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*ellyO agony aunt

*ellyO

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Thanks for coming to my column. Yes, i have been there but i am now happily married and i feel with my experiences in life, love and marriage i can help others. I am also a manager in an engineering firm so i can possibly help with some career advice. I am a much softer person in real life so my friends say, but i cant help but tell you the truth because my wish is to help you make the best decision.

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Never broken up before! How do I do it?

Q.   hey. i have a problem. i have been seeing this super nice guy but in all honesty i'm just not that into him. i thought that if i continued seeing him the spark would develop. but obviously it didnt and now im stuck. he is really into me and tries so ...

A.   6 November 2010: Dear Anom, Be honest and let him know as you said here that you dont have feeling for him and thought initially it developed. If he has been super nice let him know it has nothing to do with him. In this way he doesnt feel is something he... (read in full...)

I need space and he won't give it to me!

Q.   Ok, I've been seeing this guy for about 2 months now. We first met each other in high school, about 11yrs ago and got reacquainted on FB a few months ago. Everything was going well in the beginning, but lately, everything he does just seem to ...

A.   6 November 2010: Dear Anom, I think you tell him and make it completely clear how you feel. Let him understand you are not keen to display attention in public and if If he does respect you he will take you seriously otherwise there is no point in being with som... (read in full...)

Friends with benefits?

Q.   Alfredo has been one of my very good friends for a long time. But as you know female-male friendships are a lil hard keep. Eventually it happened, we had a lil too much to drink and we had sex... then it happened again.. and again.. We became s...

A.   4 November 2010: Dear Anom, I think you should be open and honest. Tell him you cant continue and would like to stay friends as you have now developed feelings for him and want more. He either accepts and stays friends if he isnt ready yet for something se... (read in full...)

How can I control the thoughts that pop into my head?

Q.   this is more of a pshycology question, why do random thoughts pop into my head??? and why can't I control my own mind?? some thoughts pop into my head, and they're thoughts I'd never think of otherwise, because one is of my amazing girlfriend ...

A.   4 November 2010: Dear CEP, Not sure i fully understand your question but my answer focus thoughts on positive and good things. Think about others and put loved ones first always. If tv programmes influences you then watch programmes that will do so in a positive... (read in full...)

Why am I watching my ex girlfriend whenever I see her out and about, even though I have a new girlfriend?

Q.   I just broke-up with my girlfriend of 6 months. I felt she wanted to spend time with her girlfriends and not me. I did get mad when she went out with her girlfriends. My Ex-wife left me for another man and I might just be too controlling of my ...

A.   4 November 2010: Hi Anom, The reason why your relationship with your ex-girlfriend ended is a good place to start. can you work this issue with her? You alone can decide if you want her back but you should consider that perhaps she is the type that likes going ... (read in full...)

Relationship sucks!

Q.   Hi, My boyfriend got married recently to another girl. I think he is happy with his marriage, he still wants to continue a relationship with me and wants to have sex. Not sure if he loves me truly. Can you help to advise me?...

A.   24 March 2010: Hi Anom, Why are you even contemplating on this? He is obviously not taking you serious or this other person he just married. I pity for the poor girl. He doesnt seem to be someone who is satisfied with having one woman at a time. I think he was... (read in full...)

Why does he wait until alone to talk to his ex when they have both moved on?

Q.   Dear qupid, I have been married for two months. My husband was married 11 years ago and he has a child with his ex wife. Yesterday the phone rang and he did not pick up however he did state it was his ex wife.. he did not return the call through...

A.   24 March 2010: Hi luisav, I agree with the other Aunt. He is probably scared of your reaction. Why not talk to him and tell him you will feel more comfortable if he is more open about his relationship/discussions with his ex. Hugs Kelly ... (read in full...)

What are my rights??? Airport Human Body Scanning?

Q.   I am due to be flying in about a month's time. I really really detest the idea of this whole human body scan thing where any odd person can view my private parts and genitals. Most men don't seem to think it is a big deal, but as a woman it is a ...

