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... Send *ellyO a private message | | | *ellyO's profile:Thanks for coming to my column. Yes, i have been there but i am now happily married and i feel with my experiences in life, love and marriage i can help others. I am also a manager in an engineering firm so i can possibly help with some career advice. I am a much softer person in real life so my friends say, but i cant help but tell you the truth because my wish is to help you make the best decision.
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He does little things to hurt me and is scared to let us go any further - how do I get him interested again?
Q. I started a relationship with someone via text messages. We met up and things got very serious over a period of 2 weeks then all of a sudden he went cold and started ignoring me by not texting back, making little snide remarks to hurt me and ...
A. 25 June 2006: Hi there,
My own advise for now is that you should give him space.He obviously doesnt want to continue the relationship especially at the pace it was going.If you try to push him things will only get rough. You have already indicated that he is fl... (read in full...)
I text and ask girls out, but they don't reply! Where am I going wrong?
Q. I have recently found a couple of girls I like. They are nice to me when I see them, but If I text them and ask whether they'd like to meet and do something like go to town or the cinema they just don't reply. For example a msg might read "hey, ju...
A. 25 June 2006: Hi there,
They may be several reasons why they didnt respond to your text messages. Might be they probably didnt think you were serious about your offer, were too shy to respond to an offer by text, or werent interested in it.
Whichever way... (read in full...)
Advice wanted on breaking up
Q. how do i break up with him and get things back to the way they were when we were good friends? i dont get it i can normally break up with a guy and not feel terrible but this one i just cant we were really good friends b4 we started going out and i ...
A. 25 June 2006: Hi there,
It is always difficult to end a relationship with someone that has been a very good friend initially and to get things back the same level of friendship as before.If you hope to do so note that the process of restoring your friendsh... (read in full...)
BF is a great swimmer. I'm not and I look awful in a swimming cossie!
Q. My boyfriend wants to go swimming but I don't want to make a fool of myself. Not only do I look horid in my cossie but I'm also really bad at swimming ... however he is really good at swimming. ...
A. 22 June 2006: Dearie,
I think you should let your boyfriend know that you arent good at swimming. perhaps he can offer to teach you. This might not be a bad thing infact it might be really good thing for both of you spending time at the pool together.
Also... (read in full...)
I don't know what to do about my ex
Q. Hey Ppl. My b/f, well kinda ex b/f is confusing me. We have been together for almost a yr now but we have experienced so much that it feels like at least 3yrs. We broke up because I coudnt handle the many girls who are present. But now I feel like I ...
A. 16 June 2006: Dearie, i really dont think this guy wants the same kind of relatiosnhip u want. my own opinion on the matter is that i feel he doesnt want a seriously relationship with u. if he does he wouldnt have alot of girls and then tell u to go do things ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend and I have broken up over trust issues
Q. I have been with my girlfriend for 11 months and at the moment we hae broken up. The reason for this is because she is not so keen on a girl that is a close friend of mine. Although she used to hold feelings 4 me in the past and we almost had sex, ...
A. 16 June 2006: Hiya, what i am abit confused abour really is if u are still considering have a relationship with your ex-girlfriend so that i would know what kind of advise to give. If i were ex-girlfriend though i also wouldnt be too keen on your close female ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's a bum and I have a bun in my oven... Where next?!
Q. So here is the thing... My boyfriend and I are amazing together! We were casualy dating for about 2 years and now we are in a commited and serious relationship for 6 months. We can still talk for hours on end and have sex twice a day. We both still ...
A. 16 June 2006: Hiya,it seems you like this guy but for his inability to make concrete plans for his future as you indicated. you have to talk to him and see if you can encourage him in his dreams. find out what he indeed wants to do with his life. dont push too ... (read in full...)
He said that he fell out of love with me.....what can I do??? I think I'm getting mixed signals!
Q. i was living with my partner i have had for 7years and where very happy he allways every day told me he loved me in every part was fine we where going to plan a baby and talked alot about thefurture, until one day he walked in and said he's not in ...
A. 15 June 2006: Hi dearie, i must say seven yrs is indeed a very long time and i know u must have invested a lot of time and emotions into this relationship. i know that u must love and care a great deal for him and i really do understand your situation.
