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... Send *ellyO a private message | | | *ellyO's profile:Thanks for coming to my column. Yes, i have been there but i am now happily married and i feel with my experiences in life, love and marriage i can help others. I am also a manager in an engineering firm so i can possibly help with some career advice. I am a much softer person in real life so my friends say, but i cant help but tell you the truth because my wish is to help you make the best decision.
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My male friend is gay, we had sex, now im pregnant!
Q. I have been in love with a male friend for a long time, but he's gay. I intentionally got him drunk and seduced him. Even though we had really great sex, he said that he still prefers men. I just found out I'm pregnant with his child. Part of me ...
A. 12 September 2006: Hi dear,
I think he has the right to know you are expecting his kid but i dont feel u should use this to get him to marry you. I think he is pretty sure about his sexual orientation and if u proceed in this way u are definitely going to get hurt... (read in full...)
I'm 16..he's 15 and he's talking marriage and babies! I need to end this. Any ideas on how to do that?
Q. yey people got a huge problem my boyfriend keeps on talking to me about having kids and starting a family and settling down. and im really not ready for it all i mean im onli 16!!!!! and he's onli 15!!!!! i need to end it now befor it gets too far ...
A. 30 August 2006: Hi there,
You could simply tell him the truth.That u think the relationship is moving way too fast for you and heading in the wrong turn up from how u wish it to go and would like to end things and focus on other key areas of your life.
Goodluc... (read in full...)
Not sure if I can forgive my bf for sleeping with my sister! What should I do?
Q. My boyfriend slept with my sister before we dated. I have some trouble forgiving him still. I'm not sure if I can move on from this and forgive him. Am I making this a bigger deal than it is? I haven't been with them in the same room together ...
A. 30 August 2006: I understand what u are saying. I have to say i agree. It appears u just found out?? Why didnt he tell u before both of u started dating??I would be wary of someone who has actually had an intimacy with own my sister.Personally i dont think u are ... (read in full...)
is it wrong to sleep with your ex's best friend even though you've been split up a year and he's happily in a relationship with somone else?
Q. Just a quick question, is it wrong to sleep with your ex's best friend even though youve been split up a year or so and hes happily in a relationship with somone else? And is it normal that the ex, when they find out, will think that you did it ...
A. 30 August 2006: I'm afraid this hasnt happened to me before and i hope u do get reponses from those it has happened to.
I wanted to say that i wouldnt feel disgusted, hilarious or offended to find my ex with my best friend after i have moved on. Why should i... (read in full...)
What does it mean???
Q. I think I know the answer to this already but what does it mean when someone tells you that they are not in love with you but they love you very much??? At the same time they kiss you and hold your hand and do all the relationship stuff. Should ...
A. 29 August 2006: I think she simply means that she doesnt have feelings for you in a "romantic" way so to speak but love u as a friend.
Well,it all depends on want u want in a relationship if love is part of it then i think moving on might be the best option.
No... (read in full...)
I am a smoker and he is unhappy
Q. Hi guys, I need your help..... My boyfriend and I have been together for the last year and a half and we own a home together. We have talked marriage and were planning to get engaged this coming fall. I have smoked for the last 10 years. I dec...
A. 27 August 2006: Hi dearie,
I think there are some individuals who truly detest smoking and that is why u have all this notices in some public places. I am afraid he seems to be one of them.
The question you have to ask yourself is if u really want to give up ... (read in full...)
Love the high feeling of casual sex. Finding sex in a committed relationship...boring! What can I do about this?
Q. In casual relationships my sex drive is always very high, I enjoy a lot of sex and am very adventurous. When I'm single I enjoy flirting and being provocative and always feel sexy. But somehow the minute I start to get emotionally involved with ...
A. 27 August 2006: Hi there,
For me i think this is just a pattern you are used to and are finding it difficult to do away with at least for now.Also it could be that u havent really met your true love yet cos i have seen many of my friends who have the same pat... (read in full...)
USed to be pretty..but have gotten overweight. I am so lonely and miserable. Please help me!
Q. I'm 36 years old, working as a postDoc in a worldwide famous university. I used to be very pretty, or so they told me, but I've put on a lot of weight in the last couple of years. I've been finding comfort in food, trying to forget how lonely and ...
