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... Send *ellyO a private message | | | *ellyO's profile:Thanks for coming to my column. Yes, i have been there but i am now happily married and i feel with my experiences in life, love and marriage i can help others. I am also a manager in an engineering firm so i can possibly help with some career advice. I am a much softer person in real life so my friends say, but i cant help but tell you the truth because my wish is to help you make the best decision.
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My ex bf is making trouble for me with this new guy! What should I do?
Q. I've struggled to get over my on/off bf for 6 months or so because we never really ended it, we get on so well we end up just hanging out and occasionally having sex. I find I somehow sabbatage his relationships because if we ever bump into ...
A. 18 April 2007: Hi Anom,
I believe u are doing the right thing by trying to move on from your ex. It is good you still care about him but the relationship as you said in your posting was one that you struggled with for 6 months. It wasn't healthy and balanced... (read in full...)
Got over him and he comes back in my life...now he's starting to distance himself again. What's going on with this guy?
Q. Met my boyfriend online, he lives 160 miles away.He is 37 and im 42. We started off by emailing, then phonecalls and then we met up and there was an instant connection. We both could be thinking the same thing at the same time, we laughed chatted ...
A. 18 April 2007: Hi Anom,
Why not talk to him about it. He is planning a visit really soon and might be the best time to do it face to face and patiently. It seems to me he is the type that wants to keep to himself abit in the relationship perhaps as he said bec... (read in full...)
I need some tips on how to meet some new friends...any advice?
Q. I have a good deal of friends but most of them love to go out only at night on weekends, I dont like it at all as I like doing things during the day and my new job gets me very tired, I still contact friends on the time and for a coffee sometime but ...
A. 18 April 2007: Hi Astrid
I have missed you!
I think having a picnic is a brilliant idea now cos we are approaching summer and the weather is nice and warm at least here in the UK.
I'm afraid alot of people still enjoying going out in the evenings.Perhaps ... (read in full...)
We are both married, we slept together and think we are in love, Ive asked that we stay friends and stop the sex, now hes not calling me!?
Q. Both of us are married and are having an affair. He works few months here and most of the time overseas.We both know that we really cannot be together, but we are so much inlove or so I think. I know that I love this guy and he says that he loves me ...
A. 17 April 2007: I think in the case his action here seems wiser than yours. Why do you want to remain friends with someone that you cheated with. That kind of friendship distant or not isn't healthy.Since you have realise it was a mistake so treat it as one.Have ... (read in full...)
He said he never loved me and walked out! I am so depressed that I can't get my life on track! What can I do?
Q. I am having problems at the moment. Six weeks ago my partner of four years (friend of ten) said he needed some time to figure out what he wanted from the relationship as he wasn't sure that he still loved me. Events came about when I sat him down to ...
A. 17 April 2007: Hi dear,
Your best bet now is to pick yourself up and show him in many ways that you can carry on without him. That is the only way you can hurt him for everything he has done. No one that has been that close to another will be truly happy wh... (read in full...)
My kids are gone and I'md depressed and alone. Who do I turn to?
Q. I feel as if life is just over. I've spent the past 10 year just raising my children alone, its wrecked my career and now I'm unemployed. My eldest daughters just gone to university the youngest is on her way. Both are happy loads of friends...
A. 17 April 2007: Hi there,
I'm sorry you feel down at the moment. That is how my mum felt when i was leaving to uni, she actually started crying and hasd to be restrained. I felt very depressed seeing her like that and i would call her constantly from school j... (read in full...)
I am so confused! Do I love my boyfriend or do I still love my ex??
Q. i was with my ex boyfriend for 10 months on and off. however at the end off last year we split for good and a few months later i got with someone else and i have recently been told that my ex has now got a new girlfriend i was pleased for him ...
A. 17 April 2007: Hi there,
I understand there must still be an attachment with your ex. That feeling is never going to go off like that. It never does. It is difficult to close the chapter to a relationship for alot of people than you think. It is importan... (read in full...)
Why does she need me to go meet up with her friend ? Does shes like me ?
Q. a girl i met a few days ago wanted to go see her friend who is also my friend, and go see him at his work place. she's asked me 3times via text but i couldn't make it all 3. i got another text askin if i can come tomorrow! what's this all about? ...
