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male
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anonymous
writes: I have been talking to this girl for a few months now. We get on fine and as friends and she has agreed to go out. The trouble is when i first met her she was in a relationship up to last year. I have never asked the question when she did split from him but she has said that this last bf treated her badly and was obsessive but is still there trying to find a way back into her life.She has said she won't go back to him. Should i be patient with her until she is ready to date again and continue forming the friendship or should i move on?
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female
reader, StarNews +, writes (2 January 2006):
 You are doing the right thing by being patient and being her friend. She has been hurt and doesnt sound ready for another relationship. It is a good sign that she is not jumping into another one. She is giving herself time to heal. Let her decide when and if she is ready for more.
In the meantime, just be her friend, it sounds like she needs one. If it doesnt go any further than that, then at least you have developed a good friendship. You are doing a noble thing by being considerate of her needs and not just seeing what you want. You are a good person, and hopefully she realizes that with time, and your patience may just win her heart.
A
female
reader, Angel Underneath +, writes (2 January 2006):
Be patient. If she has had a bad experience then she probably wants to get to know any future potential partners very well before commiting. The best relationships are built on friendship so be friends for a while . You'll know when the time is right to make the suggestion of more that friendship and until then just enjoy getting to know her. Shes a lucky girl
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A
female
reader, kellyO  +, writes (2 January 2006):
 Dearie, my own advise is that if u really do like her then u should be patient and be her friend for now. she has decided to go out with ur as friends that seems like a good sign.she obviously isnt still hung up on this guy but just needs sometime to deal with the whole ordeal and put it behind her. she mentioned she isnt even thinking of going back to him so u shouldnt feel threatened in anyway.
Again, it isnt advisable for anyone to rush into a relationship straight off when they just ended one, and u did mention it has only been a few months.she needs time to reflect on her past relationship, learn and grow from it and ultimately move on.
Go out with her as friends and be there for her.
All the best dear.
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A
female
reader, mommyofthree +, writes (2 January 2006):
 I think there is no harm in forming a friendship with this girl, the tricky part is not confusing that friendship with the relationship you may be looking for. She needs someone right now and by being there for her, you may be the first person she turns to when she is ready for a new boyfriend. I wouldn't cancel all of my appointments with other friends or potential girlfriends to become her amateur phsychologist though. Keep your active life going as it normally does, make time for her as you would any other friend but don't blow off women that may be interested in a relationship, if she decides she is ready for a boyfriend and you are still single, she will remember the "white knight" that was there for her but never tried to rush her into anything. Good luck.
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