If i ... (read in full...)
He wants to take me to a Halloween function but said he'd call at the end of the school year?? What's up with that?
Q. Ok me and this guy were talkin today and we were talkin about an amusement park which is popular here and they do a thing called fright nite durning halloween and he asked me if i have ever goin durning halloween and i told him i was suppose to with ...
A. 7 April 2006: Hi dearie, i think its great you already have a date for halloween night already. i think he likes you but i cant really say at what level.i feel him asking for your phone number after the school year is indicating that he would like to get closer ... (read in full...)
I am still in love with my ex after 5 years. Is this normal??
Q. I am still in love with my ex after 5 years. Is this normal? He still has feelings for me because he has been trying to get back together with me for the past 2 years. Do normal peoples lives work like this?...
A. 7 April 2006: Hi Suzie767, personally i feel it does happen. The feelings and attractions u have for a person can last longer i guess that is why some couples stay together for many years some off and on in marriages and relaionships.
If u are still in love ... (read in full...)
He's moody and I'm outgoing...but I find it hard to be myself around him. How can I improve the situation?
Q. i have been with my boyfriend for a year.when we 1st met,we had been both hurt before.he has told me once that he loved me, but since has kept his feelings to himself.he's not interested at all in the bedroom, unless i make all the moves.he can be ...
A. 7 April 2006: Dearie, if u feel the need to remain in this relationship then perhaps u should have a chat with him and tell him how u feel. personally i feel that if u arent in love with him and your personalities clashes with his then why do u want to be with ... (read in full...)
He told me he has to choose between me and another woman. My son is confused and I am devastated. What should I do?
Q. Hi Im 33 and it complicated. I split up from my partner 4 years ago, we have known each other for 11 years and we a 7 year old son together. Since we have split we have still been spending lots of time together and sleeping with each other. I k...
A. 7 April 2006: Dearie, i think you are sad becos u still have feelings for him. He is the father of your child and i am sure both of you must have been through alot together over the past several years. Regardless of this you have to let him sort out his affairs. ... (read in full...)
I'm wondering why she doesn't say hi to me anymore?? any ideas?
Q. ive liked this girl since high school and now im at college and she is working i dont know if she likes me because i like her. i usually see her on a morning on the bus and she usually says hi but for the last couple of weeks she has just blanked me ...
A. 7 April 2006: Maybe u should take the initiative to say hello to her first sometimes and see what happens. You could sit and chat with her on the bus during your journey sometimes. You just have to make the effort to speak to her. That should be a good start. i ... (read in full...)
I cheated with my girlfriend's sister, got sprung and then broke up. Could there be a chance for us now that time has passed?
Q. About eight months ago I was going out with a girl I met through one of my friends. I started going out with her and she hooked another one of my friends up with her younger sister. When we were going out we hardly ever got on without arguing ...
A. 6 April 2006: Dearie, my own advise is that the relationship has gotten way complicated. you should realise that she isnt even aware that you had a relationship with her sister which is entirely unfair on your part. You also indicated here that u still have ... (read in full...)
His sex drive is very low and I'm paranoid!
Q. Hi, my boyfriend has little interest in having sex with me. He has a very low sex drive. Ive tried loads of stuff to enjoy our lovemaking when it happens but I dont enjoy it (i dont get aroused). Not much effort from him. Ive tried talking, and ...
A. 6 April 2006: I think you are handling everything the right way. going for counselling and to see a doctor. i think the bottom line is that you like this guy a lot but u are abit frustrated with the present situation of things and anyone would be.
What ... (read in full...)
She's everything I look for in a girl, but she's so secretive!
Q. I just met a girl who has everything I look for in a girl, but she doesn't like me picking her up, or taking her to the train station, doesn't want me to go to her area, keeps me and her friends separate (ie, me on weekends, her friends after work), ...
A. 6 April 2006: Dearie, guess the best thing to do is talk to her about it. try and find out why she is so secretive about you meeting her friends and family. There are alot of conclusions that can be inferred from this. could be that she thinks it is too early for ... (read in full...)
I can't handle the breaking up/getting back together thing!
Q. a couple of days ago my girlfriend told me she doesn't want to be in this relationship anymore .... now this is not the first time she's done this, any "discussion" we have had invlolved her being wrong generally ended up with her saying, "ok we're ...
