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... Send *ellyO a private message | | | *ellyO's profile:Thanks for coming to my column. Yes, i have been there but i am now happily married and i feel with my experiences in life, love and marriage i can help others. I am also a manager in an engineering firm so i can possibly help with some career advice. I am a much softer person in real life so my friends say, but i cant help but tell you the truth because my wish is to help you make the best decision.
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A past bf forced sex on her and now--she isn't interested in making love. What can I do?
Q. Iv known my girlfriend for well over 10 years now and we've just got together a few months ago. She's a great person and i really like her a lot but the sex for me is all give and no receive. She just doesn't seem interested. Even when I'm simply ...
A. 28 December 2006: Hi dear,
perhaps an option might be to get her into counselling. just an additional person she can talk to and who might be able to help through it all.DOnt see this as a negative sign, counselling can be very good and might speed up her recovery... (read in full...)
He had an affair so I threw him out... but now I want him back!
Q. My husband had an affair and I threw him out. I was furious after reading texts and e-mails and packed his clothes and threw them out of the window, swearing at him. He has a good job and has moved into a flat in London. He calls occasionally to ...
A. 28 December 2006: Hi there,
Complements of the seasons.
Let me get this straight. He cheated on you then blames you for the entire affair, is currently involved with another and u still want him back. Why?
Dearie, why bear responsibility for somet... (read in full...)
Not sure if I like him..because we're good mates or if i really do like him to date. What do you think?
Q. Im 15 next monday. I have kinda liked this guy for a while but ignored it coz we are really close mates. When i first met S i knew he was BI. However since i've known him he seems to of got more gay by the day.We get on really well and i sometimes ...
A. 12 December 2006: Hi Kat,
Just take your time and enjoy your friday with him. It will give you the opportunity to be able to make up your mind about your feelings towards him. Take things into considerations like if he treats you nice, listens to you, he consider... (read in full...)
Is she just being nice?
Q. i asked this girl to the christmas ball. i asked over msn. she said she may not go but i still asked her, she accepted but said only if she goes. i was suprised she accepted. anyway is she just being nice? anyway i can ask her at school tomorrow? ...
A. 12 December 2006: I dont feel it is necessary to ask her if she was just being nice. Wait for the christmas ball and see for yourself. If she is the shy type as you say dont give her the opportunity to break free from your arrangement. It might have taken her ... (read in full...)
For the past 2 years it's like we've been going out, but with no intimacy. She said she doesn't want a bf - what should I do?
Q. I'm so confused about my best mate. Help. When I came to Uni I met a girl and we got on great. She split up with her boyfriend that christmas and for the next 2 years we appeared to be going out but not actually having any intimate moments...
A. 12 December 2006: Hiys,
Compliments of the season to you.
Now you have been with her for two years now and that is quite a long time for her to have the desired effect and know that is you she wants. I think u should take time off the relationship and... (read in full...)
My BF hides things from me, including chewing tobacco and pics of his ex!
Q. My boyfirend hides chewing tobacco from me, and he still has pictures of his ex-gf on his computer. Am I crazy to think he's hiding his past because he's not over her? I just hate that he's hiding stuff from me....
A. 11 December 2006: Hiya,
I understand how u feel, i would be concerned myself if i saw a pic of an ex in my boyfriend pc. But first i have to ask when did u guys start dating? They could be several reasons for him having her pic maybe it was an amicable split, o... (read in full...)
This guy at work stares and smiles at me! How do I approach him?
Q. I like this guy at work and i notice he stares at me and he smiles and I smile back, it's often enough to think he might like me. I really like him but I'm not sure how to go about approaching him as I might be getting the wrong end of the stick. ...
A. 11 December 2006: Then ask him out for a drink or a get together after working hours. Could be outing on a friday nite. See how he reacts if he is willing to go ahead. This will be a cosy way for the two of you to get to know each other outside the office and might ... (read in full...)
How can I get her attention and the love in same way I feel for her?
Q. i Love my friend, i really cares about her but now i think she didnt love me, how can i got her attention and the love in same way as me. ...
A. 11 December 2006: Hi there,
How do u know she doesnt love u? Did she tell u? i would have really love this piece of info.
Anyway, be there for her as a friend. Call her frequently, get involve in her life, help her out with issues, buy her flowers, chocola... (read in full...)
Why do I always think about him? My partner (his bestfriend) is wonderful, he is everything a girl wants and I sit here wondering, why do I think of my old friend?
