Like what
she writes?
... Add *ellyO to your favourite agony aunts
Want to get in touch?
... Send *ellyO a private message | | | *ellyO's profile:Thanks for coming to my column. Yes, i have been there but i am now happily married and i feel with my experiences in life, love and marriage i can help others. I am also a manager in an engineering firm so i can possibly help with some career advice. I am a much softer person in real life so my friends say, but i cant help but tell you the truth because my wish is to help you make the best decision.
|
|
He's not a man of his word but I love him and we are to be married! Help
Q. I'm not sure what to do. I have a fiance that simply doesn't do what he says he will do. Everything from huge issues like getting a job to small things like coming in for supper. We are supposed to be getting married this year, and I'm scared. He ...
A. 3 January 2006: Dearie, my advise is that if u have doubts at all about this guy then dont marry him.
It seems u have tried talking to him before and he hasnt changed. maybe u should do it again before u make ur final decision. Tell him What u wrote here,tha... (read in full...)
My boyfriend takes drugs and he's violent to other guys. I think I love him, but is he worth it?
Q. This is gonna be a long question, but i can't really make it much shorter. In the summer my best friend went out with this guy (lets call him Sy), but they broke up at the end of September because she was cheating on him with his best mate. I still ...
A. 3 January 2006: Dearie, my own advise is that no he isnt worth all the trouble.This guy has alot of bad points and i feel at 15 you are too young to get yourself involved in this situation and to deal with someone like this.
First, he flirts with ur friends.... (read in full...)
My bf's flirtiness with other girls is driving us apart!
Q. When me and my bf were going out it was great, and even though I didn't find myself attracted to him, I gave it a go. It has lasted nearly a year!! However recently he has become a little distant. He has always been flirty with other girls in front...
A. 3 January 2006: Dearie, my own advise is that u tell him u dont like him flirting with other girls. You shouldnt accept that if u arent happy with it. You turned the table on him and now he feels bad. good!!!
Well, u must ask urself what u feel for him and how ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend wants "space" and I've given it to her, but I just want us back together!
Q. My girlfriend of 2 and 3/4yrs has just asked me for a break. She assures me that she still loves me and finds me attractive. The one thing that kind of worries me is that she gave no guarantee that we'll get back together. I give her a lot of space ...
A. 3 January 2006: Dearie, my advise now is that u should talk to her and find out what she really wants. she said she needs space is it that she feels she needs to stand on her own two feet and make her own decisions? maybe she feels she is too dependent on u and all ... (read in full...)
His ex wife has offered to have sex with him!
Q. The man I am dating and plan to marry told me right after we met, that he would occasionally take his kids and exwife to dinner so as to let them know that both parents love them and that they can get along. I thought it was commendable that he kept ...
A. 3 January 2006: Dearie, i understand your worries and quite frankly i wouldnt trust his ex-wife too if i were you. I would trust him though if the main reason why they split off in the first place was due to her infidelity and he was open to tell u what she was up ... (read in full...)
My husband admitted that he's been seeing prostitutes, and I'm devastated!
Q. After 15 years together, I now find my husband has been using prostitutes/call girls on a regular basis. He tells me he still loves me,and is committed to me, and his two children. What he has with these women is "his private life" and does not ...
A. 3 January 2006: I really wouldnt have liked to add this but a friend of mine died of AIDS in 1999 she contacted it from her botfriend who was into prostitutes. not trying to scare u but want u to be careful.i went for training after this loss to help speak and ... (read in full...)
My husband admitted that he's been seeing prostitutes, and I'm devastated!
Q. After 15 years together, I now find my husband has been using prostitutes/call girls on a regular basis. He tells me he still loves me,and is committed to me, and his two children. What he has with these women is "his private life" and does not ...
A. 3 January 2006: Dearie,i am sorry dear. u should be upset and distress. He is seeing other woman(prostitutes!!) on a regular basis. I agree with others here u should have to think of the health risk involve. To see alot of prostitutes on a regular basis is... (read in full...)
How do I tell her that I'm much older than she thinks??
Q. Age difference I'm a currently single 42 year old guy who, I guess, has been blessed with a bit of a "baby face". I also keep myself in shape, and even my hair is still pretty much it's natural colour (that is, next to no greying). Many p...
