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... Send *ellyO a private message | | | *ellyO's profile:Thanks for coming to my column. Yes, i have been there but i am now happily married and i feel with my experiences in life, love and marriage i can help others. I am also a manager in an engineering firm so i can possibly help with some career advice. I am a much softer person in real life so my friends say, but i cant help but tell you the truth because my wish is to help you make the best decision.
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Cheating and lying is out of my character... But it keeps happening!
Q. Well where do i start, my best friend (lets call him James) has been in love with me since we met. I have realised over the past two months that i love him and it's not friendship love its deep love, i have been with my bf Alex for three months. ...
A. 28 December 2005: Dearie, i agree with happytochat. u should follow ur heart. It seems ur heart is with james.
I think james is right u arent been fair to the two guys really.
Breaking up isnt easy at all but if u have no feelings for this guy then u are doing... (read in full...)
Why does he say I should be grateful?
Q. Hi, When I have a grievance against something my boyfriend has done or said, he'll say 'you could have it worse, you know. You could be with someone that lies to you and cheats on you.' He'll say that to just about anything I complain abou...
A. 28 December 2005: Dearie, i think he says that to get u to excuse his behaviour. If u arent happy with what he does then u do have the right to tell him. He should know that all the things he mentioned are not the only to cause the failure of a relationship.
Maybe... (read in full...)
How long to fall in love?
Q. how long does it take to fall in love?...
A. 28 December 2005: dearie, the time frame isnt fixed and it varies from individual to individual.It depends on the person one is responding to. so they are really two variables that decides the pace.... (read in full...)
I showed her how I felt and now what do I do?
Q. my girl told me she needs a breakup after which u told me to forget her due to the way she behaves knowing that i loved her much. then she never think by relenting, avoiding and harrassing me just because of the way i begged her to be back. ...
A. 28 December 2005: Dear Issac, Of course it will be difficult to stay away from contacting her and i understand that u became a little more confused getting a missed call from her. Next time please be patient and wait for her to call u back.
Also, u mentione... (read in full...)
Am I a fool to consider forgiving my wife's infidelity, after she dated 18 other guys?
Q. I have been in a relationship for 30 years, 25 of them married.Three days ago, by accident, I found out my wife has been registered with 2 ''swinger'' sites in the last 6 months. She has admitted to lunchtime dates with about 18 men and sex with 6 ...
A. 28 December 2005: Hi there, i agree with all the others here. Your wife has no excuse whatsoever to cheat on you on such a large scale. It isnt your fault that u have erection problems. I am sorry but i dont believe that she cheated so many times entirely because of ... (read in full...)
He cheated on me and I got pregnant by someone else...but does he really love me?
Q. i`ve been dating this guy for about a year until he cheated on me,when i called to confronthim about it he said i should believe what i want,and so i left him.try to get over him i had a fling with my ex(the one befor him).we then made-up and thats ...
A. 28 December 2005: Dearie,When i read though your posting i realised that u must be a very honest person yourself for confiding in your boyfriend and telling him you are pregnant for your ex. Maybe this is an attribute he likes about u honesty.
Dont feel guilty a... (read in full...)
Who do I choose...the ex bf and hope he changes? Or the friend who's always been there for me?
Q. Hi. I'm abit confused. Broke up with my ex one month ago. He said he wasnt ready to commit and we have been on for five years. I'm 33 and at that stage in my life when i wish to settle down with a family. He is also very difficult to please, and all ...
A. 28 December 2005: I agree with everyone here. u need time to think and sort out what u want.
All the best.... (read in full...)
How do I move on from her when I see her all the time?
Q. I've been broken up with my girlfriend for a little more than a month now and I'm still thinking about her all the time. We never had an official break-up, but we decided to slow down our relationship, and now she no longer contacts me. I've made ...
A. 28 December 2005: Dear, it seems to me that u really did care about this girl. You obviously werent the one to end it all and u feel the way u do because she didnt give u a good enough reason to end the relationship.
I agree with u that u should leave her alone. Y... (read in full...)
I've tried to leave him but he always has a reason for me to stay!
Q. i have been dating my boyfriend for 4.5 years. for the last year and a half i've been trying to leave him for various reasons (unfaithfulness,backstabbing,lying,etc). every time i tell him this, he has a better reason why we should try and work it ...
