| A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes: I've always enjoyed having guy friends more than girl friends, and i always have to deal with the exact same problem, which is, him ending up having feelings for me. I always try to avoid those situations by acting more casual and not giving them alot of my attention, but they think that I'm playing hard to get. The last time which was about half a year ago, i had to cut all contact with this man because he couldn't stop himself from flirting with me, or telling me about his feelings, or even getting jealous from other men.. And right now, my other guy friend of 1 year confessed his love for me, and now he can't just not act touchy with me, or flirt etc and i do tell him to stop, he does and then he does that again, and i always get the same answer from men when they do this: that they can't stop the urge to flirt and can't hide their feelings in front of me. Should i cut this man off? Or should i just act casual with him until he (hopefully) lose his feelings for me? It would be intensely hard to cut him off because he has been the only one with me through ups and downs since last year. I'm totally confused and devastated. What should i do?
View related questions:
flirt, jealous Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (7 May 2019):
 I’d just like to add that there are three common types of guys in this situation:1) Genuine - when you were just friends, but it snuck up on you. There’s no ulterior motive or anything, but sometimes it happens and sometimes it works out, but doesn’t all the time.2) Players - the guys who are attracted to you and play the friend, trying to get your guard down and keep pushing your boundaries (similar to these guys who aren’t respecting your “stop touching/flirting).3) “Nice Guys” - the guys who like you, but you only like them as a friend and they get bitter about being “friend zoned”. They feel you should like them because they’re “nice guys” and have been your friend, so you should reward them with what they want. They often complain about being in the “friend zone” and some people validate that by saying “you waited too long” and “you should have been alpha or more upfront”, but liking them as a friend isn’t because they didn’t do those things, so the friend zone doesn’t exist; it’s just feeling entitled.There are slightly different female versions as well, but that’s not relevant to your post.Men and women can be friends quite easily if it’s all platonic, but not if the guys are 2 or 3, or if 1 happens to occur. You just need to be careful who you become friends with and not hang out alone with them.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2019): He CAN stop. he just doesn't want to and thinks he can wear you down. I totally believe you can have male friends but you're going to meet a lot of these other types in the meantime. The guys who never wanted your friendship, they just think that if they put in enough time you'll "reward" them
...............................
A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (7 May 2019):
Do lesbians need to avoid having female friends? No.
Do gay men need to avoid having male friends? No.
Do bisexuals have to have no friends at all? No.
That’s why the “men and women usually can’t be friends” thing is flawed.
If a guy has feelings for you, you can’t be friends any more (until he gets over it), especially if he won’t respect your boundaries and keeps flirting with and/or touching you.
Men and women can be great friends when there is no attraction for EITHER of them. As soon as there are signs of more, you have to be 100% respectfully blunt about just being friends, then cut contact if they don’t get the hint.
...............................
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (7 May 2019):
 You need to stop thinking you can be friends with men. For some, very few, it works. And if its someone whos already had a romantic past with you, and gotten over you, it might happen. But other than that, no. And you need to cut contact, because as soon as one person is in love, it is no longer a friendship.
...............................
|