A. 12 April 2007: Hi there,
Cant really say why she would want you there. Perhaps she just needs a boost, maybe she is nervous meeting up with your friend alone. Or perhaps you are right maybe she does want to meet up with you. It is a tough to call.
My advi... (read in full...)
Could someone give me advice on how to chat up girls?
Q. I do not know how to start chatting up with girls, can you give me some ideas ? thank you firas...
A. 12 April 2007: Hi Firas,
What you can do is find something of their interest to talk about. You could try asking questions and getting some knowledge about their tastes and interests and absorbing them in a conversation of their choice. Just lay back you dont... (read in full...)
What can I do to make his first night back romantic?
Q. hi guys, Havn't seen my bf as he's been away visiting family for a few weeks and i want to do something special for him when he gets back. Was wondering if i could get some ideas to make our first night romantic and let him know i missed him! Wha...
A. 12 April 2007: Hi there,
Hmmmm. What does he like. Everyone has different taste really and you might have all the answers in you already. My fiance likes a good lovely candle night home alone meal just the two of us and lots of champagne.I usually get a nice lin... (read in full...)
She's going to a different university. Do I end it now or carry on?
Q. I met my girlfriend just as I left for college. I was enrolled at the Univeristy of Nebraska at Lincoln, and I am still attending. My girlfriend now wants to go to college... she is going to the University of Nebraska at Omaha instead... I am ...
A. 12 April 2007: Hi rk06,
I would wait if I really did love the other person and feel his/her commitment is with me. Why not try it and see? Just take it easy and see how it goes.
All the best... (read in full...)
Bf of 7 years, has a habit of buying calling cards to call other women, he claims are 'just friends!" What's really happening here?
Q. Random Text Messages and Buying Calling Cards? So I have been with my boyfriend for almost 7 years and he has a habit of buying calling cards to call other women. He also gets text messages at random hours from women. I never see these text messa...
A. 12 April 2007: Hi there,
I would be concerned too. I know all my fiancé friends by name whether from work or even old friends and he knows mine as well. When friends call i don't usually ask him any more cos the trust is there.He volunteers to tell me himself ... (read in full...)
I want to remain a virgin until my wedding night, my bf just thinks I'm messed psychologically, should I just give in on the sex before marriage thing ?
Q. I'm to be married within the next 5 months and things are all ok. I always believed in not having sex before marriage and held up all these years.So my fiance has tried many times to have sex with me and since I refused he has actually stopped ...
A. 10 April 2007: Hi there,
I think you have to make a decision yourself on this one. I dont think u are being childish wanting to remain a virgin. Alot more people than u think initially intended that for themselves but it didnt work out.My advise will be since u ... (read in full...)
Should I carry on letting him place these demands on me ?
Q. Hey, I need some quick advice. My boyfriend is currently making some demands of me that I'm not really sure I should have agreed to. The problems themselves are not really important but my problem comes in here. The things that my boyfriend h...
A. 21 March 2007: Hi,
You shouldnt be doing anything u dont want to or allowing him place demands on you that u dont feel comfortable doing. You just have to tell him u cant. I know that it is difficult to refuse someone stuff if u love them but believe me u feel e... (read in full...)
How can I tell my dad I'm engaged to my fiancee without giving him a heart attck?
Q. Okay, here's the deal. I am from the middle east and have been dating a guy from hispanic descent. We want to get married; however, my dad is very strict. How can I tell my dad I'm engaged to my fiancee without giving him a heart attck?! Please ...
A. 16 March 2007: Hi Anom,
First, Congratulation on getting engaged!
Since you are considering marriage i'm afraid you just have to tell him. Look for a way to warm him up to it. Also, u can try getting some family members(mum, brother, sisters..) behin... (read in full...)
Is there an easy way to lose weight??
Q. Hi i'm 16 years of age...i'm 5'5 and i weigh 160...is this normal? and could you tell me a easy way to lose weight without pills and diets and stuff like that?...
A. 16 March 2007: Hi Anom,
I was overweight myself some few years back slightly the same weight as you now. What u need to know is that overweight people can be beautiful too, alot of people get considered if it is getting too much cos of health reasons and the ... (read in full...)
When will our relationship get back on track??