A. 28 December 2005: Dearie, all i can say is that u have so many doubts about this guy. You obviously dont trust him and have ur suspicions, listen to your heart.
Well, all i can point to u here is that either your are crazy which i dont think u are or this guy is h... (read in full...)
My partner seems doesn't listen to me, and spends most of his time at the pub or on the computer...
Q. This Christmas has been terrible. Christmas day my partner just seemed to spend half the day yelling at my oldest son(he's 5) and my partner could not seem to understand that it was him and not my son who was ruining the day. My partner and I th...
A. 28 December 2005: Hi dearie, i agree with happytochat . you can consider talking to someone he respects and would listen to. his father perhaps or u could go to a marriage counsellor. I dont think u should run away from things now sometimes problems arise in ... (read in full...)
My ex just wants to be friends, but I really want to win her back!
Q. Dear Cupid I was in a relationship for 6 years since high school with a smart and beautiful girl. About 4 months ago, I felt like things were going downhill. The sex wasn’t like it used to be, and I found myself interested in other women, so ...
A. 28 December 2005: Hi dearie, if u really love this girl and u are sure this time then u have to go all out and tell her. Tell her everything here that u have realise she is the woman for u and u would like her to move in with u. only if u r sure u wont hurt her again ... (read in full...)
I've never really had a boyfriend, and I don't understand it... I think I'm friendly and have a lot to offer!
Q. I am a 23 year old female who hasn't had a proper boyfriend. I hear things like 'people can't love you until you learn to love yourself' and similar things, but I do love myself and feel I have a lot to offer and a lot of love to give. I go to cl...
A. 28 December 2005: Hi dearie, i am afraid i had the same problem like you and all throughout high school and college i didnt have a bf. They were guys who wanted to ask me out then and we sit back now and joke about how they couldnt just walk up to me to tell me becos ... (read in full...)
How do I get through my Xmas-day breakup with dignity?
Q. My boyfriend just broke up with me on Christmas...we had been fighting a lot lately and he is moving away in 3 weeks, but just that night before he left me we had been planning on trying long distance. I just don't understand how this happened. I ...
A. 28 December 2005: Hi dearie, i am so sorry u feel so down this time of the year. Went through my own fair share of break up about 6weeks ago so i do understand how u feel. i have moved on since then and u can too.
First, they are two of you in the relation... (read in full...)
My husband has a married female friend and I find their friendship too excessive. What should I do?
Q. Husband had female friend - is she after him? My husband of five years has a female friend (she is married also) that he met at his new job. We recently moved to a new area and he says she is his only friend. They talk at least once a day, call...
A. 27 December 2005: Hi dearie, i am so sorry u r down and going through this. i would be worried myself. To be honest i dont think this woman intentions are good. she should be aware she is causing alot of tension in the marriage and if she is genuine she will lay ... (read in full...)
I didn't think he could love me the way I loved him..so we broke up. I want to be with him again but he wants more time and space.
Q. hey so i love this boy and we have unknowingly liked each other for over a year.anyway,we went out for like one week months ago and we broke up cus we were both traveling with jobs in the summer. we got back 2 gether when school started again and i ...
A. 27 December 2005: Hi firechic, i think u should give him time as he says. meanwhile u should use that opportunity to reflect why the relationship failed previously.
You seem to be pushing this guy away and still trying to drag him close the same time. u did indi... (read in full...)
I interfered in my best friend's life..now she doesn't trust me! Help-what's wrong with me?
Q. Hey...i don't know whats wrong with me? Sorry i think this is going to be a long one!.... My friend and i have been 'best' friends since we started high school, basically 5 years. Out of the two of us i have always gotten the most attention from peo...
A. 27 December 2005: Hi dear, i have to say u didnt treat u bestfriend right. Jealous is a healthy feeling but not when u take it to such extreme. u tried to take the guy she really likes from her even though u could see something developing between the two of them.
... (read in full...)
Should I ignore the fact that he's racist?
Q. Hello There is this guy I know and I am beginning to really like him. We talk all the time and he's intelligent, funny and has shown interest in me. He has even made hints that he would want to go out with me. Well, here is the problem. The oth...
