A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I dont even know what to do anymore or how to feel. I feel so alone. I have many people around me, my parents, my gf, my best friend, my close friends, my colleagues. But no one actually knows the reality. I lost my new job I got due to not being good enough after working there for 2 weeks. I was so shocked and hurt inside, I left work, and called my gf straight away. She was also shocked, and we spoke about it for 20-30 seconds, and before I could even leave the work car park she is complaining to me about her not being able to get work and she has applied everywhere. She proceeded to ask me what she should do (which i have tried, and its been 5 yrs she is still doing low paid part time work which barely covers her rent)I said im not in right frame of mind to help her, but she wasnt having none of it. During the drive home from work we continued to argue and i eventually absolutely lost it because of her accusing me of not knowing what she can apply for.As you can imagine i was not in the right frame of mind. Than she makes it all about herself that shes upset and I should know the answers because i accuse her of not working fulltime. She cant pay for herself so moving in together is impossible as we need to collectively save and do it together.Anyway we argued on the phone, until I got to my front door, I had to force her to get off because I had 10 mins to get changed, eat and go back to my other part time work. So that day I worked 8am-5.30pm in office, than 6pm-10.30pm cleaning job. We spoke on phone on the way home from one job. And i avoided her all evening because i just couldnt take nagging or complaining. After I finished work at 10.30, she kept calling me. I said i dont want to talk as I wanted to see some friends (who dont know anything) and just forget about work issues. But no, she kept texting me, forcing me to answer by saying things like she can clearly see i dont care.I dont see how this is suddenly all become about her. Now we are not talking. Because i know when i do it will be about her, and just questions that i do not know answers to when she doesnt get of her ass herself. I think what I was looking for is someone to tell me it will be okay, thats all i needed in order to sleep that night, just so those thoughts would stop, just to feel tiny bit better. I find myself very emotional, negative and brokened--However I promise in 48hours I will be back to normal, unbreakable, optimistic, strong, happy...but just now i feel alone and weak. Just wish i had a shoulder to cry on or a ear to listen.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2019): You both just need to get through some tough emotions.
Under-employment, unemployment, and/or job-termination can be devastating to the self-esteem. You can't get caught-up in drama or self-pity. You have to press on.
Life is a struggle, and everyone is out there trying to make their hustle. Self-pity will attack your confidence and lower your work-proficiency. If you're having a difficult time finding a full-time job; don't let the frustration overwhelm you. It will erode your self-confidence and undermine your job-skills. Lack of confidence effects concentration and focus. Believe in yourself. It's all in your head. If you knew you weren't qualified, you shouldn't have accepted the job. For them, you weren't the man.
You're taking it out on each other; because we tend to purge emotions and pile our complaints on those closest to us at the time. You're both lashing-out at each other; because your frustrations are high, therefore your emotions are raw.
Just calm-down and don't argue with her while she's in a panic state. She doesn't really mean anything she's saying. She's looking to you for strength. It's expected of men not to be too emotional; while society allows women to expose their emotions freely. It's not a matter of comparison, it's a matter of coping and determination. Stay strong.
You're both frustrated and the timing of your sudden termination is terrible. You need some time to let it all sink in. Don't forget that you are both suffering from the same issue. Trying to find a suitable full-time job! It takes a toll on you. Nerves are frazzled.
Remind her that it's not just about her all the time. You have your troubles too! It doesn't mean you don't care about hers; but you need time to tend to your own issues for the moment. Sometimes you need her there for you! Tell her!!!
If you've always played the strong-guy allowing her to lean on you; you've spoiled her. Needing a better job and being a paycheck or two away from homelessness is pretty scary. Don't you agree? Cut her some slack.
Sorry about losing your job. Evidently, you aren't what they were looking for. I find it difficult to understand how they could determine that in such a short period of time?
Usually when you get terminated that quickly; either they found something negative in your background check, or you simply weren't catching-on quick enough. They needed someone to hit the floor running, with minimal training.
They may have hired you too quickly out of desperation. In any case, it is what it is. They should have known if you weren't qualified when they interviewed you. If they are a rinky-dink or small-time operation; don't sweat it. Pull yourself together. Be on your best game for the next job.
Most employers give you at least a 60-90 day probationary-period. If you simply weren't cutout for the job; you should realize that, and not take it so personally. They don't have time to deal with your emotions and/or personal-problems.
Your girlfriend is desperate. Pain is sometimes selfish. You're not weak, you just took a hit to the gut.
It happens to everyone. Shake it off.
Sometimes you don't need a shoulder to cry on, just time to pull yourself together. Give yourself a chance to catch your breath, it only just happened. If you let it get to you, you'll under perform on every job hereafter; because you let it all go to your head.
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious + ♥, writes (3 March 2019):
 Is turning things around to be all about HER normal behaviour for your girlfriend?
It amazes me these days how many people are actually incapable of having a conversation without turning it around to be about them. I think the human race is rapidly losing the art of conversation. Before television, radio and all the spin-offs, including the internet, were invented, people HAD to talk to each other because there was little else to entertain them. Conversation was, quite rightly, considered an art form and people knew how to talk to others and have proper discussions. Finding someone who listens and responds appropriately these days is a rarity. People just seem to listen long enough to be able to jump in and turn the conversation around to be about THEM.
You don't HAVE to be strong all the time. I appreciate you are probably one of these people who is fortunate enough to be able to bounce back from set-backs but you ARE allowed to lick your wounds when you have been upset. You ARE allowed to take time to heal.
If your girlfriend insists on invading your "me time", you do have the CHOICE of ignoring her. If she then CHOOSES to make a drama out of this and see it as you not caring about her, that is her CHOICE. Stop allowing her to manipulate you into doing what she wants by emotionally blackmailing you. Your phone has a silent button and also an "off" button. Use them when you need to.
People don't change. Your girlfriend is the way she is. Is this really how you WANT to live your life? You have a CHOICE in this. You can CHOOSE to walk away and look for someone who is more supportive, or you can CHOOSE to stay with her and put up with her behaviour. I hope you make the right choice for YOU.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (3 March 2019):
 Why don’t YOU tell her that?
Instead of telling us, tell her exactly what you’ve said here. Maybe she can’t even see what she’s doing. I will be honest, my GF has told me that I’m not a very sensitive person, I’ve always struggled to vocalise my feelings, but she told me and let me know how it made her feel so I’ve had the chance to change my ways and reassure her more and be more considerate. If she never mentioned that I would of thought everything was running smoothly.
COMMUNICATE with her. Quit arguing. Be honest and let her know how you feel.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2019): I dont know the nature of the job from which you were fired but in general some job requirements are very rigid and if you cant do it from day one then they fire you such as the job of a chef in a busy restaurant. If you cant cook well enough and fast enough then they fire you unless they need a dish washer in the kitchen then they transfer you to dish washing. Whereas in big technology establishments they have the luxtury of waiting and giving you a chance to learn. My advice is dont lose faith in your abilities, review why they fired you, what did you lack that made them to fire you and make sure you fill that shortage ASAP for the next job. Learn from your failures. This happen to the best of us. It just needs how you approch it.
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A
male
reader, CMMP  +, writes (3 March 2019):
Getting fired is like being broken up with. It hurts your self esteem. The best you can do is try to learn from it, and also remember that there are sometimes just compatibility issues. You may do well at a similar job somewhere else. Some employers needs are different.
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