Q. I have known this guy for 4 years, he is attractive and has the most beautiful personality. We became very close and there were a few 'spontaneous' moments where he would 'kiss' me when I was unaware. I thought he was interested in me and all as ...
A. 11 December 2006: Hi dearie,
They are people like that who come into our lives. What i feel u miss most is his companionship and care he gave to u. Both of you had the opportunity to take it a step further but it didnt happen.He could have defined the relation... (read in full...)
I feel sick whenever I eat
Q. i dont know if this should be here, so sorry if im wrong. but following up on my earlier question about the ex, other things have happened. but its nothing to do with him, its me. this is a health related problem and im very scared. when he ...
A. 11 December 2006: Hi dearie,
I would advise u to continue going for tests in the hospital. If there is any new development or symptoms dont hesitate to tell ur parents and the doctors. Tell them everything they need to know about u not eating and resting properly... (read in full...)
He's being distant..what can I do to save this relationship?
Q. What can I do to save my relationship with my man, we don't always agree on things and now he is being distance....
A. 11 December 2006: Hiya,
Try talking to him. Make him realise that u didt mean to offend him but u just thought differently. Apologise if u were wrong or mistakely lashed out at him during the argument. It isnt a big deal to apologise for mistakes and your partner ... (read in full...)
This guy at work stares and smiles at me! How do I approach him?
Q. I like this guy at work and i notice he stares at me and he smiles and I smile back, it's often enough to think he might like me. I really like him but I'm not sure how to go about approaching him as I might be getting the wrong end of the stick. ...
A. 11 December 2006: Hiya,
Well for starters u just need to introduce yourselves if u havent done so already.
Then u can invite him to coffee or lunch depending on his responses during the introduction. Create an atmosphete where u can get to know him but on a cas... (read in full...)
My partner says if I keep the baby-I'm raising it on my own! I don't know what to do?
Q. ive been with my partner three and a half years and fell pregnant recently and my partner does not want the baby an dsays if i keep it ill be bringing it up on my own i love this man and dont wont to lose him butknowing i have to get rid of the baby ...
A. 9 December 2006: Hi there,
It is obvious u want this baby. If at all u decide to get an abortion i dont really see a future still in your relationship becos i doubt u will ever be happy with him from what i can read from the posting.If u also keep the baby it ... (read in full...)
I have a bad feeling about this girl and don't want her around my bf!
Q. there's this girl at school i really don't want around my bf, cuz i think she likes him and she really threatens me. my bf used to sit beside her in class and talk to her about lessons, theyre always groupmates etc and when i told him about that im ...
A. 9 December 2006: Hi Anom,
I think u should let go on the issues with this girl abit. I really feel your boyfriend doesnt wish to have anything to do with her and taking a picture as a group work isnt wrong. You should be careful not to allow your feelings... (read in full...)
He keeps asking me to be his girlfriend; I don't really want a bf but I don't want to lose him!
Q. hiya i am 13 and i like this boy in my school i no he loves me back he keeps askin me if we should go out as in boyfriend n girlfriend hes propa sweet and kind but i dont no if i feel like i want a boyfriend right now but i think if i dont say yes ...
A. 9 December 2006: Hi Howell,
Sweety,it is really up to you and what u want. But what i would advise is if u really like him and dont want him out of your life now then perhaps u can go about with him. Going out with a guy at your age doesnt imply that it has to b... (read in full...)
Is it possible to find out a withheld number?
Q. Ok - does anyone know of a way of finding out the telephone number of someone who has called my mobile - As I didn't answer it, it was listed as a missed call (no number). It wouldn't normally bother me, but I was getting ready for bed @ 1.30am ...
A. 9 December 2006: Hi Anom,
I'm not sure if there is a way one can find out, i'm guessing there might not be.
What i would advise is for u not to bother urself about that. I also see witheld numbers on my phone sometimes. I know that you are anxious to know ... (read in full...)
I was asked to the movies, then was stood up. Do I call him?
Q. Ok i was asked to the movies this friday nite. Well the guy never called me. I dont know if i should call him to see what happend. Thing is i cant remember if he told me to call him for the answer if i wanted to go or if he was to call me. ...
A. 9 December 2006: Hi Anom,
I wouldnt call him, i would wait.If at all u were meant to call him and he didnt hear from you the naturally things was for him to call you. Afterall he was the one who asked you out to the movies.
I wouldnt advise you to put yourself ... (read in full...)
