| A
female
,
anonymous
writes: Hello. I am 16 and I have been going out with my boyfriend for almost 2 years. Although when we get on, we really, really get on and I love him so much and we have loads of fun, he gets annoyed at me for no reason, starts an argument, and I get very depressed and upset. We do this usually once a day, often over the phone, which then contributes to me getting to bed very late and then being very tired. There is always “something up” with me, and i've always done something wrong, been annoying or I don’t care. Maybe sometimes I am annoying, but recently I have been diagnosed with alopecia areata, which is when you suffer hairloss, I am very upset about this and fear stress can only make things worse.i have asked him to stop arguing with me because of this, and he says he will. But he doesn’t.he still argues with me all the time, and when I bring my alopecia up he calls me an inconsiderate bitch and says i'm blaming him. He wants to see me all the time and gets annoyed if I want to see my friends. He is a completely different person when he gets angry and I feel like this constant heartache is taking over our relationship and my happiness. I just want a happy life,which I have when we aren’t pointlessly arguing. When he is good he is sooo good and i love him and being around him. I just don’t think I can cope with arguing so much,but he insists it's as much my fault as it is his,and when I ask him to try not to he gets offended- and annoyed, and we argue.HELP. How can I stop him from arguing with me all the time before I LOSE MY MIND?
View related questions:
depressed Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2006): leave him now I got into a common law relationship with the same type of guy and I can't get out its 15 years now and we all have suffered run for the hills leave believe me your life and any children u have will suffer we all have please just get awayThey stop being nice once they get you in thier control.Please don't do what I did just go go go Tell him anything just leave.PLEASE
A
female
reader, Jadzia1127  +, writes (15 March 2006):
 You will not like my answer for it is the truth.
Your boyfriend is a classic abuser. The only way you're going to be able stop the arguing, mind games, blaming, etc. is hightail it away from him and don't look back.
You're living through a classic abusive cycle. He treats you bad, you push him away, then he will blame you, give excuses, plead, make promises, and for an amount of time it will be wonderful, then it will go down hill again. Each time the cycle is allowed to happen the abuse will get worse.
The only way an abuser can change is by wanting to change for him/or herself. It is a journey they need to do alone and with professional help.
This is also a good time to start a diary if you haven't, write about your good and bad experiences with him and how it honestly made you feel. This way in the future you can use it as a reference for red flags of a bad relationship. It will also help work out some of your emotions.
You will be doing him and you a favor to stop this relationship now.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2006): Couples argue. Sometimes they even argue pretty often, but everyday is a bad, bad sign. In cases like this, you can't just try and "average out" the good times and the bad times. No matter how deeply in love you feel with him during those best times, if he's making you feel this shitty on an extremely regular basis, you need to consider whether you'd be happier overall without him. Sure, you won't be having those "incredible-special-together-moments", but neither will you have those daily "constant heartache" feelings. It sounds like overall this relationship gives you less joy than pain.
He is not "a different person" when angry, he is still him. It may be hard to put the two sides of his personality together, but you can't just wish away his faults. If he is a ghoul when he's pissed off, consider that you are dating a ghoul at least part (most) of the time. People who are possessive and vindictive like this qualify as ghouls.
Think about it.
...............................
|
