A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone. I have this ex who i was with 2 years ago. We met and everything was great so much that we moved together in 3 months so we could be closer, he lived in another city. From that moment on he gradually changed and was becoming cold, arguing with me, wouldn't help with the house chores etc. He was always a very strict person on his own, being a cop, it was his job but he was very closed with our relationship as well, he wouldn't open up to me and he wouldn't appreciate me, not being sweet at all. So at some point i left him. He didn't try to stop me or get me back so i assumed he just didn't care anymore. 2 years forward, he contacts me and wants me back. I can see he hasn't changed much, he is the same cold person but he says he has changed and he really wants us to try again and make it. I believe its the fact that he is getting older and realising what he missed by losing me and that he may never get another chance at love. He is 33 now. I want to give him another chance and try to make things work but my intuition tells me hasn't changed much and there is also the distance problem again. I could not even bother with me because im sure this is what you will all say but my problem is that i think i still have feelings for him. I don't think i ever got over him and i really really wish to be with him. Should i at least give both of us a chance or not even bother? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (16 June 2018):
 Trust your instincts because if you feel that nothing has changed then it hasn't. You know at some level that it's going to end in a disaster yet again. You know what they say...fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.
A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (16 June 2018):
 You have just told us he’s not changed.
Why would you go back? I don’t understand what you could miss about someone that didn’t value or seemingly care about you. Exes are named that for a reason, to go back would be stupid and you know it.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious + ♥, writes (16 June 2018):
 Do you make a habit of wanting guys who keep you at a distance? I ask because there are people who believe something is only worth having if you have to constantly work/fight to get it. They believe that, if something is given freely, it is not worth having.
To give you an example, someone I know grew up the child of a broken marriage. His mother was always there for him, always treated him well, always helped him out in times of trouble, yet he despised her, blaming her for the break-up of the marriage. His father, on the other hand, who was a horrible specimen of mankind (and I do not say that lightly), could do no wrong in his eyes. His father used to beat him and his mother during the marriage. This guy used to tell stories of how his father used to throw him to the ground as a young child and kick him off the walls. His father wanted no contact with him, yet this guy idolised his father, was constantly trying to ingratiate himself with him and would have walked over hot coals for him. Does this sound at all familiar?
Your ex is your ex for a reason. He is in your past. Leave him there. Your gut instinct is screaming to not go back there again. What do you think will be different to the other two times? The answer is: NOTHING. Stop doing this to yourself. Tell your ex "We have tried this two times already. Once is a mistake. Twice is a choice. Anything more than that is stupidity."
Your "feelings" cannot make him into the person you need him to be in order for YOU to be happy. Let him make some other poor female's life a misery. YOU deserve better.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (15 June 2018):
 I think it would be a bad idea for you to go back ot this guy.
You two moved in with each other after ONLY 3 months, so you BARELY knew each other. You knew what he had shown you but when you live with someone you SEE more of them. As in, you only saw the tip of the iceberg BEFORE you lived together and after moving in with each other you started to see what was under the surface.
You know the saying: "Doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different outcome is insanity"..?
If you go smack your head against the wall and it gives you such a headache that you stop... would you EVER really go smack your head on the wall again?
Nothing has really changed OP, the issues that BROKE you two up 2 years ago are still there. HE is still WHO he was back then. Saying :"I have changed" doesn't mean much - it's just words and empty promises. Unless... it's backed up with action.
You CAN waste more of your time on this guy or you can figure out why you never got over him and work on that so you can MOVE forward in life.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (15 June 2018):
 Even if by luck or chance that a person changed, you still see the former shadow. You would always wonder if old habits come back. If he really changed, let him impress another woman who does not have old issues to deal with, like you. My guess is, he's the same person, just older. And he only contacted you because he broke up with a girlfriend or the same reasons. Then he thought it's easy to catch up with you since you had history.
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