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*adzia1127 agony aunt

*adzia1127

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*adzia1127's profile:

I guess you could count the seven years I spent at university as my qualifications. Yet as I have gotten older, my life has given me a lot more insight into people and how life plays out then all the professors combined.

I work in the community I live, where I also volunteer, run a local jogging group, work with the Hispanic community with my husband, and I am a soccer, track, swim mom.

Yet I like a good laugh and my icon is one of them. If you look closely you can see the big hair, puffy sleeves and shoulder pads of the 80's, hey a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do to pay for school and modelling is a good way to do it. Now my family and I get a good laugh over some of the pictures, they are a riot.

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Everything was fine before I went on holiday now she wants time apart!!!

Q.   hi, Me and my girlfriend have been together for just over 17months. We've always been very close and i treat her like an angel. I see her nearly everyday and we're always talking about the future and whats going to happen (which she usually brings u...

A.   6 April 2006:  There is really only one thing you can do, tell her if she needs time you will give her that time. It might break your heart, she might not come back, but if you truelly treat her like an angel you will give her whatever she asks for. Cons... (read in full...)

My Persian Jewish, open-relationship boyfriend has gotten me pregnant but still isn't sure I'm the one :-(

Q.   I am 23 and still have a year an a half left in school. I became pregnant 7 weeks ago. My boyfriend is almost 26 but is still living at home. He is persian jewish and I am Christian. I told him that I would convert and try to give him the life he ...

A.   3 April 2006:  You have options but not it seems not with him. Everyone can tell you single parenthood is VERY hard. Abortion is a quick fix that has forever consequences. Yet as a christian you need to figure out what is best for you and abortion is usua... (read in full...)

Is my guy cheating to get revenge??

Q.   Did he cheat to revenge? Why did he withdraw recently? I was dating this German guy for almost half year, he was distanced from me in the first 3 month dating, so we were kind of on and off for almost 4 months. So I went out with another guy who ...

A.   3 April 2006:  Stop beating yourself up, your boyfriend is already doing a good job for you. For some reason you are attracted to men who treat you badly. This attraction of yours is not healthy. You need to figure out why you love men who can treat you so b... (read in full...)

He said he doesn't love me anymore, then changed his mind and I'm falling for it!

Q.   me and my boyfriend have been together for about 17 months and things are just so odd! when we first got together everything between us was fantastic and then things got hard (i dont really want to say what happened but there was some serious ...

A.   3 April 2006:  You seem to be a very smart lady to have figured out what many women can't figure out for the life of them. You do deserve someone who doesn't have to 'think' about whether they love you. You deserve someone who doesn't play mind games of taki... (read in full...)

How do I end this friendship!?

Q.   Hey people, When you truely know a friendship is over how would you address it..been having problems with my best mate and i know that we are too different and this mate always accuse me off always talking about her..i know i don't mak...

A.   29 March 2006:  To end a friendship you have a few choices. -Let it putter out by not answering phone calls, emails, text msg, always being busy if you do run into them. -Be honest and tell them that your interests are going in opposite directions and you don'... (read in full...)

He had adult material and now I feel really insecure about us. HELP!!!

Q.   This is really embarrassing but it is causing me a lot of grief and affecting my relationship with my boyfriend. I am in a serious relationship with a really decent guy and we have spoken about moving in together once we have enough savings. Our ...

A.   29 March 2006:  In a relationship trust is the most important key to deep meaningful love. Yet if he has done nothing to lose your trust, then trust him. Tell him: 1. you completely trust him 2. if he said he threw them away, then he threw them away, 3... (read in full...)

A week into dating my ex's best friend and already having SERIOUS doubts

Q.   about a month ago i split from my boyfriend of 8 months. It was a tough time becuase he was the one that ended it and never really gave me a reason for the split. Anyway I vowed to stay single and concentrate on my studies-1 month down the line an...

A.   29 March 2006:  Honesty is always the best policy when it comes to the matters of your heart. Just remember you can't change his actions or what he thinks, but you can choose your actions and what you do with your life. Good luck!... (read in full...)

My boyfriend is letting his parents control his life and he "knows" it's wrong!

