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Am I a lousy lover for my wife?

Tagged as: Marriage problems, Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (9 December 2016) 32 Answers - (Newest, 27 January 2017)
A male Uruguay age 51-59, *arianox writes:

I am 48 y.I. married for 8 years. I met my wife when we both were 40.

The only way that she can reach the orgasm with me is with oral sex. She always told me that she was unable to reach an orgasm troough intercourse. I know that she has had 28 precious sexual partners. A few day ago I found out that she had a squirt! Through intercourse with an ex friend with benefits. Ok. I KNOW. I read her a mail account. But the thing is that this guy wrote an experience (sexual) where he derailed that time where she wet his legs with her liquids while he was penetrating her. I am devastated. Am I a lousy lover? Are we incompatible in bed?

View related questions: friend with benefits, oral sex, orgasm, squirt

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A male reader, marianox Uruguay +, writes (27 January 2017):

marianox is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Well, I must say that the last post was the best one. You are a very intelligent woman and must say that my rational side agrees completely with you. The problem is my emotional side. I am resentful because she told me she has never had orgasms via intercourse before and found out she did. I am trying to get over that.

For the email thing. We have open access to our email accounts, her ex lovers found her email account in internet (given she is a professional and works in medicine) and they currently write to her remembering their sex experiences, she is upset with this and she has never answered.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2017):

Hmmmm. All I can say is my current partner is the only sexual partner I have ever had; he took my virginity. We have amazing sex together every time because we do not analyze it and over analyze it like you do, OP. We live in the moment and it all comes naturally and it is so intense and passionate because of our connection and feelings for each other. It is not mechanical and we do not focus on the mechanics of it. It ruins the whole thing. I love our sexual spark. We just let our bodies feed off of that. Nothing to do with his penis size. I don't give a shit what size it is. And I have never squirted before nor do I care if I ever do. I am already intensely satisfied. My guy is always ready and willing to please me. He is enthusiastic and generous and open minded and that is what I get off on.

If you just let yourself go and enjoy yourself without all these worries and focus on the eroticism and pleasure of it all, you will see that you will be a better lover. It seems to me you are too focused on yourself and your own performance to actually cater to the needs of your wife. And there is where the problem lies. Hung up on your hang ups is going to make you a lousy lover because you are obsessing about trivialities. So, loosen up and chill out and enjoy the experience. You worry too much. Think too much. Overthink too much. Analyze too much. And you are just killing the magic of it all. Ever thought of it that way, OP?

Also, she is with YOU NOW. Not other men. They are in the past. Before she met you. Who cares what happened with them? Stop comparing yourself to experiences that are done and over. Leave it alone or these ghosts will forever haunt you and come between your happiness as a couple and especially your satisfaction sexually. Has she ever complained? Has she? Has she ever said you are less than the others? If she hasn't, then she is happy. Women complain when they are unhappy. Just how we are wired. So, if she is saying nothing, let it be. Leave it there. This is YOUR problem. In your own mind. Your demons to silence.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2017):

just a question about the nature to the emails....

she is writing to other people saying how great her old lovers were?

Is this correct?

Or were you looking at old emails from the past?

I think the main issue here is why she is writing to her friends describing her old lovers. I would have a major problem with that, it is not respectful and I would confront her. Unless you are in an open relationship.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2017):

just a question about the nature to the emails....

she is writing to other people saying how great her old lovers were?

Is this correct?

Or were you looking at old emails from the past?

I think the main issue here is why she is writing to her friends describing her old lovers. I would have a major problem with that, it is not respectful and I would confront her. Unless you are in an open relationship.

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A male reader, marianox Uruguay +, writes (22 January 2017):

marianox is verified as being by the original poster of the question

OP here. Finally someone who don't send me to the counselor...thanks.

By the way...I am not able get her wet and very far of cause her a squirt.

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A male reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (5 January 2017):

olderthandirt agony auntSounds like the answer may be yes. she may "need" more than any one guy can provide.

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A male reader, marianox Uruguay +, writes (15 December 2016):

marianox is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Well....I must say that all of you are very intelligent people. I have read all your answers carefully. Finally I could make this wrap up:

1. I consider myself a good lover. I have been with a lot of women. My satisfaction is not complete of the other part hasn't enjoyed the moment.

