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... Send *ellyO a private message | | | *ellyO's profile:Thanks for coming to my column. Yes, i have been there but i am now happily married and i feel with my experiences in life, love and marriage i can help others. I am also a manager in an engineering firm so i can possibly help with some career advice. I am a much softer person in real life so my friends say, but i cant help but tell you the truth because my wish is to help you make the best decision.
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Is it wrong for me to go to church with my friend just because my husband doesn't like her?
Q. My husband doesn't like my female friend. I have been friends with her for 14 years and I know her family well. Over the last year she had been really going down hill, drinking, drugs, promiscuity, irratic behavior, lieing, using people, not ...
A. 14 February 2008: Hi rcn,
This is for you. you must have misuderstood my post.
I never said she shouldnt meet her friend in the church, it is clearly not implied in any way in my posting. If you read my post carefully you will see that whilst i think church is ... (read in full...)
Is it wrong for me to go to church with my friend just because my husband doesn't like her?
Q. My husband doesn't like my female friend. I have been friends with her for 14 years and I know her family well. Over the last year she had been really going down hill, drinking, drugs, promiscuity, irratic behavior, lieing, using people, not ...
A. 13 February 2008: Hi, It is clear why your husband is concerned. I know deep down you understand he worries about you and he obviously have lost his trust for her. I do agree with you and i dont feel you should abandon her right now because i couldnt do t... (read in full...)
Should I ask him how he feels, or will this corner him, and if he doesn't feel it yet, will he ever? We're both divorced.
Q. Hi Ive been with my bf for 7 months now and things have been great. He lives a bit of a distance which makes dropping by not possible but get together weekends. These are blissful even tho we dont do much just enjoy each other's company. We do ca...
A. 13 February 2008: Hiya,
If i was in your shoes i think i would ask him how he feels. I think it does matter to you and is your mind which is undestandable because seven months is quite some time to develop really strong feelings/ bonds with him and also him with... (read in full...)
If he wanted to be mates then why hasn't he contacted me??
Q. Please help, It's driving me mad i still really like my ex b/f even though we split in December with him finishing it saying he did not feel the same about me as i did for him. IM NOT SURE IF IT WAS BECAUSE HE WAS MY FIRST EVER B/F OR WHAT but ...
A. 11 February 2008: Hi, I know it is difficult but try to move on. there are lots of fishes out there. You are still very young, u shouldnt waste your time with a guy who apparently has made it clear he doesnt have feelings. I know it is hard since he is your first... (read in full...)
How can I help her decide what to do??
Q. My lady roomate/lover whom I really love, has gotten 2nd thoughts about her impending divorce from her abusive, lying husband. We have just (mutually,though she didn't want to) cut off contact from her for 2 or 3 weeks to let her remember why she ...
A. 11 February 2008: Hi, I am afraid she has to take time to sort out her divorce from her husband before she can have the emotional balance to start anything pure and clear with you. Her feelings are tied now. That is why alot of people take time after a divorce ... (read in full...)
Why doesn't he treat me like a princess any more?
Q. I've got a big problem, and it hurts me more all the time... Me and my boyfriend of 16months are madly in love, and have always been ever since we first met. But he's been having a bad few days recently, including today, and he's started being a ...
A. 11 February 2008: hi, Talk to him as the other aunt advised. And dont keep it inside and pretend what he says doesnt matter. Let him know the instance he says it that it is unwarranted and not nice. Even if he wants to express his opinion they are nicer ways he co... (read in full...)
Which one of us should make the first move after our row?
Q. What is the best thing to do after a bad argument with your long term boyfriend in terms of who makes the peace gestures. My bf walked out on me after a big argument which he started due to being in a bad mood. He said it was all over and he was ...
A. 11 February 2008: Hi, Oh no you shouldnt be the one to apologise at all after he said it is all over. I wouldnt even bother thinking about him if i were you. Go out and enjoy yourself and meet someone nice. If at all you even want to consider him back at all... (read in full...)
I don't want to have an affair but I don't want a life without passion...what should I do??