A. 3 January 2006: Dearie, i agree with u if u are thinking of having anything more to do with her then u have to tell her and hopes she accepts that. You cant afford to be deceptive cos she might always find out and it would be worse than u telling her.
Goodl... (read in full...)
How do I move on from the destructive relationship I've left behind?
Q. A few months ago, i got out of a very destructive relationship, for both people. Im trying to move on, and get out the past, but i feel i cant. Ive had a few chances with other women, i mean if id taken the chance i would probably be in a happy ...
A. 3 January 2006: Dearie, you will forget everything and with time. dont worry too much and be in so much haste to start dating if u arent ready. You can have friends to start with and build up from there.
I know we all feel guilty when our relationship ends. we... (read in full...)
He slept with me and someone else...should I feel hurt??
Q. I broke up with my boyfriend 7 months ago after a year together because i felt i did not love him anymore despite him being kind, caring and considerate. He adored me but i felt he was too nice. We had our ups and downs as friends since but recently ...
A. 3 January 2006: Dearie, i understand how u feel. This guy was still obviously confused when he did it. i dont think he meant to do that to cheat or sleep with both of u. I am happy he told u though he is sincere which is a good quality.
You must understa... (read in full...)
Have I the right to revenge?
Q. I am in the process of a messy break up. I put up with too many ugly lies, cheating and dangerous behavior from her. I feel right to revenge at this point, should I?...
A. 3 January 2006: Papyrus, i really feel for you here. You really have been through alot. But most of us have also. You wont believen what i have been through the last few months it is even alot worse than what u have passed through really, but i have chosen to move ... (read in full...)
When my in-laws come and stay they practically take over the place!
Q. I am really struggling for some answers on how to deal with my situation. My wife and I are struggling with a certain issue which on this subject has really driven a spike between us. My wife's parents regularly come to visit at least twice a...
A. 3 January 2006: Dearie, i think u should let u wife know that the situation is really bothering u. She obviously feels that u dont want her parents in your home. You have to make her see the other issues u dont like and put your foot down. Make her realise that it ... (read in full...)
We went from friends to...well, we're not sure. Do we take a chance and confess our feelings? How?
Q. I got to know this girl at school quite well over the last three months. We had one class together this semester, and always sat beside each other, worked on assignments with each other, studied as a pair, hung out between classes, went to lunch, ...
A. 3 January 2006: Dearie, i think u should tell her how u feel. I think u like her a great deal and this has developed from a wonderful friendship. if u dont tell her u will probably never know and u just might kick yourself later.
I am guessing she likes u too an... (read in full...)
I slept with my ex and my boyfriend is returning soon!
Q. I feel so guilty, my boyfriend has been away for 3 weeks now and i have been faithful to him the entire time, then yesterday my ex came over and i still love him very much and we got caught up on our feelings and i ended up sleeping with him. I lo...
A. 3 January 2006: Dearie, in your posting u have indicated that u have feelings for both your ex and your present boyfriend. you said u dont want to loose your boyfriend but u still have a thing with your ex and i feel you might just end up sleeping with him again. ... (read in full...)
Nothing for Christmas or my birthday, not even flowers! I'm so disappointed in my boyfriend.
Q. My boyfriend, for my birthday and Christmas - yep both in the same month - has got my nothing still for either of them. Not even a card. My feelings are hurt and it is pretty much drawing the line on everything. I have talked to him about it...
A. 3 January 2006: Dearie, i understand why u r sad he should at least be able to get u a card. i really dont understand why. maybe u should try talking to him like happytochat suggested to find out if he was thinking it was only expensive stuff that could be provided ... (read in full...)
Will he ever change and will I ever get what I really need from this relationship??
Q. Dear Cupid, I am a 22 year old female and I have been with my current boyfriend for 2 years. Our relationship has been nothing but up and down from the beginning. We have broken up four or more times, and we argue quite frequently. My friends ...
A. 3 January 2006: Dearie, i think ur family and friends are right here. please dont waste anymore of your time with this guy. He isnt treating u right and u have admitted it now its time to get the strength and move on.
I noticed in your posting u indicate... (read in full...)
He can change from being loving to angry...
