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*oonridge McPhalify agony aunt

*oonridge McPhalify

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*oonridge McPhalify's profile:

i've done a psychology degree but can see how a lot of the established ways are usefull but open to abuse by agents of social control (doctors/thought police).

i have been diagnosed as manic depressive but at the moment am not in any state that would be classed as serious. i appear to have things balanced by consuming omega three, b vitamins and dairy food, and have insight into irrational thought patterns because for a long time they came to dominate my thinking.

i like to see things from a logical point of view, see myself as quick to analyse and tend to back away from situations to view them objectively.

i love drugs and have for years but have more control over myself now than i ever did in the past. being bipolar i came to rely on mood controlling agents as i had great difficulty with wild mood swings. i am no longer experiencing problems with my mood and as such my drug use has calmed down (or matured).

i am single but am making an effort and hopefully something good will come along. i'm very picky though and dont want to be in a relationship for the sake of it

i am gay and while this is an issue (as it would be to anyone in a society where it is tolerated rather than accepted), i dont consider it to be a defining feature of myself. i prefer to associate with people because i find them interesting rather than because of labels.

i love agony aunt columns and friends say i give good advice (though they would wouldn't they). either way this is a hobby and a fun one at that. it also satiates my nosiness without having to impose it on people that could cause me to be known as nosy/interfering.

i am actively making an effort to find love but am wary of people. the risk has to be worth it as love tends to send me (literally) crazy.

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If someone is ready to be pleasured how can they not be ready to give pleasure?

Q.   Is something wrong with me? My boyfriend and I (I am a gay man) have been together almost 3 years, we are getting married in November. We live together and have a very open and public relationship. The problem I am having is in the bedroom. Our...

A.   7 September 2012: whats the point in that relationship. sex isn't everything but it sounds like he is turned off by you sexually. frankly you have a problem and i would hold off marrying him.... (read in full...)

I love him but he just wants to be friends.

Q.   I have recently met a guy and we get on really well. We have spent a few weeks together on holiday and I love him. He tells me he loves me too but "not in that way" even though we have kissed and cuddled. He says I will always be his best friend ...

A.   17 August 2012: the words recently and best friends seem to link together in a shallow way. you say other person- is it a man or a woman? also if he has been kissing and cuddling you (on holiday?) but then says that he just wants to be friends yet you love him... (read in full...)

I like him but am unsure if he's gay and wonder if I'm misreading his body language?

Q.   I'm unsure if this guy in my welsh class likes me, the truth is I'm 15 and Gay nobody knows so it makes it harder for me to be able to bite the bullet with this situation. I think he's rather good looking and I've always seemed to talk to him with...

A.   31 July 2012: do you spend any time with him ouside of school? if not try to set that up and see where it goes from there...... (read in full...)

Manipulative, controlling husband now doing the same to the kids!

Q.   Hi, I've been to the forum before and it's really helped a lot since I am I'm the course of splitting from my husband of over 12 years whose been manipulative, controlling and not social at all. We have kids (9 and 4). Now my husband will leave ...

A.   21 July 2012: i would tell him that as an adult he needs to be less moody with his children, hes the adult not your daughter but he's the one acting like a child. i would also tell her that if her father is being moody that it is sometimes that he has funny mo... (read in full...)

My partner cheated and says he doesn't know why but it was 4 different times!

Q.   Ok so here goes...After 9 years together and nearly two years Married, My partner has had a so called affair. I found out in June that he met another guy from an IPHONE app called Grindr, and this fella he met came into our home on 3 occasion...

A.   20 July 2012: grindr/gaydar is not a good idea if you are in a relationship. the only kind of gay men i am interested in are ones whose pants i can get into. anyone on grindr for "friendship" is being ridiculous, you make friends in real life, those apps are... (read in full...)

His friendship with his ex wife is pissing me off!!!

Q.   I've been with a man 4 years who's not divored. He is 50. Him and his ex-wife (she's with a man 5 years) can't seem to let go. They talk on their phones behind my back and won't stop and it hurts me. I have expressed anger and upset but it ...