A.   24 March 2010: Hi Are u really seriously concerned? Those scanning themselves have bodily parts try to imagine seeing through their clothes as they scan you. That is more imaginative. Kelly... (read in full...)

I feel awkward and have trouble letting go with him

Q.   I am not sure if whats wrong with me, I am in my late 20s, never had a boyfriend and for the first time ever I have fallen for someone like truly fallen for him, the problem is, is that he is a self confessed womaniser, but he is so confident I cant ...

A.   19 February 2010: Hi, You obviously dont feel right about this and probably with good reason. Follow your instinct. wait till you feel right. Be patient and observant for the right man when he comes alongs.It will happen Hugs Kelly... (read in full...)

My parents have been married 25 years and now suddenly my dad seems to be bi and cheating on my mum!

Q.   Ive just found emails that my dad has sent and received from various men, and there sexually explicit. My parents have been married 25 years and now suddenly my dad seems to be bi and cheating on my mum. I have no idea whether he has done anything, ...

A.   18 February 2010: Hi, Read your mail and my heart went out to you. It must have been tough finding out and keeping it from everyone especially your mum.It is a difficult situation you are in now. Have a talk with your dad and encourage him to come clean with ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend doesn't get jealous?

Q.   My boyfriend doesn't get jealous. Is this considered a good thing or a bad thing?...

A.   7 February 2010: Hi there, Why should you? I think that stronger emphasizes his trust and commitment to you. Kelly... (read in full...)

Whenever we get in a fight she leaves and looks for sex?

Q.   when ever my girl friend get in a fight with me she leaves and looks for sex to ease her pain she says. why does she go there everytime?...

A.   7 February 2010: Hi there, As you seem to fight and your girlfriend goes out and look for sex maybe it is time you consider a new girlfriend? Hugs Kelly... (read in full...)

Should women make the first move?

Q.   Should women make the first move? There is a guy I really like a lot. We are good friends, but I would love to have a deeper relationship with him. We are both shy, and although we flirt etc, nothing has ever happened. We are both single, and have...

A.   7 February 2010: Hi there, My first impression reading through your text is that you are not comfortable making the first move. I wouldnt encourage you to do that if that is the case. Give him time and if there is anything there he would let you know soon en... (read in full...)

Why is she holding back when I know she's attracted to me?

Q.   I am certain she has feelings for me but I don't understand why she keeps them hidden. She's not in a relationship and she openly discusses her dating life with me but when I make a move she backs off? I have deliberately kept myself out of her '...

A.   18 December 2009: Perhaps you should tell her how you feel and make things clearer. Maybe she misunderstdands your feelings. Kelly... (read in full...)

Is he considering getting back together out of love or pity?

Q.   Okay so I posted a question two days ago, this is just a follow up and I need some advice. So anyways, my boyfriend broke up with me two days ago because he couldn’t take me yelling at him anymore and because of my rude behaviour. The next day, I t...

A.   18 December 2009: I would say give him a chance.he did tell your friend he still loves you. Goodluck Kelly... (read in full...)

24 and feel at this point in my life I should have a boyfriend

Q.   Hi there. I'm 24 years old and I feel as though I should have a b/f at this point in my life. I am a grad. student and am working towards being a ateacher, and I take pride in how I present myself and feel I have a great personality. All of my...

A.   19 July 2009: Hi Anom, We all went through this stage in our life at one time or the other. You shouldnt be in a rush to look for someone at all. Take your time 24 is still a very young age. I met my fiance quite recently and most of my friends got married ... (read in full...)

Why was she willing to have sex so early in a friendship?

Q.   she is 20 years old and has recently had a bad break up. I dated her socially a couple of times. The first time we were really alone together she seemed to be very sexaully available for so early in the relationship, to the extent that I backed ...

A.   19 July 2009: Hi Anom, There can be so many reasons why. You probably need to take this up with her. Goodluck Kelly... (read in full...)

Ex won't give back money he owes me! Is this his way of controlling me?