Q.   A man i want to marry is from a very cultural family. He has to obey his parents. We both want to get married however his parents are against it, they want him to marry a cousin. However he wants to marry me. He has been fighting for me for 5 months ...

A.   29 March 2006:  You can't change others only yourself. So there is nothing you can do to push him along, unless you want to agitate the situation. The only thing you should be doing is thinking long and hard if you really want to pursue this relationship. When... (read in full...)

I'm almost ready to come out as bi, but I'm still married, any advice!?

Q.   hi there, I am 32 married with 2 kids, but I have a VERY big problem..I'm fairly new to the area we live and have struck up several friendships with new woman but with one this is very different, I have fallen in love with her in a BIG way..This ...

A.   29 March 2006:  In any marriage an affair is an affair. The choice to have one is always bad. If you are separated or divorce then look into this relationship but not before.... (read in full...)

My boyfriend likes to aggrevate me about my breasts, why does he do this?

Q.   my boyfriend of almost 2 yrs. will make jokes about my breasts. saying they are little and all, but then when I try to ignore it he will make another joke, then it bothers me and he will apologize and say he is just joking and that my breasts are ...

A.   28 March 2006:  It bothers you because those 'jokes' are abusive and that is what your dealing with right now an abusive man. It might be just verbal and mental abuse now, but if you put up with the abuse, it will get worse. (This has nothing to do with the ... (read in full...)

Is it wrong to hide my other job as a porn star???

Q.   Hiya I'm currently a porn star, working in simple films and have been in a few magazines. But I'd also like to be a secondary school teacher. Will I have to mention my career in porn in my job interview, as I'm sure they'll just see me as a stupid b...

A.   26 March 2006:  As for your resume, you don't have to put anything you don't want to. Yet if you have a huge blank section on your employment time line, questions will be asked. Yet if you lie the chances of your past coming to light sooner or later will not ... (read in full...)

He's still reading playboy and penthouse despite us dating for two years!

Q.   My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 2 years. Since the beginning I have told him that I find porn degrading to women. He told me that he didn't feel comfortable reading them since the month we started dating but i found issues until 4 ...

A.   26 March 2006:  Please, please, please don't listen to the first two people who wrote to you. That kind of thinking could pay for years of counselling. Thank heaven mystify actually put out some real help for you. To say that you should blow off hurt of any ... (read in full...)

I want to help my ex's new wife. He's so controlling and she thinks it's normal!

Q.   My daughter's dad beats up his wife, who has become my best friend. My daughter's dad beats up his wife. He's awful to her. He cheats on her, they don't even have a sex life. But she's not allowed to work or even drive their fun new Camaro. She's ...

A.   21 March 2006:  She has to make the choice to leave, but if she does there are resources that will help her get away and keep you and your daughter safe. Next time you see her, slip her the number for the Domestic Violence Hot-line. (The number is (800) 799-... (read in full...)

I got drunk and snogged my online friend... in front of my boyfriend!

Q.   I did something horribly wrong and stupid this past week and need advice very badly. This weekend my BF of 8 years and I went on a business trip. While on this trip I had the opportunity to meet an online male friend I've known for over 10 years, ...

A.   21 March 2006:  If you really want help then you have to take a hard look in the mirror. You have a big problem on your hands and it is not your boyfriend. He is probably just coming to terms with your self destructive behavior. He has to decide if he want... (read in full...)

Is there anything suspect about my girlfriend's close male friend, or shouldn't I worry?

Q.   I hope someone can help me with this. A little background: My girlfriend has had an extensive sexual past. In an effort to keep from hurting me she has lied about it until recently. I have been able to deal wih the majority of the pain that com...

A.   19 March 2006:  You need to figure out how much this is bothering you and figure this out quickly, for your girlfriend is getting the short end of this relationship right now. She is dating a man that holds her past against her, and doesn't trust her. If y... (read in full...)

She's 42 and says she's never masturbated. I find it hard to understand...

Q.   I'm rewriting this question. From a woman's point of view, it it odd that a woman of 42 years old has never maturbated? As a man, I find this hard to understand. My wife and I have talked about this. She's the woman I'm referring to....