A.   20 July 2012: i think that its very weird that they have not divorced after 15 years. that means that legally she is not his ex-wife but more accurately his wife. he needs to divorce her. how have you tolerated this ridiculous situation for 4 years i dont k... (read in full...)

Is my best friend racist? Or am I just being over-sensitive?

Q.   Ok so my best friend is Caucasian, and I am African American. I totally understand why she would want to date a white guy, because it is something that I understand the agreements and disagreements of that topic being offensive. But we live in a ...

A.   25 June 2012: she's ignorant and probably a bit insensitive but i have a black friend who would "never date a black man" as she doesn't find them attractive and when it comes to sex i dont think its racist to have a sexual preference. however to point out your... (read in full...)

My fiance cheated on me, and is still talking to the guy and others.....but I cant leave because of my daughter and living arrangements! What should I do?

Q.   so my fiance cheated on me with a guy she went to high school with. she says i wasnt giving her enough attention and that i would never listen to her when she tried to talk to me(when she never did in the first place) we talked about it and cried a ...

A.   25 June 2012: i dont know what to say- first thing get your name on that birth certificate. sounds like she has you proper whipped due to your lack of independence and dependence on her to help you along, also it sounds like you are with an emotionally abusive ... (read in full...)

My b/f has been posting naked pics of himself and interacting with other gay men but I cant even tell him I know this because I snooped into his phone and discovered this!

Q.   Hello everyone, I am stuck in a desperate situation with my current boyfriend. We have been together for 3 years on and off but we have been stable for the last 8months and there months ago he moved in with me. we have always have issues with me ...

A.   16 June 2012: this relationship has very little trust. that is not what is needed for a successful relationship. ... (read in full...)

I rarely feel like having sex. Is there anything I can do naturally to help this problem?

Q.   I'm a 30 year old man. I very rarely feel like Sex. I know it's affecting my relationship. I always want to sleep as soon as I lie down. I fall asleep so easily, after sex, if we have it, I fall straight asleep. I dread the thought of sex. When we ...

A.   16 June 2012: if you are sexually on different wavelengths then you need to meet in the middle and have a discussion. she might feel rejected but sex drives often don't match so you need to express your feelings and try to understand each other better. talki... (read in full...)

My BF says he doesn't need to wear a condom because he smokes.... is this true?

Q.   My boyfriend smokes so should he wear a condom when we start to have sex because I've heard it's more difficult for a girl to get pregnant from a boy who smokes cigarettes?...

A.   16 June 2012: tobacco is NOT a form of birth control ... (read in full...)

Opinions on BPD please?

Q.   Hello there aunts and uncles! I hope you are all well. I am looking for some opinions on BPD (borderline personality disorder). I have read some answers about some onviously deranged woman and some of the answers say it sounds like they have BPD. I ...

A.   9 June 2012: it depends on the person as i work with a girl with BPD (and autism- very annoying and difficult to deal with) have 3 friends in the past and present with it and it does vary from person to person. the ones who were my friends were all drug heads ... (read in full...)

How can I get my difficult family to accept my girlfriend is "The One"?

Q.   My girlfriend is a mother. She is 18 and we dated before. I myself am 19 and while most people think that being in love at an age so young is trivial, and more likely an infatuation. This isn't. It's hard to explain but i really do love this girl. ...

A.   7 June 2012: move out and get your own place and stop paying your parents rent if they wont let you have your girlfriend over. its your life not theirs and you dont tell them what to do so become an adult and move out and control your own life. then their ... (read in full...)

He says he wants to be single now but he doesn't want me to move on

Q.   Hello, I was in a 9 year relationship and we had lived together for 9 years. We decided to move to another state for his job and I had stayed in our old place until he found an apartment. Well he finally found one and right after I sold my stuff and ...

A.   7 June 2012: dog in the manger syndrome. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Dog_in_the_Manger... (read in full...)

I told him I didn't want anything to do with him anymore, and he hasn't contacted me since.

Q.   sorry if this is long, but i really need some advice. my ex broke up with me 2 weeks ago monday just gone. we had an argument on the sunday night because he was too tired to come over and i felt that due to having commitments with work and events ...