Q. The other day, I was going through a difficult time and I turned to my partner. He was so good; loving, reassuring and I thought; he certainly is the man for me. Yesterday, due to other stresses, we had a bit of a row in a shop over somethin...
A. 3 January 2006: Dearie, i admire u cos u seem like u are indeed very strong hearted. i dont see u as the type that is clingy and all emotional at all.
I agree with happy to chat here, this is emtional blackmail. i am not happy with the fact that he threaten... (read in full...)
Have I the right to revenge?
Q. I am in the process of a messy break up. I put up with too many ugly lies, cheating and dangerous behavior from her. I feel right to revenge at this point, should I?...
A. 3 January 2006: Dear, i agree with all the others here. please dont bring yourself down to her level by trying to revenge. You have been the good guy in it all just leave peacefully. Believe me that will be the best revenge cos she will always blame herself for ... (read in full...)
My man is obsessed with hygiene... Could this cause problems with our relationship?
Q. I'm in a relationship going on two months that's going great, except I've discovered a "quirk" that I'm afraid may be indicative of larger issues... My guy is concerned about cleanliness and hygiene to an extreme; that's ok, I appreciate those ...
A. 2 January 2006: Dearie, my mum is like that really. she is so clean it used to drive me nuts but i am used to it now. when i think of her all i can see is cleaning, washing, scrubbing!!! she can washes her hands so many times a day. she said she developed this when ... (read in full...)
Should I date this girl while she still has issues with her ex?
Q. I have been talking to this girl for a few months now. We get on fine and as friends and she has agreed to go out. The trouble is when i first met her she was in a relationship up to last year. I have never asked the question when she did split from ...
A. 2 January 2006: Dearie, my own advise is that if u really do like her then u should be patient and be her friend for now. she has decided to go out with ur as friends that seems like a good sign.she obviously isnt still hung up on this guy but just needs sometime ... (read in full...)
In my spare time I look at pictures of women... I'm an 18 year old girl. Confused.
Q. I'm not sure whats going on with me right now and I'd like some help to find some answers. I'm an 18 year old female and I'm attracted to guys but I find that in my spare time I look at pictures of women and when I go to clubs I'm usually surrounded ...
A. 2 January 2006: Dearie, i agree with angel underneath here. dont put urself under any pressure yet to be gay or straight. u probably are in the exploring stage. it probably heightened when u heart got broken by someone u care deeply about becos u did mention u ... (read in full...)
How can I earn my preferred guy's trust back after I double-dating with another guy?
Q. i was dating these two guys at once. This went on for about 3 months. The one i really care aqbout and wamt to be with for the rest of my life found out about the other one. But the other one won't stay out of mine and the good ones relatinship. ...
A. 2 January 2006: Dear, all i can say is that u have put urself in a complicated situation. You didnt state clearly if u have ended things with the other one u dont fancy.Well ,my own advise is that if u havent then u should. It is never advisable to have two ... (read in full...)
What's with all his mixed messages? Is he playing mindgames with me?
Q. Dear Cupid, Me and a guy have been flirting for over 18 months now. I like him a lot but he really makes me angry sometimes, he only texts me very very occasionally, but when he does it is as if he really has the hots for me, and when I see h...
A. 2 January 2006: Hi dearie, my own thoughts about this guy is simple, he isnt serious and ready to date u. I know u already suspect this from your posting, go with ur heart.
Sometimes when we are in love we arent able to see and we hope there is more to a relati... (read in full...)
Mum just can't come around to the idea of my dating guys, and I'm almost 18!
Q. I'm 18 in less than a month and my mum still sounds weird about me dating. I've met a guy I really like but I'm too shy to tell my mum straight out because I know she'll be angry. I've dropped hints like putting his picture up and talking about hi...
A. 30 December 2005: Hi dearie, my mum was like that when i was your age and she allowed me freedom when i was 21!. parents never see their kids as grown up and they have a protective nature. I know it is difficult but u have to try not to allow your relationship with ... (read in full...)
What on earth is my guy playing at?
Q. Hey ok this may not sound big at all. I've bin with this guy for 9 months and things were going great...obviously they've kinda settled down now but n e way. Hes bin acting really weird with me. Before you think anything....im not clingy...dont call ...