A. 27 August 2006: Dearie,
First, i think u brilliant and talented to be a postdoc I am into research myself in engineering.
Your weight issue seems to be a problem for you and only you can take the necessary steps to deal with this.I know that it is difficult ... (read in full...)
Does he really want to help me...or is he stringing me along?
Q. I have asked this guy that I care about for help on a professional basis, he said ring me 4 weeks time so I did, then he said due to work priorties ring me back in another 3 weeks times I even said it's alright if he can't help (it isn't really!!) ...
A. 26 August 2006: There is always the probability that he might really have a hectic schedule and might have problems fitting u in, he has simply been busy or he is still trying to sort out the issue you asked him for.
I think u should give him the benefit of the d... (read in full...)
I feel rejected and alone...can anyone help help me
Q. im having a really hard life at the moment. My brothers are leaving home to travel for a year, i will miss them so so much. To top it im moving schools and everyone has already forgotten about me :( i feel so rejected and alone and no one ...
A. 25 August 2006: Hi dearie,
I can assure you no one has forgotten about you and no one ever will. I known it is difficult with so many changes that is going on around but such changes usually happens in life. I have a sister in the united states that i havent s... (read in full...)
He doesn't trust me, he calls me a liar, he's jealous, he rants and raves...what can I do about this guy?
Q. Hi I am in a relationship with a guy for nearly a year now. when we first met we both had just come out of serious relationships. we were pretty casual at first but now it's pretty serious. the problem is the way he treats me and speaks to me. if h...
A. 25 August 2006: Hi there,
I think he has issues in his past that has made him so suspicious. My ex-boyfriend was just like that and he scared me alot.
Since u mentioned here that u are in love with him then It is best to let him know what he is doing to the ... (read in full...)
She's playing games with me, and I cant take it any more! Could someone tell me what to do?
Q. hello there, im looking for some much needed advice, im 27 years young, and ive been going out with my future wife now for 2 years, she has 2 kids by 2 different men, dont let that give you a bad impression of her, shes 28, the boys are...
A. 25 August 2006: Hi there,
I see you too as a nice guy becos many guys would have worked away from it all. I think your girlfriend is unstable and if she has been abused before as a child this may be the key factor in this. I must tell you that she needs extensiv... (read in full...)
After a huge argument he dumped me, but I want to make him love me again!
Q. My boyfriend and i had a huge argument ..... and it caused him to break up with me. I was fine with it because I was just so cross with him ... but now I'm begining to miss him and i dont know how he feels about anything but i want him to feel the ...
A. 23 August 2006: Hi there,
You didnt say what the argument was about. You have to comes to terms with what happened so that when both of you reconcile u can sort out the issue causing the quarrel.
If u really do miss him u can try calling him, making arrangeme... (read in full...)
We talk all the time, and he's said he wants to hang out, but is he just bored and looking for someone to talk to?
Q. I'm almost 16 and I've been talking online with this guy that's 18. He went to my school, but we never really talked because he had a girlfriend at the time but not now. He has started IM'ng me almost every day and seems really nice. I know some ...
A. 23 August 2006: Hi dearie,
I agree with the other reader. I really thinks he likes you and u should ask him to hang out with u since he has already asked u to previously.
Dont worry go out and enjoy yourself. Goodluck.... (read in full...)
Prison Break
Q. Dear cupid im going through something right now my boy friend is in jail for a couple of months and me and my girlfriend was hanging out with her boyfriend and his cousin and i really like him i dont know what to do should i tell my bf thats its ...
A. 23 August 2006: Hi Nay920,
It depends on what u feel. Are u in love with your boyfriend or is it this guy you have feelings for? Think of yourself first and follow your heart. I am afraid no one can make this decision for you. You have the right to be with the... (read in full...)
He told me, "Bros before hoes". Should we just break up?
Q. Me and my bf's 6 month anniversery was a lil less then a week ago...on our ann. I guess he was with his friends trying to find ways to break up with me and he was texting this chick. The next day everything was back to normal and that nite I found ...