A.   7 June 2012: in reality you waited 2 months to have sex with him and two months later he dumps you because he doesn't have time for you or money. i say you should move on. with a workload like that he will never have much free time and you have no job whic... (read in full...)

She has self esteem issues and broke up with me

Q.   Well my Long Distance Girlfriend in Chicago broke up with me cause she says im basically go good for her. She has depression and low self esteem issues. She basically apoligized for blowing up on me and dumping me via txt message and was saying that ...

A.   4 June 2012: sounds like she is pushing you away before you move up there. i would book a ticket and see her face to face to see if i could turn her self defeating attitude around. can you afford that? go with your gut on this one and make the effort to see h... (read in full...)

Guys: Is a bossy girl a massive turn off?

Q.   Hey, i was talking to my friends the other day about guys we've hooked up with and now im a bit worried. When im with a guy i tend to sort of tell them what I want them to do...like if they're not turning me on, i'll say 'do this is me...'. But my ...

A.   1 June 2012: if someone isn't doing what you want and you tell them thats called communicating which is a good thing. if the guys cannot handle this then they aren't worth that much.... (read in full...)

I think he's an awesome guy who's really friendly but I have absolutely no idea what he thinks of me, any ideas?

Q.   Hi there, I'm an 18 year old, openly gay male. Last Friday I was out clubbing in a certain amazing area in a certain amazing city having a great time. I finish the evening and eventually got back home at 7 in the morning to casually check my grindr ...

A.   20 May 2012: i think he likes you but he is just looking for something non-promiscuous. you should lay your cards on the table and ask him does he want a relationship with you/could see the potential for one after a few more dates. be open and don't waste ... (read in full...)

Bi and I like a guy!

Q.   I'm 16 and in high school.There is a guy in my english class that I have a crush on. I had helpped him make corrections on a Geometry Test and he told me "Thanks man, I could kiss you on he mouth." And when he did I got chills up my spine. But I ...

A.   19 May 2012: sounds promising as its just not something you would say, its not a turn of phrase. next time he says it maybe you should say "well go on then if it makes you happy" in a jovial way. i wish you good luck so that maybe he will. although why ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend and I no longer have sex and when I asked him for suggestions to this problem, he said "do whatever makes you happy."

Q.   I've been in a committed gay relationship for over 5 years now. My boyfriend and I no longer have sex, and it's been long past a year since we have done anything sexual with each other at all. We have discussed it several times, he even went to ...

A.   19 May 2012: i meant cheating- sorry about the spelling, my bad?... (read in full...)

My boyfriend and I no longer have sex and when I asked him for suggestions to this problem, he said "do whatever makes you happy."

Q.   I've been in a committed gay relationship for over 5 years now. My boyfriend and I no longer have sex, and it's been long past a year since we have done anything sexual with each other at all. We have discussed it several times, he even went to ...

A.   19 May 2012: sometimes in one essential area you can be uncompatible with someone. it could be their level of intelligence, or their attitude to money/ life goals. in this instance its incompatible differences in sex drives. its up to you- can you cope wit... (read in full...)

Surely if he was interested he would at least text me once a week? Or is this just his way of taking things slow?

Q.   I am really confused. I am gay and I have been seeing this guy off and on since February. We hung out every weekend in February and then he said he needed some time to concentrate with college work (which I definitely understand due to the ...

A.   19 May 2012: theres taking things slowly and then theres taking them nowhere. call him and say you want to meet, if he says no then i would personally move on as three weeks is wayyy too long to not be in contact with someone you are really into.... (read in full...)

One time with oral sex and now he says we shouldn't do it again

Q.   Hi, I have been having troubles with my relationship (if you can call it that). Lets call the person I dated Mark. Mark is 18, I am almost 17. Mark and I have known each other for about 3 years. We had become really good friends. About 4 months a...

A.   19 May 2012: in america the age limit is 18 so the guy posting the question isn't legal and the guy he likes is therefore the explanation does make sense. my advice- if you really like him keep him as a friend and wait until you are 18 if it makes him scared. ... (read in full...)

Help me, he's been on gay dating sites and has been texting other guys.