A. 30 December 2005: Hi dearie, i agree with the other here.i wouldnt call him again if i were u. i would wait for him to initiate the next move and make him work hard to get close again cos he is acting really uninterested. My own advise now is not to dwell on him ... (read in full...)
My married lover feels sorry for his wife and won't leave because of the kids. How do I break off this affair?
Q. I have been having an affair with a married man for ten years. I was twenty four then, and a student in his torts class. He says he loves his wife, but he loves me more. Because of their two children, he has to stay with her (he also feels sorry ...
A. 30 December 2005: Hi dearie, i agree with all the others. you should leave this guy. he has been stringing you over the years and i really dont believe he will leave his wife. Tell him he has a family with kids and now u want a family of u own too. He shouldnt be ... (read in full...)
I'm not interested in the guy I think is going to ask me out. But my best friend is. What can I do?
Q. This problem is real long so I will just sum it up. There is this guy that likes me. He is always saying things and it's pretty obvious he wants to get with me. I do not have the same feelings (I am into someone else). My best friend is in love wit...
A. 30 December 2005: Hi dearie, i agree with Tinkz. if u know u arent into him then it wont do him any good for u to go out with him cos you will hurt him at the long run. Tell him the truth and that u have feelings for another and your friend is the one interested in ... (read in full...)
I'm worried my online friend will return to his girlfriend
Q. hi i met someone online, 5 years ago but that time we couldnt meet cuss he wasnt ready for a true relation yet. so he moved on and met his gf, but we carried on chatting as friends.but i also had a bf but we broke up. when we were chatting he told ...
A. 30 December 2005: Dearie, i think u arent really sure of things with this guy. First u seem a bit uncertain if he will be able to stay with u or go back to his ex because he indicated that he still loves her which i wont be comfortable with if i was in your shoe... (read in full...)
Losing my mind over my relationship... My girl says she wants "a break"
Q. My girlfriend and I have been together for the past one-year. She is 28 and I am 31. The relationship was great, except for a few minor quibbles. A couple of times I was jealous – once when some male friend of hers grabbed her at a party, and some ...
A. 30 December 2005: Hi dearie, i am so sorry u are going through this. your girlfriend seem really confused here that is why she slips in and out. I think it will be wise to give her a break as she indicated to sort her feelings out. You two cant keep doing this to ... (read in full...)
Still getting over being dumped by my ex, I worry that a new guy might be just as bad...
Q. Hi I'm 17 and just getting over a hard break up with an older man who lied a lot to me. It's been a year but everything is still fresh in my mind. I've met a new guy and he's my own age but I'm worried that he'll only be interested in sex. If I do ...
A. 30 December 2005: Dear,its normal to feel this way especially after being hurt. I must say u seem like a very reasonable girl not wanting to make the same mistakes and be trying to be careful and certain before going in deep. The past relationship u had should be ... (read in full...)
I get so jealous that I'm afraid of losing him
Q. ok i shall start with my relationship with my boyfriend.I don't know what really happen to me.Starting of our relationship is good.But for not long i started to get jealousy and hot-temper.My jealousy is really high.Is like when he never sms(phone ...
A. 29 December 2005: Dearie, compliments of the season to u.
i really do agree with u here u cant continue like this unless u will loose him. I really dont blame u here u seem to really like this guy and u are afraid u might loose him but this fear will indeed c... (read in full...)
I love him even though he is with someone else
Q. Hi, I have fallen completely in love with someone I cannot have. He is older than me and married. We have been flirting for some time and over xmas temptation got the better of me. I like him and i know its not going to go anywhere as he loves ...
A. 29 December 2005: Hi dearie, compliments of the season to u.
i think deep down u know that this wont work. you indicated here that u know he loves his wife. With that statement he has made it clear to you now that he isnt thinking of leaving her. It is never ad... (read in full...)
I'm not sure about my feelings towards my baby's father
Q. Feelings for my babies father. I started dating a guy about 2 years ago when I was on the rebound from splitting up from another partner. Things moved very quickly and within three months I was pregnant and he was talking about marriage and I p...
A. 29 December 2005: Hi dearie, my own advise really is that if u have feelings for him then u should tell. Explain to him all u have said here.Tell him that u would like u guys to date but at a slow pace to find if things would work.
