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Is it wrong for me to get my tubes tied and burnt not knowing what my future holds?

Tagged as: Health, Pregnancy<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (25 October 2016) 9 Answers - (Newest, 10 November 2016)
A female United States age 51-59, anonymous writes:

Dear Cupid,I am 45 years old my clock is ticking fast I have been in a relationship in many years I don't have health issues very healthy but I want my tubes tied but the the doctor says no I might meet a man who want a child but I don't want No More is this wrong to take this away from my future husband one day.What ever my future holds I hope he doesn't want any children.

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A female reader, deirdre Ireland +, writes (10 November 2016):

leaving aside what the doctor said, I think at 45 your reproductive years are almost over and it might not be worth your while at this age to have your tubes tied. In a few years you wont be able to conceive and so the tubal ligation might be a waste of time and money. My advice is to stick to contraception and perhaps see a different doctor

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy +, writes (27 October 2016):

CindyCares agony aunt No, female anon,only women can have their ( Fallopian ) tubes tied because it's a female organ only, men do not have tubes, they have seminal ducts that's another thing.

OP,while I agree that no doctor should try and dictate your personal life choices, so if the only reason he/she refuses to perform this operation is... that your future husband may not like it, then he/she is a very arrogant doctor who is butting into your own business... BUT from a purely medical point of view it is just sensible of him / her to disadvise an operation which is invasive, requires total or spinal anesthesia , entails risks and complications during and after the operation, is costly AND still leaves you with a small, ( 1%) nevertheless existing, chance to get pregnant anyway- when instead there are so many contraception methods at your disposal.

It's different if it's performed, as it is often the case , right after your 2nd or 3rd C-section, because they are going to anestethize and cut open , and risk post-op complications, anyway , so might as well. But to me it makes sense that a doctor would not recommend you sterilization in lieu of contracception, unless you have some specific health condition which makes sterilization the only alterantive- and most of all when at 45 your reproductive capacity declines rapidly and constantly.

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (27 October 2016):

So_Very_Confused agony auntan ablation is not a form of birth control. you can still get pregnant you just can't support the pregnancy. you must be on good birth control or have had your tubes tied to get an ablation. I had one in 2004 in lieu of a hysterectomy which is now the standard procedure for heavy perimenopausal bleeding.

OP at 45 I think you know what you want. I think that you should find a different doctor instead of the misogynst you have now. His ideas clearly are that women don't have the right to control their own bodies rather they are there for the purpose of pleasing men.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (27 October 2016):

Honeypie agony auntAnon female...

Read up on your biology perhaps?

Women can have their tubes tied instead of having the entire uterus/Fallopian tubes removed. Tubal ligation is surgery to block a woman's Fallopian tubes. Which in short, would prevent eggs from being reached by sperm (as the access is blocked by scar tissue and/or a silicone implant) and thus NOT fertilized and to NOT travel INTO the uterus and implant.

Tubal ligation has it's own possible side effects but not as invasive a procedure as a hysterectomy would be.

Another option OP is ablation. Endometrial ablation is a procedure that destroys (ablates) the uterine lining, or endometrium. It can fully stop periods and prevent pregnancy - however, it is used mostly in cases if abnormal bleedings.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2016):

U are already passed the age for natural conception and technically men have the tube tying and ladies have a hyzterectomy which is a bigger op!

Your doc might be aware that you are already hitting menopause

and realise that any op is unnecessary.

But you are entitled to have a doctor who listens to you and explains things in a way that makes sense to you.

I think your baby days are over and when you dont get your period it is a natural part of over 45 yr old life.

Its also natural to feel the way you do right now because it means you want to leave childrearing and all it entails to the younger girls which means you are mentally prepared for the final blood flow.

If you are sexually active i expect you want to be rid of the feeling that it may happen still and that too is only natural after years of being careful!

I think you could safely live on the wild side and stop worrying about pregnancy but if it is a recurrent anxiety find a form of contraception that will give you some peace of mind such as the implant, the condom (male/female),the coil,the diaphragm /the pill or abstinence at your perceived fertile times.

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A female reader, Aunty BimBim Australia +, writes (26 October 2016):

Aunty BimBim agony auntI agree with the others, find a new doctor, your current doctor doesn't respect you, or your decisions, if he/she isn't basing their advise on what you are saying..

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (25 October 2016):

Honeypie agony auntI agree, you are 45, so DEFINITELY old enough to understand that it will end your chances for kids.

There is nothing wrong in YOU not wanting kids. EVER.

I'd ask to see another doctor.

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A female reader, Anonymous 123 Italy +, writes (25 October 2016):

Anonymous 123 agony auntYou're 45 years old, old enough to know what you want. It's your life, your body, your decision. You're doctor can just tell you what he/she thinks is good for your health without moralizing. Whatever you do though, be sure of the repercussions

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A male reader, Denizen United Kingdom +, writes (25 October 2016):

Denizen agony auntYour wishes come first. Anyhow there are thousands of unwanted babies looking for loving parents to adopt them. That could always be an option.

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