A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I kicked my boyfriend of 9 months out of my apartment after I found evidence he had been flirting with a girl online and even gone as far as to give her his phone number. He also invited her to come visit our town and he'd be a "tour guide". When SHE asked about his GF - he said "yes, i belong to her, but there's no reason we can't see where this feeling takes us. lets chat" - and gave the phone number.I gave him two chances to come clean on it - and he lied to my face. Twice. (saying one of his friends must have sent the message from his account)Right!I found this conversation when he left an online account open and I snooped because I was already suspicious. He had been away for 3 months and was pushing me away then. He wouldn't return my phone calls for a day at times, and as time went on, I found I was the one doing most of the reaching out.The online conversation dates back almost 2 and 1/2 months - just 3 weeks after he left our town for work.Did I over-react? To me, if he was flirting online so blatantly and lied about it, he is probably also lying when he tells me he didn't have sex with anyone else in 3 months, right?
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female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (26 August 2011):
 you extended a hand of friendship/forgiveness/whatever and he dissed it. it feels crap for you now but in the long run you will realise he has done you a favour. he knows he is guilty thats why he is bowing out. read these posts back to yourself to keep you true to what happened. you caved in an felt you had made a mistake in throwing him out, i still think you did the right thing
x
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI got drunk and sent him a "miss you text" Ugh!! Stupid, I know.
He sent me a text saying he thinks of me everyday and hates that I keep coming to his thoughts. Says he can't promise me
more than friends and still denies he did anything wrong. Followed up with blaming me for kicking him out of my apartment (even though I said I didn't want him to stay there because he had been ignoring me while he was away). Said once he is "messed with" he never forgives and I should move on.
Ouch.
But I guess that is TOTALLy my answer. (if he loved me at all like he claimed he did - he'd be apolgizing and seeing if we could work on things, right??
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A
female
reader, noraynoray  +, writes (19 August 2011):
YES! Finally, someone on here who gets it! Cheaters don't deserve unconditional love and you kicked him out. Well done, sister! FINALLY!
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female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (16 August 2011):
just stay strong and never forget the sneaky things he has done. write them down and read them back to yourself whenever you get the 'aw, he wasn't that bad, maybe he deserves another chance' moods. and remember these days are the worst, it will get easier the further you go. make sure you fill your life with good stuff, enjoy it, that will stop you pining over the past and pining over him
x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you AngelDlite and all the other agony aunts. Listening to his email - I started to think it was my fault. And you all help me realize that I'm not insane here. Xoxoxo. I will keep reading this board for strength.
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female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (16 August 2011):
well i hope you don't go soft again and ask him to get back with you. remember he cheated, or at least tried to and then lied to you when you asked. what you need to do now is pick your self respect back up off the floor and and get on with your life. spend time with your friends and plan outings with them or even a holiday if you can, that will give you something different to look forward to. start a hobby, just do SOMETHING to get you over this first bit after the break up (which is always the hardest bit!) you will not always feel like this i promise you! if he gets back with you (when he feels like he has punished you enough) then i cannot imagine you will ever feel secure in the relationship and have any trust for him, it will cause you long lasting misery
x
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionStupidly I Called him and left him a vmail saying I'd like to work things out and that I was sorry for kicking him out. Said he needed to apolgize and we'd start again.
He never called back. I sent two emails to the same effect saying I love him. Nothing.
Four days went by and I got MAD at being disrespected. I sent a nasty email telling him how angry I was and that clearly he was using me.
He wrote back saying it was me who used him and how dare I kick him out when he had no where to go. Said he should have sued me for a car accident we had when I totaled my car while helping him move just 3 weeks into our relationship.
So after 8 months he basically broke up with me via nasty text and then email. Ugh. :(
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2011): Your not married. Unload his dumb ass.
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female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (15 August 2011):
your're right - that doesn't make sense at all. if he 'didn't want to break your heart' he would have been able to say there is 0% chance he would cheat. sounds like this guy has an answer for everything and if he thinks that being a musician on the road means his dick is allowed to make all his decisions then you are REALLY better off without him in your life. you have done the right thing, stop doubting yourself! only a door mat would tolerate stuff like he's been doing
x
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for all your support!!