2. My penis is below average..I think average is more 6 inches. But it never was an issue to me till this current relathionship.

3. My wife never complaint and she lloves me.

4. I think that I am a good lover.

5. Her sexual past is not fantasy. Many of those things had been confirmed by her.

6. She used to be more active and used to take the intituative with some of her ex lovers...not with me.

7. She is more "romantically" involved with me. I suppose that "mad sex" is something of her past....not for me..

8. I love her so much and that's why is so much difficult to get over that she enjoyed more with others ( I know. ..that doesn't means that I am not good. ..but not better!)

9. But you right...that's life. And it is a waste of time. Anyway. The thing is to get over..I will try find the way.

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A male reader, marianox Uruguay +, writes (15 December 2016):

marianox is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Chigirl: thank you very much for answering me.

the thing is as follows. She has had 28 sex partners before me. It doesn't matter. She married me. Reasons?. Ok. She loves me. Also she was 40 and lonely...her partners were based on sex and they were "fwb". She only had a boyfriend of 5 years. In the last 6 years I have read how at least 7 of her forners fwb fucked her so well, and how she reached very good orgasms (I never spied her email, we share our passwords. No secrets between us....tragically. So. Is she now with me and she loves me?. Ok. I believe that. But can you understand that I cannot cope with the fact I am not able to please her as others could?.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2016):

When an OP is convinced that his size is the reason his partner is not satisfied; nothing anyone says matters or will change that opinion. I do understand what you are saying; and being gay, in many cases it is size that matters. You can only speak for yourself, not for your wife on that matter.

How can anyone say you're a lousy lover who hasn't actually had sex with you, my friend? I told you, only your wife can answer such an intimate question. Size doesn't always cause orgasms in men or women; because sex is as much mental as it is physical. If you're really into your partner and you love them; they reach places no one else can go.

You keep asking over and over, are you a lousy lover? If your mind is all messed-up about your woman's past, and you envy those who were there before you? Perhaps you ruin your own sexual-performance by being mindful of everyone, accept your lover. You are too concerned about how you compare, instead of concentrating on how much you love her, and she loves you.

You're probably not a lousy lover. We all preform in accordance to our abilities, and whatever our partners bring-out in us.

If your mind is on the other men, you can't concentrate on what you're doing. You insecurities override all reason. Be that the case, perhaps you're not the best she ever had. Only thing is, she's not the one on this site complaining. You are.

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A female reader, chigirl Norway +, writes (11 December 2016):

chigirl agony auntBut how do you know that you can not please her as others could? That's what I don't understand. It sound like you do please her like others did, so I don't understand where you are getting this idea from.

Please explain why you think your wife has not been pleased by you. And keep in mind, a bigger penis does not mean more satisfaction. Squirting doesn't mean any satisfaction at all, squirting just makes you feel like you wet yourself, it doesn't do anything for a woman at all... And orgasm through intercourse, well I never had that myself, neither did most of my friends, and the few who have had it have told me that it wasn't as pleasurable as when you get an orgasm from oral sex. Reason being: it takes too much work, and often the woman ends up sore and feeling uncomfortable by the time she reaches an orgasm. Also, women do not actually get an orgasm through intercourse... No really, we don't. There's no parts inside the vagina that give that type of stimuli. When it happens that a woman reaches orgasm through intercourse, it is because she also at the same time massages her clitoris. The clitoris is the female equivalent of the penis. No really, it is. When children are in the womb, the parts that form the penis on the man, they will form the clitoris on the woman. The vagina gives a good feeling too, sure, but more comparable with getting your balls licked. Yes, that too feels nice, but it doesn't give you an orgasm.

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (11 December 2016):

So_Very_Confused agony auntBUT OP you DO please her. She married you. You CAN and DO bring her to orgasm.

Have you asked her "am I a lousy lover" if yes what did she say?

IF NOT why not?

oh and CHI girl is right Penises mean NOTHING TO women mostly unless we are trying to get pregnant and even then we can do that without a penis as long as we have sperm.

YOU are looking at this as a man NOT a woman. Women view sex and orgasms very VERY differently than men do.

IF you have not asked your wife if she is sexually satisfied ask her. The fact that you care about her pleasure is very much part of her satisfaction.