Q. My partner and I'm having time out at the moment (his close friend passed away before xmas). When will our relationship get back on track? I saw him for the first time in 8 weeks this week.......
A. 16 March 2007: Hi dear,
Why 8 weeks???Dont let grief tear both of you apart. Cling to him and offer your support.THey never think they need it but they really do.
Goodluck... (read in full...)
How can i let a friend whose just admitted their feelings towards me down gently without hurting them or ruining our friendship?
Q. how can i let a friend whose just admitted their feelings towards me down gently without hurting them or ruining our friendship?...
A. 9 March 2007: Hi there,
Guess the best thing to do is be straight with him why u cant return the feelings so that u dont give him false hope or hurt him more. Do try to be gentle stating how wonderful the person really is and what u wrote here how u would re... (read in full...)
My ex and I share the same friends and now he's with someone else. Should I ask my friends about her?
Q. Please help. My boyfriend dumped me just before christmas after two and a half years. It was horrendous, but I got on with it and feel better about things now. We were long distance, but met through his best friend, who is married to my best frien...
A. 9 March 2007: Hi there,
I know how hard it is when u share friends with an ex and everything seems to crumble. It is difficult.
I think u should try to move on from this guy, it seems u still have a lot of feelings for him that is why u seem curious really. ... (read in full...)
Can you give me some tips to get over this girl once and for all?
Q. AA Scenario: i was been going out with this girl for 2 years. 6 months ago she went on holiday and had a bit of a holiday romance wiv anutha guy. i was devastated, but eventually got over it and got back together with her. in january i introd...
A. 9 March 2007: Hi Anom,
I know how difficult it is to let go of someone u really care about but think about all her lies/deception and unrepetant nature. What u should do is not to call, text or even inquire about her, she isnt worth it. With time u will be ... (read in full...)
She said she wants to meet w/ her ex and I went through the roof! I feel cheated and deceived.
Q. Am I right to be concerned? We have been engaged for 2 years, lived together for nearly 3 years, and have known each other for several years before we started our relationship. I was previously involved in a 23 year relationship that ended with ...
A. 10 January 2007: Hi dear,
Yeah u have the right to be concerned. I dont think it is a good idea to encourage their meeting. I really dont understand why she would want to meet with him really. At least she told you, which is good.
What i would advise u to do h... (read in full...)
He's lied about seeing other girls - now I can't stop going through his computer and phone...b/c I've found things!
Q. Hi, i've been with my boyfriend for almost two yrs, we get on really well all of the time. Accept that i don't think i trust him. We met in the internet, i knew that he spoke to a lot of girls who were just, friends, i accepted that. I asked him ...
A. 10 January 2007: Hi dear,
I'm afraid the basic foundation in any succesful relationship which is trust is already broken. You now have little faith in him and i'm afraid that wont be easy to get back.It would be hard for anyone really to trust him so i'm not blam... (read in full...)
My bf of 5 months and I get into arguments. Is it really my doing or is he being insensitive?
Q. I am dating this guy whom I love alot. Ive only been dating him 5 months and we are already fighting. I honestly think its me who is starting all the arguments. Maybe its because of my insecurities of my last relationship thats making me scared that ...
A. 10 January 2007: Hi Sunshine,
What u think is the problem in your relationship so far is a gap in communication between the two of you. I do believe in certain instance like on new year day, he should have let u know why he would rather take his friend home and... (read in full...)
I said I didn't love him when I was depressed, but I do and told him I didn't mean it. Since, our relationship has been very rocky.
Q. I split up with my boyf of 4 years, just over 3 weeks ago, as he said he thinks we should split up. We have had some problems in the past. I suffered depression in the past and told him I didn't love him. I didn't mean it as my depression had take...
A. 10 January 2007: Hi anjelflower,
What u need to do is have a say in the relationship and define how u want things to be. If u arent happy with the way he is handling things like being friends and still wanting sex then i think u should let him know. If he doesnt ... (read in full...)
My bf proposed, but then I had a dream about my ex. I can't get it out of my head - any ideas what this could mean?
Q. a dream is really playing on my mind. Right now i am very happy in a relationship of 3yrs - and my partner has recently proposed and everything is wonderful. My ex boyfriend of almost 5 years left for someone else 3 and 1/2 yrs ago, I am over him ...