A. 27 December 2005: Dear, I havent actually met anyone that would openly acknowledge the fact that they are racist. In school i know a couple of people who make such remarks to other kids and that's the best i have experienced and i do stay away from such. I have ... (read in full...)
He gave me a ring...now he wants us to become sexual and have a baby. What should I do?
Q. I am a sophmore and am really in love with a guy. He is older then me by 6 years but we have been dating for over a year. We are really close and can communicate by looking at each other eyes. He got me a ring for christmas, and is ready to take it ...
A. 27 December 2005: Hi dear, my own advise is that if u feel u love him and him you and this is what u want then go ahead. if u arent sure then tell him u need to think about it.
All the best. ... (read in full...)
She has a bad reputation...if I date her, what will happen to my reputation?
Q. My friends, people i see, have talked bad about this girl im talking to, behind closed doors. Most things they have said were hurtful and have gave her a bad rep but really she didnt deserve one. She didnt do most of these bad things people said but ...
A. 27 December 2005: Hi dear, hope u had fun this xmas.
First, you indicated in your posting that u dont even like this girl like that then why want her to be your girlfriend. The person should make your girlfriend is someone u either love or feel the connecti... (read in full...)
Did I mess up by telling him I loved him...he didn't respond and I feel awkward now. Help!
Q. I think I screwed up big time. My boyfriend and I have been dating for about 10 months now. I said the big 3 words, "I love you". I regretted it as soon as I said it. His response was "I really like you a lot". He held me why I cried myself to ...
A. 27 December 2005: Dear, i dont think you messed up at all. I dont think you should feel bad really or awkward. He is your boyfriend and you are expressing a feeling that is natural and real for you.You have nothing to be ashamed of. i know he hasnt said he loved you ... (read in full...)
I have a month to get over my ex, before I have to see him with his new girlfriend!
Q. I need some tips on to get over an ex fast! I'm still madly in love with the guy I was with at uni. I haven't even seen him for about 6 months but have loved him and only him for almost 3 years and part of me still hopes that later on in life (wh...
A. 26 December 2005: Hi dearie, i know how u must feel. i am at the stage you are now but i have decided to move on with my life with someone who treats me much better than my ex did. i really dont know what happened in your relationship with this guy but regardless, if ... (read in full...)
Not sure why my friend broke it off with me, but I want to get us back together...
Q. Two months ago I entered a relationship with a very good friend. I had liked him for a while but was content being friends with him. While we were in the relationship he seemed really happy and he kept telling me how much he was falling for me. He ...
A. 26 December 2005: Hi dearie, from your posting i realised that u seem really confused. will try my best to help you out.
If u still have feelings for him and u want him back as u indicated then i guess u just have to tell him when guys meet.He must have had time... (read in full...)
Does he, or doesn't he? His messages are so mixed up!
Q. A couple of months ago, I started at my dream job. There is a guy who works there who I clicked with immediately (let's call him Will), and felt an instant attraction to. (very rare for me!) A couple of weeks ago, myself, him and another male col...
A. 26 December 2005: Dear, first i must congratulate you on getting your dream job.
I do understand your confusion here. i feel you should allow him to make all the moves. dont broach the subject with him again. This will allow you dictate the direction you want the... (read in full...)
He promised to get rid of the other gf...but now he acts like he doesn't care! What can I do?
Q. hi! i just wrote a few days ago. I just want to tell the whole story. My ex-bf and i, we've been together for almost 5 years. just a few mos ago we broke up. he cheated on me and he says that the reason why he did that is my attitude, im a nagger, ...
A. 24 December 2005: Hi dearie, u need let this guy sort out his feelings for you. he obviously have been giving u mixed signals.
My advise is that you tell him how much you love him and tell him you cant cope with his indecisions anymore. tell he has to give you... (read in full...)
My ex husband married his gf. How do I find the strength to move on from this hurt?
Q. My ex-husband got re-married a couple days ago. That hit me like a ton of bricks. We haven't been together for 2 and a half years and he has been with her since we seperated. I don't want to be with him, I want to be able to move on from him. I've ...
A. 24 December 2005: Hi dear, i am sorry you are sad. will have to be very open with you cause this will help you move on.
Your ex have practically moved on with his life you should too. why should you be bothered about him when he isnt even thinking about you. i m... (read in full...)