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A male reader, marianox Uruguay +, writes (11 December 2016):

marianox is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Chigirl: thank you very much for answering me.

the thing is as follows. She has had 28 sex partners before me. It doesn't matter. She married me. Reasons?. Ok. She loves me. Also she was 40 and lonely...her partners were based on sex and they were "fwb". She only had a boyfriend of 5 years. In the last 6 years I have read how at least 7 of her forners fwb fucked her so well, and how she reached very good orgasms (I never spied her email, we share our passwords. No secrets between us....tragically. So. Is she now with me and she loves me?. Ok. I believe that. But can you understand that I cannot cope with the fact I am not able to please her as others could?.

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A female reader, chigirl Norway +, writes (11 December 2016):

chigirl agony auntBut on what do you base this idea? This idea that your wife had better sex before? You base it on ideas funded in lies you tell yourself. Such as squirts matter more, or that orgasm through intercourse matters more, or that a larger penis matters more. This is all false. You can not honestly know whether your wife had better sex before or not. Not based on any of what you have written here.

I've already told, you're good enough as you are, no need to compare yourself to others or think others were better. This is a waste of time. Accept that you are amazing and enjoy life instead. All of this negativity is completely a waste of time and energy.

I get mad because you accuse me of lying, when all I have tried to do is tell you the truth and help you. You have denied all I have said. If you don't want help, then why would you ask for it? The truth is that you are good enough, and there is little and nothing to be gained by trying to be "best" at having sex with your wife. You already are the best. You married her. None of the others did that. So if you want to be "best", well, you already are.

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A male reader, marianox Uruguay +, writes (11 December 2016):

marianox is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thanks to the last poster...but what I am asking is...an I a lousy lover?...is that simple.

chigirl: why you get mad?. When I make my statements they are in general...ok. i believe you. You don't care about penis size. But please...open your mind. Aren't you able to consider that is a terrible thing that the love of your wife had better sex before?...I am just try to accept that fact.

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A female reader, like I see it United States +, writes (11 December 2016):

like I see it agony auntWhat Chigirl said, and also I respectfully suggest you seek professional counseling about this because as the details come out this seems more like a case of retroactive jealousy on your part than anything else.

Good luck with this situation, and best wishes.

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A female reader, chigirl Norway +, writes (11 December 2016):

chigirl agony auntYou know what? I think you enjoy feeling bad about yourself, and that's why you keep repeating these stupid "facts" to yourself. You're not a woman and there is no truth to any of your wild ideas. But they are ideas you need to believe in in order to be allowed to pity yourself.

So go ahead, pity yourself. Come back here on this site when you actually want to feel good about yourself. Im not going to waste more time telling you the truth about sex and women when you are just going to deny it all and accuse me of lying.

But just for the record, women don't admit to being turned on by a penis because... we're not turned on by penises. I know, sounds too good to be true right, there must be some universal secret between all women world wide, we have a secret networks etc to keep this truth from you, lol. Or, we just aren't turned on by a penis.... Which is more likely? The simplest answer is often the true one, keep that in mind... But thanks for making me laugh!

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A male reader, marianox Uruguay +, writes (10 December 2016):

marianox is verified as being by the original poster of the question

OP: absences of responses/help means I am right? Am I a lousy lover?

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A male reader, marianox Uruguay +, writes (10 December 2016):

marianox is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Hi I am the OP.

1. I only can cause orgasms to my wife through oral sex, and the whole problem is that she doesn't orgams with me through intercourse (she had with exes)

2. I have tried different positions...everything. of course this is not a problem at all for her, but it is for me.

3. Small vaginas, big vaginas....I am sorry the real fact is that the only vision of a male (who cause interest in a woman) have an above average penis is something arousing for the vast majority of women. Of course women never will disclose this way of thinking because they don't want seen as a whores.

4. I am bisexual. I abandoned that practice when I got married. 90% of the men I knew we're bigger than me (6-8 inches). So I experienced by myself

5. When a woman needs love the side is not important as well as if she reaches orgasm through intercourse.

6. Squirt could be uncomfortable AFTER but not during.

7. when a young student failed in an important test he is told that it doesn't matter. Life continues. That is what you are saying.

6. My agony is that I cannot get over the fact that my wife has enjoyed sex more with others than me.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2016):

It does not always need to be a problem if one partner has had better lovers in the past than their spouse.