Q. I was 22 (1990) when I met my ex who at the time was 46. We dated for 2 1/2 years. We had so much fun together. We enjoyed each others' company. The sex was unbelievable. Everything about the relationship was passionate. He was really hung up on ...
A. 10 February 2008: Hi,
If you dont want an affair then you shouldnt have one.
Perhaps you are dreaming about what might no longer exist. It was a good time while it was let it remain that way instead of having regrets.
As the other aunt advised u should sh... (read in full...)
How can I confront my friends about feeling second best??
Q. I have alot of mates but i keep on feeling left out. One of my freinds we go out we walk to school and we talk on a regular basis but there is no mention of me on her myspace but she mentions all of her other freinds witch i am hurt by. I like a b...
A. 10 February 2008: Hi,
I think your voice remains unheard. you have to speak up and le your friends know what they are doing wrong.
Lots of love
kelly... (read in full...)
My bf needs to treat me better and I am falling for somebody else.
Q. I don't know what to do i am in love with 2 people. I am going out with this lad for 3 weeks and is going really well. I have only known him for 2 months though but this other lad i have known for 4 years and i am really good friends with him but...
A. 10 February 2008: Hi,
Tell your boyfriend what he is doing wrong.
As for this other guy, if u have know him for 4yrs perhaps friendship is all there is to it for now. Enjoy that with him.
kelly
... (read in full...)
After the first pregnancy our lives became incredibly stressed. Now she's pregnant again! I'm terrified of more problems!
Q. Hi guys Have been in a relationship for 7 years and to begin with everything was great. We were young couple (16 and 20) and almost immediatley were infatuated with each other. At the time I was having a tough time as my mother was terminal...
A. 13 July 2007: Hi there,
Heard alot about post natal depression(PND) most especially after actress brooke shields went through it.
I think you have been strong for your partner and have been there for your son as well. You have dealt with things so well a... (read in full...)
I'm in love with someone who is very overweight and won't try to lose it!
Q. What do I do if the person I'm in a serious relationship with, desiring marriage mostly on their part, is 135+ lbs overweight and despite my encouraging request to my significant other to lose weight and eat healthier has done almost nothing, if ...
A. 6 July 2007: Hi,
Do you do it together? Perhaps u can try going with him to the gymn and cultivating the same eating habits. Make it a routine like twice a week or so..Maybe if u get involved as well it might help encourage him.
Hope this helped abit.
... (read in full...)
I'm so tired of the turbulence in our marriage; what should I do?
Q. hi everyone well i just am very confused, i thought that my husband loved me and lately i just feel like he doesnt, i mean i admit ive done something; but there not anything that i wouldnt of done before we got married like going out with my ...
A. 6 July 2007: Hi there,
I can see you are really worn out. There is alot going on in your marriage but what i do believe is that u really love him and i feel he does love you as well. In that case i can only advise you to try counselling. The issue both of ... (read in full...)
My husband treats me so badly but I don't want to leave for our kids; what can I do?
Q. Hello, My husband and I have been married for 4 years, but together for 7. He's is 24, and I am 25. This is also my 2nd marriage. My husband just recently got out of the military. He was a military cop, so he has that attitude like a cop. He is also ...
A. 6 July 2007: Hi there,
I know you want the best for your kids and their father to be there for them but you cant compromise your own future happiness. His family might be really nice alos but they arent going to be there with you when he treats you bad. Mar... (read in full...)
We have so many problems; should I move on?
Q. I'm a 20 something year old with a 49yr old man. When he met me I partied very hard and I wore very little clothing. Now I wear covering up clothing which I love cause it leaves imagintion to the people, but makes him made to see people still ...
A. 6 July 2007: Hi,
I can see clearly from your posting that right now he has alot on his plate and so do you! I dont think you are over reacting at all, all these most be overwhelmming for anyone.
My advise is that you shouldnt continuing build your life ... (read in full...)
Does he just want to play the field?
Q. me and this guy were friends for three years and then we got closer so we decided to date or w/e and then after we were "talking" for 3 months until he called and said that he doesnt think we should try any more just because he was going off to ...
A. 27 June 2007: Dear Lucy,
Your relationship must not have an easy for him/you most especially your dad not approving and now he is going off to college. Alot of people still struggle to be together and work through it but so many fall short.What u can do now i... (read in full...)
