A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have recently come out of a 4 year relationship. I joined a dating site and met a man who seemed respectable. We have so much in common. We went out and we had sex. Since that his phone has been switched off. I know i have to accept i was used. I am having a bad time with my feeling cheap and easy. I am still missing my ex who i admit i messed up by cheating on. I have had bad luck since we split. How do i get my act back together?
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male
reader, eddie85  +, writes (16 December 2011):
 I am going to second other people's advice: quit digging yourself further into a hole.
It sounds like you made a mistake and you admit to doing so. Why not learn from them and become a better person. You are in a good position right now to know what you want and more importantly, what you don't want.
Please, don't beat yourself up over your past mistakes. Reading between the lines of your post, you are feeling miserable about yourself. What better way to treat yourself then by feeling you don't deserve better? Ultimately, you wind up following that thought pattern and hooking up with one night stands or guys who take advantage of you; which only further deepens your depression and desperation.
Set some standards for yourself and stick to them. Enlist your friends to help you and search out for someone that meets the characteristics that you are looking for. And by all means take your time. If you are just coming out of a long-term relationship, you are likely on the rebound and might be too hasty in finding someone to fill the loneliness and sadness you are experiencing. Consider implementing a rule: no sex until X dates / days / committed relationship (whatever your preference may be).
Ultimately, only you can change yourself and by posting here, you've admitted you want to change. Take charge of your life and find a new, positive outlet for the energy and passion in your life. The right man will come around when you least expect it and when you've become your own person.
Best wishes
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2011): you need to stop looking to replace one man with another. you were using this new man as much as he was using you.
heal from your past relationship, by all means, but don't do it by trying to rush things with a new man.
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A
female
reader, Koala Bear  +, writes (16 December 2011):
 By stop seeking for someone to complete you and validate your eligibility. Dating sites are not what you should be doing now when you can't full come to terms with your past behavior.
You cheated during your last relationship and had a fling (immediately) after. You have some personal things you need to work on. Stop wasting your time trying to appear like your are dating material on these sites and in society when your not(currently).
You know that saying 'do to others what you would have them do to you'...Why not find the meaning of that. Everyone makes mistakes, forgive yourself and then better yourself. Then everything else will flow naturally.
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