A. 6 April 2006: Hi there, i was in the same situation once. my ex-boyfriend would constantly want a break anytime we argue. later he comes back and says he is sorry. i kept on doing that until finally i said it is enough no more going back. you have to draw the ... (read in full...)
She says that she likes one more than the other, but I can't tell if I'm that one!
Q. Hi. I recently posted, but i also have a different issue, so i decided to ask another question. Right.Im 14. Theres a girl at school who i really.. really like, she really likes me too. We told each other but her friend said i dont think she...
A. 6 April 2006: Dearie, just be her friend for now and see her everything goes.i think you are very mature the way you are handling everything. from your posting u said " you would rather be happy if she chooses someone she is happy with". i think you are the ... (read in full...)
I really can't tell if he likes me, sometimes it seems like it and sometimes it don't!
Q. hi i dont know what to do, im head over heels in love with someone, but the problem is he dont love me back. we've always been close but now i love him. i cant get him off my mind, and im getting really depressed because although im 15 i feel lik...
A. 6 April 2006: Hi there, my advise is that if he doesnt love you back then perhaps it is best to try and forget him. i know it is difficult having been there myself but i am sure there is a guy out there for you.if he doesnt want to date you then dont encourage ... (read in full...)
My long-distance boyfriend secretly took up smoking!
Q. My boyfriend and I of almost 2 years have hit a rough patch. He went away to school about 5 hours away. Nothing seemed wrong at all the first 4 months of him being away. I thought we were closer and on the same page. As It turns out we weren't ...
A. 6 April 2006: Dearie, i think u are worrying too much. smoking is a bad habit and has it health hazards. But it is really up to an individual whether he wants to smoke or not. dont think i am taking his sides, really i dont smoke myself and my boyfriend smokes. ... (read in full...)
I am haunted by my past and he doesnt seem to care. Should I stay or should I go??
Q. Hi all, I am an emotional woman when i am in love. But when i am not, i am fine, i am strong and steady, i am kind of boyish tho. I could do anything for him when i am in love, i care so much untill it left me in depression. Maybe i have see love ...
A. 6 April 2006: Dearie, wow! You are tied up in alot of emotional distress at the moment.it even seems to be killing your new relationship. You are right, the guy you are dating seems like a nice fellow and you must agree that it isnt fair that what you are putting ... (read in full...)
I can't really tell what signal he is sending me. Can you help?
Q. i was meant to treat a guy out cos i owe him..then he canceled on me and he didn't tell me why.. i then found out it's cos his friend couldn't make it, but usually he would still come out alone with me! (i only expected it to be just us two anyway, ...
A. 6 April 2006: Hi there, it seems to me that u really do like this guy and would fancy dating him.i would advise u not to push urself hard on this one becos if he is taking a friend along with him during your intended dates it doesnt really give the message that ... (read in full...)
My two friends are so flirty with each other, and it's making me uncomfortable!
Q. I feel uncomfortable with my two friends: J (guy) and my friend S (girl). In college they're my main friends and well, S is making me uncomfortable. She's in a relationship but she's very flirty around J and keeps bad mouthing. She's a flirtiou...
A. 5 March 2006: Hi there, I dont really think u should involve yourself in S affairs. I am sure J is aware that she is engaged to be married and if he decides to be flirtatious with her its his problem really.If either S or J comes to you for advise then it is a ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend broke up and wouldn't say the reason. I guessed correctly that she wants to become a nun!
Q. I am really in love with my girlfriend (now-ex). She is everything that I could ever want, in every way possible. She was the only best friend I have ever had. I know that I love her, because it seems to be unconditional and never-ending. She said...
A. 5 March 2006: I agree completely with the response below. If it is in her heart to become a nun there is really nothing u can do about that. You have to support her decision and be her friend. No need for regrets i am sure u had a great experience and love for ... (read in full...)
My partner spends hours at her ex husbands and we split!! Now I want what we had before all this back!!
Q. I have been seeing my partner for 5 years. She is divorced with 2 children one 17 one 19 boy and girl. We honestly had a good relationship. She lives over 40mins away but has her own business very local to me in fact just round the corner. I found ...
