| Latest articles: How to avoid being used financially
This question has 13 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 October 2010: I have tried to keep my relationship problems away from this site as I do not want my advice to be assosiated to my own questions. However I have now learned an important lesson that I want to share with the rest of you, in the hopes that you will ...
What I've learned from my family.
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
14 June 2010: In order for aunts and question askers to see who they are getting advice from, I will continue to write some more about me, and where I come from. The things that I draw on when giving advice, what type of experience I have in life. This arti...
How one person changed my life
This question has 12 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
8 June 2010: I've been an aunt on this site now for quite a while, at first I started as an anonymous, until I finally took the step to make an account and dare to be identified somewhat. As I've gotten to know a few people on here, albeit still strangers ...
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Do we change our views in regards to relationships as we get older?
Q. Silly question maybe but in terms of how you are as a person do we change all that much from the ages of twenty to forty when it comes to how we view relationships? My partner says he didn't know what love was, had nothing to compare it to, looks ...
A. 17 May 2019: Yes, at least I have changed my views. I value different things in a relationship now, I know myself better through experience and have grown to have more patience. I now know what is good and what is bad, at 19 I really was naive and put up with a ... (read in full...)
How do I calm down during foreplay?
Q. I'm very new to the world of sex, having never been in a relationship before. I now have a girlfriend who is equally as inexperienced. We've never actually had intercourse but I was wondering what people actually do during sex/foreplay when it comes ...
A. 15 May 2019: Toilet paper. Or just hold the foreskin over. If you dont have your foreskin, I suggest a condom for less mess. Easy to slip off. You can also use a towel, but they are harder to clean.... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's live in grandfather is undermining me with my children. I don't know what to do
Q. We aren't married but we have two children together. A year ago, his grandfather came to stay with us after he became widowed an needs caring for. We didn't think it was right to put him in a home and he can't really live alone. My grandfather lived ...
A. 13 May 2019: Sit him down one evening after the kids are in ned and tell him that you are in charge of raising the children. Just come straight out with it. ... (read in full...)
Does my girlfriend deserve a second chance because she didn't 'go all the way'?
Q. I can’t forgive my girlfriend for cheating on me even though she didn’t ‘go all the way’ with the other guy. I’ve told her what she did was unforgivable but my friends and family all think she deserves a second chance and that I’m being too harsh on ...
A. 13 May 2019: I say get tid of her. When someone cheats, they have ended the relationship. She made that choice, not you. She basically had an affair with this guy for years in messages. Then finally it got physical, and she only told you because of pressure, not ... (read in full...)
He says he loves me but has a girlfriend. How do I get her out of the picture?
Q. I’ve been dating a friend that I have known for over 30 years. Only thing is that he has a girlfriend. He has been with her since August 2016. My husband passed away in 2017 early and he has been there for me. We started seeing each other in Late ...
A. 11 May 2019: Grown up AS you are, you are really naive. What makes you think he will committ to you, when he doesnt even want to committ to the girlfriend he already has? Its just the same with you, he is the same man, and you would and are facing the same ... (read in full...)
Why would a married man who I barely know tell me that he's in love with me?
Q. Around 5 years ago, I was selected to attend an academic programme in another country. Upon reaching there, I met a guy from my country who was also a participant and we hit it off. There was nothing even remotely romantic... He was married and I ...
A. 8 May 2019: Because he built up some fantasy idea of you, isnt really mentally grounded, and is tired of his marriage and wants a piece of ass on the side. ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend just stood and watched while I was struggling rather than help me. Was this mean? Selfish?
Q. I went shopping with my boyfriend and I was struggling to carry the bags so one of the bags fell on the floor and I was struggling to pick it up meanwhile my boyfriend just stood there and watched me struggle. I said thanks for helping me and he ...
A. 8 May 2019: If you are so weak, then you should not have bought so much. Im with your boyfriend on this one. Learn to ask for what you need! Yes it would have been nice of him to offer, but your bags are your responsibility. Your weak arms are your arms, and he ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend's perfectionism over grades is making me feel critisized. How can we talk about it?