A.   19 March 2006:  No it is not odd. Men at a young age get stimulated so easy, a rub of their jeans can get them excited, riding on the school bus gets it going. This gets them very curious and on the road to masturbation. Also a boy gets a rush of hormones that ... (read in full...)

I keep asking him when we are going to be "actually" together and he says he's not sure.

Q.   Well here is the whole story..Me and my best friend got together exactually two years ago today. We had the best relationship in the world and loved each other to death. We even took the step to get a pet together, who we treat like a child. ...

A.   19 March 2006:  The only person who can tell you what he really feels and really thinks is him. Yet if you want to second guess and judge everything that comes out of his mouth, read up on body language and lying. Use him as your test subject and test him to f... (read in full...)

Her guy friends have molded her thinking, how can I change that?

Q.   My wife and I are remarried in oure forties. she was married over 15 years, has has lots of guy friends growing up. these guys have molded her thinking in such a way that its driving me crazy. I am a guy who can see beauty in all races, I dont lock ...

A.   19 March 2006:  What she needs is a bit of counselling. She needs to work out what lies she has been told over her life in a neutral environment. ... (read in full...)

I know I can't have her, but I wish I could stop thinking about her!

Q.   I need help. I'm in love with a girl. She is she my sister's best friend and she has a boyfriend. I know she likes me I think and I know I can't be with her because as I said she's my sister's friend and not forgething the boyfriend, but I ca...

A.   19 March 2006:  'Time heals all Wounds' goes for the open heart wounds of crushes too. All you can do is try to find other things to do and give it time. The rush of emotions that you feel is not based in years of committed reltionship, it is not based... (read in full...)

My girlfriend gets so crazy sometimes, what can I do?

Q.   What can I do about my gf? She gets sooo angry sometimes for reasons that aren't necessary! I love her to death, but I don't understand the point of her angerness. For example: Last night we were going to work out. I made her get up to go cuz we ...

A.   17 March 2006:  Well I could tell you to just break-up, but let me tell you why so you can at least walk away a better person. A relationship has give and take, with a huge dose of consideration on both sides. The example you gave didn't illustrate a 'mood sw... (read in full...)

How can I help him stay strong?

Q.   I am very happy. I got reunited with my first love after many years and he moved thousands of miles to come back. He was married 24 years so it was very sad that it ended, which it was in the process of doing long before we met again. He had ...

A.   17 March 2006:  It sounds like your partner is coming out of an abusive family right into an abusive marriage. He needs a safe place to be right now where he can get the help to rebuild and become a strong person. It is hard to find help for abused men but ... (read in full...)

Feels like we need some time away from each other. How can I get a break without breaking up?

Q.   Hi, my boyfriend and I have been going out for nine months and...I still feel a little distrustful of him though because I had a past abusive relationship and I am still not comfortable with him and I find that I get more distant from him even ...

A.   17 March 2006:  Your past abuse is holding you back from this relationship. You need to start talking to someone who can help. A great way to start is calling the national domestic violence hotline. Their number is 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or TTY 1-80... (read in full...)

She wants a break because her butterflies went away, but I don't want to lose her.

Q.   Hi I have been in a relationship with my girlfriend Sarah for 21.5 months now. And we have been going through a bit of a hard time in the last few days. It was triggered by something that i don't want to post, but that is just what made us think ...

A.   17 March 2006:  At the beginning of a relationship you have a chemical rush of emotions or 'butterflies' as you refer to them. That chemical dissipates sooner or later. What is suppose to happen is the couple has worked together and created something much more... (read in full...)

With my baby due in 2 weeks-I am uncertain if I should sell my house!

Q.   My partner and I are due to have our first baby in two weeks time. My house is up for sale and the plan was to buy some where together. The trouble is my partner agrees to these plans and even suggests things ie what area to look in etc. But when it ...

A.   17 March 2006:  Keep your house, focus on your baby. If you marry your partner then consider selling and buying together. ... (read in full...)

Why does it seem impossible for me to find someone?

Q.   I am fast approaching my 40th birthday and at this age will i be still taken seriously as a potential partner. I have not had a relationship either short or long term for over 8 years after a break up of a long term relationship. I did put on a lot ...

