A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am so angry with my partner right now. He got back from a 4 week business trip and he was telling me how much he missed me and was looking forward to coming home and when he got home that night he started having a few drinks which turned in to quite a lot of drinks. I went to bed and he followed soon after and started getting amorous but he did not get an erection and I excused my self to go to the bathroom. When I came back he said I'd just made him lose his erection by interrupting the flow and I tried but he couldn't become erect so I went to sleep as it was clearly a case of brewers droop. And now he blames me for his falure in the bedroom instead of admitting he probably drank too much. This is not the first time we've had an incident and he refuses to aknowledge that alcohol affects performance and always blames me or tiredness or stress.I've got to get him to face up to this because I'm not taking the blame for it and I've had enough.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2011): Put this in front of him.
http://www.lanarkleedsaa.org/pages/aboutaa/are_you_an_alcoholic.htm
Frankly, your bf sounds like he's got a serious problem.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (11 December 2011):
 Ever heard of a whiskey-dick? I'm sure he has heard of alcohol affecting performance, and I think he's not so dumb he doesn't get that he is influenced. But I think he's embarrassed about it, because he's being a macho-man who puts all his value as a man to the ability to keep an erection, and then when he can't get it up it is so humiliating that he feels a need to blame everything and everyone else.
So his ego is tied to his penis.. plenty of men are mentally organized that way. It is silly, sure, and we women don't get it, but better to just leave him alone. You know the facts, and he probably knows the same, but no need to force him to admit it, that'll just humiliate him further. Instead, if his alcohol drinking is a problem (that he turns into an addict) address that issue. If his drinking is moderate and otherwise not a problem just leave him alone with his brewers drop and humor him. No need to "win" every argument, even if you are right.
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A
female
reader, Candid Cally  +, writes (11 December 2011):
There are many songs written and sung by men that include the phrase "Too drunk to f***"
Perhaps you could play a few (even though they are crass) for your partner to let him know there is a point where a man is just too drunk to get an erection or maintain one.
I do understand how frustrating this is. I've been with my fiancé for almost 8 years and he drank a lot when he was younger. He would call his drunken erection affliction "whiskey dick" and laugh drunkenly when I would scowl at him and try to just fall asleep instead.
As he's gotten older, he's begun to drink more responsibly. The thing that caused him to change? One night he came home really drunk after promising we would have sex. During foreplay, while I was giving him oral and he went soft and started snoring. I smacked him in the leg to wake him up and he swore he hadn't been sleeping and told me to keep going. A minute later he was snoring again.
I let him sleep it off, but every so often I'll remind him of it when he starts to get a bit out of control with the alcohol and he usually tones down or even abstains once he remembers... I do think him passing out during his favorite activity really was an eye opener once he sobered up.
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A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (10 December 2011):
 Alcohol definitely affects a man's performance, especially when consumed in excess.
A man's ability to have an erection is often tied to his ego. We pride ourselves in our ability to satisfy our woman, so if our equipment isn't working, we often internalize as that we aren't "male" enough. Therefore, it is understandable that he would blame you for his lack of mojo that night.
There isn't really any way you can convince or make your boyfriend understand that it was likely alcohol; it could also be other things. However, realize that when he plays the blame game, he is protecting his ego.
In the future, however, I would take a hard look at his drinking habits. Drinking to excess, especially when it happens more often than not, can be a sign of alcoholism or an alcohol problem. Don't allow yourself to become sucked into that lifestyle.
Good luck.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (10 December 2011):
 As a guy who has abused alcohol at times during his life... I will attest that it DOES supress a guy's se*ual capabilities.... AND, that can erode a relationship down to nothing.....
Please show this reply to your B/F... and be sure he reads this: "Hey, boyfriend, you've got a great partner/girlfriend there... don't screw things up with your drinking!!!!!"
(signed)
Dan, a former drinker
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A
female
reader, supermum +, writes (10 December 2011):
 In the future, when he drinks like that, refuse to have sex with him, he will soon get the idea!!!
Make sure when he is sober you tell him your concerns too. Let him know that you will not be having sex with him when he has had too many drinks to perform, and let him know it leaves you frustrated too.
Sorry there is not much more advice I could give on this one, I can only imagine hor frustrating it is for you!
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