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female
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anonymous
writes: Hello, I have a small(ish) problem. I have a boyfriend who I have been dating for 18 months but we aren't that serious, we only see each other once or twice a week usually, but we do love each other and get along well. However another guy has asked me out and I like him, am attracted to him, so I said yes. I feel I am too young to settle down (20) and I'm not sure that my boyfriend is the right guy for me or not. But now I have to explain the situation to him, and he's going to be really really hurt. Am I making the right decision? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Dazzerg  +, writes (8 June 2006):
 Hiya :),
Sorry I didnt mean to suggest you were going for just anybody but I was just wondering if this guy seems somehow easier because there are not the commitment issues there. I agree that ou shouldn't choose the first person for the sake of them being the first person; if however they happen to be the *right* person then them being the first person should not stop you going for them. Thats the real question you need to ask; who and what is right for you and what will make you happy.
This guy may for the time but what happens if things flow and he starts wanting more or things dont work out at all and it comes to light you have traded something special for something less so. Its a really hard place to be and I am trying not so much as to say what you should do as make you think and feel your way though.
I dont agree there is a specific age or time when its right or wrong to settle. Some people are never ready and some people never want anything but to settle down because they simply are not built for the rigours of the 'field' and playing it.
Do what is right for you but make sure you weigh everything carefully. Take care.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2006): Thank you both for your advice and support :)
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A
female
reader, Smiler +, writes (8 June 2006):
 Hey sweetie
Well i have to be honest with you here the guy who you have been with for 18 months, you say you are in love with him but yet you two are not serious? which in itself is fair enough we all know inside when we have actually met the one person who you wanna settle down with, i completely agree with you i think at 20 you are maybe a little young to settle straight down with the first guy you meet you need to enjoy life alittle more first have some fun go out don't get tied down so young you will only end up regretting it and resenting the person your with. so about this other guy he asked you out and you accepted straight away so thats saying to me your current relationship isn't everything it should be anyway otherwise if you were in love right now you wouldn't of accepted would you? so me personally i would go have a deep and meaningful with your current partner and tell him your to yong to settle down you wanna live life gain some experience first basically get out of the relationship your in rightnow, then once you have done this go out with this other guy who your attracted to have some fun live a little life is to short sweetie to be tied down and committed to a relationship especially when your heart is just not in it..
i hope my advise was able to help you, Good luck ok, if you ever need a friend to talk to or just a chat or more advise don't hesitate to email me ok i'm always here for you and would love to hear from you again ok
You Take Care Sweetie X
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2006): Hi this was my question. Thank you very much for your advice, I think you are certainly right about a lot of things :) the thing is he is my first proper boyfriend so I am filled with these nagging doubts, I dont want to just choose the first person that came along. This other guy is the first time ive really been tempted so its not like im just going for just anybody... :S
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A
male
reader, Dazzerg +, writes (8 June 2006):
Its a bit hard to say yay or nay sitting behind a computer screen. I have to say that dating for 18 months and using the L word sounds pretty serious to me regardless of how many times a week you see each other. I wonder if you are downplaying the importance of things in your own mind to make it somehow easier.
Im not sure going for somebody for the sake of having a fling and validating your own opinion that you are too young is that wise. Is it that you are too young or too scared of commitment? Up to this point you seem to have acted as if you were in a monoagamous relationship so why chnage now? Is it because things are getting too close for comfort with your bf??
I think you need to be honest with yourself about how you feel because the thought of causing your bf pain is obviously causing some discomfort. Is this other guy really worth it?? You are risking an awful lot, trading an awful lot for the other guy and is the attraction really that strong? You are running the risk of trading something real and substantial for love. Of course its impossible to say for sure if thats the case from my position but I think you need to weigh this in your descision. Hope that helps. Take care.
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