

I asked him whats going on because I'm so confused. And he said that at this point in his life, he can't commit as he would like to, because he's still moving around with his job...

So now I like a guy who can't and won't be with me.

How do I tackle this situation?

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A female reader, TasteofIndia United States +, writes (8 March 2019):

TasteofIndia agony auntHe's already told you his deal - so this is no longer about him, it's about you and whether or not you can move on from this. You can - it's just a matter of deciding that's the path you're going to take. So, make the decision, and don't spend your time waiting around for him to change his mind. Spend it being sad, or being angry, but MOVING ON. Time + Distraction = healing from this kind of thing. Time will keep trucking along, and it'll hurt less day by day, but those days can be long, so try to fill them up with friends and activities as much as you can.

Sorry that you're hurting like this. It sucks, so many of us have been there and know that it sucks. But it will get better - I promise you, it will.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2019):

We have to allow maturity and logic go to work to convince ourselves to deal with reality. True-feelings need time to take hold and become established.

We don't always get what we want, and sometimes we don't get to be with the people we want to be with. Agonizing about it is a choice. You can get over it and move on; or you can punish yourself, and be unnecessarily miserable.

You're not the little girl stomping and throwing a hissy-fit; because you were denied a cookie or a toy. You're a grown-woman, being faced with the reality of an adult-situation. You handle it with grace and dignity.

It's only for the moment that you feel you can't let-go. Time will cure that.

Now lets look a little deeper into it.

Don't allow your pride to be hurt, or self-esteem to be injured by his rejection. Wanting him more, because you feel him not wanting to be with you makes you feel less attractive or desirable. You weren't together long enough to allow strong-feelings to take hold; so it shouldn't take that long to get him out of your system. Your hopes have been dashed, but only temporarily. You only thought he was the one; but destiny has other plans.

Being rejected doesn't feel good; but it's not a chronic condition or life-threatening. It feels icky and yucky; and you stew in it just for a bit. Rejection is sticky, and it won't wash-off. It has to wear-off, and that takes time.

My dear, give yourself some time; and you'll be okay. I know this for a fact, because I've been in your shoes.

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A male reader, N91 United Kingdom +, writes (7 March 2019):

N91 agony auntBlock him and move forwards.

He cant be anymore clear than he has been. If somebody wants to be with you, the will MAKE it work. When people have an excuse, it’s a way of letting you down gently.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (7 March 2019):

Honeypie agony auntI agree with YouWish,

CUT him lose. BLOCK and move on. Sure, you might have liked him but he wasn't a good fit.

He CAN commit, but he doesn't WANT to. There is a difference there. IF he really WANTED to be with you, he'd find a way to make it work. So... in short, he doesn't want anything serious with you.

Don't go the "let's be friends" route either. I fully agree with YouWish on that too. He'll use the "friends" as an excuse to keep you strung along. IF you allow it. And what's the point in that?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2019):

Are you leaving any facts out that might help with answers? How long were you dating other, was it exclusive, how often did you see each other? Was it long distance? Or did he already have this “moving around job problem?” And did you two sleep together?

But to just answer your question generally: there isn’t anything to do except move on and heal. He clearly doesn’t want to be with you, so there’s nothing to ponder there. It’s going to be painful as you deal with the loss, but sadly that can’t be helped. As cliche as it is time really does heal wounds, so it’ll take time. Just focus on moving forward and away by keeping yourself occupied, have fun, engage in hobbies, and focus on you right now.

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A female reader, YouWish United States +, writes (7 March 2019):

YouWish agony auntHe's a flake and a time waster. DO NOT BE FRIENDS with him! He will keep you on standby, hoping that whatever girl he dropped you for doesn't drop HIM. You were dumped for another girl, I hope you realize that. 99% of sudden breakups are usually due to another person. You have to let him go. Block him and treat him as if he were dead to you. Mourn the end of the relationship and let time heal it.

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