The 'spark' has died for me but he still loves me and everyone says I'm lucky; I don't feel it
Q. My bf and I have been dating about three or four months now. He loves me, he's told me so and he's moving very very fast, even talking about the future - marriage, moving in together, having babies, etc... He's a very nice, sweet, consider...
A. 27 June 2007: Dear Anom,
From what i see in your post you seem unsure about your feelings for now. If you are contemplating they might change.
What i can advise you to do for now is take some time off the relationship to think. Perhaps u need space, mayb... (read in full...)
My close friends unfairly abandoned me; I feel like I can't finish school
Q. I'm 16, almost turning 17. A month ago, I was full of life, had lots of friends and my grades were pretty good. a couple weeks later, I got accused of backstabbing by my friends and all of them, now, hate or dislike me. I did not do what they had ...
A. 27 June 2007: Dear Anom,
I understand how it feels like. We have all being through that at one time or the other. This is real life training for you. You have experiences with all sort of people and this helps shape the person you become. If you are a fan of b... (read in full...)
I feel depressed and don't know why
Q. Hi, I am a 21 year old female. I have been dating my boyfriend for 15 months now .our relationship has recently become serious. We have slept together, he said he loved me 4 months into the relationship and says he wants to marry me someday. He i...
A. 22 June 2007: i Jackie69,
I think u are going thru a phase right now and would encourage u to keep up with the consultation. Think about the positive things u have in this life and picture alot who cant dont have any.Take a holiday with ur bf to somewher... (read in full...)
I'm 20 and never been kissed or had a bf! Any advice?
Q. Hi, im 20 years old and have never had a boyfriend nor been kissed...I keep telling myself its God's will or that the time will come. Yet I really dont understand. I dont think its my looks since people keep telling me im good looking (and i mean ...
A. 20 June 2007: Hi,
i had my first boyfriend and kiss at 22. In my own case i was extremely picky and careful. My parents didnt help also for they were very strict and would never admit i was grown up! Anyway once i started dating it came naturally and i came to ... (read in full...)
I really like this guy but he still loves his ex
Q. I met this guy a little over a week ago and we hit it off immediatly. He told me straight up he was still in love w/ his ex and the reason they werent together is because she was in love w/ someone else and couldnt make up her mind who she wants to ...
A. 20 June 2007: I agree with the other aunt here. He has feelings for now you cant change and he has to deal with before he can consider dating again. It might be best to follow your head and stay friends.... (read in full...)
Do I keep fighting or just move on?
Q. Hi, I'm not sure what to do. Last week my b/f and I split after a year because the distance was too much. However I've been regretting it ever since but we both came to this decision for a reason. If I choose to fight for it then I know its going to ...
A. 20 June 2007: Hi dear,
It is never easy with long distance, but it can work and has been know to. If i was in your position and i really loved himi would fight to make it work.
Goodluck... (read in full...)
He's told me if I don't sleep with him, he'll do something nasty!! Help!
Q. my boyfriend asked me if i wanted sex i told him i didnt not right now weve only been going out for 3 months. he said if i didn't have it soon then he will do something nasty! i've tried to tell my mum and his mm but they won't help! can you h...
A. 18 June 2007: sorry. i meant you seem very smart. dont give in to him. Goodluck... (read in full...)
He's told me if I don't sleep with him, he'll do something nasty!! Help!
Q. my boyfriend asked me if i wanted sex i told him i didnt not right now weve only been going out for 3 months. he said if i didn't have it soon then he will do something nasty! i've tried to tell my mum and his mm but they won't help! can you h...
A. 18 June 2007: Hi dear,
I agree with stina here. I would like to suggest you forget about this guy. He obviously doesnt respect or care about you and what you want. I seem very smart,make sure u dont give in to his intentions at all, he will make u regret i... (read in full...)
She allowed me to take her number and I told her I'd like to take her out but now she's not answering my calls... What should I do?
Q. Last friday i walked the glass collector home from my local, we had been flirting for a few weeks. We always have a laugh when shes at work and im in the pub and get on realy well. I waited till she finished work and walked her home. I asked her for ...