A.   15 March 2006:  Want to Meet women? What kind of woman do you want? Figure out what you want then go where they are. -Drinkers, go to bars. -Adventurous souls, join (single's) Adventure groups. -Readers, join book clubs or hang out at the library. -Giver... (read in full...)

Sometimes he can be SO nice, and then others he's just so mean!

Q.   Hello. I am 16 and I have been going out with my boyfriend for almost 2 years. Although when we get on, we really, really get on and I love him so much and we have loads of fun, he gets annoyed at me for no reason, starts an argument, and I get ...

A.   15 March 2006:  You will not like my answer for it is the truth. Your boyfriend is a classic abuser. The only way you're going to be able stop the arguing, mind games, blaming, etc. is hightail it away from him and don't look back. You're living th... (read in full...)

Why won't he discuss our future with me?!

Q.   My boyfriend and I have been living together for almost a year, we're renting at the moment and are now looking into buying a place of our own. I dream of us having a long and happy future together, but he doesnt really let me in on whats his ...

A.   15 March 2006:  No one can tell you what is going through his head except him. If he is not talking to you about what is going on then that is your biggest relationship problem. Even if marriage does come up you need to ask yourself if you really want to be i... (read in full...)

What does she mean, when she says I'm her "best boy friend"?

Q.   Hey, last week I was talkin to a girl online and she said I was her boy best friend. Since then we have been talking to each other a lot and hung out with each other on our own. My question is am I actually her best friend or does she not mean it ...

A.   12 March 2006:  Impress what friends? This conversation was online how many people over heard the clicking of your keys? When a girl says you're her boy best friend it usually just means she has a best friend that is a girl already. Take the boy or the girl part... (read in full...)

His misses his wife and has been giving me mixed signals, what do I do?

Q.   Can any men give me some insight? A seperated man at work is under stress missing his wife who has been gone 18 months. As I have suffered loss of a loved one I have been his supporting him and grown very attached to him. I am seperated from my ...

A.   12 March 2006:  You 'do not wish to become too involved' so does it really matter if he is honest in his rapport at work or over email? You're both in a hard time in your life, craving the attention and support you're sharing with each other. Yet take it as i... (read in full...)

Finding this whole sex thing pretty hard work!

Q.   I have a hard time being connected with my body during sex. I cant seem to shut my mind up - I just constantly concentrate on trying to have an orgasm or trying to get "wet" - but I can never seem to relax and enjoy it, I do have orgasms but somt...

A.   9 March 2006:  It is a common thing with very busy women not being able 'shut their minds up' while making love. There are women who aren't able to achieve an orgasm until their sexual peak age. With your partner start on fore-play, enough to help shut you... (read in full...)

My man waited until I had an affair before becoming a better husband!

Q.   I have been married for 13 years, of which 10 of those years my husband has not physically been attracked to me. We have a great marriage other than that. At first we still had physical contact hugs, kisses, and hand holding, etc. But about three ...

A.   9 March 2006:  The comment 'The grass is greener on the other side' pops up when I read the comments about going for the new romance. You need to think with a clear head. Sit down and write a list of pro's and cons of each man, putting into consider... (read in full...)

He says he doesn't want a long distance relationship.. Should I keep at this?

Q.   I met a man recently who lost his wife (3 years ago). We have had long conversations on the phone before we met and we got together a couple of times on the weekends, he lives 2 1/2 hrs from me. We get along really good and have alot of fun, but ...

A.   8 March 2006:  All good relationships start with trust, so trust what he is saying, even if he is lying to himself. If he says he doesn't want a long distace relationship then don't do one. If he says he is moving on then you move on. That doesn't mean you... (read in full...)

My wife's cheating on me and I don't know what to do about it!

Q.   I am a 28-year-old man and my wife is 25. Recently I found out she has been cheating on me with a 68-year-old man after I received nude photos via email (our email address is a shared one, anything addressed to my wife also comes to me too.) ...

A.   8 March 2006:  Right now you have intense feelings that are eating at your very soul. Don't let yourself get sucked into destructive behaviors. You need to find a healthy place to start venting the overflowing emotions, exercise is usually a great ch... (read in full...)