A. 5 March 2006: Hi there. while i understand that your partner should have a good relationship with her ex for the kids sake, i sincerely dont think she should compromise the relationship she has with you if she truly love you.
My own suggestion is that u have t... (read in full...)
He's really popular and I am not but I love him and want him to love me!!
Q. I love this guy at school, I don't know if he likes me, but i really want him to! His grandparents live next door to me, so I see him alot. I really want him to ask me out,and now I have been thinking of asking him, but I don't know if he will say ...
A. 5 March 2006: Dearie, my own advise is that if u truly like him perhaps its best to give it a shot and ask him out. it will be better to find out how he feels even if he says no than to always wonder what could have been.
Also, as much as people dont want to ... (read in full...)
He was hot, sexy, fit, intelligent and the man of my dreams. At least, at first he was...
Q. I'm a 22 year old girl and my 24 year old boyfriend and I have been going out for nearly 5 years. I wasn't initially attracted to him but when we got talking I noticed he had a different, positive way of thinking which appealed to me. He was only 19 ...
A. 5 March 2006: Hi there, will try my best to help you out.
You mentioned in your posting that u feel u love this guy overall but u arent sure if u were ever in love with him. You have to think carefully what u feel for him and how u will feel if he is no longe... (read in full...)
My boyfriend cheated on me three times but now I've met someone who is really great...
Q. i am currently in a relationship. i met the guy when i was 14 i am now 18. he has cheated on me three times twice with my best friend and once with someone i didn't know. it hurt me alot. i cheated on him once but i was very drunk and i was only a ...
A. 1 March 2006: what u need to ask yourself is that do u really want to contimue being with a guy who finds it easy to cheat on you? he has even done that twice with your best friend. I really dont think this guy will stop.
My advise is that u should give thi... (read in full...)
Am I paranpid or should I be concerned?
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for nearly 10 months now, Im 18, hes 19. Its the longest relationship we've both had. My problem is, I get so paranoid over every little thing. At the beginning, everything between was perfect like it always is, but ...
A. 1 March 2006: Hi, from your posting i feel you have really little faith and trust in your relationship and boyfriend. since he hasnt really given u any really reason to doubt him perhaps u should be a little more relaxed and enjoy your relationship instead of ... (read in full...)
His ex wife keeps sending my bf, reminders of their deceased son. I hate what it's doing to him-should I talk to her about this?
Q. I'm getting married to my boyfriend of 7 years in may. he has an ex-wife who has to keeps ties with him. By birtday cards,to mailing pictures of the past. She has been married for over 20 years and can't seem to let go of my soon to be husband....
A. 19 February 2006: Hi dearie, i understand ur frustration. His ex-wife obviously isnt a happy person and hasnt gotten over the death of her child. I think she needs professional help.
I think it is up to him really to talk to her get her to seek help. The only thi... (read in full...)
I'm a nice guy with loads of female friends... and it seems to get me nowhere!
Q. I dont beleive it can be true. Do nice guys really finish last? I have countless friends, because I never see the point of arguing and holding grudges. All the girls I am friends with come to me for relationship advice. I've been called 'a light ...
A. 19 February 2006: Hi dearie, u r a really nice and matured guy. I dont believe nice guy finishes last. I think its just that u havent found the right woman for u. Dont worry urself or be in such a hurry u will find her in no time.
Be true to yourself and dont cha... (read in full...)
if you've been treated really badly, is it possible to be on your own happily for the rest of your life?
Q. I find it really difficult to trust any male nowadays. I've had no father all my life because he date- raped beat my mother (which is how I came about). Molested by the age of 7. Raped at 18. And had a lying, cheating, disrespectful boyfriend ...
A. 19 February 2006: Hi dearie, i think u are incredibly strong woman.your posting really moved me.
I know u have been let down by males all your life, but believe me there are still some genuine good ones out there. it is true though that one do not really need a m... (read in full...)
Bad attitude.
Q. What to do about a boyfriend with a really bad attitude? ...
A. 19 February 2006: Dearie, my own advise is that if u feel he has a really bad attitude then perhaps the two of u arent really compatible. if he is willing to change his attitude then perhaps u shouldnt be willing to put up with it.
Goodluck.