A. 18 June 2007: Hi,
I would like to suggest you talk to her in person. Tell her how u feel and find out what she indeed wants. Dont let this bother you whatever comes out of this i'm sure u can still work your way through and be friends, you seems like a nice per... (read in full...)
I cheated on my soldier husband. We agreed to put it behind us but now all we do is argue. What's the next step?
Q. ive been married for two years to a soilder. i cheated on him and confessed all to him about 2 months ago.We said that we would put it behind us and move on. but all we do now is fight all the time day an night. we have tried talking but we just ...
A. 18 June 2007: Hi Azzy,
It is obviously the hurt is still there. Even though u have agreed to put it all behind you it is not easy to actually do that in practise. What i can advise u do is seek counselling, which i'm pretty sure your husband will agree to. sinc... (read in full...)
What must I do? Is he trying to give me a message or can it be something else?
Q. I have met a guy awhile back (+-3years) we used to work together but there was no magic between us we were just co-workers. So I have found a new job. And every now and then we meet at some or another place then we just have eye contact and smile at ...
A. 18 June 2007: Hi DD,
It is best to wait for him to reply your call, whenever that takes dont call him. You wouldnt want to scare him away by being overly persistent.
Kelly.... (read in full...)
My close friend is going out with my ex. She doesn't know what he's like! How should I tell her?
Q. hi, i went out with this guy but called it off with him because i didnt trust him and some close friends of mine told me that he was still seeing his ex and saw naughty texts from her on his phone. He gives the impression of being so honest and ni...
A. 18 June 2007: Hi,
I understand how u feel i have being in situations like knowing something about a friend's boyfriend and deciding if to tell her or not. In this instance i wouldnt advise u to because as you said he was your ex boyfriend and she might read a w... (read in full...)
I haven't had my period in 3-5 months and I haven't been sexually active! What could be wrong?
Q. Hi plz can u help me i am really scared my period hasn't started 4 nearly 3-5 months now and i haven't done anythin if u know wot i mean,and is this normal plz plz can u help me out thanx ...
A. 18 June 2007: Hi there,
I really dont think u should worry yourself much about this. If your age in the posting is correct then it is most likely your cycle hasnt normalised yet. My period was never regular until i turned 16.I would go on sometimes for 6 months... (read in full...)
He loves her AND me. What should I do?
Q. ill start from the beggining here as i need some advice. me and partner meet six years ago and have had a good relationship with a few minor disagreements but we never argued he did his thing i did mine. we had ourfirst child after a yr and t...
A. 18 June 2007: Hi,
I'm afraid i have to agree with the other aunt here. You cant do anything about this, It has to come from he. He obviously isnt ready at the moment to give the relationship he has with you another go if he is still involved with another ... (read in full...)
I'm kinda paranoid that people are saying I'm ugly when I go out...
Q. This seems strange. Whenever I go out to the public I here people say "she is so ugly, or that girl is ugly!" I am not sure if they are referring to me, or it is just my head that is messing with me, or I am just hearing things? This really makes me ...
A. 11 June 2007: sorry. in my last line. i meant i will show "everyone" i am proud of my own skin.... (read in full...)
13 and feeling broody... how can I get over these feelings?
Q. im 13 years old and i know it sound stupid but im really broody. i really want a baby and its getting me down. im not going to have one till im older though, because thats the right thing to do. please help me?? is there anything i can do to make me ...
A. 11 June 2007: Hi dear,
I had a friend that got pregnant at 14 while we were in early high school. Believe me it wasnt a piece of cake. I know u have probably heard this a thousand times already but some things are worth waiting for. At 13 your body is not read... (read in full...)
Is this RAPE???
Q. I dont know what to do about my boyfriend. A few nights ago when I came home from work, he asked to have sex but I was too tired. He seemed understanding so I just went to bed. I woke up during the night to find him thrusting his penis in and out ...
A. 11 June 2007: I agree with all the others here. it was rape, he did it without your permission.... (read in full...)
Once bitten, twice shy?