Q.   My ex b/f is being a jerk. He has some money of mine. I called him for it many many times and he said no problem. But then he tires to be soo sweet and I don't get it back. I have been very nice about this but I am beginning to think that it is ...

A.   19 July 2009: Hi there, I would stop lending him money. The same has happened with me and some of my friends and if i know they are that way that is the end of me and them with money matters. I would ask him one more time. Regardless of the amount he owes y... (read in full...)

Does he act this way for a reason?

Q.   Hey ok so I've know this guy for about 5 years now and he says I'm like one of his best friends and that he never wants to lose me... When we get into textn we sometimes end up talking dirty and when we talk he only wants to know about me when I ask ...

A.   19 July 2009: Hi, I agree with the others. Ignore him and dont give him any more attention hugs kelly... (read in full...)

I get jealous of anything my boyfriend does with out me...do I come last, in his life?

Q.   I get jealous of anything my boyfriend does with out me! If he texts his friends more than me. Or goes out without me. Etc Things like this. I feel that if he does stuff without me he will want to do it all the time. And i come last! Its like ...

A.   11 May 2009: Hi, Is understandable you want to spend all the time with him becos you love him but try not to be too clingy. Find other ways to occupy your time when he is not with you. I am sure you have friends as well you could go out with them on a ladies o... (read in full...)

I have no more tears and I'm heartbroken! How long should I wait for him to call? .

Q.   Hi after 2 weeks I have not called my ex boyfriend. I have good days and then I have bad days. I'll briefly explain what happened. I dated my guy for 3 years, there have been good times and there have been bad times. But at the end of the day, we ...

A.   11 May 2009: Hi Queeny63, Is up to you but i wouldnt call him if i was in your shoes. I would stand my ground.As far as i can see you havent done anything wrong and if you call him now what exactly would you say? Perhaps is time to go on other dates. Dont wai... (read in full...)

He hasn't texted me like he usually does! What's happening here?

Q.   I know this might sound slightly petty but here goes... Ive been with my boyfriend for eight months. He has a full time job and I'm in six form. He's up early most days for work, and he always gives me a morning text and to see how i am, then h...

A.   11 May 2009: Hi Anom, why not text or call him this time to see how he is.If you are in a relationship with anyone it shouldnt matter who text or call first as long as you are not the only one always calling. Goodluck!! kelly... (read in full...)

Why does he say he has no money when I'm about?

Q.   Right, first things first i love my boyfriend very very much and were about to celebrate our 2 yr anniversary however.. He is so selfish and whenever i bring this up he loses it and has a go at me making me feel small and in the wrong. For insta...

A.   8 May 2009: Hi, I agree with you that he is being selfish. But to find the reason why you have to answer the following questions for yourself. What exactly does your boyfriend do? Is he being paid alot?How does that compare with what you earn? Have you t... (read in full...)

He says we are too dependent on each other. Now, he's distancing himself!

Q.   my best friend and i fell in love and started dating a few months later we realized we couldnt go ahead with it coz of very strong external influences (family..our families would not hav let us be together) so we decided to let it go and stay ...

A.   12 May 2008: Hi, Having spoken to him already there is nothing more you can do. Give him the distance he wants, allow him dictate the pace of the friendship. I know it is hard but if he doesnt want the close friendship then there is little you can do. Doin... (read in full...)

How can I make my marriage work when I am always having to prove myself??

Q.   I feel like a crybaby, i am a strong person normally but for the past year i have done nothing but try to prove to my husband of 4yrs that im not cheating on him. I love him and have never ever done anything to make him think i would have cheated....

A.   19 February 2008: Hi dear, The problem i can see here is control. Am afraid only if you allow him access to your movements, whereabouts and everything you do will he be satisfied. Is that what you really want? Not to have the freedom and clear-mindness you need.Sin... (read in full...)

Have any of you liked your friends man?

Q.   Have any of you liked a guy that your friends with for like afew months and not been able to stop thinking about him and when your with him always looking at him, but then when your on your own and you start to think what it would be like to be with ...