Q. My girlfriend is a perfectionist and a very anxious person. She's in her 4th year of college and just submitted her dissertation this week. After submitting it, she must have cried for at least an hour, because she "knew it wasn't good enough". ...
A. 7 May 2019: Im not sure how you can talk about it, but I want to let you know that this isn't fair on you, and she should stop discussing this in front of you. Maybe just tell her that you can't listen to it any longer, because like it or not, it is sending ... (read in full...)
My guy friends always wind up having feelings for me!
Q. I've always enjoyed having guy friends more than girl friends, and i always have to deal with the exact same problem, which is, him ending up having feelings for me. I always try to avoid those situations by acting more casual and not giving them ...
A. 7 May 2019: You need to stop thinking you can be friends with men. For some, very few, it works. And if its someone whos already had a romantic past with you, and gotten over you, it might happen. But other than that, no. And you need to cut contact, because as ... (read in full...)
I have trouble when living with someone on how to go about getting them to pay part of the bills
Q. Hello. I am a thirty year old parent of 2 who has had a few short term relationships over the last ten years, but for the most part have lived by myself. It seems that once things start to progress into living together, that i really struggle ...
A. 28 April 2019: This is something you need to agree upon before moving in together. You have to agree on a fair «price»/division of costs. If you are unsure how much is fair, seek advice from others in your area and in similar situations.... (read in full...)
What's wrong with me? I've always been conditioned to want certain things out of life but none of them fit my idea of my most honest self
Q. How can I accept who I am? for the last 30 years all I have been conditioned to want is 1. Get married 2. Buy a house 3. Make babies and compete with your neighbor to show who is happier - fancier - richer etc . My family is quite dysfunc...
A. 22 April 2019: I dont see anything wrong with you. It is society that is wrong in trying to conform everyone to fit into the same box. Why should we all want the same things? I think a change of scenery will do you good. Why wait? Search for work in California ... (read in full...)
Adult son's fiance is too old for him
Q. My wife and I have been aware of our son’s dating preferences since he left home for college. He prefers older women. We believed it was a phase and did our best not to get bent out of shape. We have met several of his older girlfriends over the ...
A. 15 April 2019: I have to roll my eyes here. Yes, I understand that this isnt what you wanted. But it is what he wants. And who is living his life? Him. Not you. If you are concerned about health, stop smoking yourself. You are being hypocritical.
Enjoy the trai... (read in full...)
Am I being paranoid about HPV?
Q. Hi What are the chances of me getting hpv from one single encounter without condom or one single act of oral? The guy had no signs or symptoms. I got my std panel but there is no testing for hpv. How do I make sure I’m clear? I don’t have any...
A. 13 April 2019: 99% chance you have HPV. Its like... the most common thing on the planet. Everyone who ever had sex is likely to have HPV. But what you are asking about is probably the one strand of hpv that causes warts. They take a good while to appear. But once ... (read in full...)
I have neve wanted children, husband is being pressured to adopt his orphaned nephew
Q. My husband and I are both 29 and child free by choice. His sister and her husband, both 40, passed away in a car accident two months ago. They left behind a 9 year old who is currently living with my husband's parents. Long story short, his paren...
A. 13 April 2019: His parents died in a terrible accident two months ago. And you are only concerned about yourself and how his terrible circumstance might affect you. I dont need to hear more. Thats some of the lowest and most selfish things Ive read on this site. ... (read in full...)
I still resent the way my husband proposed to me.
Q. I wanted to see if I’m being sensitive or not, I can’t get over the fact after 6 years of marriage with two kids of how my husband proposed. We’ve been dating for 5 years before he propose and the way he did it makes me sad till to this day. I see ...
A. 8 April 2019: You obviously accepted the proposal. So your anger is misplaced. You need to look at yourself instead if him. Why did you not think you deserved better? Why did you accept? Why did you want to marry this man in the first place? You nagged to get ... (read in full...)