A. 5 January 2007: Hi dear,
Your ex is always going to be part of your past and will be in your thoughts sometimes. It probably played in mind and subconscious becos of your plan to finally move on and u wonder deep down how he is. what wouldnt be ok is if u dwell ... (read in full...)
i have to share him ...why?
Q. i met a guy i care a lot about.but he lives with a woman he got pregnant many years ago.the child is now grown.i don't understand why they stay together.he says he loves me.but he thinks i should be ok with this because they don't share anything ...
A. 1 January 2007: Dear Darlene,
Of course you are not wrong for not understanding. I'm surprised he expects u to be ok with it. Put it to him this way,if u were leaving in with a guy u shared a past and also have a child together will he understand??
Honey, ... (read in full...)
Is there a tablet out there that alleviates a heavy, painful period? Any advice?
Q. hi all cupids, i live in the uk.Im 15 and my periods are sooo heavy and painfull and ive heard that i can get a tablet that can help me, but i dont no any details about it or how it works, and ive heard tht it can have dangerous side affects. ca...
A. 31 December 2006: Hi dear,
The best advise i can give here is to go see your gp. Dont take any drugs u arent sure of.They are many drugs out there with various side effects so u have to be careful which to take.
Take care dear and happy new yr... (read in full...)
I'm 31 and find myself going out alone..as my friends have all moved away!
Q. I am 31 years old and have reached a crisis point in my life that I was foolish enough not see coming; the last of my friends has moved 100s of miles away and I am finding myself deeply, deeply lonely. I have been making the effort to go out by ...
A. 31 December 2006: Hi there,
I have a few friends myself i hang out with even before my fiance came along. what i suggest u do is to make time to enjoy yourself. you dont need to have people to do that. In relaxing and going out, naturally u will eventually start me... (read in full...)
Marriage is what he wants but I'm wary as I was stood up at the alter, in my past. What should I do?
Q. i'm in love with my bf and we've been seeing each other for 6 months even though we have been friends for about 5 years. The problem is that he wants us to get married and i'm not sure if i really consider marriage for me as i was stood up at ...
A. 31 December 2006: Hi dear,
why not try it this way. Have a court wedding where both of u go sign the documents together without guests.Then u can floow it up with the main wedding with family/guests . In this way u fear of being stood up which i can assume is holdi... (read in full...)
After I split with my bf to date him-this new guy has gone cool and non-comittal! What's up with him?
Q. Hi I have a bit of an unusual problem-i was friendly with a guy at school when i was about 15 he was a few years older. We had lots of flirtations but nothing happened and we lost touch. then recently i heard from him via friends reunited. we talked ...
A. 30 December 2006: Hi Sammylammy,
The mistake some of us women make is think that showing too much intimacy like having sex when we meet someone is an indication to show how we feel or get him to like us. That doesnt help either and if a guy really likes u he will ... (read in full...)
It's been 3 years and it seems like the more interested I get, the more distant he becomes.Any advice?
Q. Hello. I need help. I have been with this guy for about 3 years now, and I am so confused. This guy is 20 years older than myself- I'm 36 and he is 56. At first, when he started asking me out, I found every excuse no to go out with him. This ...
A. 30 December 2006: Hi Allalone,
i think he isnt ready for an emotional commitment right now and i wouldnt blame him really with three marriages under his belt that would make anyone weary of marriage and commitments.
what i would advise u to do is make time to ... (read in full...)
When you are drunk.. can you really not control what you are doing?
Q. dear cupid, when you are drunk can you really not control what you are doing or do you show you true feelings? an example is that my friend says he wouldn't kiss a girl but when he was drunk he did kiss her and also they were really close to each ...
A. 30 December 2006: Hi dear,
They are different reactions for different people and different levels of being drunk. while some people claim they dont know what they do and have no memory,others say they find it easier to respond to challenges when tipsy and have the... (read in full...)
I don't want to appear pushy..so should I e-mail him again or not?
Q. I met a guy in October, we've been Emailing each other pretty much every day, met up 3 times. He lives in another city, so the last time we met up, he said he would be leaving after the New Year so we should meet up again. We exchanged X'mas ...