A. 23 August 2006: Hi steph06,
It depends on what you want and how u want to be treated. Even if i tell u to end things i am not sure u will but i hope so. Dear, he doesnt respect or deserve you at all.You deserve to be treated alot better than that and shouldnt... (read in full...)
A workmate is playful and sends flirty emails, but I don't know if he's serious!
Q. I have recently started a new job and I have been getting on really well with one of my colleagues but I am not sure whether he is being friendly or he likes me. He was training me within my first few weeks. He kept making me laugh and was sort...
A. 23 August 2006: Hi Nicola,
I thinks he is naturally a friendly and playful person i have met many of the same type u have described. I cant confirm if he has a special interest for you you gave him the opportunity to go on a date with you and he is yet to respo... (read in full...)
Haven't heard from my man in four weeks! Has he found someone else?
Q. Me and My Partner have been dating a while now and he's recently gone to Malta with his parents for 2 weeks. We're both in college and I've text him 3 times now and he hasn't replied. I'm worried he doesn't love me anymore or he's found someone else ...
A. 23 August 2006: Hi chely2294,
I agree four weeks is really a long time for him not have contacted you. Has he contacted you at all since he got to malta? I am guessing that it could be anything especially if u didnt have a fight before he left. Perhaps there is... (read in full...)
He's pushing me to find a new job but I'm trying to adjust to this new country! He's harsh..so how do I deal with this?
Q. Dear All I am 30 yr old woman married with a doctor. My husband is coming from another culture. I am turkish hes indian. We are living in Uk. I just came here 2 months ago. And trying to adjust my new life here. Since I came here hes ea...
A. 21 August 2006: Hi there,
I am in the Uk as well. I really havent been to indian or turkey but i have some friends and u have a really nice culture. It is always difficult to adjust coming from a different part of the world.It seems to me that u really miss hom... (read in full...)
How can I build trust that has been lost?
Q. my boyfriend and i just broke up because we've been dealing with trust issues; dealing with my past. there are some things i am not ready to tell him... he is giving me a chance to prove to him that he can trust me.. but only as friends.. what are ...
A. 21 August 2006: Hi there,
I hope i can help abit. What i can understand is that u werent really open enough for him to understand you and hence establish a trust since he obviously feels he doesnt know you or rather much about you. I can understand u not wanting ... (read in full...)
Mack daddy
Q. watsup people,I need help!I've been dating this girl for almost a year now,she is the best thing thats ever happened to me,the problem is my mother lives over-seas so every july I go away for two months and leave her behind.she is very attractive ...
A. 20 August 2006: Hi selekta,
I think this girl loves u alot and u should try to trust what she feels for you. To get over your insecurities u just have to keep telling yourself that no matter how much time u spend checking up on your partner if he/she still wa... (read in full...)
Trust my troubled fiance?
Q. hi i am 22 years old my fiance is 31 but he is leaving abrod and we will get married after 3 months but i have a problem his work is not workin too good and he has a lot of problem sure he doesnt have any savings to start our life but he never told ...
A. 20 August 2006: Hi,
I empathise with your situation. Your fiance seems to be unstable financially and i know how frustrating that can be especially with a wedding coming up and plans for the future. You must understand that most guys want to be in a position... (read in full...)
My marriage is wonderful but I'm thinking of cheating! Why am I doing this?
Q. I got married when I was very young (20) and now I feel like maybe that was too young. It's only been three years and I have often thought about kissing other men. There is one man in particualar that I have been spending some time with lately...
A. 19 August 2006: Well, what i would advise u to do is that u should talk to someone about how u feel. Seek a counsellor advise for help not just becos of your marriage problems but to help you identify why u have such feelings.Personally i think u are backing up the ... (read in full...)
I hate my partner's daughter-she acts inappropriately toward her father! What's can I do?
Q. I hate one of my partners children. She is under 10 years old but tries to act alot older. She is obsessed by her dad and tries to snog him and touches him in an inappropriate way. He has recently agreed that it is inappropriate and has tried to ...
A. 19 August 2006: Hi there,
I think u should try not to swallow the bait here that is being offered to you. It clearly stands out that your partner's daughter is trying to indicate to you is more special and has a better hold on him than you have. She is probably... (read in full...)
