A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone. I need help on this issue. I was married at a young age and am new to dating at the age of 30. I decided to use a dating site since I don't go out much. I'm very well educated, great shape, have assets, but stupid when it comes to dating. The first man happened to be someone that lived in my neighborhood as a child. I thought great! At least we know each other! Well, it started out so amazing but he turned out to be a drinker, major flirt, and basically forced himself on me the last time we were together. I felt like anIdiot for going back to his place. Then, I tried to talk to him about it and he said I was a drama queen. I told him not to call me. He hasn't, ESP since he got what he wanted. I took a break and tried dating again. This time, we talked a lot for a few weeks before meeting. It went great, so I thought. Great conversations and he was attentive, respectful. On the 3 rd date , he insisted I meet him by his area bc he knew all these great places. I told him it wasnt a good idea, he insisted he wasn't like that other guy and promised to behave. I gave in and went. Again, a great date. I felt like wow a connection. Then I stupidly went to his place to watch movie and ensure I was totally sober before my ride home. Again, he yanked off my pants and I said I'm not ready stop. He stopped and apologized. After that, he barely texted me. I liked this person and now he isn't giving me the time of day. I'm starting to feel like I should have stayed married even though I didn't love him anymore. We grew apart. I became successful while he could barely hold a job. But, I was safe and respected. Can someone please give me advice??? I'm afraid to date now and feel used. I'm surprised that these guys pretended to want a relationship, and then assume I want sex when I gave no indication of that. I told both of them early on I prefer sex in relationships only.
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male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (21 November 2011):
 Eddie said very good words, BUT, like Mark Twain would say:
ALSO! Keep your eyes open when you find a date in your church. Those guys can also be interested in a quick hook-up, as well. Their being at church does not mean they can't do harm.
A
male
reader, eddie85  +, writes (20 November 2011):
 Sadly, a lot of guys are looking for a quick hook-up these days. I think a lot of it is either sitcoms or what not that perpetuate the myth that people should be sleeping together while hardly knowing each other. You are going to have weed through some of the unsavory types to find your prince charming, unfortunately.
Don't lose hope however. Talk to anyone who has married and they'll tell you all the horror stories they went through to find their mate. I know I have tons of horror stories about women I've met while dating and the miscommunications I've had. Only a lucky few meet their special mates right away. Usually the dating sites help you weed out the undesirable ones but it sounds like you've encountered some chumps and cads.
I'd urge you to keep the faith. Recall how you felt when you married the first time. There is someone out there that will be patient and love you. They will respect your morals and not try to pull a fast move on you by inviting you back to their place with the intention of bedding you.
You may also want to seek out potential mates at your church, if you belong to one or seek double dates or referrals from friends.
But know that what you are going through is completely normal and of no fault of your own. Some of us guys (and gals) can be jerks when it comes to the dating scene.
Good luck.
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