A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Really upset at the moment and really need some advice.I was in an 8 year relationship with my now ex, we had three children together, but broke up due to his alcohol addiction and temper. Anyway i went trough alot of stuff with my ex and i vowed never to be second best again, and if i was gonna commit to another guy they would have to prove they loved me and my kids or id be better off single.Well anyways ive been with this guy for 1.5 years now, he lives with me we go halfs on everything and hes great with the kids, he has his own child also from a previous relationship who he has the weekend and we all get along really well.You probably think i should stop my complaining and be happy that somebody will take me on with three kids and a nutty ex, well i was but now i think im just being taken for granted. Its the little things that count the most to me like, if hes working nites or away he wont text me goodnite or ring me, when hes at home hes on his laptop playing games and browsing from the time he gets in to the time he goes to bed. I recently graduated from uni and he didn't get me a card or say congtrats or that hes proud of me. He doesn't bring me anywhere even if we have a free weekend together he would rather stay on his laptop. Now im just thinking if he even loves me at all its really bugging me because i love him so much hes a great guy and im crazy about him but im still young i want to be made to feel special not feel like a friend with benefits, ive tried telling him how i feel but he thinks im just trying to change him. I feel so alone and i dunno how much more of this i can take i just wanna feel like im loved, am i asking too much please help.
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male
reader, eddie85  +, writes (24 November 2011):
 Your relationship sounds more like one of convenience rather than love.
Some men need a kick in the pants (so to speak) to make them aware that there is more to a relationship than paying halves at the homestead and taking care of each other's children.
Perhaps it is time to sit down with your boyfriend and ask him where are you headed. Is there marriage on the horizon? Do you have any special plans -- like an extended vacation? What about some sort of goals?
Finally, when was the last time you upped the ante on him? Perhaps you need to seduce your boyfriend or treat him special. After all, he is helping take care of your children and maybe he feels neglected too.
Either way, the "living together" trap, in my opinion, tends to lead to situations like these -- especially if there isn't a goal in mind like marriage. One can definitely get into the relationship doldrums, unless you are trying to impress one another.
Hopefully you two can figure out what is going on between the two of you and get back to the loving relationship you desire.
Good luck!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2011): Its so stupid that Men really translate what we say into we are tyring to change them. And its so fricken lazy of them to say such mumbo jumbo.How hard is it to say, I like when you spend time with me. You should give me a back rub, helps me feel loved. Then snuggle into him and lay across him and say he can give you a back rub and maybe playfully spank your bottom.Don't say what. It's playful, he will be surprised. He may even be curious and will give you a tap. Tell him then to now rub your back. After some 'pain' should be some pleasure. Then tell him how wonderful his touch is. Tell him how great it feels to be adored. Say I could totally use more of this.Then when he is done, give him rains of soft, loving kisses and smile at him and say thank you LOVE.Something that didnt take a lot of time, something that was a bit fun and sensual, and he is instantly rewarded and knows he can do something so simple to get a thank you and a smile from you.Sometimes we have to 'train' our men to be what we need. Also, get a book titled "Men Are From Mars, Women are from Venus." They have a page of 'translations' that when a woman says this...he hears this. It will be incredible to read because it is a pattern of behaviour that makes you go HUH.Also I have used and successfully mind you, the you know what we should do this week? Go somewhere fun. LIke go play darts and joke and hang. Just us. That would make me happy. Go up to BF and hug and nibble his neck and look into his eyes and say, that would make me happy. Kiss him and walk away.Sometimes you have to give a man time to process as he's so preoccupied with other stuff so when he frees up his mind space, the suggestion is there and VOILA, hey it sounds fab. Maybe we should go play darts.It takes time and finding the way to communicate so he hears. Its work but well worth it.The book is of GREAT HELP, kid you not.Hang in there. *hugs*
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A
female
reader, mammaboo +, writes (23 November 2011):
 You are not asking to much and if he won,t listen to you hun, there are plenty of guys out there who don,t need telling!
Start making some new friends and do some nice things for yourself like new underwear new makeup. Get your self back.
You may not want to upset him but some times a short sharp shock helps!
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