Boy moved on after I said no to sex. Depressed and feel down :(
Q. I have a problem dating men most times, because a boy I liked very very much asked me for sex on our second or third date while I keep telling him I liked him but that I preferred knowing them better to see if we could have a relationship and this ...
A. 15 August 2006: Well, if he moved on after denying him sex just after two dates then i guess it is clear what he was after in the first place. You should count yourself lucky for not having sex with him becos i am pretty sure he would have left u.
I dont think yo... (read in full...)
If we wait until next year to date, when my girl's away at uni, can it work?
Q. I'm only right out of high school, so bear with the question. I was in a relationship recently, which went very well. There was only one problem, the girl's parents. They hated me, and due to this ended up tearing her apart until she finally ...
A. 9 August 2006: Hi dearie,
I think u have a really tough one on your hands here and i empathize with u.The best thing to do is to have a talk with her and find out how she feels about what u have decided.Get to know if she is still willing to go on with the rela... (read in full...)
He broke off with me, but I miss him desperately. Should I get back in contact?
Q. Hi, I really need some advice. Recently my bf of 2 years was treating me badly and got me so upset I had to walk out on him in an argument. It's strange for him because he was so nice and good to me usually. I didn't hear from him in a while an...
A. 9 August 2006: Hi there,
I think u did a great job and handled everything the right way . For me personally since he did indicate that he needed some time to sort out himself i think it is best to give him time. If not u might relive the whole problem u had with... (read in full...)
Can long-distance work? Even long-distance like another country?
Q. My Sister who introduced me to her friends by giving me thier phone numbers. Her friend live abroad and I contacted them and arranged to go and see them. It went really well. I did a bit of sightseeing while getting to know them. I really like on...
A. 9 August 2006: I believe it can work. I have seen cases of this happen. But i must emphasize though that it depends on both parties being totally dedicated to each other and the love they share.
I have friends who have had such relationship. For some of them ... (read in full...)
How do I make sure he's not a liar about how many girls he's slept with... without accusing him of being a liar?
Q. i am 17 and recently started seeing a boy who is 19. i am open about the fact that i am a virgin and he told me that he has only had sex one time. my friend told me not to believe him since he is 19 and seems to have a party lifestyle. i honestly ...
A. 8 August 2006: Hi,
I am afraid there isnt any really way to find out how many partners ones boyfriend or girlfriend has, except what the individual says. Even if u really do pressure him to tell you there is always the probablity that he might insincere about it... (read in full...)
Having mixed feelings for my man!
Q. Do you think maybe sometimes i have mixed feelings for my boyfriend of almost 2 months is because he treats me so good and i'm not used to it because sometimes when he does something wrong which is hardly ever or isn't holding me 24/7 i love it just ...
A. 8 August 2006: Hi,
I do believe like you indicated in your posting that one of the factors influencing your present relationship is your past one. Having being treated badly previously you find it difficult to allow yourself to be treated with so much love. i ... (read in full...)
I'd like to find out if my acquaintence has a girlfriend. How?
Q. Hi, I like this guy. He comes into my work for a couple of hours a week to work with the young people. The last time he was in we really got talking and I wouldnt mind getting to know him better!! I'm not sure if he has a girlfriend thoug...
A. 3 August 2006: Hi dearie,
What i would do if i was in your situation is to establish a friendship with this guy first.You guys to me seem more like acquaintances at the moment if u havent exchanged numbers.Take a chance to be closer to him, u can ask him out ... (read in full...)
Will I ever fall in love again?
Q. My ex split with me for someone else over a year ago now and Im still single. This is through choice as Ive had loads of chances with different guys but for some reason I feel numb towards men and cant fancy them. At first, I expected to feel...
A. 3 August 2006: Hi dearie,
I am pretty sure that u will fall in love again. Your ex-boyfriend isnt you idea mate and true love since he went off with someone else. The right guy for you wouldnt leave u no matter what and will want a deeper sense of commitme... (read in full...)
On a relationship break and I like someone else
Q. I am so confused. I had to take a break from my boyfriend of 2 years because I don't know if I'm really happy. I have been talking to this other guy at work and I think I actually like this other guy. Problem is he has a girlfriend of 3 years and ...