The problems start when people lie about it.

Sometimes the lie is to protect a person's feelings. That is a noble intent but the truth has a nasty habit of coming out eventually. Then its much worse than if there had never been any lies.

Other times the lying isn't even a noble intention. It might be part of a more calculated and self-interested deception. A sexy person lying to their less attractive wealthy spouse about their real feelings for them.

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A female reader, chigirl Norway +, writes (10 December 2016):

chigirl agony aunt5. You told us she did have orgasms with you. So why are you now saying she didn't ever have an orgasm with you?

2. Girth is much more significant than lenght, yes, but it isn't so that bigger is always better. The size of the vagina matters also in this. Women come in different sizes and shapes as well, just like a man, but it isn't visible to the eye. Some women would prefer a larger girth, but most women have average vaginas, just like there are average penises, and thus an average penis will be the best choice for an average vagina. A large vagina would like a large penis, and a small vagina would like a small penis. Really. If it's too big it just hurts and causes pain. Try yourself, imagine putting a banana up your butt. Im sure you could fit it there, but that doesn't mean it's pleasurable. Then try with a squash. Im sure the banana sounds lovely now.

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A female reader, like I see it United States +, writes (10 December 2016):

like I see it agony auntA male escort page isn't a good reference point for the average male physique for the same reason a strip club (or female escort page) isn't representative of what the "average" woman looks like naked. In both cases the people involved are selling a sexual fantasy of sorts and it is entirely appearance based because that is how they hook a client's interest. There is no way to sample a lover (or a penis) through a computer screen. A large penis is a visual novelty (as are large breasts on an otherwise petite woman) but it is no guarantee of that person's skill between the sheets. An escort's talents are much more likely to be the result of lots and lots of practice with lots and lots of clients.

You don't want her to have had bad sex before you yet it seems you are worried to learn that she did in some cases find it pleasurable. Why? Did you never enjoy sex before you met her? Do you feel that she cannot satisfy you because she is not the only partner you have been with? I ask these questions to give some perspective on what you expect of her.

If she climaxed with someone else it does not make you a bad lover or that person inherently a better lover than you. It simply means that they did something differently.

Can you bring your wife to orgasm with your fingers? Have you tried using those same touches while you are inside her? Tried different positions and angles while you touch her?

Consider also that if your wife feels pressured to live up to a past performance and reach orgasm during intercourse when this is not a usual occurrence for her, she is going to feel that much less relaxed and comfortable ever trying to do so, just as you might if your wife indicated to you that she expected you to perform a certain way and would be watching closely for it to happen and passing judgement if it did not. Stressful and not very sexy, right?

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A male reader, marianox Uruguay +, writes (10 December 2016):

marianox is verified as being by the original poster of the question

First at all thank you for your responses.

1. I never said that an average penis cannot gives pleasure.

2. I said a penis with a good girth is more pleasurable (yes or no?)

3. I never said that I would prefer that she spent her life with bad sex.

4. I don't understand why an escort page is not good to see the real average of penises...aren't they normal people? Most of them independent?

5. Finally. My point is: why she cannot has orgasms with me but she did with others?. That's because I am not too good?

I hope to have been clear this time

Thanks

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (10 December 2016):

So_Very_Confused agony auntOP your original post says:

"She always told me that she was unable to reach an orgasm troough [sic]intercourse."

your follow up says:

" Other men, whom haven't put anything but their big or averages penuses [sic]inside my wife have make her intense orgasms trough intercourse."

the two statements contradict each other. either she has had orgasms via intercourse or she has not.

MOST women (over 70%) do NOT orgasm from penetration.

MY response was very serious. MY point was that you assume that her orgasms from prior lovers are better due to her being "wet" well that could be squirting or she could have just been very wet or maybe she peed. who knows.

My point also was that my husband who is my worst lover was able to make me squirt but he can't bring me to a satisfying orgasm. You are equating squirting with a good orgasm. This is not an accurate thing to assume.

I was trying to assure you that your interpretations of sexuality are inaccurate for most women. It was a positive and reassuring post. You opted to take it negatively and become defensive.