Can there be love for me after he spread nasty rumors about me?
Q. can there be love for me after he spread nasty lieful rumors about me? ...
A. 24 December 2005: Hi dearie, of course you will still find love. I am afraid your ex acted very immature if he started spreading rumours after the relationship ended. I know you said there were untrue but even if you were at fault that doesnt still give him the ... (read in full...)
I was a virgin and I held out until he got what he wanted from me..now he treats me like dirt!
Q. pls i really need help dont know what to do. am really depressed.i am 21yrs old and my bf is 24yrs. we met two yrs ago. in the early yr in our reltionship he was persuading me to have sex with him and explained to him that i am still a virgin and ...
A. 23 December 2005: I am sorry dear this happened to you. I was reading through your posting and i actually felt close to tears. you dont deserve this.
Please i hope you have moved on with your life. This guy is a jerk even his parents are ashamed.
I do wish you... (read in full...)
She has a new bf-but how do I win her back and prove my love for her?
Q. Dear cupid, I am a 24yr/m that is having girlfriend trouble we have been together for 2yrs 7 mo. She recently left me because she got tired of me not showing her how much i care about her or what she really means to me. Now that she is gone i do ...
A. 23 December 2005: Hi dear, am sorry. Sometimes one doesnt really appreciate how much they love another until the person is gone.
You must ask yourself what you really want from this girl? what she wants?You guys obviously were engaged and i feel she wanted to take ... (read in full...)
I cheated on him four years ago and he can't forget what I did
Q. I am 22 years old. I have been with my boyfriend for 4 and a half years. We first started dating when I was going to be a freshmen in college. So we started dating a few weeks before I went away to college. Well,I went and he stayed home but we were ...
A. 23 December 2005: Hi dearie, i agree with mommyofthree. The incidence he is referring to happened four years ago which is a long time really. he has forgiven u since and the you guys have moved on with your relationship ever since. you have made up for doing that and ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend pays me no attention and now I'm falling for someone else!
Q. I am with a guy who pays no attention to me and I am falling for somone else but I can't tell my boyfriend that. My friends tell me that my boyfriend isn't the one for me. Can you help me? ...
A. 23 December 2005: Hi dearie, i agree with all the others here. why would you want to be with someone who doesnt care and pay you no attention. You obviously dont love him unless your heart wont be open to fall in love again.
My own opinion is that you should g... (read in full...)
What signs are there in that you can spot to see if a person fancies you or not?
Q. Hi I am wondering if someone could help me here, and if they can i'd be very thankful. There's this girl i know, i like her alot, she knows how i feel for her through a friend, we've never talked about it and i'm not really comfortable with...
A. 23 December 2005: Hi dearie, my advise is that you should work up the nerve to talk to this girl and express your feelings.
Not everyone especially females can be open and express out their feelings when they like a guy. some of us are shy enough and you wlll nev... (read in full...)
He wants me..he doesn't want me! He keeps changing his mind..what's going on with this guy?
Q. Hi Im a student and I was having a long distance relationship with a guy from back home for a couple of months. When I came back from uni I was really pleased because I would be able to see him more. I saw him the day after I got back. We ha...
A. 23 December 2005: Hi dearie, dont bother yourself much trying to figure this guy out.
He has been acting uninterested since you have been around and anyone would be suspicions. Its so obviously he has been looking for excuses not to see you while would you want... (read in full...)
I'm pregnant with his child. He left me for his ex..how do I win him back?
Q. im 32 was dating a 44 year old man. i became pregnant with his baby. it caused a fight. destructively i got drunk and arrested.65 days in jail, he breaks down starts drinking again then goes back to his ex. now im back and seeing him. he says he ...
A. 23 December 2005: Hi dear, i am so sorry you must be going through alot.
You said he didnt take the news well that you were pregnant. That is sad really because it seems he isnt ready to be a dad. I am not happy he went back to his ex especially after you have tol... (read in full...)
Is his quick attachment to me, related to his break up with his ex? What should I do?
Q. I am seeing an old friend who has just recently gotten out of a long term relationship. It seems like he is trying to move into Boyfriend status very quickly. His girlfriend left out of town with his 2 kids less then a month ago. He respects that I ...
A. 23 December 2005: Hi there, i really dont think it will be wise to venture into a relationship with him straight ahead. He needs time to sort his feelings and issues which happened in his lastbreak up.