Q.   So I am in a relationship with a guy from my school.... I didnt want an official relationship but he basically begged, so a few months ago I said okay to it. A little backgroun -- we met last year, started dating, caught him using gay dating w...

A.   8 May 2012: what do you do? avoid him and move on. the easiest way-cut all contact completely until you no longer have any feelings for him. then look for someone who isn't a serial cheater as that would be showing yourself the respect (through your ow... (read in full...)

My Facebook friend is very secretive. Should I cut him loose?

Q.   I met this guy through a facebook friend almost two years ago. We talk only through emails and text. I can say I fell for this man but now I want to let him go but everytime I try, I keep going back. When we first start emailing each other he seem ...

A.   29 April 2012: he's messing with you, to be blunt. why tolerate this pointless behaviour and go nowhere relationship (if it could be called that). you deserve better... (read in full...)

In love with my "straight" best friend

Q.   My best friend and I once had a very strange relationship. I came out to him and confessed all my feelings for him one night and he did the same to my suprise. So we had about a 4 month relationship behind his GFs back. 2 years later, we are stil...

A.   25 April 2012: okay so now he talks about hit, BUT does he still want it or is it in the past? you need to find out and that involves asking him directly. it may end up with him shooting you down but at least you would have conclusive proof.... (read in full...)

I want to please him but I find anal really painful!

Q.   My bf that I've been with for years wants to try something new .. Hmm .. Hes been asking me to let him put it in my butt .. But I don't like it ! It's painfully and I want to please him , but at the same time I feel like he should be more ...

A.   25 April 2012: look its your anus not his. end of argument. you should not do things that damage you physically for the pleasure of someone else. first rule of respecting yourself... (read in full...)

My husband is getting more and more controlling of my appearance

Q.   First, it was the clothing: dresses, skirts, tights, blouses. I'm not allowed jeans, trainers, flipflops, T-shirts, track suits. I'm barely allowed tasteful trousers. Then, it was telling me how much jewellery I can wear. Then, it was th...

A.   25 April 2012: he a manipulative individual and doesn't respect you- others on here have mentioned bullying and they are spot on. in order to tolerate his behaviour you will need thick skin. i personally couldn't cope with this level of nastiness from someone ... (read in full...)

My husband is getting more and more controlling of my appearance

Q.   First, it was the clothing: dresses, skirts, tights, blouses. I'm not allowed jeans, trainers, flipflops, T-shirts, track suits. I'm barely allowed tasteful trousers. Then, it was telling me how much jewellery I can wear. Then, it was th...

A.   17 April 2012: i would go to visit your parents for a week and tell them how you feel and see what they say and what support you can get from them. you need a break from this man as he is wearing you down. you also need to stand your ground, go back to wearing ... (read in full...)

Does anyone else think that a persons profile pictures on Facebook, indicate what sort of person they are?

Q.   Does anyone else think that a persons profile pictures on Facebook, indicate what sort of person they are? I ask this because a girl who i've seen around university profile popped up on the side under 'people you may know'. Her photos were public ...

A.   5 April 2012: facebook itself is narcissism. if someone looks good why shouldn't they revel in it? whats the problem. facebook is simply extrovision X by narcissim minus lack of money for other communication methods. if you like her go for it and stop hesitati... (read in full...)

Is opening up realistically a bad move to do in a troubled relationship?

Q.   Alright, so i am gay but i doubt this matters since my question should apply for any relationship. I've had a lot of experiences of breaking up and i've found that it almost always start from when i'm opening up to the one i love. Either because h...

A.   3 April 2012: opening up to someone should not be a confrontation. if you have been seen as clingy in the past maybe others need to open up to YOU about what behaviour its is you are doing that is driving THEM away. why did he have to change to a "good self"? s... (read in full...)

For gay men -- is a relationship with a closeted gay man worth pursuing?

Q.   Hello agony aunts and uncles! I am experiencing a bit of a dilemma. To cut to the chase, I met this guy who is confusing. By now, I can usually tell when another man is gay. With him, the signs are there. However, he doesn't tell me he is. He went ...