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A female reader, like I see it United States +, writes (9 December 2016):

like I see it agony auntIf you read the email without her knowledge or permission I can see how your feelings about what she wrote may not be her greatest concern here. It's quite possible that she places a higher value on her privacy than you might, and is upset or offended by the snooping. Many women would be. Regardless of your feelings about the bygone encounter I think you owe her an apology for reading her private messages.

And I'm sorry, OP, an escort website is the last thing from a scientific evaluation of what constitutes a typical, realistic or average penis size. I am assuming that you as a heterosexual male have never had a penis in any of your bodily orifices - certainly you don't have a vagina of your own to test drive different penis sizes and how they feel - so I as a bona fide vagina owner am a bit confused to hear that a penis "must" be a certain size to be enjoyable. I have personally enjoyed sex with men well below your arbitrary 7-inch threshold. One of the best lovers I've ever had was probably more like 4" erect... and he was absolutely amazing in bed because he genuinely cared about my pleasure and knew EXACTLY how to work with what nature gave him. I would likely still be with him if it had been up to me. So I don't know what else to tell you about that. It's like you want us to say your penis can't possibly please a woman at 5 inches, when that absolutely isn't the case.

I think this article might be of help to better inform you about what is normal across the male population when it comes to penis size:

http://www.inquisitr.com/1891529/researchers-study-over-15000-wieners-across-the-world-to-report-about-average-size-of-mens-phallus-do-you-measure-up/

That said, you seem bothered by the fact that your wife has enjoyed sex she had in the past. It seems you were aware when you married her that she had had 28 partners and this wasn't a deal breaker in and of itself. Would you prefer her to have had nothing but unhappy, painful, unsatisfying sex before she met you? ~20 years of crappy sex (assuming she waited till 18 to lose her virginity) is a pretty unkind thing to wish on someone, but it sounds like that's what you would have preferred for her.

Were you a virgin when you met her? Had you ever climaxed inside a woman before meeting your wife?

It sounds like you might both benefit from a visit to a licensed marriage counselor to help you two work through this.

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A male reader, marianox Uruguay +, writes (9 December 2016):

marianox is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Your husband is your worst lover?,,,,so what? Maybe he doesn't matter about your opinion. Obviously you have had greater lovers before and now he gives you things, non sexual things that you need in your current life. So what. It's suppose that that helps??

Other men, whom haven't put anything but their big or averages penuses inside my wife have make her intense orgasms trough intercourse. You are telling me. "Don't judge her orgasms, respect her privacy, etc...", what kind of crap is that. I have come here looking for serious responses . Thank you

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2016):

With the due respect....I agree that a woman is able to fall in love with a regular lover. In fact she tells me that she is satisfied. But that doesn't mean and do not erase the fact that she has had intense orgasms with others. I don't understand. I have tried hard mostly during our first 2 years and she couldn't have an orgasm trough intercourse. Forget the privacy. I a m not the kind of man that prefer don't know. I think I have right to analyze if she is with me for the classic reasons; kindness, partnership, being patented, etc. But sex is 50% of the relationship, at least for me. The email is real, she has confirmed that. Also she said that is not important what did I felt worst. I asked her millions of times what can I do different. On the other hand she was pretty active with other men. She is not with me. I don't know what to do. I love her but I don't enjoy our sexual encounters. If she already has had her best lovers I think this is an impossible situation. Finally...please, don't say that 5 inches is average . Just take a look to real escort website (no professional porn sites), the vast majority has 7 inches at least and the girth is very important for the friction and that facilitates the orgasm trough intercourse

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (9 December 2016):

So_Very_Confused agony auntDeep Sigh...

my husband is the worst lover I have ever had and the ONLY man to make me "squirt" THE best orgasms I have are from ORAL and he won't do it.

You are equating penetration and female ejaculation with a good orgasm. to be honest when I had that all I felt was a need for a shower... it feels weird and it's NOT nearly as pleasurable as an orgasm from oral centered on the clitoris.

Stop defining her orgasm for her...

how about you come clean and admit to her you spied on her and invaded her privacy and read her emails and ASK HER which she prefers for orgasms. YOU may be surprised.

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A female reader, like I see it United States +, writes (9 December 2016):

like I see it agony auntClearly you're not a lousy lover, as she married you and this other guy never made it past "friends with benefits."