You said he is willing to wait then i think he is understa... (read in full...)
I can't seem to get over all the hurt and bad feelings caused by my ex-boyfriend. Even though my new bf is great!
Q. Hi--I was looking for advice: I am seeing a great guy, but I can't stop memories of my ex from popping up and I keep on thinking of the past when I was with my manipulative ex and how much he hurt me. I lost my virginity to him and even though I am ...
A. 23 December 2005: Hi dearie, i know how sad you must feel but dont let your bestfriend get you down. fine you have lost your virginity but you gave it to someone you felt you were in love with. That should make it better for you to accept.
I was engaged to be ma... (read in full...)
I want him back but he didn't give me a straight answer...
Q. im 17 and a month ago things got hectic in my life. i made the mistake of breaking up with my bf of nearly a year. i told him i wanted him back and that i still love him but he didnt giv me a straight answer. what do i do?...
A. 23 December 2005: Hi dearie, i think you should wait for him to respond. You have told him you love him and now he should make the next move.
Meanwhile enjoy yourself with other friends and have fun this season.
Merr xmas and happy new yr.
... (read in full...)
Bitchy girls alway seem to get what they want..do I stop being nice and be like them? Help
Q. i really need some help lol ive always been a good daughter and gotlike straight A's at school. I've never really been unhappy. And my friends always rely on me to take care of them and cheer them up. I get called "mum" and "happy" at schoo...
A. 23 December 2005: Hi dear, please dont ever let anybody put you down or make u change who you are.
What i think you are lacking for now is confidence. Confidence to be who you are and show people you are unique and special in your own right. Nobody likes people t... (read in full...)
Am I over-reacting or does my new boyfriend just not care?
Q. Hello everyone, Well I have been on a few dates with this guy, and he recently spent the night at my house and we had sex. He then asked me to officially be his girlfriend, but now it seem like he is ignoring me. I called him to just talk, bu...
A. 22 December 2005: Dear, i am so sorry. Just leave him alone. You have made all the moves to contact him and he is even aware u r travellng and hasnt called or even tried to see u before u leave.
Go on your trip and have fun. dont worry u head. i pray he realises... (read in full...)
Broke up with him because he got steaming drunk and rowed with my housemates... But now we're back together.
Q. I have a problem with my boyfriend. We have been together for 4 months. In that time we have gone out and had lots of good times together and he has treated me very well. He does not like my roommates. My roommates have been difficult for me to ...
A. 22 December 2005: hi dearie, i can understand your worries. if he is doing something bout it that is a good sign. maybe u can go with himto counselling sometimes this might help u understand and show tour support.
its yor decision really but since u have already ... (read in full...)
I like her very much but she won't date me! What should I do?
Q. I am 18 years old and completely fell for this girl I work with, she was 20. When I first met her she had a boyfriend but he ended up cheating on her and she broke up with him. Well after they split we started hanging out and I let her know how I ...
A. 22 December 2005: Hi dearie, my own advise is that u should forget about this girl. maybe if she realises u arent paying her much attention again, might be a waking up call for her if she really likes u.if not find someone who is willing to give her heart to you.
... (read in full...)
My online bf asked me for advice if he should go back to his ex gf. I was shocked and hurt!
Q. Hi Everyone, bear with me on the length of this one but i need some serious advice. I've been having an online long distance relationship with a guy i went out with last december. For the entire year we spoke everyday on the phone, IM etc, after 2 ...
A. 22 December 2005: Thanks dear for sendiing me this message to let me know how everything is going. I have thought about u ever since and hoped everything was fine.
I think you should give him an ear and listen to what he has to say. But please be careful because ... (read in full...)
My online bf asked me for advice if he should go back to his ex gf. I was shocked and hurt!
Q. Hi Everyone, bear with me on the length of this one but i need some serious advice. I've been having an online long distance relationship with a guy i went out with last december. For the entire year we spoke everyday on the phone, IM etc, after 2 ...
A. 20 December 2005: Hi dear, u seem really distraught. i am sorry.
Firstly, a year was a long time to stay away from each other. Was there a reason for this? Anyway it doesnt matter now but i just choose to mention it just incase u find urself in this position... (read in full...)
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