A
male
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:This is a complicated issue that has really affected me mentally.I've been friends with this girl since secondary school and we have always been pretty close, we got closer as we moved up to college and since becoming close friends and spending more time with each other i eventually just fell for her...hard.A couple months along there was a party in which i poured my heart out and told her how i felt and that i really wanted to be something more than friends, and that i'd actually treat her differently to the guys that just use her. She said that she didnt see me as more than a friend and hugged me so that was the end of that. We didnt really talk a lot after that and although we were still good friends and i saw her around it took me ages to deal with the pain of being shot down considering how great we were together and how people said we already looked like a couple.Now i've finished college and it had been a while since i'd seen her i asked if she wanted to meet and have a catch up (this happened about the end of May) in which she said yes and suggested i went round to hers. On the night we sat down had a few drinks and put on a film. I was sat next to her on the sofa and she put her head under my arm and her leg in between mine. Which i found quite weird since we we're only friends and she said she doesnt see me as more than that. She fell asleep during the film and i carried her up to her room and put her in bed, she woke up as i was about to leave and then kissed me on the cheek, i wished her good night and went to the spare room she let me stay in since i was driving and didnt want to drive after having some drinks. In the morning she had work meaning i had to leave early which wasnt an issue. And that was the end of that. The only thing about it is that because i hadnt seen her in 4-5 months it stopped hurting as much and i went back to my normal self, but after seeing her just once it all came back, i instantly fell for her again.A week or so later I messaged her to arrange another night where we can get together and do something similar, on which she was happy to do so. That happened last Sunday (1st July). We did similar stuff to last time, we put on a movie, had some drinks and chilled. But we we're in my room and i was sat in my computer chair and she was on my bed, eventually she noticed where i was sat i couldnt really see the movie and invited me on the bed which i thought was fair enough. After the first movie had a bet that i knew more about her than she did about me, she sat facing me and i faced her, she put her legs over the tops of my thighs. We were talking about our past and having a real heart to heart moment for about an hour. I told her things about me that nobody else knows and vice versa and at points during the game was rubbing the bottoms of my legs which really confused me again because of what happened a while back at the party. I did the same as her and put my hands just above her ankles and gently rubbed her leg, she started falling asleep, this lasted for about 3 minutes until she checked her phone and said its late and she might need to go home. I said i'd walk her home and while we we're walking she cuddled up to me and wrapped her arms around my waist. Since i'm quite tall it was hard to coordinate how i was walking with her arms around my waist so i told her to jump on my back, she did and again cuddled up to my neck and wrapped her legs around my waist. When i got her back to her house she hugged me and told me to message her when i get home. We are both going to university in September but i'll be at a different university to her, i feel like i'll literally lose her out of my life completely and it would crush me if that happenedI know a lot of this may sound stupid but any advice or any other insight and opinions would be hugely appreciated?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (10 July 2018):
 None of it sounds stupid in the slightest! However what she is doing is simply not fair to you. She knows you have feelings for her she shot them down yet she is enjoying the attention she is getting from you. She is being affectionate towards you and that is simply not fair when she knows you have deeper feelings. There are people in this world that even though they have no romantic intentions with the other person they get a thrill out of keeping them on a string. So yes she knows you like her in a romantic way, she doesn't like you in that way but she does like the attention she gets from you therefore she is giving you false hope.
It might not seem like it at the moment but it might actually be good for you to head of to uni and be apart from her for a while. Make new friends, chat to new girls and enjoy the next chapter of your life.
A
male
reader, devont +, writes (6 July 2018):
 I'm sure many of us have come across girls like this.
She likes you as a friend, but likes the ego boost even more. She likes knowing that you like her, she likes feeling desirable, she likes having someone around who makes her feel good.
She will keep you just interested enough, but still at a distance. If you stay in contact, when she has what she considers a better offer, she will back off. Then maybe she'll get her heart broken and come back to reinflate her ego, but then she'll move on again.