A.   3 April 2012: i would say that a relationship has to be open otherwise its simply an affair. are you a gay mistress? does that kind of subterfuge and inability to do normal relationship stuff like go out to dinner seem attractive? at some point it will make you... (read in full...)

In love with a military guy who is probably straight....how do I tell him how I feel?

Q.   Hi, I'm Bi and I'm in love with this guy from high school and now he's in the military and I'm still afraid to tell him that I love him. Ever since high school I've had this crush on him, but that crush turned into some strong, intense feeling of ...

A.   3 April 2012: the fantasy of an unavailable man can be quite enticing for a gay man who isn't fully out. you've fallen for a man who has given you no real signals that he is gay and is away in a foreign country. i'm telling you from experience that falling ... (read in full...)

My Friend will not associate with unattractive People, is this common?

Q.   I'm 40, he's 22 and we've only been friends a short while. He's very intelligent - and I thought deep, until he told me that he doesn't associate with unattractive people because it badly reflects on him. He's heterosexual and his male friends ...

A.   31 March 2012: hes shallow- generations dont come into it at all. if looks is all someone values they don't have much depth despite any apparent intelligence. personally i believe in intelligent behavior which this doesn't apply to... (read in full...)

I'd like to kiss him just to see what its like. Does that make me gay?

Q.   Im a 14 year old male. Ive had 4 girlfriends and im not looking right now. One of my bestfriends got a girlfriend and i feel kinda left put but i dont know why. The my other friend is from the middle east and doesnt know as much english as i do. He ...

A.   25 March 2012: also at this age you may go through a phase of altering sexuality so if you have fancied both genders i would avoid labelling myself at this early stage... (read in full...)

I'd like to kiss him just to see what its like. Does that make me gay?

Q.   Im a 14 year old male. Ive had 4 girlfriends and im not looking right now. One of my bestfriends got a girlfriend and i feel kinda left put but i dont know why. The my other friend is from the middle east and doesnt know as much english as i do. He ...

A.   25 March 2012: if he got annoyed with you for pretending you were boyfriends then the liklihood is he will be very pissed off if you kiss him. if you're going to experiment, its important to find someone who wants to also, dont force yourself in a moment o... (read in full...)

Please help me, I am all alone!

Q.   Hi, 5 months ago I came out of a bad 6 month relationship, My first. It left me on antidepressents and shattered. Now 5 months on, I want to move on but no one is interested. My previous relationship nerly lost me all my friends and everyone one ...

A.   25 March 2012: sounds like your friends were shallow, why do they still have it in for you and want to sabotage things.? yes it can be fun to look different but when it comes to sex people tend to buy into illusions initially and with long purple hair you are ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend wants to ignore his ex's pregnancy and marry me

Q.   My boyfriend and I had a brief break up in January an during our break up he had a brief sexual encounter with a young woman (she is about 25) he is 49. He also has Bipolar 2. She is now pregnant. He says he does not want anyhting to do with her ...

A.   13 March 2012: didn't take him long to jump into bed with somebody else and its not so easy to forget the repercussions when a child is involved. how intense was this manic episode? under the definition for bipolar II people with this disorder have never ex... (read in full...)

An old friend wants back into my life, but I don't think I can handle his issues

Q.   Someone is trying to get back into my life, and I’m very conflicted about it. Bear with me while I try to keep this as short as I can and still give enough detail. We were buds in high school, but really bonded in our last year there when our g...

A.   1 March 2012: i think what you're saying is you are fed up of listening to his problems and drink related bullshit. some people dont take hints so you have to be blunt with them. friendships change as we grow, and i certainly dont have the same cache of frien... (read in full...)

I've developed a strong hate for gay men because of a failed legal dispute, how do I change this?

Q.   Ive been involved in a legal dispute with a major airline the last two years over a discrimination claim. Ive now lost the case and the man I accused of discriminating me is gay. Since the incident (and a few bar happenings), Ive overall developed a ...

A.   1 March 2012: explain what happened? are you saudi arabia? is homosexuality even allowed in saudi? i sure as hell wouldn't go there as a gay man but thats besides the point. its easy to have a bad experience with a person and take a label you use to categori... (read in full...)

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