A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi. I need objective opinions. I'm 30, and have been seeing a 43 year old never married man, I'll call Sam. It's been almost a year of dating. We don't refer to each other as boyfriend and girlfriend. I've secretly dated other prospects briefly. I say briefly because each one turned out to be liars, players, just jerks pretending to want a girlfriend. Then I'll ask myself if I should just focus on Sam because he never hurts me, talks to me for hours when I'm down, drives a 2 hr trip to hang out with me, and is very honest. He says he loves me although I haven't said it. He said he's afraid if we get really serious, we will end up breaking up because he's in his 40s and never married. All his relationships end. He also told me he doesn't feel ready to settle down because he hasn't sold his house yet. He plans to move by me. He also has to find a new job since the current one will be too far. Basically, he said he needs to get his life in order to feel ready to settle down. He says he has not dated anyone but me. Should I just be more patient ? Am I being the selfish one? I really like him and feel a strong attraction despite the age difference.
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male
reader, eddie85  +, writes (10 December 2011):
 I agree with his sentiment on not being ready to marry due to logistical problems. He does indeed need to move closer to you. However, have you considered the fact you could move closer to him?
If you truly want to be with someone, you'll find a way. You don't mention your current liabilities but it might be easier for you to meet him.
As far as his concern about getting serious: Perhaps he needs to explain to you how or why each of his previous relationships didn't work out. In each case, reassure him that you are different, or how you too would work to resolve the issue. Build confidence with him that you are in it for the long haul and that you want to be committed to him.
Let's face it, prior to everyone's marriage, they've usually had lots of ups and downs in the relationship world. While it would appear he has taken the long route to get there, he shouldn't be concerned about whether you'll make it or not, but that you and him share an unbreakable bond.
Whether that happens or not depends upon your patience and his willingness to see it through. It is largely up to you on how long you want to pursue this, but true love is a rare and wonderful thing and when you've found it, you'll go to any length to sustain and obtain it.
Good luck.
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