It's hard, because I'm sure you'll keep wondering 'what if?'. But I promise, university will help you forget her. You'll meet so many people, you'll quickly find another girl who you like, who likes you as much as you like her.
Don't hold out for her. Something might happen, but don't count on it. Enjoy meeting new people when you go to university and focus on that.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (6 July 2018):
 Oh please OP, no one is as naive as this girl is pretending to be. I don't believe that people need to be told what boundaries are... It's something that you just know. Inherently.
In this case, the girl in question is plain and simple playing you to and taking advantage of your feelings for her. For instance, no one can be in THAT deep a sleep that they have to be carried to their room and not know. Unnecessary body contact, cuddling, hugging, etc are not innocent. She knows exactly what she's doing and she's doing a jolly good job being naive about it.
It's not that she's just generally friendly or that she doesn't know where to draw the line. Bluntly put, she's getting cheap thrills out of it, whether it's from titillating you or just from the fact that she knows she has you wrapped around her little finger.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (6 July 2018):
 You’re wondering when it’s going to develop into more.
The answer is: It’s not. She’s told you where you stand, if she wanted more something would of happened by now. She would of kissed you, or you would of slept together. Something sexual would of happened by now as you’ve been in perfect scenarios for it to but it hasn’t because it’s not going to.
You are prolonging your own pain. You are her friend, nothing more. Stop trying to cross the boundary because it’s not fair on yourself, or her. You’re hoping one day she will slip up and something will happen. That’s not right on your end. She has been honest with you from the start and although she shouldn’t be touchy feely with you like this if she doesn’t want to cloud your judgement, you shouldn’t be getting into these intimate scenarios either.
If you can’t deal with what’s happening and it’s confusing you then you need to stop it. Look for someone that wants the same things as you do. This girl has friend zoned you and to be constantly searching for more is not right. Be honest, tell her you can’t get over your feelings whilst you’re so close. Back off from her and if needs be, block her contact and fully leave her in the past so that you can move on.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (6 July 2018):
 Since all she ever want is friendship you HAVE to accept that or cut the contact.
I think she really is not "getting it" or she is a little dense in her actions. YOU see everything she does as slightly romantic - the touching and closeness DOESN'T mean she has changed her mind it just means she is "using" ( maybe not on purpose) you as a semi romantic "prop" while pretending that friends do all that and you UNDERSTAND that this is just her being "friendly".
The thing you YOU allow it because you HOPE it will lead to her starting to develop feelings for you. She won't.
So you have to decide, DO you want her as your friend or is it too painful to be around her?
If you can keep it PLATONIC and you might even have to tell her no, to some of her "cuddle stuff". It's OK to tell her you feel it's not appropriate as friends.
If you can't, if it hurt, then wish her well and cut her off. You will meet SO MANY new people come September and by then (hopefully) have gotten over your crush on her and be ready to find and date a new girl who WANTS to be with you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2018): I'm sorry my friend. She is an affectionate person, and everything she did to you; I've experienced with lady-friends of my own. Your wishful-thinking will not interpret the affectionate-touching in the right context; because you insist on turning your relationship from platonic to romantic. You're being stubborn and insisting on it being more than what it is.
I wish I could tell you what you want to hear; but all you've described about her is so typical of how women behave when they love and trust you. She never tried to kiss you on the lips, she never offered to sleep with you, and she told you honestly that she doesn't have romantic-feelings towards you. She does love you so dearly!
If you can't handle your feelings; I must honestly suggest that you explain to her that you can't control your attraction to her; and it may be best that the relationship be ended on good-terms. It's best for your feelings. Since you cannot switch-off your romantic-attraction; and it confuses you when she's so physically-affectionate.
If you want to maintain friendship; it depends on your keeping your feelings in the right place. Set some boundaries and express your discomfort with too much physical-contact. I think if it stopped, you'd crave it all the more. So it's best you break-off your friendship, and start dating and spending time with other women.
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