Q. if u had a one night stand with someone that wasnt very good in bed, would u give them another chance?...
A. 11 June 2007: It depends. if the person is willing to learn what pleases me. You could try guiding him during love making if u dont want to hurt his feeling but telling him. Try taking his hand and guiding him on and whispering into his ears what u want.
Goo... (read in full...)
Girlfriend told me a secret which I didn't keep "secret"... will I ever regain her trust and how!?
Q. I've done something I really regret and I don't know how to make it right. My girlfriend told me a secret that she never wanted repeating about her and her future housemate (a close friend of mine), but I managed to put my foot in it by mentioning ...
A. 11 June 2007: Hi there,
it is going to be difficult regaining the trust again i must confess. What u need to do is explain to her why u did it. Your true intentions. Was it u thought u could help fix things? you need to come clean, show regret, be really a... (read in full...)
Have I missed my chance with this guy?
Q. A new man came to work in our area and we got on really well. We got talking one day and asked me to go to the gym and mentioned it again another day. He also followed me and looked me directly in my eyes. He then asked me what time I was finishing ...
A. 11 June 2007: Hi there,
I dont think u have missed on your opportunity if he is still around and u still have the chance to approach him.
Why not talk to him and ask around different issues like his day or interests. u can inquire more about the gymn and sho... (read in full...)
I'm kinda paranoid that people are saying I'm ugly when I go out...
Q. This seems strange. Whenever I go out to the public I here people say "she is so ugly, or that girl is ugly!" I am not sure if they are referring to me, or it is just my head that is messing with me, or I am just hearing things? This really makes me ...
A. 11 June 2007: Hi,
I think it is strange too becos i know people in generally are not that mean. I know people stare sometimes when they see something unusual but just out of curiosity most times.
How do u feel about yourself? We are all beautiful in one... (read in full...)
Who was this girl on his phone and do you think he's been cheating with her?
Q. I cheated on my bf over a year a go now. It was only a kiss but he forgave me and we have been happy together. Earlier today I was borrowing his fone to text my sister, (this was with his permission), when you go to send the message it has a...
A. 11 June 2007: Dear Anom,
From your post i feel your bf does care about you but he is still bitter about what happened.
what happened about a year ago still plays a crucial part in your relationship. I respect you for being open with him about it and tha... (read in full...)
I do love him, but I cant help feelng that there is something better for me out there!??
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together almost one and a half years and we have been through a lot together. But there is a lot of stuff that bothers me and I feel like there may be something better for me out there. Let me tell you everything one by ...
A. 19 April 2007: Hi there,
I can see here that your bf view of the relationship is different from yours. You both want different things. To be frank i really don't see him as the type that is ready to settle down right now.You have mentioned in your posting ... (read in full...)
With the pressure of a relationship off, were getting on great! Im heartbroken as hes going soon!!
Q. My boyfriend and i have been together for almost 3 years. We bought our first property together in September and had to work really hard on it before we moved in in January. (we did however already live together in his house before this!) I lived ...
A. 19 April 2007: Hi Smudge,
I do believe relationships have their moments of ups and down and coming together to deal with that stage and overcoming it is a true test of both your love.
You can try telling him you will really miss him and see what he has to s... (read in full...)
How can I break this cycle of binge eating junk food ?
Q. OK so this may sound really silly but i dont exactly know how to stop. i seem to be over eating all the time. like binge eating. i never throw up or anything after i just binge on junk... a lot. not even because im hungry, just because i'll be bored ...
A. 19 April 2007: Hi there,
I can feel from your posting that u aren't happy about alot. You are going through a phase right now that will soon pass. I would recommend you seeing a counsellor, someone u can talk to, confide in and will point in the right directio... (read in full...)
My ex bf is making trouble for me with this new guy! What should I do?
Q. I've struggled to get over my on/off bf for 6 months or so because we never really ended it, we get on so well we end up just hanging out and occasionally having sex. I find I somehow sabbatage his relationships because if we ever bump into ...
A. 18 April 2007: Hi Anom,
I believe u are doing the right thing by trying to move on from your ex. It is good you still care about him but the relationship as you said in your posting was one that you struggled with for 6 months. It wasn't healthy and balanced... (read in full...)
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