A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:i have ben married for a number of years. Due to health(hers) intercourse with her is out.She no longer has anything to do with me ( in bed)at all.i am so lonely it hurts. For 2 years now i am so fafthfull it is unreal.i would like to talk to someone about this who is dealing with the same or who will understand and is close to the same thing i am.What should I do to make this happen? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2011): Sexual activity well past 60 is common. No sex at all at your age is not.
Nor is no sex healthy emotionally.
Get a professional counselor involved before you do anything else.
A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (5 September 2011):
 Sadly this happens to a lot of men, especially where a younger man marries an older woman. I suspect her libido isn't very strong and I suspect menopause made sexual intercourse extremely difficult and perhaps painful. She may also have hot flashes which cause close contact extremely uncomfortable. If she hasn't been to a doctor about this, please urge her to go as sometime a doctor can help out.
There aren't many easy solutions here, especially if she isn't willing to meet you halfway, but I'll give you some suggestions:
You may want to plan a vacation... a new and exciting place may help out.
Explain to her that a man needs to feel close to his woman. If she is willing, urge her to read "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" by Dr Laura Schlessinger. You also need to explain to her the hurt you feel when you are rejected physically. Even if she manually or orally stimulated you, that might help.
Look for new ways to bond with one another. Perhaps sharing a walk or enjoying a tv series together. Make sure you go out to dinner at least once a week... have a date night or go bowling or see a movie. You really need to force yourself out of your comfort zone here.
Finally, communicate your needs to her and express your pain as best you can. Hopefully she'll meet you half way. If she ignores your pleas, I suggest talking to a counselor on your own so that they can give you the tools as to how to make yourself feel better and where to go to next.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, VSAddict +, writes (5 September 2011):
 Well if you're not happy, have you thought about leaving? Even though you love her and she has a condition, your needs should be met. You only have one life and you shouldn't spend everyday wishing you could get affection and intimacy. Make it happen for yourself and get a divorce. That really is the only other option since you've tried everything else with no success. So either make yourself happy or learn to live with this.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have done all these things an i go as for as taking care of the house cleaning an all yard work.the age difference is one problem for me - late 40, her early 60.she has said she just dont want sex at all an left me hanging,not even hugs anymore.i'm just here.nothing else.i am a good man.no one should feel this lonely. a simple kiss would be like sex to me.i'm good to her but --well all i can say is were are together but i am alone...
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A
female
reader, VSAddict +, writes (4 September 2011):
Maybe you could focus on the things that won't lead or have to do with intercourse. Have romantic dinners with her and just talk with her. Cuddle on the couch, without hoping that it'll lead to anything. Show her that you want her but not in a sexual way. Show her that you love her for her. Are you sure that you're lonely just because you're lacking a few minutes of stimulation? How do you know that she doesn't feel the same about sex? Maybe she wants to have it too but can't because of her health condition. You may not be the only one suffering. But just try the things above if you already haven't and hopefully they'll help.
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