I have just found out that my bf is a drug addict. Just the thought of what he does makes me feel sick
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for nearly a year now. I thought that I loved him. He is such a nice guy and he is really good to me, he helps with everything and I rarely have to complain about anything really. I have recently found out that he has ...
A. 9 December 2006: Hi VictoriasSecret,
i want you to know that heroin is considered a very hard drug. You bf needs help and severe treatment. You shouldnt put up with him at all or be with him until he gets treated and stops this totally. i am really surprise... (read in full...)
My man is ignoring me and goes to the bar every night! What's going on?
Q. Is My man leaving me? He won't have sex with me, won't kiss me, won't touch me, He doesn't want me to touch him. he goes to the bar everynight after work and lies to me about it. I confronted him about it, so now he really won't talk to me and won't ...
A. 8 December 2006: I have to be sincere with you.I'm afraid things are looking very bad here for you. You have to stand up and take control of the situation. My own advise will be to leave him. You have tried already talking to him and it didnt work. He isnt treating ... (read in full...)
He used me for sex so I ended it. Then he said he liked me so I took him back. I'm afraid he just said that b/c of sex again, though!
Q. Dear Agony aunts and Uncles, last summer in July (the one that just passed) I met this guy. We went on a date, had a nice time and I thought he was a really nice guy. That was the only time we ever went out together. All the other times he would ...
A. 7 December 2006: Irish in a way is right. It is difficult to maintain a relationship with someone who didnt respect you in the past. There is the likelihood that he might hurt u again. Like i said earlier it would have been better to hold back on the sex for ... (read in full...)
He used me for sex so I ended it. Then he said he liked me so I took him back. I'm afraid he just said that b/c of sex again, though!
Q. Dear Agony aunts and Uncles, last summer in July (the one that just passed) I met this guy. We went on a date, had a nice time and I thought he was a really nice guy. That was the only time we ever went out together. All the other times he would ...
A. 7 December 2006: Hi there,
It will be hard for him to wipe the slate clean especially when he previously said it was all about sex. But perhaps he did genuinely missed u and wants more. I would have suggested that u give him some time afterwards before being in... (read in full...)
He twisted my words about being private on the phone at times - was it b/c of a girl?
Q. Here is the thing. A long time ago, if my b/f and i had an argument on the phone he did not care that he was talking in front of family at home. It bothered me and i said, i like things like that private. He said fine. I call him at work (and thi...
A. 7 December 2006: Hi,
I think u are perhaps reading too much into it. My fiancee does that when he is at work too. He tends to rush out of the phone sometimes or stay quiet. It is in some company's policy and alot of businesses dont like their employess discussi... (read in full...)
He hasn't responded back, do you think he's had second thoughts about our friendship?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years, and love him very much. A couple of weeks ago i ran into a guy i used to be friends with ten years ago. He said that he'd like us to meet up as friends (he knows i'm in a relationship). I agreed, but ...
A. 7 December 2006: Perhaps. You did tell him in a way that you have a boyfriend and that ur boyfriend wouldnt appreciate you having male friends because he is abit possesive. I guess he might not want to get u in any form of trouble with your partner or be the one to ... (read in full...)
When he enters during sex it hurts - why?
Q. I've been having sex with my long-distance boyfriend for a couple of months now. everytime I see him we have sex. but i've noticed when i've had sex the first time he enters it hurts. why is it hurting?...
A. 7 December 2006: Hi Vixy,
It hurts because since u dont have sex regularly since he isnt around.your passage way tends to narrow back abit since u dont do it often. Imagine it like an elastic band.
What i would suggest is that when u meet each other again afte... (read in full...)
Haven't seen my guy in a week! How can a girl tell if her bf is bored with her?
Q. im prberly over reacting but how can u tell if your bf is bored of u i havent seen him for over a week now and online he seems to take forever to answer back to me or says be right back and disappears for ages the recently when i phone him he never ...
A. 6 December 2006: Find time to talk to him and tell him how u feel.That is the best option here. Make sure u do it face to face than over the phone or online. You will be able to read his intentions and find out in generally what is wrong. Try to do this in a mature ... (read in full...)
Are most men sex-mad beings who hop from female to female? Any thoughts?
Q. Are most men generally sex-mad beings? Who if finished with one girl they happen to be seeing or been with, go straight onto the next, without a thought of the person they had been involved with before?? Just curious on your opinions with th...
