A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My husband has signed up for dating and sex sites over 7 times in our * yrs of marriage. watches porn all the time......and we are having other issues as well..... is it just a guy thing or is he really looking for something else???? we have always had sex atleast 5 time a week. now i feel that is the only reason he keeps me. He loves sex but does he love me???
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (15 November 2011):
 if he does love you, would you stay with him the way things are?
if he didn't love you and treated you better would you stay then?
is the issue really if he loves you or if he appreciates you or if he treats you well...
if all he sees you as is a handy penis holder then you need to tell him what you need and what has to change.
if he can't change you have to decide if it's worth staying or not.
A
female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (15 November 2011):
 He does sound like all his focus is on sex, it does suggest maybe an addiction. The other stuff, no compliments, no help around the house, that's more normal. Lazy guy who can't be bothered, and doesn't see why he should try. It doesn't make sense to say your husband only wants you for sex. Sex is part of the marriage deal. He doesn't need to stay if it's only sex that he needs, he could live alone and have tons of women that he could call when has the need. It would be easier for him. You want romance, but it doesn't sound like he knows how. You sound upset, but you don't sound like you seriously try to change anything, or are unhappy enough to leave. If your husband doesn't love you, will you get a divorce? If you wouldn't then love is not the issue. You want to be treated better, then you need to concentrate on that. I suggest marriage counselling, especially to help with his need for sex sites. The porn probably won't stop.
Not sure how long you've been married, but was he like this before when you was dating. Did he do nice stuff, buy you presents and say nice words before you were married. I have a feeling this is the way the guy is and you won't be able to change him, but marriage guidance will help him at least listen to you and your pain, and maybe just maybe, he might learn to be a little less selfish and a little more considerate. If he won't go to marriage counselling, then you must go alone. They will help you to find out why you stay in such a marriage, and what techniques and tricks you can use to improve things just a little.
He's a lazy, selfish git, who just might have a sexual addiction. Go find someone to talk to, either together or alone.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2011):
Do you really have sex 5 times per week? Somehow, I can getting a feeling that can't be right. When would he possibly have time for porn?
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A
female
reader, goldengirl88  +, writes (15 November 2011):
Hi
I dont personally think the porn by itself is an issue, you guys obviously have a good sex life. I dont think it nessessary to say he has a sex addiction, i think now days we immediately just say someone has an addiction. Talking to other women on the internet hmmm. Are you able to have a discussion with him and ask why he is doing this, how much you dont like it etc, would he stop! perhaps these women are comfortable doing things with him that he might not think you would like to do.
To me i think your husband probably does love you, and i dont feel like he would just be keeping you around for sex, otherwise he would have run of or physically cheated on you with one or more of these women on the internet.
what are your other problems?
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A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (14 November 2011):
 I am going to agree with shrodingerscat -- there isn't enough information here to know for sure.
What surprises me is that you keep him in the picture. After all the years of marriage, you've caught him several times cheating on dating sites (even if the cheating isn't physical) I am a bit confused as to why you are still with him. Naturally, this is only the number of times you've caught him -- who knows how many other times he has strayed.
Many guys do like to look at porn. If you are having regular sex and he is still seeking other women and viewing porn, my guess is that potentially he is a sex addict or a porn addict.
At this point, I really think you need to have a reality check with yourself. Something is definitely going on and it isn't healthy. My advice to you is to seek a professional therapist and identify why he is seeking other women why having regular sex with you. My guess is that he is satisfying his needs until something better comes along.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, babygirllovej +, writes (14 November 2011):
 It's hard to say if he loves you or not. However it doesn't matter if you are miserable with him. Try to resolve things with him and communicate. If he continues to cheat on you (dating sites...etc.)or if you can't be happy with him then you should consider leaving him.
Good Luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe can not compliment me on my smarts, or cleaning the house thelittle stuff. we have # small children I am tall skinny not bad looking. He doesnot help around house or can say thank you for me doing anyhing for him or the kids. Iwork full time and he sits on the computer the whole time Iam gone. come home and now Ihavea house to clean (dishes from breakfast are still out) and he cant kiss me or cuddle withme without it turning intosex. I get all dressed up to go out with him and I dont; get a compliment. all I get is i put a sexyoutfit on thebed for you for when we get home. I make a comment as simple as do you want hot dogs for dinner and he starts with sexuall remarks. does notmatter what is said he can find something sexuall.
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A
female
reader, shrodingerscat +, writes (14 November 2011):
 Without knowing in greater detail what other problems you two are facing, none of us can truly say if he's just keeping you around for sex. We don't know what issues are plaguing you two. If you could be more detailed in telling us what these other issues are, perhaps we could help you with greater clarity?
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