One more thing - he said he pushed me away during his time on the road (he's a musician) because he thought there was a 25% chance he could be tempted to cheat on me and didn't want to "break my heart". But that doesn't make sense, does it? He was probably pushing me away so HE wouldn't feel as guilty while cheating,right?! It's much harder to cheat when the person that loves you is calling and saying she missed you and loves you. But get me mad and keep me at bay, and it's easier, no?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2011): Stay strong now.
Do not give into the temptation to "try again". You will regret it.
You deserve so much more than you will ever get from someone like him.
Be strong.
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A
female
reader, bunnyblueeyes +, writes (14 August 2011):
 You were right to kick him to the curb. He obviously has no respect for you if he lied, and for the same reason it obviously wasn't innocent chat. Move on because the only way is up from him. You can do better.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2011): get rid of him from your life - he is shifting blame and this is what cheaters do
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female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (14 August 2011):
you didn't over react. you caught him for this, there may even be more stuff you haven't caught him for. stop trying to mail him, you don't need to do anything further to get closure, you have done all you need to. just concentrate now on getting on with your life and building up your damaged self esteem and trust. the more he ignores your mails and calls the worse you will feel. leave it alone now x
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAfter I told him he was caught - he went into the bathroom and refused to talk or apologize. I left the apt - He moved everything out and sent me a text "thanks for everything. Have a safe life". I emailed and called for the last 3 days to at least try to end it in a more civil adult manner so we can stay friendly (we have mutual friends). He won't even answer. What a jerk ! I guess it's just more affirmation that I was right.
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female
reader, arialovesthegays +, writes (14 August 2011):
cheating is cheating no matter how it is done u did the right thing u need 2 move onto someone better 4 u
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2011): I agree, you don't want this scum to be sleeping under your roof and cheating on you, how rude! the audacity of some people! yuck!!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2011): No, you did not over react. Pursuing a relationship with another woman online is no different from doing it in real life. Besides, giving her his phone number is making it become 'real life'.
He was distancing himself from you before and while this happened. He'd already made his choice and it wasn't you.
You did the right thing. You gave him a chance, he failed and now he's history.
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female
reader, sappygirl +, writes (14 August 2011):
 you did the right thing. Don't doubt yourself and don't let him come back.
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female
reader, sammy1986 +, writes (13 August 2011):
i would forget all about him if you had stayed with him he would of no doubt cheated on you you had a lucky escape
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2011): You are not overreacting. You are one smart cookie.Good luck to you--I hope you find a real man: one who will love you and cherish you and always put you first. You deserve that.
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female
reader, cmarieky +, writes (13 August 2011):
Your intuition never lies especially when its not being influenced by what this or that person is telling u he's doing. You did right by trusting self. This guy isn't worth ur time. You haven't even been together long and already his eyes are wondering to other women. He isn't loyal, he isnt honest, he isn't responsible, and he isn't considerate. All the reasons u need to leave this jerk before true love sets in then ur stuck with a jerk. So u kicked him out, please......do not offer or accept him back. It will only make him believe u really didn't have an issue with it and anything rose that may happen in the future he knows there's a good chance he'll be forgiven of that too. You didn't overreact, and your probably right he's physically sexually cheating. I mean ur intuition was correct about having a reason to be suspicious so I'd say stick with ur gut instincts. Best wishes
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male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (13 August 2011):
 I don't think you over reacted at all on this.
Let's face it, this guy was cheating and you caught him red-handed. While he may not have had sex with her, he was definitely setting up the opportunity.
While it is easy to second guess yourself in these situations -- as it sounds like you had invested some time with your boyfriend, I think your intuition is correct and you did the right thing. During the courtship phase of a relationship, you should be able to count on your boyfriend to bring his best into the mix and it sounds like he missed the pursuit / game or wanted something that was missing in your relationship.
Stay strong and know that saved yourself a whole lot of heartache down the road.
Good luck.
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