A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I went shopping with my boyfriend and I was struggling to carry the bags so one of the bags fell on the floor and I was struggling to pick it up meanwhile my boyfriend just stood there and watched me struggle. I said thanks for helping me and he stormed out the shop and made a big scene all the way home. I apologized but he didn't he said if I wanted help I should have asked him but I feel as my partner I shouldn't have to ask he should have just helped as I have weak arms and bad back , dizziness from bending I feel very upset by his behavior it seemed so selfish. I would really value men and women's opinion on this Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Pepi let pew  +, writes (19 May 2019):
 If he cant help you pick up some groceries that you have dropped. What happens when you have a flat tyre late at night. Or you need to be taken to hospital..? Is he going to be there for you..? Or is he going to make a scene..?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2019): I was with a man like this for a number of years. He felt that to watch me struggle to carry things was teaching me a lesson. Whenever he was feeling on edge, which was quite often, he would stand back and watch as I carried things such as luggage, etc., staring as I lugged things around such as on travels. Sometimes strangers would come up and help, as they could see I needed help and this drove him crazy. He would go on about how spoiled I was. Was he a good person? He certainly had a much better side. But I finally had enough of that angry side, and whenever I wonder if I made the right decision leaving...I think of those times and I am so, so glad I left. It doesn't have to be this way. Not all men are resentful and spiteful. I am now with a man- doesn't matter if we've just had a minor disagreement or whatnot- we will pitch in and help each other. We have each other's back. No more taking pleasure in watching a woman struggle. Totally different experience. I think you know that the best thing to do for your sanity is to leave! This immature spitefulness comes out in many ways, and more and more the longer the relationship goes on. Cut your losses. There is better out there.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2019): OP, you are partly at fault here. You see you just were not well enough informed, as you were under the mistaken notion that the horses ass who you are with, is actually a gentleman. Dear Lady, he is not! In fact, he is a cruel and selfish man, to stand by while his other half needs help! If he were a gentleman, he would have been holding all of the bags, for you, as you finished shopping, and upon leaving he would tote all of your packages to your motor car or wherever. I guess that I am just a dinasour, for I remember a time in western society, when men loved their women, no, cherished their women and treated them with the the respect that The Bible says that they are due! If chivalry is not dead, it must certainly be badly wounded! Dammit men, wake up and appreciate the lady who you have! We are priveleged to have them but a short time, this side of eternity. Blessings!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2019): If there's one thing we will all learn about human-nature; and this is, nobody likes being called-out for being a jerk!
I would guess that you and he have had some recent disagreements between you; and he was just being mean. He probably resented how you spent your money; or even jealous that you had it to spend. In his twisted thinking; he probably took some pleasure seeing you struggle for no other reason than spitefulness. You called him on it...publicly! Anyone within earshot and viewing the incident could see you were right! He was embarrassed for being a jerk; and even more so, because you called him on it openly! You were correct in doing so; but there might have been a better choice of words. Like..."please help me!" If Mr. Stupid needed prompting for the obvious!
There are other hidden or underlying issues when people do or say unpleasant things to each other without explanation.
Not dwelling on that particular incident; but think back and recall when you last had a disagreement over money, or if you happen to earn more money than he does. I don't think he's so stupid he doesn't realize you don't have to ask someone for help when you can clearly see they need it.
He's got a bug up his butt; and you guys need to sit and try and figure-out if everything is okay between you two. I'm almost certain that he's generally inconsiderate; and this isn't an isolated incident. Maybe you have some backstory?
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious + ♥, writes (8 May 2019):
 Ivyblue hit the nail on the head. He is not a decent person if he can watch ANYBODY struggle and not feel drawn to help, ESPECIALLY if that person is someone known to him and someone he knows has physical issues.
He's an arsehole. Why are you with him?
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A
female
reader, Plexi  +, writes (8 May 2019):
 He's a complete ass..like Ivyblue said, even if he didn't know you and your physical needs he should have offered to help but HE IS NOT a gentleman. If you knew this then yes YOU should have asked him for help. Is it possible though that he is not just an ass but acting out because he is tired of helping you and everything that comes with a relationship and wants out, in other words, wants you to brake up with him?
so......
1)if you accept his non gentlemanly ways then ask for help next time!
2) if you think this relationship has run its course then just end it rather than having to put up with a man who acts out( a lot of cowards do this to force the other person to end it)
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (8 May 2019):
 I'm with Auntie Bim Bim.
You two need to STOP thinking that you can communicate with mind-control or by reading each other's minds.
How hard is it to say:" Hey honey grab a bag, please?"
And he acting like a twat in the car home... is also a really dumb way to communicate back.
In this day and age guy are taught that woman can do everything and want to do everything. Which to an extend is true. But that also means that the - what is the best word? - consideration? is a little gone by the roadside.
What I really is curious about is, are you BOTH always this passive-aggressive?
Try for a month to NOT expect him to read your mind and just ASK/TELL him to do xyz, see if that doesn't work better.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (8 May 2019):
 If you are so weak, then you should not have bought so much. Im with your boyfriend on this one. Learn to ask for what you need! Yes it would have been nice of him to offer, but your bags are your responsibility. Your weak arms are your arms, and he can not read minds. Why was it so hard for you to just ask? Seriously, I would have just asked and then not take it for granted that he helps, and certainly not get offended that he didnt help when you didnt even ask.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (8 May 2019):
 Is this common behaviour in your relationship?
You should have asked, but it also should have been his natural response to help.
I wouldn't date someone who regularly wouldn't think to help, but I'd also (nicely) ask if someone who normally helps was having an off day and didn't think to.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2019): Oh come on, if you're drowning will you also have to ask him to save you? He is being totally unreasonable. The question is, is this typical of his behaviour and attitude or a one off?
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A
female
reader, Ivyblue +, writes (8 May 2019):
 Miserable sod! I think it would be a natural response to help you. Not because you are a woman, his GF, just because you were someone in need of assistance. I'd be a bit miffed too, especially with him knowing your physical state. My guess your sarcasm just hit a nerve of his obvious lack of decency.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (8 May 2019):
 Here is my view as a woman: you should have asked for his help instead of making a sarcastic comment, he should have apologised and helped instead of making a scene all the way home.
You two need to learn how to communicate, and learn how to ask each other for help when it's needed. Maybe some couples counselling will help you both.
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