I cannot flirt, create a spark or connect sexually with women
Q. I find it impossible to give off sexual vibes. I revert straight into a friendship style of communication. If there’s ever any slight indication of sexual interest from someone I freak out and go into a seemingly calm and causal interaction which ...
A. 6 April 2019: The trick to confidence and flirting is not to be good and succsessful at it. The trick is actually to realize that you will probably be shot down, but to find it worth it anyway.
Next time you want to charm a woman, tell yourself that you will... (read in full...)
I cannot flirt, create a spark or connect sexually with women
Q. I find it impossible to give off sexual vibes. I revert straight into a friendship style of communication. If there’s ever any slight indication of sexual interest from someone I freak out and go into a seemingly calm and causal interaction which ...
A. 6 April 2019: The trick to confidence and flirting is not to be good and succsessful at it. The trick is actually to realize that you will probably be shot down, but to find it worth it anyway.
Next time you want to charm a woman, tell yourself that you will... (read in full...)
Should I burn bridges with my new employer to move to another country?
Q. Hi all, I was hoping for some advice. I have recently accepted a job offer after some fairly vigorous interviews. On accepting the job is was sent through a timetable stating it was actually an apprenticeship and that the first 3 weeks would...
A. 4 April 2019: Take your chance on New Zealand. That is where your heart lies.... (read in full...)
We’re a fit couple in our late 60’s, retired. How much sex is normal
Q. We’re a fit couple in our late 60’s, retried. How much sex is normal? We do it three times a week on average. I could do it every day, she says even three times is too much. She enjoys it more than me, not that I don’t enjoy. She says none of...
A. 4 April 2019: I dont think there is any «normal» here. People have different drives, and they are in large part due to hormones. As hormone levels change over years, sex drive also changes. But this is so individual! Anything is normal.... (read in full...)
I want to sleep with my boyfriend (no sex) but my parents said NO
Q. My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost a month. This weekend he asked if I could sleep over. Obviously, I’d love to. However, my parents are catholic and extremely conservative. I brought up the idea and they automatically said no. Honestly, ...
A. 26 March 2019: I suggest you cuddle with your boyfriend during the daytime. Dont pressure your parents for a sleep over. It doesnt matter that you dont want sex. Its a matter of principle. No boyfriends spending the night, regardless of nighttime activity.
B... (read in full...)
I am not feeling comfortable with his intentions towards dating me
Q. Afew weeks ago, a man approached me and we talked a bit, just a small talk. However, recently, i just don't understand what he wants. So basically, i started seeing him around me more often, just glancing at me from a distance. He approached me ...
A. 25 March 2019: Ive seen this move before. He say he is serious, but its not true. If he was actually serious he wouldnt come on so strongly and talk so much, or move so fast. He wants sex, and he thinks that a strong offensive is what will get him there. ... (read in full...)
How do I ‘combat’ a control-freak husband?
Q. My husband is a wonderful man but he is a control freak sometimes. When he is, it's harmless, but super annoying. FYI we don't have kids. For example: He's the chef in the family. He's very particular and likes following recipes. He'll go out to ...
A. 23 March 2019: My advice: buy noice cancelling headphones and ignore him. Once he learns you will not fred his irrational ideas, he will quit. But you have to be consistent. Also, you have to accept that he will never stop completely. You might calm it down in ... (read in full...)
Why did he unmatch me after hooking up?
Q. I hooked up with this guy from Tinder the other night but we didn't have sex because I was on my period. That didn't seem to bother him but I was uncomfortable with it and gave him oral instead. I told him next time we will go all the way and he ...
A. 21 March 2019: Not all people are that mature and comfortable with their own sexuality. My guess is he was embarrassed because youve seen him naked and now he doesnt know how to act or what to do. So he freaks out and runs and hides. Never mind him. He wasnt ... (read in full...)
Is there anything wrong with fantasizing what your friends would be like in bed?
