A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:We aren't married but we have two children together. A year ago, his grandfather came to stay with us after he became widowed an needs caring for. We didn't think it was right to put him in a home and he can't really live alone. My grandfather lived with my mother and father, and my dad's parents cared for his grandfather. I'm used to having that type of dynamic. But recently, an issue arose as hes started spending more time with our kids. We let him take them to the park down the street or watch them while they ride bikes. The issue is that since he began spending this time with them, hes developed this whole attitude where he acts as if hes the authoritarian. He often undermines me or butts in when I'm disciplining them. I've also noticed that my older child has become more defiant towards me. He doesn't do this so much with my boyfriend, but he often treats me differently than he does him. Hes nicer. The other night, my oldest was playing with some toys and the grandfather was sitting with him, and he says out of the blue, "grandpa really loves you. Grandpa doesn't get mad at you." Which I took as a jab at me because as I'm the primary caregiver of our kids, I had gotten short with our oldest earlier that day over his fighting with our youngest. It doesn't seem like the biggest deal in writing, but in the moment, and the tone his grandfather used, as well as he only said this quietly to our oldest while they were alone, makes me a little angry. It doesn't feel good to be undermined as a parent, when I was the one who carried these babies, nurtured them, clothed them, make sure they're healthy, and this person comes along and tries to be sneaky with them to win their favor or whatever his intentions are. Especially not when, in the beginning, my boyfriends family weren't so receptive to me or our baby and often asked for a DNA test until I obliged only for him not to complete his end. I've had my issues with them, and I've been nothing but nice but they seem to have something against me and I'm really not sure what to do anymore. Any advice? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (15 May 2019):
 At first I was with the others saying your boyfriend needs to say something … I am disagreeing. Talk to your boyfriend, discuss what needs to be done, and then when the kids are in bed both of you sit Grandpa down and have the chat. You do the talking and your boyfriend needs to back you up. Let Grandpa know you are NOT PREPARED to put your family's harmony and well being at risk, your kids and your relationship to them will always come first and he needs to recognise that YOU and your boyfriend are the parents, if he cant he needs to find somewhere else to live.
If your boyfriend wont back you up kick the pair of them out.
A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (15 May 2019):
 Time to put your foot down OP... Your house, your rules. If grandpa is driving a wedge between you and the kids then it's time for him to be put into his place. I would suggest however that your boyfriend should have a talk with him and not you. Not yet anyway.
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A
female
reader, Plexi  +, writes (14 May 2019):
 There is nothing YOU can do....only your bf can fix this by talking to his grandfather and telling him to mind his own and to stop treating you like crap. Why don't your bf's parents take care of their father?? Are they deceased...in that case, the only solution is for your bf to say something to him. Stay strong and know that this too shall pass! XO
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2019): Time for grandpa to go to a home.If you do not when your kids get older it will not be good.It is ok to cut bad influences out of your life for the sake of your kids.If boyfriend...not even husband does not like it he can move out with grandpa.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (13 May 2019):
 Sit him down one evening after the kids are in ned and tell him that you are in charge of raising the children. Just come straight out with it.
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