By doing the above you will ind... (read in full...)
I lied about my age to the woman of my dreams. She thinks I'm 20, but I'm actually 26!
Q. I have been dating the woman of my dreams for 10 months. Everything has been going great... but I've kept one big secret from her. I lied about my age. I told her I was 20 years old when in fact I am 26. She is 19 and I feared that if I told her ...
A. 29 December 2005: Dear, i agree with mummyofthree. u just have to tell her the truth and explain to her why u lied in the first place. hopefully she will be able to handle the it if she really loves u. Its better u tell her now than for her to find out.
Pleas... (read in full...)
When we're together, I think he's attracted, but then he says there are other girls who like him too!
Q. There's this guy. We use to date but we broke up. Now he lives really close. We started talking and holding hands like couples do; we even kissed. Now he is saying he is confused cuz a lot of gurls like him. I asked him out and he said he would...
A. 29 December 2005: Dear, i would say yes this guy likes you but i think he also made it clear to you that he also likes,and is at the same time interested in alot of other girls too.
You indicated here that when u asked him out he said he needs to think about it... (read in full...)
How do I tell him that I love him?
Q. Quite simply... i have been with my boyfriend for 8 months... how do i phrase to tell him i love him and in what way do i do it. I know he cares for me greatly. However in the past with guys when i've told them i love them its as if i've asked ...
A. 28 December 2005: Dearie, i agree with the others aunties here i would tell him if i sincerely love the guy and hope he feels the same way. if he doesnt say it back then dont panick. i really dont think he will run off if he is sincere and care for you.
All t... (read in full...)
I started it and I finished it with the guy. Can I start it again?
Q. Ok..here's a quick recap of what happend. I used to have a crush on the paperboy. I talked to him and went after him but he didn't seem like he got the signals so I backed off. I didn't talk to him for a month because I got busy. Then one day ...
A. 28 December 2005: Dearie, well if u are sure that this is what u want then its fine tell him and hope he still feels the same way and is ready to forgive and take a risk with u again.
but if you are not sure what u want for now please do take time to think about th... (read in full...)
How do I tell my family I'm involved with a man from another race?
Q. I live in South Africa in a small town and has just got involved with a man from another race and i do not know how to break this news to my kids (Divorced mother) and my friends and family Please help as i do come out of an very racialistic fami...
A. 28 December 2005: Hi dearie, i am so sorry u are going through this.
Well this is my own opinion really but if i really love the man and him men and my family have no other objection except his skin color then i will have to stick with my man and hope they acc... (read in full...)
How do I realise my dreams?
Q. I recently asked for help about how I had aspirations and feelings/dreams that I would be an actor, rich..etc.. and that I felt that I could make it happen. But so far, I still have the feelings, but I dont have the means - I dont know how to begin. ...
A. 28 December 2005: Dear, is always good to have a dream. You can build towards that dream.
You need to be sure of what u want to be. what really interest u so u dont get bored of doing ur job or fail along the way.If u are sure u want to become an actor then i t... (read in full...)
I feel so alone as if no one cares...how can I stop being so sensitive?
Q. Please help, i am highly annoyed. I am 22, a male, and far too sensitive for my own good, I get hurt and offended quickly and take way too many things to heart, I take things personally and any little thing gets me down. when im feeling down and I ...
A. 28 December 2005: Dear, i think we all need somone to lean on sometimes when we are down. its always best to let out your problems by talking to a friend that cares or family. i wont encourage u to bottle everything up.
I have alot of people i talk to when i a... (read in full...)
Cheating and lying is out of my character... But it keeps happening!
Q. Well where do i start, my best friend (lets call him James) has been in love with me since we met. I have realised over the past two months that i love him and it's not friendship love its deep love, i have been with my bf Alex for three months. ...
A. 28 December 2005: Dearie, i agree with happytochat. u should follow ur heart. It seems ur heart is with james.
I think james is right u arent been fair to the two guys really.
Breaking up isnt easy at all but if u have no feelings for this guy then u are doing... (read in full...)
| *ellyO's friends
These are mutual friends, so *ellyO has
added them and they have added *ellyO!
|