Q. Hey, I want to ask a quick question (I'll try to keep it quick anyway) Is there anything wrong with wondering what your friends are like in bed, or even fantasizing about such things when you're alone? I love my partner and he satisfies m...
A. 18 March 2019: Nothing wrong with it, but be aware that you are very much in control of your attraction. By this I mean: you don't go blind when in a relationship, and it's healthy to accept this and being able to apprechiate ones sexuality and the looks and ... (read in full...)
What’s wrong with people? Do we not listen now??
Q. Why are people so self absorbed and disinterested? Is this rude? If you saw a friend you hadn’tseen in ages and she didnt once ask how you or your life was what would you do? You havent seen her in 5-6 months. and of course ask how ...
A. 18 March 2019: Tricky question. On on hand, it is polite to ask. On the other hand, the only people I know who have complained about friends not asking, are in fact not really friends, but are imposing themselves on others. So either you have a rude friend (dont ... (read in full...)
How much time do you think she'd take to be ready to date again after her previous long relationship?
Q. Hello folks. I'm being driven nuts by a dilemma and since I can't talk to any of my friends about it, I thought I'd ask about it anonymously instead of turning it over in my mind to no end. So this is the situation. I'm a 25 year old, attracted t...
A. 14 March 2019: She is just not that into you. Its been two years since they broke up. She was over him 18 months ago already. She just doesnt see you as boyfriend material.... (read in full...)
He has a crush on me but then why isn't he acting on it?
Q. I am recently single...I was in a relationship with someone for 2 years and it ended 2 months back. During the course of the relationship we frequented this bar and we were always together,drinking, kissing ..so basically everyone in that bar who ...
A. 14 March 2019: Because he is a professional and he is at work when you meet him at the bar. That is my guess. You should be the one to make the first move, or you will have to find a way to meet him outside of work. Also, you might have just imagined it.... (read in full...)
I can't let go of what my boyfriend did
Q. Hello, I recently posted about my boyfriend crossing the line. http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-think-this-is-not-acceptable-and-he.html Him and I talked about it and he says he understands how I see that he crossed the line and that he will...
A. 12 March 2019: I read your follow-up now. He sounds really childish. Good riddance.... (read in full...)
I can't let go of what my boyfriend did
Q. Hello, I recently posted about my boyfriend crossing the line. http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-think-this-is-not-acceptable-and-he.html Him and I talked about it and he says he understands how I see that he crossed the line and that he will...
A. 12 March 2019: Give it more time. You made your decision to let this go now, and he apologized. Then just give yourself time to get over it.... (read in full...)
It is his 30th birthday at the end of March - What do I get the guy I have only been seeing for a few weeks?
Q. So I have only known this guy for a few weeks but I have found out that it is his 30th birthday at the end of the month. It is quite a significant birthday and whilst we haven't known each other long, he is incredibly thoughtful and we have been...
A. 2 March 2019: A nice dinner at a restaurant + a small gift would be just fine. ... (read in full...)
I asked my mother not to say negative things about my father and now she isn't speaking to me
Q. My parents are divorced and I live with my mother and younger brother. The break-up between my parents was extremely sour. My father was never really the "#1 dad" type of figure because he had his issues with a drug addiction. My brother and I never ...
A. 2 March 2019: Give it time. She feels you chose your dad over her. But she needs to know, you can not chose your parents. She is actually the one who chose your father on your behalf. You are stuck with them both. She can choose to end the relationship with him, ... (read in full...)
Should I move to the capital with him?
Q. Hey guys, I'm currently in a relationship with a guy I met through a house share (which i'm still at) and I really couldn't be happier. We bring the best out of each other in so many way and he's made me realise why it never worked out ...
A. 28 February 2019: You can both move to London without living together. I suggest you do that as the move in itself will be a big enough change in your relationship. Then if you want to, you can move together in another year or so. ... (read in full...)
I'm 64 but still frightened of my dying mother.
Q. My elderly narcissistic mother is dying in hospital and after a violent abusive childhood, I hate having to see her. She's an embittered, difficult, hard to please woman and I feel very nervous in her company. I'm 64 now, yet still frightened of ...