A. 3 August 2006: Hi dearie,
If u feel u need a break from your relationship then u should take one. You should explain to him whay u need to take a break and if u can give a time frame let him know how much time u need to sort out what is bothering u.It is good ... (read in full...)
How to fix my relationship woes
Q. my boyfriend doesn't treat me like his girlfriend anymore, he never talks to me, i haven't seen him in over a month, and he doesn't say i love you anymore. so i figured it would be best to break up, because when i try to tell him how i feel and fix ...
A. 3 August 2006: Dear,
I think u should let him go. I know that you would rather hear something else but i have to to entirely sincere with you and i know deep down in your hear you can feel that is the best option. The problem you are facing now is letting ... (read in full...)
Ladies: do you think you're more sympathetic to females who cheat?
Q. Why is it on this site that women tend to be so sympathetic to a woman who has cheated and are so very understanding but when it's a man who cheated you hear phrases like, "Once a cheater always a cheater" or "A leopard never changes his spots". Is ...
A. 2 August 2006: Hi Lostandalone,
I dont think you are entirely correct with your analysis about females in this site becos i have been here long enough and i have read several posting. I think the comments here are all fair and reflect different views for all ... (read in full...)
I am cheating to avoid my marriage problems
Q. I 've been married for 11 years and for the last three years it has felt like habit and no longer love.I love my husband but it is like i love my brother!! We dont have much in common(never really have) nad now our kids are growing up this is ...
A. 2 August 2006: Hi dearie,
Having an affair is never a solution to a problem one has in a relationship or marriage rather becos it only worsen the situation.My mum is married now for 35 yrs and she tells me that sometimes she sees my dad more like a father, ... (read in full...)
We used to leave together but he couldnt deal with it, we are still together but dont live together and it tears me up!! What should I do ?
Q. Hi. I don't at all like the situation I am in. I am an attractive 35 year old woman, I have lots of love and warmth to give and I just long to live a normal life (at least what I consider normal) but I can't. I love my partner and he says he loves...
A. 2 August 2006: Hi dear,
There is nothing wrong or old-fashion about u wanting to get married, having that closeness with someone who u love.I think it is a matter of preference really what each individual wants from their state of affairs and if this is what u cr... (read in full...)
We went out for drinks and he told me he hated me... Now he says he had just been angry and tired but I don't know how best to resolve this?
Q. Hello, I am a 40 year old woman who has been married to a 40 year old man for 19 years. We were both virgins when we began dating and we married six months after. We have a 17 year old son and a two year old son. We have always had a tumultuous ...
A. 1 August 2006: Hi there,
From your posting i came to realise that the main problem is with the Finances. He isnt finding things easy with the situation and it seems to me that he is just plainly frustrated. Whilst i can understand this i dont think it is right... (read in full...)
His friends think I am too controlling
Q. My boyfriend's best friend told him I was too controlling when I told him he shouldn't be going anywhere two days after having surgery. He says he defended me, but I can't help but think that his friends will convince him that I'm too controlling, ...
A. 25 July 2006: Hi there,
I know that you want to have a good relationship with your boyfriend's pals and it is upsetting to know that you find this difficult. I would have loved to know how long you two have been on.
what i would do if i am in your situatio... (read in full...)
How can someone that likes you ALOT suddenly move on to someone else ?
Q. This is not really a question. I just feel sad and disappointed that the man I've been dating since February (a month of emails, some phone calls because I was in the U.K. then, before we met in early April) just broke up with me. He lives long ...
A. 24 July 2006: Hi there,
You handled everything with so much maturity that i had to note some few pointers in which i can use to advise people here. The greatest part of your posting is that you actually wish him all the best in his new relationship.It is very ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend seems to be somewhere else when I go see him, said he would change as he loves me but hasnt, im confused!
Q. Hi, I've been with my boyfriend for just under 2 years and throughout the relationship we have had our ups and downs but lately i've felt so ignored by him whenever i go to see him, like he doesn't want me there. i confronted him about it on monday ...
A. 24 July 2006: Hi lozza,
What i would advise you to do is give him space.There is really nothing more you can do.You cant get him to do anything he doesnt want to and he has already admitted that he does ignore you.
I know all this is difficult and yo... (read in full...)
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