A.   18 February 2008: Hi there, Yes i did, A long time ago when i was i college i was attracted to a guy who was my senior in school. We sort of met through a friend at a party and i discovered later on he had a girlfriend. He introduced me to her and we became v... (read in full...)

I might have a second chance, how do I make it clear I won't break his heart again?

Q.   A couple of months ago, an ex-boyfriend from 10 years ago emailed me from out of the blue to say hi. He was the sweetest guy that I have ever dated, but I was very immature at that time. I may have broken his heart as I was his first girlfriend. ...

A.   18 February 2008: Hi, Let it simmer slowly back together.Dont rush it like a gush of wind on a old flame. Remember the saying, be watchful of old flames cos sometimes they blow out really fast. I wouldnt make a move right now. Take the friendship as it comes, i... (read in full...)

My friends say my bf is frigid because he never kisses/hugs me. How can I help him?

Q.   I've been going out with my boyfriend for quite a long time. But I've got a problem... My friends describe him as 'frigid' because he doesn't even hug me, I have to go over to him and hug him first. My friends say I should kiss him, or dump him ...

A.   17 February 2008: Hi, I can see your friends being mentioned alot in your post. It shouldnt be about what they want you know, but more about you. My advise is that you should try to avoid telling them stuff about your personal life or boyfriend.This i... (read in full...)

Is his watching horror films just a "bloke thing" or should I be a bit worried about my husband's state of mind?

Q.   Dear Agony Aunts and Uncles, I have a question about horror films. My husband loves to watch them, including some pretty gory, ultra violent ones. I don't like them but I will watch them sometimes although I don't like the really bad ones....

A.   17 February 2008: Hi, I used to be crazy about all kinds of horror films when i was in my teens and my early twenties. But now i get scared to watch the really horror ones, although i still enjoy most.I usually have bad dreams afterwards like when i went to watch... (read in full...)

Site News: We hit another milestone :-)

Q.   For the first time we broke the 400,000 visitors mark over the past month! We had 412,222 people visit the site from Jan 13th 08 - Feb 14th 08 according to google analytics! Thanks to all the mods, the aunts and everyone who shares their pro...

A.   16 February 2008: Congrats!!!... (read in full...)

Can a lost love return once you've set them free? Is there really hope or is it better to stay single?

Q.   My ex and father of my children says that he needs his time and wishes that one day we will return together later in life but there is too much water under the bridge (I agree), I love him and hate him at the same time but I miss him and want to ...

A.   16 February 2008: Hi Anom, There are happy endings. Not sure if he is going to be the one to make it happen but it will surely come.I have heard of situations when people drift apart and come back together but it is not the same for everyone and i dont want you... (read in full...)

In love with my half brother? We plan to disappear as I reach 18, and expect the general disagreeance - but would anyone understand?

Q.   i just met my half brother 2 years ago. we've always had this connection, and a lot of unspoken sexual tension. we have been real close for a long time, and i would do a few [illegal] things with him and if it got to bad to calm me down he would ...

A.   16 February 2008: Hi, Dawnie is right here. it is wrong and you have to stop now. It will cause a huge rift and break your parent hearts. Kelly.... (read in full...)

I want my ex to be happy in his relationship but I also... want him back! Struggling with the emotions, what to do?

Q.   I have a serious problem with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend. My ex and I broke up about a year ago. We have still continued to talk but lately it's been A LOT more. His present girlfriend seems nice enough and I want him to be happy ...

A.   16 February 2008: Hi, I agree with the other aunt on this one. I think a little distance would help if you are no longer involved. Also you can let him know how u feel if he says he is still in love with you then they should be no place for the other girl. But if i... (read in full...)

Should I tell my bf about my pregnancy and miscarriage during the time he was away? I did not want to upset him at the moment...

Q.   Dear Aunts, my boyfriend left for America 4 months ago and now hes back, however while he was away i was taken into hospital and tests showed that i was pregnant and had miscarried, i hadn't known i was pregnant. I didn't tell him as i didn't want...