A. 6 December 2006: I grew up with four brothers and i do believe that men generally tend to want to love with their bodies more why we women want to love with our heart. But it isnt a man intention to jump from woman to woman. They believe in love as well but in a ... (read in full...)
I sent him a loving poem and now since he's read it...he seems distracted. Did I do something wrong?
Q. a few nights ago me and my bf were talking online and i sent him a poem that i wrote for him it was very loving and i spent ages writing it. he read it and went silent for a while so i changed the subject and when we said bye to each other he said i ...
A. 6 December 2006: Hi atarisracks,
No u havent done anything wrong. You just wanted to express what u were feeling at the time and i think it was very romantic.
You cant be too sure that his sudden distractions has anything to do with your poem. Im not saying it... (read in full...)
I caught my wife of 28 years, kissing and cuddling with a man she worked with!
Q. 4 months ago I caught my wife of 28 years, kissing and cuddling with a man she worked with.She admitted that the 'affair' had been going on for 18 months but that while he tried many times to grope her she always stopped him and that no sexual ...
A. 6 December 2006: Hi dear,
Sorry for what happened.It is a sad situation. No i wouldnt say u are naive, u r just plain hurt and trying not to think the worst.
To be sincere 18 months is a long time to carry out an affair and not be sexually involved.But. fo... (read in full...)
He wants a baby, but didnt mention marriage, He knows I wanted to be wed first, so what do I do ?
Q. i'm in a dilemma with my boyfriend - he rarely talks about our future and what it holds for us regarding marriage. I dream of getting married and having children and settling down. I know he wants children but i'm not so sure about marriage. When we ...
A. 6 December 2006: Everyone has their views about marriage. I am in the same boat as you really but on the opposite level. My partner wants us to get married and i guess i am just happy with the way we are right now, staying together, but i guess becos of the love i ... (read in full...)
Even though we both say we are just friends, are these signs of him feeling more???
Q. I have been going to church lately and found out one of my classmates from college goes to the same church I do. We never really talked in class or had any contact, but since we found out we're the same religion (he just recently got baptized in ...
A. 6 December 2006: Hi there,
it seems he likes u really really much.what iam not sure of is why he is still holding back? perhaps it is his idea of getting to know u better.
what i would suggest u do is relax and enjoy his friendship for now and see where it lea... (read in full...)
I am finding it hard to accept that my bf was a "cross dresser' in his past. Any advice?
Q. My boyfriend just told me a week ago that he cross dressed for 10 years on and off because he hated himself so much and in dressing as a woman he could become someone else. He hasn't cross dressed in 2 years and after he told me, he threw away his ...
A. 5 December 2006: Hi Naturalwmn,
At least he is sincere enough to tell u. Many cross dressers wont really and will be having secret lives.Alot might have happened during his earlier life that might have made him feel the way he did to resent himself so much. No... (read in full...)
I want to break up, but when I tried before he begged for me to come back! How do I do this once and for all?
Q. Hi, im 15 and gay and I have a boyfriend thats 16, he lives 90 minutes from me, i met him in july over th internet and then we met up and we been going out togther since. This was my 1st boyfriend (i had 3 girlfreinds before but i didnt love them ...
A. 5 December 2006: Hi,
i know it is hard but u have to end things with him if u feel it isnt what u want. Even though it will hurt him if u are considerate and kind during the break up he wouldnt feel too bad. Just tell him how u feel that the two of u arent co... (read in full...)
Should I take the lack of response as a lack of interest?
Q. I worked with the man and there was a real connection between the two of us. I have since left and was very upset leaving. Apparently, he hasn't been the same since i left (my friend has told me - he really misses me) I know he did fancy me, i ...
A. 5 December 2006: Hi Sard0106,
since u are sure he has read them then it will be best to wait for his response. Try not to send him any more emails or call him. ... (read in full...)
We split and his new pregnant gf works in my office! I'm so upset and hurt. How can I move on?
Q. My ex and I went out with each other for six years, he was in the navy and we loved each other to bits. He got a transfer to live with me and things were great. After six months his friends suddenly started coming above me and rugby always took ...
A. 5 December 2006: It will pass with time, i promise. dont worry dear.... (read in full...)
The guy I like is back with the girl who cheated on him. Should I wait for him or move on?
Q. I like this guy who had recently broken up with his gf. We began to become friendly. Now out of no where they are going out again. She has cheated on him 3 times. I know it is much easier for him to go out with her since he knows her but he knows ...