So many issues crushing in on me! My love is in prison and I have no one...

Q.   At 15 I started dating a 23 year old man. At 17 I had his son. At 18 we broke up. At 19 I met and then married my now-estranged husband and had 3 kids. At 24, after 5 long years in an extremely abusive marriage, his brother, also my best friend of 9 ...

A.   5 March 2006:  My heart goes out to you, it is exhausting just to read your letter. We all go through times that seem very dark but there is light at the end of the tunnel. First off you need to take care of yourself and those kids. Find a friend or famil... (read in full...)

My male friend chose the other lady over me. Now I don't know what to do or how to act!

Q.   I got involved with a friend and we had a fairly serious relationship for 6 months. However he was already having a relationship with another lady who was living with her partner. She found out about our relationship and after 2 months of him ...

A.   2 March 2006:  The woman he is with might have pushed him into making a choice. Yet he is an adult and allowed it. It doesn't matter how he got in the situation, now it is the honorable thing for you to back away. The best thing you can do is go on with you... (read in full...)

He is affectionate but it makes me feel uncomfortable...what can I do?

Q.   i've met a guy whom i have alot in common with. he wants us to be an item, which is fine with me but he likes to be very touchy feely ie holding hands and cuddling. i want to do this but feel very uneasy when he does it. any advice how i can loosen ...

A.   28 February 2006:  If this is a recent occurrence then listen to your gut feeling about this guy, and back away. If this is a problem you have had with all relationships then you need to get counseling and figure out what is making you hold back. If you're i... (read in full...)

I am sick of being lied to about porn! Where are the men who 'forsake all others'??

Q.   I was just wondering as i am considering leaving my man over his constant looking at pornographic images and other women lustfully if there are in fact any men out there that dont do this? Men who love thier woman and worship thier woman in a way th...

A.   26 February 2006: Dear Charlotti, I know there are men out there that do not do porn, I have one. It took 25 years to find him, and he is faithful with all his soul and heart to me. Before him I thought all men looked at porn, checked out other girls, f... (read in full...)

He made me happy for the first time in my life. Ever since we split i have been falling apart. Please help!!

Q.   I broke up with my bf a month ago. We were only together for a month and a week, but it was all extremely intense, and i was sure he really loved me. When we broke up, he said it was because i was too young (i'm 15, he had just turned 18 a few days...

A.   23 February 2006:  You need to talk to your mother, father, school counselor, teacher or coach. Tell them how much this is affecting you to the point of cutting. If one adult downplays or dismisses your feelings then go to another adult. The feelings your goin... (read in full...)

I am sick of being lied to about porn! Where are the men who 'forsake all others'??

Q.   I was just wondering as i am considering leaving my man over his constant looking at pornographic images and other women lustfully if there are in fact any men out there that dont do this? Men who love thier woman and worship thier woman in a way th...

A.   23 February 2006:  Your feeling horrible because your being emotionally and mentally cheated on. Porn is just another way a person can cheat. Every cheater wants you to believe 'everyone is doing it' but that is a lie. The only way a cheater can change is if he o... (read in full...)

I'm worried about when I start my period...

Q.   My mum is really great and has told me all about sex and periods and everything, but I still cringe when she talks about it to me. I'm worried that when I start my period, I will be too shy to tell my mum about it, and what if I start at school? I...

A.   22 February 2006:  Everyone here is right, talk to your mother. All of us women have been right where you are, and your mother wants to help you. The only thing I want to add is the medical evidence, research and warnings of pads or the tampon. Both pads and ... (read in full...)

I want to be with him but should I continue to see him?

Q.   I am 21 years old, and I have been seeing this guy for a couple of weeks now who is 38. The thing is that he has 4 kids between 8-15. He is my stepdad's ex-brother in law. His kids know my parents as aunt and uncle. I absolutely ADORE...

A.   22 February 2006:  It won't be just your parents that will react badly, it will be hard for your whole family, and everyone you encounter that finds out about the relationship. The only way to proceed is to be completely honest with your parents, and your enti... (read in full...)

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