A.   16 February 2008: Hi dearie, I think you should tell him. You need his support for this one, i can see it is eating you up inside also. Lots of hugs Kelly... (read in full...)

She still wants to go out with me but says it's too soon to accept a relationship, I feel bad about having been rejected though!

Q.   i met this girl from a friend, she is very pretty, and looks totally interested in me, we've met trough msn then phone, then we've gone onto 4 dates, i asked her on valentine's, we went out and i asked her to be my gf, she said it was too soon and ...

A.   16 February 2008: Hi Chris, Dont take it that way. She went out with you on val's day means she is heavy interested in you. Dont blow this one i tell you. Give her the time she wants to get to know you better and try to be as charming as i know you are. Goodluc... (read in full...)

Boys consider me ugly and I feel very low about it, whereas the school regulation does not allow make up or other forms of embellishment. What can I do?

Q.   i am really ugly, i am dark and my hair is sooo curly and frizzy... my face gets so oily and it looks really bad..we wear uniforms in school and not allowed make up although i do put eyeliner...and im not allowed to straighten or colour my hair or ...

A.   16 February 2008: Hi, What makes you feel you are ugly? I dont think you are. Dark is beautiful, alot of us tan our skin to get that olive brown tone. I curl my hair sometimes to look different. My face is oily and i add a little white powder when i was in sch. ... (read in full...)

Is it normal to be attracted to girls as well as boys?

Q.   I am 11 years old and so is my best friend, we are in the same year 7 class and I've known her for 2 years (but we weren't best friends until we were in the same class). The thing is, I'm worried that I like her too much. you know, people have ...

A.   15 February 2008: Hi, I wouldnt be worried if i were you. You are going through puberty now and your body is changing. You are also trying to figure out who you are and what you are about. It is perfectly normal and it is not time yet to make a sound conclusi... (read in full...)

I slept with my sister's ex husband and I feel terrible about it!

Q.   I feel in a terrible situation, I went out the other night and got quite drunk, I bumped into my sister's ex-husband, they have been divorced for about 7 years, we started to dance with each other, chatted about old times but it didn't stop there, ...

A.   15 February 2008: Hi Anom, I know you dont want to so this but the only answer i can give here is to let you sister in on what happened. She will find out later on and it is better from you than him. You say you are a very close family means you wont be able to ... (read in full...)

I feel like I give so much to this relationship and don't get as much in return! How do I change the balance?

Q.   My b/f takes me for granted! How do I stop being such a doormat? Again, this Valentine's Day he did nothing for me. He didn't plan anything special, cook me breakfast...it was just another day. Yet I found the time to get him his favorite ...

A.   14 February 2008: Hi Anom, Believe me they are alot more people in your situation that you realise. My case is quite the reverse, he does all this wonderful stuff for me and i was laid back. But after a while in the relationship i started reciprocating just to ... (read in full...)

Is it wrong for me to go to church with my friend just because my husband doesn't like her?

Q.   My husband doesn't like my female friend. I have been friends with her for 14 years and I know her family well. Over the last year she had been really going down hill, drinking, drugs, promiscuity, irratic behavior, lieing, using people, not ...

A.   14 February 2008: Hi rcn, This is for you. you must have misuderstood my post. I never said she shouldnt meet her friend in the church, it is clearly not implied in any way in my posting. If you read my post carefully you will see that whilst i think church is ... (read in full...)

Is it wrong for me to go to church with my friend just because my husband doesn't like her?

Q.   My husband doesn't like my female friend. I have been friends with her for 14 years and I know her family well. Over the last year she had been really going down hill, drinking, drugs, promiscuity, irratic behavior, lieing, using people, not ...

A.   13 February 2008: Hi, It is clear why your husband is concerned. I know deep down you understand he worries about you and he obviously have lost his trust for her. I do agree with you and i dont feel you should abandon her right now because i couldnt do t... (read in full...)

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