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female
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anonymous
writes: dear cupid,i have been with my boyfriend for 6 years now and we are the BEST of friends..BIG problem he,s LAZY!!!!He makes excuses to not work and everytime i say something about working he gets upset.people tell me to DUMP him,but he,s very special to me..wadda think?? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (20 May 2006):
 He's manipulating you. That makes you feel "special", does it? If it were me, I'd feel resentful and angry.
When you suggest he get a job, he "gets upset". Then you back off and things get back to normal; is that right? Then every time you two go through this cycle, you're demonstrating to him that you can be pushed around if he gets upset enough, and proving to him that he never has to work, because he can fuss and fume and you'll back down.
Ask yourself where this is leading. If nothing changes in five years, or ten... will that be OK? Do you want to continue with a man who can't even be bothered to look after his own needs? Who'd accept permanent handouts from others, instead of working for his living, like a honest person? Is that the sort of role-model you want for your children? Because nothing in your letter suggests that he has the least interest in making changes for the better.
Your friends are right. Dump this guy. He's a User of people, and right now, you're being used, big time.
A
male
reader, Dazzerg  +, writes (19 May 2006):
 You may need to be preapred to dump him maybe or at least threaten it and mean it to move him. I would be interested to know what his excuses are so maybe we can see if there is something else behind this. Is he legthargic and bed ridden? Moody? If so he might be depressed.
I think its something you definatly need to address as its unfair for you to carry the entire burden of a partnership. Do you look through the paper with him and things like that?? Maybe little encouragements like that would have an affect. Hope that helps.
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