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*heeagle7695
writes: Hi I have been in a relationship with my girlfriend Sarah for 21.5 months now. And we have been going through a bit of a hard time in the last few days. It was triggered by something that i don't want to post, but that is just what made us think about this problem. I am in love with this girl more than i ever thought could be possible, and she tells me the same, i enjoy just being with her. The problem we have been discussing is that we don't have the mystery or butterflies that were there when we first started going out. We both agree that we would want this back, but we don't know how. Sarah has said that the only thing that she can think of is for us to take a break with every intention of getting back together, and she has told me that she does not want to see other people during this if we do take a break. I am scared of doing this but just as she has told me i can see things being good when we would get back together. I have told her that i am scared of doing this, and she asked if there is something else that i can think of, but that is the problem i can't think of anything else and that scares me. Everytime someone comes to me for help i can always find a way to help them, but i can never find it for myself. In all the time we have been going out, we have never even gotten in a fight i mean of course we disagree about things but never yelling or anything like that. I am in my first year of college right now, and Sarah is a senior in high school right now. I think that a big part of this is about her school about to end and new to start, and i am not there. But from the time we started going out we never really saw each other more than on the weekends because before i moved for college we lived 30 mins away from eachother. Right now i live about 1 hour 45 mins away but i come home about every 2 sometimes 3 weeks. She cannot come visit me because her parents are too strict, and wont let her drive out and back in the same day, and staying the night is not even an option. I guess what i am asking is if anyone has ever gone through this and what they did, is there anything we can do without taking a break? And if we do that what does that mean do we contact at all during this time what? Another dilemma is that Sarahs 18th birthday is on April 5th and i don't want to not be there for her, she has 3 close friends and they are all going to be out of town during her birthday. I am so lost. Someone please help me my deepest fear right now is losing Sarah. I want a way that i can make that butterflies come back, but not at the cost of losing Sarah. I don't know one thing i keep thinking is that after 21.5 months isn't this kind of something that happens.
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reader, Jadzia1127  +, writes (17 March 2006):
 At the beginning of a relationship you have a chemical rush of emotions or 'butterflies' as you refer to them. That chemical dissipates sooner or later.
What is suppose to happen is the couple has worked together and created something much more beautiful and deeper then a chemical response. A deeper relationship is full of love, trust, fun, faith, devotion, and courtship.
It takes two to make a deeper relationship, but that isn't your problem.
You need to take the time and in person talk to your girlfriend. Find out why the thrill of riding the wave of a chemical response sounds good enough to throw away what you have. This request of hers is probably just a cry of help at some frustration with your relationship, but you need to have a long heart to heart with her to find out.
Side note: There is no way of getting the 'butterflies' back unless you break up, wait a few years then run into each other accidentally. The chemical response for a chance re-encounter, can be so strong it can be dangerous to other relationships.
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