A. 28 February 2019: I suggest you stop seeing her. She had medical staff to help her. So just walk away.... (read in full...)
I'm pregnant and work part time. My husband wants me to get another job to pay his parents debts.
Q. My husband's parents owe a large amount of money to a family member which they can't pay. They have asked my husband to pay the money on their behalf, we are talking £500 per month for the next 10ish years. My husband works 9 to 5 and I work part ...
A. 28 February 2019: Tell him you are also working full time, or more. You just dont get paid for it all.
But honestly, I am firmly against you and him ruining you own finances and marriage in order to give away money to his parents. They need to go to the bank and... (read in full...)
Could these have been semen stains ... is he cheating on me?
Q. Hi guys. I just need some advise. I’m driving myself mad and keep toying between am I just being super paranoid or is my gut instinct trying to tell me something... basically I want to know show I be weary of my partner! We have been together ab...
A. 28 February 2019: This isnt an attack, but you are being paranoid. For real. If he cheated, the stains would be on a bedsheet, not his boxers. And he should not have to convince you of wether or not he was bored for two hours. People dont cheat out of boredom. Its ... (read in full...)
Somebody keeps hacking my boyfriend or is he cheating?
Q. I keep finding my boyfriend on multiple dating/cheating sites and find his search history is filled with things like: Women near me to have with tonight? I have asked him about it and he says he didn't do it. Tat someone is hacking him. Is that ...
A. 24 February 2019: He is lying... (read in full...)
I broke up with my violent boyfriend, he wants the ring back but I paid for it!
Q. I have just broken up with my boyfriend of twenty years due to his violent behaviour. the thing is he says he wants the ring he bought me back which is expensive but I feel like in all fairness I have paid for the ring as I gave the cost of the ring ...
A. 22 February 2019: Say no. The ring was a gift. If he wants it, he will have to pay for it.... (read in full...)
I need help with work and love advice! Please help!
Q. So I’m having a frustrated year so far.... Work I closed my business last year after over 3 years of trading and got into a retail job, I then got let go from that retail job and the got called to go to a different branch. I hate it! I try to see...
A. 21 February 2019: Amen to that. I'm not getting career fullfillment either. People always ask me why I dont have a more suitable job. I have a masters degree and work a job that doesnt require ANY education what so ever. Any 16 year old could do my job. My old boss ... (read in full...)
I’m in an exclusive long distance relationship, despite my desire for it to be open, and I started cheating. What do I do?
Q. I’m a freshman In college and am doing long distance with a boy I started dating about a year ago (during my senior year of high school). I truly believe that I’m in love with him, as I dated a boy before him and learned the difference between ...
A. 21 February 2019: You have really low impulse control, dont you? When you know that you just cant keep your legs together, then you shouldnt be in a relationship at all, long distance or close. What would it matter if your boyfriend lived in the same town as you? It ... (read in full...)
I really like her and want to continue communication with her, but she’s on holiday! I don’t want to put a foot wrong, so I need advice!
Q. Hey everyone, This feels really pathetic but any advice will help. Basically I’m messaging a girl who I met a few weeks back. She lives just over an hour away and i met her on a night out. Since then I went back the following weekend to see...
A. 20 February 2019: You sound really clingy. You just had a few dates with her, dont really know her well, and she's busy. Stop trying to make this into something it's not. If she wants to, she'll message you. Don't message her again unless she's reached out to you. ... (read in full...)
Do you think it's possible to build a relationship over feelings for a different person?
Q. I've recently started flatting with five other people. One in particular, I'll call him S, I didn't know very well, so I assumed everything would be fine and we all signed on for a years tenancy contract. That was maybe 8 months ago, and during t...
A. 20 February 2019: Unlike the others here, I dont think it's a bad idea. As long as you don't get too seriously involved with this other person unless you've grown the appropriate feelings for them, I dont see any difference between what you're thinking of doing, and ... (read in full...)
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