A. 30 December 2006: Hi dearie,
Hmmmmm. what i would do is wait for him to respond to my email. if he really wants to see you before he leaves he will contact u.Even if he was ill as u said he would naturally get better and be eager to contact u when he gets to see y... (read in full...)
He wants me with him all the time. How do I let him know...time apart is okay?
Q. Hi, I need some advice on how to deal with my partner, he basically expects me to stay in every night, and every day with him, and every time i enjoy any time apart from him, say drinks with work colleagues, a huge row ensues. I have tried reaso...
A. 30 December 2006: Hi Mikeyspikey,
Believe me u are not alone on this. It happens alot in relationships. Try telling him that sometimes u just need your space to spend some quality time alone with friends. Make him realise that it has nothing to do with your fee... (read in full...)
We met online but never met. He afraid to me-how do I convince him otherwise?
Q. Hi there, im 21 yrs old and i ment a guy online same age as me, we got on instantly really well. we have been talking for over 6 months we havent met yet due to distant and complications. we have strong feelings towards each other, we have txted , ...
A. 30 December 2006: Hi ya,
My advise will be to take things abit slowly, get to know him better and allow him to know u in person. This is the only way trust can be built especially for someone like him who is obviously afraid of relationships and getting along. ... (read in full...)
My bf says he's bored with making love to me! I feel so self-conscious! How do I deal with him?
Q. My bloke of two years said i don't do enough during love making. I thought everything was ok. He says i don't touch him as much as i used to do. I just lie there and let him do everything. It's not true and has made me feel so conscious. We do ...
A. 29 December 2006: Hi there,
i agree with you it is upsetting especially when the relationship has been on for two years. but maybe u can try and look at it from another angle. Maybe he wants to try different things and he is encouraging you to be more open to ideas... (read in full...)
He is ignoring my calls and my texts! Should I dump him or did he just 'not' get my messages?
Q. My latest relationship has been bliss, but recently after Christmas, he hasnt reply to any of my Texts or emails, he is never on msn, And i cant get through to his home phone, I have been thinking of dumping him, And i Changed my mind, part of me ...
A. 29 December 2006: Hi dear,
i would suggest u wait. you arent being paranoid becos naturally he ought to respond to ur mails or call u when he hasnt heard from u.
In the meantime, dont worry too much go out and try to enjoy yourself this period.
Goodluck
... (read in full...)
He holds grudges against me for a long time, even after I say I'm sorry! Any advice?
Q. My boyfriend has a lot of past issues and we never really argue but when we do, if i say anything nasty, which is purely heat of the moment, no matter how much i say sorry, he carries a grudge for ages, saying that i've really hurt him. i don't ...
A. 29 December 2006: Hi there,
I think u are genuinely true becos it takes alot to apology and admit when one have said something wrong to another but
what sort of nasty things did you really say???
Saying sorry is a really good things to do, but words can replay... (read in full...)
Does circumcision affect penis size?
Q. dear cupid i am not sure if this question is gonna be posted but if it is i would like to know: does the penis of a man shrink if he was circumcised when he was young, and if so is they anyway to make it bigger again ??? ...
A. 28 December 2006: Hi dear,
complements of the season. cirumsion for men is a removal of excess skin around it. it doesnt affect size and has nothing to do with length. what it can affect abit is the thickness.
And no, once u are cirumsised u cant redo it.
... (read in full...)
He gets distant, for days, after we've had sex
Q. i have been sleeping with a man who is separated and in the process of a divorce. he says he cares about me, but after we have sex, he seems distant for a few days. please help, i have fallen in love with him but i dont understand his behavior...
A. 28 December 2006: Hi there,
it might be best to talk to him. dont give any suggestion cos it might hopefully have nothing to do with what both of you shared. Just tell him what u said here that he seem distant and if there is anything wrong. it is better to do th... (read in full...)
A past bf forced sex on her and now--she isn't interested in making love. What can I do?
Q. Iv known my girlfriend for well over 10 years now and we've just got together a few months ago. She's a great person and i really like her a lot but the sex for me is all give and no receive. She just doesn't seem interested. Even when I'm simply ...
A. 28 December 2006: Hi dear,
perhaps an option might be to get her into counselling. just an additional person she can talk to and who might be able to help through it all.DOnt see this as a negative sign, counselling can be very good and might speed up her recovery... (read in full...)
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