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female
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anonymous
writes: I am 23 and still have a year an a half left in school. I became pregnant 7 weeks ago. My boyfriend is almost 26 but is still living at home. He is persian jewish and I am Christian. I told him that I would convert and try to give him the life he wants. In the beginning we had an open relationship because he had cheated on his girlfriend of 4 years (with me) and I wanted to make sure he was not going to do the same to me. As time progressed I started to give more to the relationship. However now all he tells me is he is not sure if I am "the one" and doesn't know if he wants to be with me. And that I cheated on him, which all the proof he has is text messages from the time we had an "open relationship". We have been dating for 10 months and exclusive for 4 1/2) I was intergrating into his family spending time on the weekends, attended his mothers birthday and so on. So why now that I need him the most he is causing me so much pain?I have only 3 weeks left in the semester and I am at the top of my class. I need to do well to maintain my grade point average but i cant stop thinking about what he is doing to me. What can i do to move on or should i try to convince him that I am not going to cheat on him?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2006): I am sorry to hear of your pain as I know how you are feeling. Found out i was pregnant today and my bloke told me he cant have kids and has the paperwork to prove it when i asked for the paperwork he said i couldn`t see it. I already have a son so now face the prospect of being alone with another child but I would rather that than know that a man didnt want me. If your boyfriend loved you it wouldn`t matter about the past as u are carrying his child. By now he should know whether you are the one my advice however hard is to look after yourself and decide what is best for u and baby. Goodluck xx
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2006): I don't think he's ready for this level of commitment. If he forces himself to be a husband and father when he doesn't really want this, he'll live to resent it. You will be the one giving, sacrificing, willing to do anything to make it work, yet you'll get nothing in return from him. Better to be on your own and do your best for your child (just make sure to get the financial support from him that your child has the right to).
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A
female
reader, lostgirl04  +, writes (3 April 2006):
 It must be a very difficult situation for you. But why would you want to be with someone who isn't sure if you are "the one?" If you think he is 'the one' it is not fair for you thta he doesn't feel the same way. I think you deserve someone who is going to be sure of his feelings for you. Don't settle for someone who can learn to love you, be with someone who knows he loves you and isn't afraid to show it and say it. Now that you are pregnant the situation gets even tougher. Why do you want to make a family with someone who is not sure he wants a family with you? It might work out at first but this scenario will probably lead to divorce later on. What you need to do is think about yourself. It seems school is going really good for you and you need to continue with that. With a baby you probably won't be able to do much after you graduate. Abortion is hard but it is an option. Not sure what your beliefs on that are but don't settle. Realize that you deserve better than this guy.
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A
female
reader, Jadzia1127 +, writes (3 April 2006):
 You have options but not it seems not with him. Everyone can tell you single parenthood is VERY hard. Abortion is a quick fix that has forever consequences.
Yet as a christian you need to figure out what is best for you and abortion is usually not an option.
You have a bright future and if you have family support then consider single parenthood.
Yet the most loving thing you can do for your baby, is give it a loving family with a mom and dad. If you can't give it that yourself then look into adoption. You can pick the family your baby goes to, it can be an open or closed adoption.
None of these are easy choices, you have my prayers that you will be ok during this very hard time.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2006): If i were you, i would do this. Firstly, i have to realise this is an open relationship. It means, no attachment, no one is ever serious about each other,etc.. So from the first point, it was wrong and now you get pregnant. I think it is time to wake up and know the reality is you are in an open relationship and fully understanding the meaning of that two words before it is too late. It is painful to wake up like this. Even i am saying it now, i bet if this ever happen to me, i would be torn apart, emotional and hoping for things to work (which is like hoping the sun to rise at 10pm). Again, i have been through a lot, i am 22 this year. I have finally wake up and know that if i know something was bad at the begining and untill now it still never improve and getting worse.. i should not lay hope on that or force him to stay...because this will only create hope for you and unhappiness for him. You will soon break up with him anyway..because you are forcing something which is not going to work to work.....
My bottom line is, know where you stand and know what the reality is and act from there. Ask youself question like this (do not lay hope on him,because you don't know what you are going to get), predict the worse thing that could ever happen (be all by yourself) so if nothing will go beyond that point and you will sure work it out and be okay.
1. Do you want to raise the baby by yourself?
2. What is your commitment for the next five years? (According to you, you are a top scholar, i reckon you would want to achieve something in your career?)
3. Single parent life will be very tough, do you think you have enough support from family & friend?
4. If you are not ready, abortion will be the only option. Yes, it is painful. It hurts your soul and body. But perhaps, that is the only way to stop this pain quick and stand up again. I believed in giving the baby happiness, but if i can't give it to him/her, i won't born him/her out.
Finally, good luck :) I am standing at your side, no matter what.
From,
22 and with a jewish bf
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