... (read in full...)
First date sex after text?
Q. Should you sleep with a guy you really like on a first date after months of texting?...
A. 19 February 2006: I agree with the first reply. its up to u really but i wouldntsleep with him just yet. i would first get to know him better. you guys are just meeting up even though u have been texting for months.
Goodluck.... (read in full...)
Can I get over him cheating on me more than 80 times?
Q. Is it possible to get over a man cheating on you if he's done it over 80 times? I've thought of counselling but a bit scared of opening 'pandoras box'. I thought I got over the first few but the one's that involve people I know who were friends of ...
A. 19 February 2006: Dearie, if he has cheated on you so many times as u say, this guy isnt even trying to be faithful to u. You seem like a genuine nice and patient person to be able to stay put in this relationship but my own advise is that u should move on.
The m... (read in full...)
A family friend told everyone that Dad isn't my biological father and it's upset me and everyone around me!
Q. Hi, I am in a really big muddle and this may be a long question but I need to tell someone, as it is stuck in my head and I will end up blurting it out to someone I don't want to know. You see, last week my mum's friend decided to tell everybod...
A. 16 February 2006: Dearie, i feel for you. of course u have the right to feel upset.it wasnt this woman place to blot out something like that.
I know that you are angry with your parents and people around since you arent sure how she found out in the first place, b... (read in full...)
My BF isn't ready to get married, but he thinks I am -- so he keeps breaking up with me!
Q. My boyfriend is 5 years younger and we both love each other very much. Problem is that he somehow thinks I'm ready to get married and now wants to break up because he wants me to find someone to marry. He says he still loves me, but we just can't be ...
A. 16 February 2006: Dearie, my own advise is that u should give this guy some space to clear up his act and figure out what he indeed wants from you and the relationship. He obviously doesnt see the relationship with u leading somewhere soon and he feels u wont be ... (read in full...)
Is real love a thing of the past? All these guys are interested in is no-strings sex!
Q. It's not fair - how come so many guys these days just want to be friends with benefits? I'm sick of guys telling me I'm great but they don't want a relationship but can we still sleep together? It sucks and I don't think they realise how muc...
A. 16 February 2006: Hi there, yeah there are alot of guys out there that believe in non-strings relationships.But this shouldnt dissuade you that real love doesnt exist. There are also females that believe in such and this to me is more of the individual needs and ... (read in full...)
He isn't so fit with his clothes off!
Q. I met a guy online, and he actually turned out to be amazing...he's cute, he's smart, secure, funny, etc. etc.; pretty much perfect for me. We've been dating for a while now, and have even gotten to the point of saying that we love each other. ...
A. 2 February 2006: Dearie, if it is bothering u so much and u feel u do love him then while not talk to him about it and let him know how u feel. maybe u can encourage him by going with him to the gymn for workouts. see how that goes.
I must emphasize though t... (read in full...)
How do I get a break from a longtime relationship without feeling bad or regretting my choice?
Q. OK, I need advice.... I want to take a break from my one year relationship from my bf... But I don't know how without feeling bad about it or worse regretting. Any advice?...
A. 2 February 2006: Dearie, if u feel u need a break perhaps to sort thing out then u should go ahead and ask him for a break. Make him realise how u sincerely feel about him and why u need a break and for how long if u have a time frame in mind. if u dont take a break ... (read in full...)
Druges help me feel a little better...help
Q. My boyfriend and I broke up 5 mths. ago. He cheated and i do not want him back. i can't seem to get happy without him. I do drugs to numb thee pain. I am a mess. help. ...
A. 2 February 2006: Dearie, I think you did right reaching out for help. I also think you made the right decision ending your relationship since he wasnt faithful to you. You should be with someone totally devoted to u.
You did indicate in your posting that u dont w... (read in full...)
Druges help me feel a little better...help
Q. My boyfriend and I broke up 5 mths. ago. He cheated and i do not want him back. i can't seem to get happy without him. I do drugs to numb thee pain. I am a mess. help. ...
A. 2 February 2006: Dearie, I think you did right reaching out for help. I also think you made the right decision ending your relationship since he wasnt faithful to you. You should be with someone totally devoted to u.
You did indicate in your posting that u dont w... (read in full...)
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