A. 5 December 2006: I think it is best to move on. If he can forgive her now after she has cheated on him 3 times what will stop him from forgiving her over and over again. It isnt worth you trying to understand their affairs. Do go out and enjoy yourself, give someone ... (read in full...)
Is cyber sex, online with different men considered cheating on my husband?
Q. is it cheating if you are going onto chat sites and chat to guys and talk to them in a sexual way. Sex with my husband is non existent and i feel its the only way i can get rid of my frustration. Yes i have tried to approach my husband to do ...
A. 5 December 2006: I feel it is cheating becos u are being intimate with other guys even if it is online. I know u might think this is innocent but it isnt. it can get out of hand especially if your online lovers want to meet with you and u have already become ... (read in full...)
I've been cheated on before, so how do I trust my new guy around his ex?
Q. me and my partner both have children from privious relationships. we have got together through a family member but im struggling to trust him as his ex always wants him when she cant have him. i know i cant stop him from seeing his kids but its...
A. 5 December 2006: You can deal with your insecurities by telling yourself that no matter how much u worry if your partner still wants to cheat they will. worries or insecurities wont solve anything.Even if u recommend that he doesnt see his kid that cant gaurantee ... (read in full...)
We split and his new pregnant gf works in my office! I'm so upset and hurt. How can I move on?
Q. My ex and I went out with each other for six years, he was in the navy and we loved each other to bits. He got a transfer to live with me and things were great. After six months his friends suddenly started coming above me and rugby always took ...
A. 5 December 2006: Tough situation. You have to be strong and accept it that it just wasnt meant to be. An option is to look for work else where but u mentioned u wouldnt like to do that. Guess some people might see this as a sign of defeat.
Another option will be ... (read in full...)
Should I take the lack of response as a lack of interest?
Q. I worked with the man and there was a real connection between the two of us. I have since left and was very upset leaving. Apparently, he hasn't been the same since i left (my friend has told me - he really misses me) I know he did fancy me, i ...
A. 5 December 2006: Hi Sard0106,
Is it his regular email? Are u sure he got them?Well what i would do is wait for him to respond. Still give him some time to do that.Dont email him again. If u dont hear from him for sometime then of course u can call but i would ad... (read in full...)
Unlike the popular girls, I find myself stuck for things to say! Tips?
Q. The guy I like, who I don't think likes me, only really takes interest in popular girls. They always know what to say, and although I've been told by my friends that I'm prettier than most of them, my lack of confidence publicly lets me down. I'...
A. 5 December 2006: Hi,
Just try to be yourself. Take the guys like you take your female friends. Enjoy their jokes, dont worry about your responses just say what u naturally would in conversations. Be natural and down to earth. That is all there really is to it de... (read in full...)
She told me she loves me, but I'm not sure if she means it. What do I do?
Q. i really want to know something, there is a girl that i love, she means everything to me, but i do not know if she loves me back, please i need help what do i do, she told me she loves me too, but i am scared....
A. 5 December 2006: sorry i posted three times. was having problems with the page.... (read in full...)
She told me she loves me, but I'm not sure if she means it. What do I do?
Q. i really want to know something, there is a girl that i love, she means everything to me, but i do not know if she loves me back, please i need help what do i do, she told me she loves me too, but i am scared....
A. 5 December 2006: Hi Smith_broklins,
Why are u scared? why dont u believe she loves u? Perhaps the only way to find out will be to give it a try. It is worth it since she means everything to you. Relationship is all about taking risks and if u dont want to take ... (read in full...)
She told me she loves me, but I'm not sure if she means it. What do I do?
Q. i really want to know something, there is a girl that i love, she means everything to me, but i do not know if she loves me back, please i need help what do i do, she told me she loves me too, but i am scared....
A. 5 December 2006: Hi Smith_broklins,
Why are u scared? why dont u believe she loves u? Perhaps the only way to find out will be to give it a try. It is worth it since she means everything to you. Relationship is all about taking risks and if u dont want to take ... (read in full...)
She told me she loves me, but I'm not sure if she means it. What do I do?
Q. i really want to know something, there is a girl that i love, she means everything to me, but i do not know if she loves me back, please i need help what do i do, she told me she loves me too, but i am scared....
A. 5 December 2006: Hi Smith_broklins,
Why are u scared? why dont u believe she loves u? Perhaps the only way to find out will be to give it a try. It is worth it since she means everything to you. Relationship is all about taking risks and if u dont want to take ... (read in full...)
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