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female
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anonymous
writes: I've been carrying a torch for someone I go to uni with for well over a year now, but it was always easy to push my feelings aside because both of us were involved with other people. We are both currently single at the moment and a few weeks ago we went out to dinner, and he ended up coming back to my house. We didn't have sex, but we did fool around a little, and over the course of the evening he said so many wonderful things to me that for a little while I was convinced he felt the same way I do about him. I didn't say anything about the long, long time he has been in my thoughts though, just that I was fond of him.Unfortunately though, things between us have become awkward and the whole situation is really hurting me. If he did return these feelings he would call me, or ask if I wanted to do something with him, or any of the more subtle things people do when they want to spend time around someone. Sometimes I feel like everything he said to me really only applied for an evening, or that what he said was intended in a more platonic way. But then other days he is so warm toward me, and I feel that there is hope for us, and that maybe his behaviour says more about his fears about another relationship (his last one ended badly) than his feelings for me.I realise it may sound as though he is stringing me along, and I'm not sure about that one way or another - despite knowing him a while I don't really know him that well. I can't figure out if I should just let go of the feelings I've had for so long (which is difficult after that night we spent together) or keep on waiting to see what happens. I'm usually very assertive and confident but this entire situation has eroded away my self esteem.I think of him all the time, sometimes lovingly and sometimes a little bitterly. It's putting me through all the usual horrors - can't eat, can't sleep, can't concentrate. I would love some advice on how to deal with this situation. Thank you xxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you for your help, i really appreciate you taking the time to answer my question. i hope you do not mind, but i have added you as a friend. peace.
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reader, Dazzerg  +, writes (9 September 2006):
 I think you can maybe take some comfort from the fact you didnt have sex; if he was stringing you along then he would have probably wanted full-blown sex and then acted cold. You have obviously known this guy for a while and I think its fair to say you probably know deep down how he feels. Fear of rejection and or a bad relationship could be piled ontop of the whole 'dont want to ruin the friendship' thing.
If you get together and then things dont work out then the friendship is altered totally and you may even end up out of each others lives. He will know this and he simply maybe too scared to take the risk; especially if he has been recently burned. Awkwardness would be explained by him trying to surpress feelings for you; feelings that seemingly spilled over on this night out.
To be honest i think the only road is the high-road here, if you want to take things further. Make the descision and if the answer is yes you do then you need to thrash it out with him face-to-face. If you dont then the friendship itself might even be corroded eventually. Hope that helps. Good luck.
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