If I'm reading correctly and this man is a lover from your wife's past rather than someone she cheated on you with, it sounds like perhaps the main issue here is insecurity on your part. 5 inches is average sized, not "small," and I would take a lover who knew exactly how best to use his five inches, fingers and tongue over a lover whose only appeal was a large penis any day of the week. My experience with bigger guys is that they tend to think size means they don't have to be attentive or make any additional effort in bed, which results in unsatisfying sex. Bringing a big penis to the table does not guarantee good sex, and is entirely irrelevant to a woman's pleasure if she cannot reach orgasm through penetration alone.

If it is very important to you that your partner climax during the act of intercourse, stimulate her clitoris gently with a finger during penetration. That's how your tongue brings her to orgasm during oral sex. This past lover may well have used the same technique, as many women simply cannot climax from penetration alone REGARDLESS of how big or small their partner's penis is.

One more thing - do you know for a fact that what you read was an account of something that actually happened and not a fantasy put into words, the email equivalent of "sexting"? It would be terrible to put yourself through such mental misery over a piece of erotic fiction.

I hope this helps ease your mind. Best wishes!

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A male reader, marianox Uruguay +, writes (9 December 2016):

marianox is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Being good enough is not the same.

What is not good enough forms is that she says she loves me but I cannot lover her as I did before knowing her best orgasm happened with others. Besides I have an small penis (5 inches) regular birth. I think my only advantage is my tongue but do feel less men because I am not able to make her orgasm trough intercourse. In addition..why she could squirt with that but and not with me who tactically do am the love of her life??

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A male reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (9 December 2016):

olderthandirt agony auntI doubt you are not right for each other. I suspect you are going through an insecurity that is quite common among men. We all want to be the best for our partner. If oral gets her off then give her oral, Forget the squirting part. That is usually fiction.

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A female reader, chigirl Norway +, writes (9 December 2016):

chigirl agony auntYou're an insecure man, that's what you are. Not a lousy lover, not bad in bed, just really insecure.

What does it matter if a former lover made her squirt? Is squirting now some form of achievement level in terms of pleasure? You do know that squirting isn't the same as an orgasm, right? And you do know that there are different types of orgasms too, right? Such as, the short ones, the long and good ones, the intense ones, the multiple ones... I don't know, maybe you are confused by this because you don't experience it this way yourself? But there are different ways to feel enjoyment, and squirting was never a sign of extreme enjoyment. It's a body function. It's like a queef, to be honest. I doesn't actually do anything for the woman.

Stop snooping and practice loving yourself. Accept and embrace the fact that you are good enough. That you are loved, and that thinking otherwise is a waste of time and energy.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2016):

Well, that's what you have to ask your wife. You know about her secret lover; so you may as well talk. I am so very sorry you had to discover something so painful. I think?

So it seems you're not that surprised, and know the number of previous lovers she's had. Did you want her so bad you just brushed all reason aside? Was her sexual prowess the reason for your attraction to her?

It may not be that you're a bad lover, my dear sir. She wants her cake and to eat it too. Sounds like you have a marriage of convenience.

It just may be, that she prefers his style and technique. She may have married you for what the other men couldn't offer her.

Somehow I don't pickup you're too broken-up over the fact she is screwing another man?

You may give her love, adoration, and financial-security perhaps? You're the better catch, and he just wants the sex.

Most cheaters just find pleasure in the act of cheating, not necessarily in the quality of the sex. The adrenalin-rush from secrecy and sneaking around only adds to the passion. The sweetness of forbidden-fruit. The sex could be absolutely awful. It's just the thrill of possibly getting caught, and the challenge of staying undetected.

Self-blame usually runs through your mind when you've been cheated on. I know, I've been there.

How can you ask us what your wife thinks? That is an intimate question that should be shared between husband and wife. If she took on a friend with benefits; it may be a matter of preference with regard to what each man is best at. You give great oral-sex, and he gives her better intercourse. Who knows better than she does?

People cheat with ugly sloppy lovers. They aren't necessarily better, just different. They just get-off on the intrigue and drama of secrecy and betrayal. Don't automatically blame yourself, cheaters don't need justification. Just opportunity.

Not sure about your reaction to this; but your wife was the one caught cheating. I think a talk will give you all the answers you need.

I think she has a past, you saw nothing wrong with it, took a risk; and somehow suspected this was eventually going to happen.

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