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male
,
anonymous
writes: My girlfriend of 2 and 3/4yrs has just asked me for a break. She assures me that she still loves me and finds me attractive. The one thing that kind of worries me is that she gave no guarantee that we'll get back together. I give her a lot of space but she has mentioned feeling a bit trapped. She also mentioned that she has only being single for 8 month's since she was 16 (she's 21 and had a boyfriend before she met me) and needs some time to herself. When I met to talk to her face to face she seemed to miss me, we held hands and she stroked my face. The only good thing to come from this so far is that now I am certain that I love her. Can anyone give me advice on what to do?
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a break, get back together, trapped Reply to this Question |
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2008): Look, if she says she loves you, then she means it. But she's also saying she needs space. So there is something YOU are not understanding to make these two statements into logic.
Is it that she needs space because: (a) she has a lot of stress from other sources and having you in the picture is adding to her stress instead of relieving it? If so, figure out what about you adds to her stress or needing more time to deal with life. (b) she wants to get married, but doesn't want you to feel forced into marriage, so is thinking about looking elsewhere for companionship? (c) she has some other problem or hidden time-suck that she needs to focus on right now (illness in the family, another boyfriend, she's pregnant, THE LIST GOES ON!).
Bottomline, there is something she's uncomfortable telling you based on how you've responded to date to similar situations or based on her prior experience with men. Probably based on her prior experience with men -so nothing personal.
If you love her - go after her! Just find a safe, non-threatening space for her to express herself -- try a lunch date on a Saturday in a place that maybe doesn't have the greatest food, but will give you lots of time to just sit and talk for a couple of hours and be friendly without the pressure to be romantic. Sit her down, make it clear that you're not a mind-reader. Then be prepared to ask questions like "what do you want out of life?" "can you give me an example of what you want out of life from others you may have seen before?"
Good luck!
She loves you and that's 80% of the battle!
:-)
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2008): hello I am in the same situation with my girlfriend. She has asked for space and is acting the same as your girlfriend saying she loves me (we've been together 2 3/4 years too). We're at university so its pretty long distance as it is, so when she asked for space i was really confused and upset. It's been two weeks without seeing her but we have had light chat on the phone 3 times but once we talked about our relationship and i asked whether she wanted to be with me and she replied that she wasnt sure about anything in her life at the moment. '
It's really upsetting but like the other person said, if you love someone let them go and if they come back you know its true love. As I'm learning, you just have to give her space to let her come to her own conclusions and try not to ask her/ pressure her for an answer as it will push her away. I know it's agony being completely stuck as you can't really do anything but wait. Try and be patient and think of how it might be all worth the pain at the end if it all works out and makes you both stronger.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2007): Listen bro...I just went through the same shit and you guys aren't gonna get back together. Personally, I think she prob met another dude...Anyways keep your head up and don't let it get to you as much as it got to me just move on before you get hurt anymore...
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2006): I'm not going to sugar coat the truth. It means she doesn't like you anymore, bro. If she did she'd want to continue or even progress. Maybe things became stale, perhaps she met someone else. Who knows. Cut her off and try to recouperate. I went through a similiar situation recently, you'll get through it. Cut her off, and let it ride. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2006): I am in the exact same situation. I am not sure what to do,
but the old saying, "if you love something let it go, if it
comes back to you it's yours" seems appropriate. But,
letting go when you want to be with someone so much is
the hard part. Give her the space she needs, and be there
for her when she needs you. Don't pressure her about the
relationship. Hopefully in time she will figure out
whatever it is she needs to figure out and will want to
pick up the relationship again. This is what I am going
to try to do, I hope it works out for both of us...
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A
female
reader, kellyO  +, writes (3 January 2006):
 Dearie, my advise now is that u should talk to her and find out what she really wants. she said she needs space is it that she feels she needs to stand on her own two feet and make her own decisions? maybe she feels she is too dependent on u and all her previous boyfriends and she wants abit of independence?
Since she has assured you that she indeed loves u, then tell her u love her alot but would like to understand why she is asking for space and what the problem really is. Maybe the two of u can work on this.
Goodluck dear
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2006): This probaby sounds stupid but maybe you should have some light chat now and again with her...it gives her space and you some reasurance, obviosly you shouldn't talk on subjects like your relationship ect. just keep it friendly and don't do it too often. Good luck!
P.S This is my first time doing the agony uncle thing
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